it's been 6 months, 6 fucking months of not hearing her voice, 6 fucking months of not feeling her move, 6 fucking months of her laying on that bed.

I killed the doctor that said she was going to wake up in a week because how can someone like her be a doctor?

I dismissed all the doctors I got her, by dismissed I mean killed because all they said is "it's up to her body now.".

it's just me and her now with a few nurses and a doctor in the pool house far away from us incase she wakes up.

I held myself back for a couple of days but I couldn't keep myself from touching her, I put a limit to myself tho.

not too hard and once every 2 days.

today is sadly not the day so I'm just watching her peaceful face, it's annoying how we've met a year and a half ago yet we only spent about a month together.

it doesn't matter tho because I will spend every single second with her once she wakes up.

I will make sure she doesn't pull something like this again.

my eyes widened when her head moved to the left a little then to the right. I quickly clicked the red button near me and stood up wishing this means she's waking up.

"na....nathan." she mumbled softly making all my excitement wear off, leaving nothing but rage and thirst for his blood even tho he's already dead.

she slowly opened her eyes then closed them again probably blinded by the lights, I dimmed them as she slowly opened her eyes again and looked around.

she jerked up the moment her eyes met mine and held her head between her hands making me frown.

I reached out to touch her but she screamed "GET AWAY FROM ME! DON'T TOUCH ME!" and started sobbing.

the nurses and the doctor came in one removing the tubes attached to my baby's hand and the other checking the heart monitor that is beating as loud as my heart.

the only difference is that mine beats to kill and the monitor beats for life.

I promised myself that I will be soft with her till she recovers but what she just did is unacceptable.

calling her ex's name and pushing me away will have a punishment.

"how do you feel?" the doctor asked her sweetly, she kept her head buried between her hands and said " just leave me alone.".

the doctor narrowed her eyes then looked at me and said " she will need physiotherapy for a few days and consider therapy sessions since the cause was suicide.".

she checked some things all while my baby cried.

"give her something soft to eat like soup, and make sure she drinks a lot of water." the doctor once again instructed after taking a blood sample that I doubt my baby felt.

I just nodded and she took it as her cue to leave.

"do you know how old that guy is?" nathan asked looking like he's about to explode, I nodded and said "18".

he chuckled with no humor and said "yeah, just 18! not like you're fucking 15!".

I poked his chest and said "we were just hanging out like me and you do, chill. his father knows mine.".

at that nathan's amber eyes appeared to be gold rather than the honey shade they usually appear to be.

he held my arm but not too tightly and said "you know that I will fuck you the moment you say yes, you know what kind of tension we have but you choose to ignore it and I let you. so if that's the kind of 'hangout' you're doing with that jerk, stop it. I don't want you to have hope and end up getting hurt.".

I just looked at him blankly, yes I know there is a tension between us and yes I often ignore it but right now....a part of me doesn't want to.

that part is turning into half of me and now all of me.

my little daze made me miss what he said , "yes" I blurted out.

he frowned and said "are you fucking serious?! you know and you're still around him?".

"no.. I meant yes to you." I mumbled suddenly not as bold.

he raised an eyebrow and asked " yes to me? ".

I looked around for a few seconds then looked at him to see him analyzing me. "you said you would fuck me the moment I say yes.....yes.".

he blinked multiple times as if what I just said is strange to his ears then said " say it again.".

"ye" I managed to say before he slammed his lips on mine.

I know I'm still 15 and know what kind of issues nathan has and that's okay. at least I will get to loose my virginity to him and not someone else.

he pulled away and said "will you be my girlfriend?".

a bright light blinded the moment and I no longer saw nathan.

"nathan" I called out in hope he would find me and hold me again like he always did.

a beeping sound made it's way to my ears making me move my head a little annoyed by the sound.

"nathan" I called out again but when I heard my voice rather than the one in my head, I opened my eyes but closed them as soon as I opened them because of the blinding light.

I opened my eyes again to a less brighter light and looked around trying to make sense of what's going on.

my eyes met the same taunting hazel ones and everything came back, what he did to me, that night...how I wanted it to be fast just like now.

