9, 𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰

I didn't get back to Olive the other day.

In fact, I spent the entirety of the next day—today—doing nothing but lying around in bed, going through scary Reddit posts and listening to Nick's, like, five hour long DJ Instagram Live. Great way to spend a Wednesday.

All I can think about is passing the time. It feels like I'm constantly waiting for Clay to get here on Friday. He's leaving super early tomorrow morning, and I can't really get it off my mind. Not even Nick singing the Apple Bottom Jeans song could get him off my mind.

But, I guess, in the meantime, it's stream time.

💜 💬 ✈️

been in bed all day...no punchline but i feel like i catfished well in this

sister is that skin natural what

↳ JAMES CHARLES JUST COMMENTED ON MY POST WHAT ILY

why does everyone keep talking about this girl?? she was not even on SMP Live

↳ i wonder the same thing everyday

dm me

↳ uhh okay super hot austin from the austin show

↳ @dreamwastaken come collect ur girl

i think her and dream broke up or smth

↳ yeah he didnt comment either lol

↳ COULD YOU GUYS LEAVE THEM BE LIKE FR

dude did u like my insta live

↳ bro of course

Minecraft

austinontwitch

hey twitch streamer azzpen

hey twitch streamer austinshow

would you be interested in being on the austin show? i don't know if you know what it is, but essentially it's a dating show where several applicants are there competing to be chosen by you. one person is eliminated each round (in a round you all talk and ask questions).

holy shit YES

really?

get me on that shit rn austin

pokimane was supposed to do hers but she, unfortunately, can't

omg i'm poki's replacement! now that's an achievement. around when?

like an hour from now, tonight?

WHAT

if you change your mind, i completely understand.

no, no, i'd still like to be on it. are you sure you don't wanna use this for schlatt's 10 big men? he's really excited about that

we've got something special planned for that one ;) don't worry

i'll catch you in an hour. god now i have to look presentable brb

...

retweeted

@austinontwitter

@azzpen will be on the love or host show tonight, ladies and gentlemen. only one can win her beautiful, pumping heart. tune in for the stream tonight!

💬 154 🔁 102 💜 10,791

...

"Everyone please welcome Azzpen to the show!"

"Hello, Austin. Thanks for having me on."

"No problem. I love how you say my name. 'Aw-stin.'"

"Because I'm in awe when I look at you, Austin."

"That...that's very sweet of you. Aw. Reminder to everyone in chat that I'm gay so you can stop calling us simps."

It's funny being on Love or Host.

Most are here just for the memes, in particular Wilbur and Schlatt. I'm only keeping them on for the clout, even though I know they've both chosen Host. Everyone else is either extroadinarily strange like Bob7 or meek and quiet.

"We're down to three, Wilbur, Schlatt and Bob7," Austin announces. "How are you guys feeling? Wilbur, how are you feeling?"

Wilbur stares at the guitar in his hands and strums it one time. "Yeah."

I snort.

"Uh, okay. Schlatt?"

"You know, Austin, I'm feeling great. Because at the end of the day, whether I get chosen or not, I still get viewers. I get to turn this stream into a highlight video on my YouTube channel where I can get a million views and buy more keyboards."

"That's...wonderful, Schlatt. Bob7? Any nerves?"

"What? Come on, Austin, nerves? No way. I'm gonna win this, Austin. I can feel it."

"What makes you so sure?"

"Well, even though I've never won a show before despite being interested in everyone, Aspen is a smart girl. She knows that I'm a great guy--I mean, look at me, Austin. And I don't think she'll make the wrong choice."

"Alright, alright. Fair enough."

Schlatt laughs darkly. "Aye, Bob7, your forehead is looking particularly shiny today. Lookin' dapper, man."

"Thank you, Schlatt. I really appreciate it."

Austin coughs. "Now, back to questions. Does anyone have a question for Aspen?"

"Yeah, me," Bob7 says. "What's your type? Like, what do you look for in a guy?"

"I feel like everyone has the same answer to this question," I say. "Uh, someone who's passionate about what they do, smart, funny. I get very focused about things so I'd need someone who understood that. But their sense of humour also has to match mine. I don't really know though."

The words leave my mouth before I'm able to fully process them. Someone flashes through my head, but I smile and attempt to shake the thought away.

"Interesting, interesting," Bob replies confidently. "So I fit all of that criteria. Thank you."

"No prob, Bob."

