Zayn's POV

I am his toy. A four worded sentence that ruined my life forever. I always knew that I had no chance with him. He knew that I had a crush on him and he used that for his own good. Although he said that he loves me, it's all a lie for him just to have fun toying with my feelings. When he's bored and he has nothing to do, I'm his first resolution. Boyfriend? Girlfriend? Probably the latter, but he loves her and it's no problem that he's with me because he's bisexual.

"Niall, why haven't you ever taken me out on a date?"

"Because no one should see me with you, you're just my toy after all." Another stab to my battered heart.

And still, I didn't leave him. I love him and I know it's not healthy, but if that's the only way Niall would have me then so be it. When Niall was here, he would take my heart on the most amazing drive ever. He would make me feel like I'm the only one in his life. Then when he's done with me, he would throw it away and drop his keys on top of it; ready to be reused when he comes again, and I never stopped him. A fault on my side but I couldn't help it. When he would look at me with his oceanic crystal clear irises he casts a spell on me leaving me hypnotized, making me surrender to all his needs and requests. He even went as far as making me utter out these damned words.

"What are you Zayn?"

"I'm your toy Niall." I spoke as I felt my heart stop beating when in reality it only accelerated because of the immense pain that followed after I told Niall what I am to him. I felt like my heart turned into an ice clump, numb to all known emotions, also categorized as the only emotions that I have been feeling: worthlessness, hurt, loneliness, and despair.

Why must life be so cruel towards me? Why did I have to fall in love with the only person that I couldn't have, much less the person that would never love me back? Many more questions with much less answers that render me even more confused and lost.

Sometimes, a slight glimmer of hope ignites inside of me that, maybe, Niall cares about me. That he would be the person I turn to in my time of need. That thought vanished when one day he came over and found out that I was sick and that I wouldn't be able fulfill his desires this time.

"Oh god, seriously Zayn?! You decide to be sick when I want you? You're so fucking pathetic!" He huffed, turned around, and he was out of the door. With that, all hopes of Niall caring for me in some sort of a sick twisted way, were extinguished and buried somewhere dark in the back of my mind.

Another scene that scarred my heart, was when I didn't want to have sex with him for once in my life.

"What do you mean you slut, that wasn't what you told me yesterday!" He roared his pale complexion heating up and his face was now beet red.

"I'm sorry Niall I--," that's when I felt the strong stinging sensation that was spreading like wild fire on my right cheek. As my eyes glazed over with unshed tears, I looked up at Niall who seemed shocked by his own doing. His eyes softened when he looked into mine, and another spark of hope was set off inside of me, only to be converted into ashes once Niall left me again to cry my poor heart out.

After many more similar actions from Niall and worsened retaliations from my side, I decided that this had to stop. I had to tell Niall that I'm done with being his playtoy, I didn't want to feel broken anymore, but I probably won't get the chance to have that because being away from Niall hurts more than being with him. I don't want to feel worthless anymore, I don't want to hear him tell me that I'm nothing but his toy.

"Niall I think that this should stop." The start of my misery.

"What?" Confusion and shock from his side.

"I don't want this anymore. I don't want to be your toy. I want to be your lover and knowing that that's impossible, I think that you should stop coming here." More and more words leading to my ultimate destruction, Niall, I won't see him again. I won't feel him and I won't smell his intoxicating scent all over my bed sheets anymore.

"Alright Zayn, it was nice knowing you toy." The words that hurt the most coming out from his kissable lips.

I lowered my head, silent tears falling from eyes, my body willing for Niall to leave as soon as possible because I knew that it would start shaking from upcoming sobs and the proceeding lack of breath.

Maybe lowering my head was another foolish mistake of mine, because I might've missed Niall's look of sadness and regret and the slight movement of his arms that extended for mere seconds, wanting to reach out for me, but were immediately dropped back to his sides and with that, Niall walked out of my life forever.

A/N~~~~~~~~~~~~

Excuse the shittiness of this one shot.

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