I jerked up as fast as I can not wanting to be lower than him, being on his level gives me some sort of strength even tho I know I don't...not anymore.

I held my head between my hands trying to find a motive, anything to not give in or give him satisfaction but the pounding in my head is making it hard.

he reached out to touch me making me want to throw up at the thought of him touching me, "GET AWAY FROM ME! DON'T TOUCH ME!" I yelled.

but then remembered that I told him not to the first time he raped me and the last time...every single time but he still did it. a sob escaped my lips at the memories.

nurses and a doctor came in, one of them checking the heart monitor, and the other removing the IV tube and other tubes that were attached to me. I just stayed still and thought of everything.

I'm not dead, I am alive and will have to face him.

seems like death isn't an escape anymore, I will have to find something else.

"how do you feel?" the doctor asked me sweetly, if only she knew what made me not want to live, she wouldn't even ask that question.

I kept my head buried between my hands and said " just leave me alone.".

that's all I want now, I want to think of a way out.

" she will need physiotherapy for a few days and consider therapy sessions since the cause was suicide." I heard the doctor say.

the word suicide set something inside me, I loved my life...I wanted to live just not like this.

a part of me wants to be dead but the renewed side is thankful I didn't, I was too into my emotions and didn't really think about my purpose.

about wanting him dead and the revenge I will get no matter what.

I felt a little sting before the doctor said "give her something soft to eat like soup, and make sure she drinks a lot of water." and just like that she left.

the mention of food made me acknowledge my hunger, I feel like I haven't eaten in years.

how long have I been out? a day or two?

I looked around for any sort of clue on todays date or time, my eyes came across a clock on the wall that says it's 11 pm.

a large hand on top of mine pulled me out of my trance and I snatched my hand from his causing him to clench his jaw.

I shot him a glare and said "stop touching me! you're disgusting.", he forcefully brought my hand under his and said "just because you just woke up after 6 months doesn't mean it's okay to talk to me like this without getting punished. behave." in a low threatening tone.

6 months? that how long I've been unconscious?

my brain processed the rest and I shot " if it's okay for you to abuse me, rape me, force shit on me, kill my loved ones, be the coward that you are why isn't me saying the truth okay? oh yeah you're a sick bastard who can't handle the truth! a fucking coward!".

he glared at me and said "you're lucky you just woke up, but you will pay for everything soon. for doing what you did, for talking to me the way you did, for pushing me away and for calling that asshole's name instead of mine. too bad I already burned him alive along with the rest of your friends, I would've cut them into pieces right now and made you watch it all.".

I just looked at him blankly not knowing what to do or how to react, what he just said means nathan, ivan, trisha, and kiara are dead...

it means they lost their lives to this asshole..

it means that I'm on my own and will have no one after I'm done with my revenge....

"you're lying..." I wanted to say but it came out as a whisper, I pushed back the lump that had formed at the back of my throat and repeated "you're lying...they can't be dead.".

he chuckled and said "I think your father and levi are enough proof that I can do it and I already did it.".

my eyes teared up and my head filled with a big grey cloud of ways to kill him, but no... I won't make it easy.

that moment of weakness in the bathroom has caused me 4 lives, 4 more souls to take revenge for.

I don't know if it's trauma but I can't seem to believe they're dead, they're not, they can't be!

I fisted my hands and jolted forward in order to punch him but chocked as a round leather circled my neck and prevented me from moving any further. a chained collar.

my coughs mixed with a groan as I took big gasps of air, he got me a cup of water and only then did I realize how thirsty I am.

I drank the cup in one big gulp which only made me cough more, he rubbed circles on my back and said "next time watch what you do, this is how you'll stay here from now on.".

my coughs went down and I wrapped my hand around my neck feeling the leather material sticking to my neck like a second skin.

I looked at him about to say something but his smile made me physically nauseous before he said" I will let you out of the chains for bathroom visits and showers which you won't have alone, for food, and in 2 days for the gala we will attend now that you're awake.".

I left everything he said aside and focused on the gala.... that could be my escape..my way out of here and the beginning of my revenge.