I smile, looking at my shitty wall again. Prob and Bob. It rhymes.

"Oh--looks like we're being intercepted," Austin mutters. "Hold on. Hello?"

"Why do you decide to go on a dating show the night before I leave to go see you?"

I flick my head back to the screen. My jaw drops at the sound of the familiar voice.

"Oh, boy," Schlatt mumbles, digging in to his ribs.

Wilbur's eyes are practically popping out of their sockets.

"Dream?" I say, my voice higher-pitched than usual.

"Yes, it's Dream. What are you doing on a dating show?"

I blink. "I'm sorry, Dad, it was a last minute decision."

"Az, I'm literally at the airport right now. I'm using the mic on my earphones."

I snort. "Are you actually?"

"Yes."

"That explains the shitty quality," Schlatt chuckles.

"Dude," Dream laughs, "you're literally using your funny mic."

Schlatt grins. "Okay, okay, DreamWasTaken."

"Hold on, hold on," Austin interrupts in his booming narrator voice. "Aspen and Dream," he starts slowly, eyeing the two of us in his facecam. "Are you two...dating?"

I laugh. "No."

"That's debatable," Dream answers instead.

I scrunch my face up.

Wilbur starts to slowly clap, a weird smirk on his face.

Schlatt goes, "Woah. Gotta smash something for this."

And so he does. Another keyboard. Classic.

"Woah, woah, woah," Austin continues, the suspenseful music increasing in volume as he speaks. "Mr DreamWasTaken, are you saying that there is something going on between you and Aspen? Are you...DreamIsTaken?"

I snort at the pun.

"I mean, you'll have to define 'something', but kinda," Dream answers.

I roll my eyes. "Dream, shut up."

"What?" he chuckles. "You're on this show for clout! I'm handing you clout right now!"

"That is not why I'm on this show."

He hums. "So you're telling me you're here to find love."

"Yes. Look at this lineup of men. There's Wilbur, Schlatt, you know, Bob7..."

"Two out of three of those people are your friends. The other guy is just weird."

"You take that back right now, you green bitch," Schlatt shouts in an angry country accent. He stands up from his seat, funny mic in his hand, and starts to point aggressively. "Bob7's my boy. He is not weird."

"No, I am pretty weird," Bob7 says, shrugging.

Dream laughs loudly. "Exactly."

"Dream," I say, head in my hands, "you're ruining my chances of finding love right now."

He scoffs, amused. "If anything, I'm making them higher."

Wilbur leans forward, putting his mouth up against the mic. "What does that mean, Dream?" he asks in a low, sultry voice.

"Woah, okay," Austin mutters, feeling the effects of Wilbur's trying voice.

"This Dream fella—I don't like him, Austin. I don't like the cut of his jib," Schlatt says, now eating a rib. He emphasises the next words: "Maybe we should just ban him."

I nod, pointing to the screen beside me. "I agree with Schlatt."

"Hold on, hold on. Dream, do you have any advice to give Aspen about who she should choose?"

"I think she should pick nobody."

"Clay," I groan.

"Especially not Bob7."

Leaning back in my chair, I cross my arms and flare my nose ironically. "I'll pick whoever I want, scumbag."

He laughs loudly. "Fine. I need to get on my flight anyway."

I smile sweetly, waving. "Okay, see you."

Wilbur starts squealing with laughter at my sudden change in mood, covering his mouth with his palm to silence himself.

"We can still hear the airport announcements in the background," Schlatt wheezes out.

...

"Bob 7 chose..." The suspenseful music heightens as Austin trails off, using the table in front of him as a drumroll. Suddenly, he stops, and yells, "Host! Bob7 chose Host!"

My jaw drops.

Bob7 chose Host on me?

Bob7 looks very cocky, knowing that I chose him even though it was only because I didn't want to choose one of my friends. Also, I thought it would be a big fat funny meme. Not if he chose Host though.

Austin yells, "Bob, you have some explaining to do."

I feign crying. "Heart been broke...so many times..."

"Listen, Aspen," Bob starts, coughing as he smirks, "you're a very pretty girl. I follow your Instagram. You're gorgeous. But you're just too young. Too inexperienced. I need a girl that can keep up with me, you know?"

Schlatt's laughter bursts through the show.

I lean back in my chair, shaking my head. "I'm turning gay," I say. "Austin, I want another show and I want Minx and Niki on it. Good day."

└─────── ──➤