《Daggers》iii. eponine reaps the consequences of not being able to disappoint marius

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For once, Èponine wasn't overcome with self-loathing and pity as she walked back toward the city. Maybe Cosette wasn't as terrible as she'd been raised to believe—she certainly seemed like less of a monster than Èponine herself. Maybe she deserved Marius, as much as she hated to admit it. Uncertainties tainted every moment of Èponine's life, and it didn't shock her that her encounter with Cosette didn't clear any up.

But she was finally sure of one thing: Cosette had been nothing but kind to her today, and Marius had been nothing but kind to her for as long as she'd known him, and she had to repay them for that. She could see that even through the fog of morals she'd been raised in.

She pushed open the door to the Café Musain with her shoulder and nearly rammed right into Azelma. "Zel, you know when I told you to go to the meeting, I meant for you to go inside, right?"

Azelma huffed and folded her arms in front of her. "The one in the vest said I couldn't go in," she complained. "Didn't even have a good reason, just shut the door in my face without so much as an apology."

"Well, I'll have Marius talk to him about that," Èponine said.

Azelma rolled her eyes. "There you go again. It's always Marius this and Marius that. I'm starting to question if you have the capability for independent thought anymore."

Èponine shoved her sister. "Go upstairs. I'll get you a room."

"And how are you going to do that?" a familiar voice asked. Èponine whirled around, preparing a biting remark, and realized it was nothing but Marius, standing in front of her at the base of the stairs with a dopey grin on his face.

She folded her arms. "Money, obviously."

"Oh, because you're obviously so well off financially." Coming from anybody else, the comment would've stung, but it was impossible to stay angry at Marius for longer than thirty seconds. All she could do was roll her eyes as he said, "I'll pay for your room, Mademoiselle...?"

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Azelma let out a barking laugh. "You really don't know who I am? After all the time you've spent with 'Ponine here?" She brushed her hand on her skirt, then stuck it out. "Azelma Thenardier. Great to finally meet you."

Recognition flooded over Marius's features. "It's wonderful to meet you, Azelma! I've heard so much about you from your sister."

"Oh, I bet I've heard even more about you," Azelma said with a cheeky wink in her sister's direction. Èponine drew her hand across her throat, shooting her sister a threatening glare.

"Good things, I hope?" Marius asked, looking over at Èponine. She nodded. "Now, Azelma, why don't you go upstairs? My friends won't bite—for the most part. Just steer clear of Enjolras and Grantaire, if he's drunk, and you should be alright."

"Is Enjolras the one in the vest?" Marius nodded. "Believe me, I've had enough of him to last for at least a week." With that, Azelma scampered upstairs. The slam of a door and the sounds of a small argument ensuing upstairs let Èponine and Marius know they were alone.

"Did you find her?" Marius asked, his eyes full of hope. The words cut into Èponine. Of course he was only thinking about his precious Cosette. Of course he hadn't noticed how he was the only bright spot in her world, or the implications of Azelma having heard everything about him. She turned away, having half a mind to tell him not to follow. But she didn't, and he chased after her. "Èponine!"

By the time he caught up with her, she was all the way down the stairs, begging her to tell him what he did wrong. She rolled her eyes, grateful she was walking in front of him. How could he be so oblivious? Did he not see that without him, she probably would have thrown herself into the Seine when she noticed that her home life was going to be nothing but trouble? He was the light guiding her through her darkest days, reminding her that there was a happier future waiting for her as soon as she found the means to escape. He represented the daydream she'd finally given some thought to, the one promising that one day, she'd grab her little sister's hand and they'd run headlong into a new life where they never had to steal again.

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Unfortunately, Èponine found herself struggling to envision that future without Marius holding her other hand, reassuring her that she was getting farther away from the thieving girl she was with every step.

"Are you alright?" Marius asked, snapping her out of her thoughts.

She took a deep, shaky breath, and nodded. "Never better," she said, trying to force the edge out of her tone. "We're almost there, you know."

A brilliant, radiant grin burst over Marius's face like a firework. "Really?" he said gently, as if asking the question would change the answer.

"Would I lie to you?" Èponine replied, hoping he wouldn't bring up the countless times throughout their friendship they'd had to lie to protect each other.

If at all possible, Marius's smile got even bigger. "In my life, she has burst like the music of angels, the light of the sun! And my life seems to stop as if something is over and something has scarcely begun." He turned to Èponine, as if remembering she was there for the first time since he started his little monologue. "Èponine!" A smile blossomed on her face before she could stop it. "You're the friend who has brought me here! Thanks to you, I am one with the gods and heaven is near!" Marius grabbed her hands and spun her around. A laugh escaped her lips before she could stop it. "And I soar through a world that is new, that is free!"

He continued forward, not noticing that she didn't trail after him like she usually did. She found herself a little hiding spot behind a wall, not wanting to witness the boy she loved finding happiness with someone else while knowing that he wouldn't be able to find his way home if she didn't guide him.

"Every word that he says is a dagger in me," Èponine murmured, the words coming out a little louder than she'd wanted them to. Not like it mattered, since Marius hadn't thought about anything but Cosette since that afternoon. "In my life, there's been no one like him anywhere—anywhere, where he is. If he asked, I'd be his."

"In my life, there is someone who touches my life," they said together.

"Waiting near," Marius said, circling back and touching Èponine's shoulder. She closed her eyes, letting herself pretend for a moment that his words were about her. Without thinking about it, she reached up to take his hand, but felt nothing but the tattered cloth of her dress beneath her fingers. When she opened her eyes, she found that he was walking back toward the gates of the house, entranced by the shadow of Cosette moving behind the curtains.

"Waiting here." She sighed wistfully. How could she be so foolish that she would dare to believe he would ever see her in the same way he saw Cosette, even in her daydreams?

All she could do was watch as Marius found his happy ever after, while she was reminded once again that she would never be more than a gamine.

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