《issue | james potter》20 | COMPETE

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, fifteen minutes until midnight.

Both students and professors walked the halls of Hogwarts in an excited chatter, making their way outside the castle. Some were a little buzzed, having drank one too many shots of Firewhiskey at their respective parties. They leaned on their friends shoulders, talking of the hopefulness in them for the coming year. The first years came with, in their pajamas and blankets around their shoulders as they rubbed the sleep from their eyes. The older students guided them along, not wanting anyone to miss what they thought was one of the best traditions that Hogwarts had to offer: the New Year fireworks. It was an event that had all of Hogwarts ending their house and faculty parties early to make their way outside for the best possible view they can get.

All of Hogwarts except for two students.

One of them was Diana James, who couldn't find it in herself to celebrate.

She looks out the window of the astronomy tower, watching the students and professors step out into the crisp night air. Taking a deep breath, she let the cold air fill the entirety of her lungs. She watched the way her breath forms into a white fog that danced against the dark sky as she slowly exhaled. Her hands were cold, in the way they always were, and for a brief moment she wished that James was there to hold them.

Diana shakes her head at the thought of James, gripping the hem of her jumper instead. She didn't know what to do or how to react when Remus and Sirius told her, excusing herself instead of giving them an actual reaction. Now, here she was at the astronomy tower hours later still unable to fully collect her thoughts and emotions.

Was she hurt? There's no doubt about it. While she wouldn't call what she felt towards James love, she knew that she cared for him. And she knew that, to some extent, he must have cared for her too. Diana knew how much he loved Lily, and for how long too. That's why it came as such a surprise to the rest of Hogwarts when he began dating her insted. Granted, it was fake. But the feelings that she developed for him as time passed were very much real.

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Maybe that's why it hurts, Diana thought, lauging bitterly to herself.

But she'd be lying if she said she didn't expect this at least a little bit. Maybe it was Carson getting to her head, planting the seeds of doubt in her mind long before she had even entered a relationship with James.

The sound of footsteps making their way up the stairs interrupts her thoughts. Her heart rate picks up as she wonders who it could possibly be. As far as she knew, all of Hogwarts were in front of the castle, awaiting the fireworks.

Diana turns only to come face-to-face with last person she wanted to see. James Potter

He stood there mouth agape, a hand over his chest, as he caught his breath. The other hand clutched the Marauders' map, which he used to find Diana. He took a few short, labored breaths to himself, before finally looking up to meet Diana's gaze.

James could feel his knees buckling as she looked at him with an unreadable expression. Still, he straightened himself up and smoothed the imaginary creases on his shirt.

"I have to tell you something." James said, making his way towards her, still slightly panting. A drop of sweat falls from his forehead, though it is unclear if it's from running up the stairs or all the nerves that he was feeling.

Diana takes a few steps backwards, moving away from him, before turning around to once again face the sky. "I know. Remus and Sirius told me."

"I'm sorry."

"We should break up."

James and Diana said at the same time, catching each other by surprise.

"What?" James uttered, now standing beside Diana.

"I don't want to compete with Lily." Diana stated, her tone flat as she crossed her arms in front of her chest. But a frown had already made its way to her features. "Especially because I know I'm going to lose."

"But I already talked to Lily. After our meeting with Dumbledore, I told her that what we did was wrong and that I was with you now." James frantically said, as if the urgency in his voice would convince Diana to rethink her decision.

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"But can you promise me that you can completely remove your feelings for Lily?" Diana asked, turning to face him. Not a single amount of hope laced her voice. She already knew the answer.

"I'm not sure." James replied after several beats of silence. He didn't why it took him so long to reply to her question. Not when he already knew the answer. "I loved her for a long time, I'm not sure if that will ever go away. But you have to know that I like you too."

And with his answer, Diana knew how to move forward.

"You can't have us both, James. You know that" She said, turning to face away from him once again. She figured that the fireworks display was about to start soon.

They were enveloped in a tense silence, both staring at the empty night sky.

Maybe something in her always knew it was Lily. That it was going to be Lily. That it was her all along. And there was nothing she could do to ever change that. Tears pricked the corners of her eyes, but she forced them back. Diana wasn't going to allow James to see her in such a state. Not when he was the one who caused it.

Thankfully, Dumbledore's booming voice broke through the air. His wand pointed at his throat so that he could be heard by the gathered crowd in front of the castle, announcing that it was time they started counting down to midnight.

"Ten."

The crowd chanted, grins on their faces. Blisfully unaware that James Potter and Diana James were not with them, all of them buzzing with excitement as they were a few seconds away from the much anticipated fireworks.

"Nine."

Professors held each other close. Students moved to find their significant others. Grins were on everyone's faces.

"But what about you?" James asked against the counting down of the Hogwarts population, looking at Diana. His gaze held nothing but genuine concern, so much that Diana almost considered taking back her proposition of the breakup.

"Six."

The other marauders stood side by side, counting along with the other students. Though they weren't as unaware as the rest of James and Diana's absence. They could only wish that whatever happen be the best for the both of them.

"Five."

Diana eventually answered, "Don't worry about me."

"Four."

"I'll be okay." She attempted to give him a reassuring smile, though it did anything but that. But it didn't matter if James was reassured or not. What mattered was she was able to reassure herself.

"One."

Midnight strikes, the fireworks are released in a flurry of the different house colors. Diana and James watch, taken aback by the sound and sparkle. Even they couldn't help but smile.

"You succeeded." Diana says, reminding James of why they had even began a relationship in the first place. He grimaces at the memory.

"I hope you and Lily be happy together. I wish you two nothing but the absolute best. Happy New Year, James. " With a sad smile and a final kiss on James Potter's left cheek before taking one last look at the fireworks, Diana leaves the astronomy tower with her head held high.

James Potter stands there unmoving, his fingertips brushing against the skin where Diana's lips last was. A single tear escapes as he forces both his eyes shut, tilting his head up to the ceiling. The flashes of color from the fireworks reflecting on his pale skin, painting them shades of red, blue, yellow, and green. Excited cheers from the crowd below as they celebrate the coming of a new year drown everything out, even his own thoughts as he clenched his fists at his side. As the yelling died down and the fireworks ceased, he was left with no emotion but one.

Regret.

James knew he loved lily, but he cared for Diana deeply too.

He knew he cared for her when he first kissed her in the astronomy tower that one night.

And he cared for her long after she left him standing alone in that very same tower.

He hurt her. And it was a regret and a pain he knew he'd have to carry for the rest of his life.

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