"you can dream of escaping but don't even think of actually doing it, the area will be surrounded with guards. you will be in deep shit if you try." he warned.

I scoffed at that, as if what I'm in right now isn't deep.

"I mean it amber, the moment you sit a foot out or even try to escape everyone in wherever we will be will die, and what you think was enough reason for you to think killing yourself is an option is nothing to what I will do to you if you try to escape." he continued calmly as if it's an everyday conversation.

I just stayed silent because I know I will fuck up my only chance if I talk.

"I want to take a shower." I said blankly, I feel tired as fuck and it's normal since I just woke up after 6 months of not. a shower would help.

he nodded and got closer to me, as much as it disgusts me I also want out of the itchy collar.

instead of unlocking it and freeing my neck he removed the chains, I frowned and as if he knew why, he said " you better get used to it, you will wear it all the time.".

I stayed silent not wanting him to change his mind about freeing me for now, he removed the last chain and just as he did that I gathered all my strength which isn't much that's why all I did was slap him hard.

he groaned and immediately shot me a glare, I glared back and said "I 'm not a fucking dog or your goddamn slave to have a collar on my neck! take it off!".

I tried to stand up but a pain between my legs stopped me....a familiar one...the pain I suffered every single time after he raped me.

my eyes teared up and rage filled me, he couldn't be decent even when I was in a fucking coma.

I closed my eyes tightly but opened them as soon as he wrapped his arms around me and under my legs carrying me bridal style.

I wiggled in his hold to which he said "stop struggling, you're too weak to walk", "I fucking hate you! you're a monster!" I said holding back tears.

"shut up before I show you what a monster I can be, am." he said calmly but the anger in his voice didn't go unnoticed.

am....it's nathan's nickname for me...it used to give me butterflies back when we dated and it still had an affect on me after we broke up.

but now.. hearing it from his mouth make me want to wash my ears.

"don't fucking call me that!" I hissed as I began struggling in his hold again.

his grip on me tightened making me wince in pain and he said "why? because it reminds you of your little lover? good because he's fucking dead along with everyone else. all you have now is me! only me." he gritted out.

tears blurred my vision and I found myself saying "I rather be on my own than have you with me, you're the last person I would ever want.".

to that he put me down in the bathroom and pushed me against the wall then said " I am, whether you want it or not, now strip.".

I realized I'm wearing a loose shirt...his.

I looked at him and said "leave first.".

he chuckled and said "sometimes you become completely naive and it turns me on, let me spell it out for you...I.am. staying. here. till. you. finish. the. shower.".

he didn't give me time to say anything and just ripped the shirt into two making me yelp in surprise.

his now dark eyes took my body in and before I know it he turned me around and I heard him unbuckling his belt.

I couldn't hold back my tears and screamed every protest phrase that I know but it all went to dead ears as he thrusted in me, not as hard as he used to but it hurt more.

I don't know if my body was used to the pain back then or this hurts more.

he thrusted in me again earning a cry of pain as a horrible electric pain hit my abdomen making my hand involuntarily wrap itself around the area.

he slowed his thrusts a little but the pain didn't decrease at all, if anything it kept getting worse.

"c-ahhh carlos please st-ahhhh op STOP!" I cried out but he kept going on till his whole body shook and a warm liquid...his cum..filled my insides.

he stayed still inside me and pinned me more against the wall the whispered " I missed your screams.".

I didn't move or focus on his words, the pain in my abdomen took all my attention and I began crying.

he moved back but I stayed in my place silently crying.

he suddenly dragged me into the shower and opened the water, my sob mixed with a gasp as the ice cold water made contact with my skin.

he forced me to look at him and said "I want to fuck you all night long to make up for the 6 months." before looking down and smirking.

I looked down to see water mixing with a drop or two of blood.

I closed my eyes tightly and fisted my hands, this was what I saw every single day, this is why I wanted to die.

but I won't let him get into me this time no matter what.

I will fight for my father and levi....for natha, ivan, kiara, and trisha. for the 6 souls I considered dear to me.

I won't be as weak and I will get what I want....him on his knees begging and later on dead.