Chapter 15: Hypothetically

“I'm staying!” Joe told them all firmly, stomping her foot down for extra emphasis.

“You are not.” Kai told her. He was actually getting irritated at his fiancee and showing it.

They were standing at the prow of the boat, sending stern looks at each other. Warren, Tina, and Crispin were sitting on the benches there just watching them. Ilia and Dallas were up on the bridge.

Kai was supposed to be sleeping to get ready for his shift at the wheel later but Joe's insistence on staying had driven them up from the cabins and to Tina were they were presenting their cases.

Joe maintained that, despite being pregnant, she was just fine aboard the boat. Kai was dead set that she return to Paradise Falls immediately. She countered by saying that they were returning after the next port anyway. He returned with the fact that Ozera knew they were coming and that the next port would be prepared for them.

Ilia didn't help at all by calling down that she and Dallas were having trouble locating the port anyway and that there was no other ports between the port they were looking for and themselves.

Kai would then demand that they turn back, Joe would forbid it.

Tina was supposed to be deciding but their argument was turning heated and she wasn't getting in a word.

“What do you think, Tina?” Warren asked her as Joe and Kai yelled at each other.

She crossed her arms, thinking. “As much as I agree with Kai that Joe needs to be safe, I also agree with Joe in that we don't have any other choice but to wait.”

“You're just trying to get out of deciding.” Warren accused, sitting back comfortably. He was incredibly glad that he wasn't the leader that needed to make such choices.

“You're going to side with Joe, aren't you?” Crispin asked.

Tina sighed. “I really don't have a choice.”

“You have a choice.” Kai told her, turning from Joe. “We can go back.”

“That's a complete waste of time!” Joe cried. “I'm perfectly safe on this boat.”

“Ozera knows we are after him.” he reminded her. “He can send something to attack us. I won't put you at risk.”

“But I'm supposed to just sit back and watch you put yourself at risk?” she countered.

“Why are you being so irrational?” he asked, frustrated.

“Because I'm pregnant and pregnant ladies are irrational!” she yelled.

“Alright, calm down.” Tina stood up and put herself between them. “There's no need for all this.”

“Tina, tell him I'm right.” she begged.

“You are right.” she said. “But Kai is right, too.”

“You aren't making her go back.” it wasn't a question. Kai glared at her darkly. “What if you were the one who was pregnant?”

“I'm not the one who's pregnant.” she told him. “And if I was, I would do exactly what Joe is doing. We only have the one port left, then we're returning to Paradise Falls. I'll leave you both, and Warren, there then. Until that time, it makes more sense to just keep Joe on the boat and protect her here.”

“And what if Ozera attacks us?” he asked her.

“Then we deal with it.” she told him. “Is this settled then?”

She looked between the two of them. Kai looked decidedly unhappy and Joe didn't exactly look pleased at her victory. However, Tina had made her decision and she would leave them to work out the rest by themselves.

Tina stepped away from them and walked off towards the stern. Crispin followed a step behind her. They sat together on the bench back there. He laid his arms out along the back of the bench behind Tina but she didn't settle into his side.

“I don't understand how dad likes dealing with things like this all the time.” she grumbled, rubbing her temples.

It had been, to her way of thinking, a pointless argument. Joe's way was the more logical, Kai's operated more on emotion. He just wanted her away from danger and, while Tina could understand that, there wasn't much they could do.

“He asked what would happen if you were pregnant.” Crispin said softly, turning Tina's attention to him.

Crispin was still very careful about speaking. He made sure the others weren't within earshot when he did so and, if he did, he made sure he talked softly. Still, he was speaking to her and that pleased Tina. She liked that she could listen to him without worry now. She didn't know if she had just grown used to his voice or if her will had just strengthened to match his but she didn't care either.

“Yeah, so?” she shrugged.

“Kind of got me thinking, that's all.” he shrugged.

“Well, stop.” she ordered. “We've been careful. It's not going to happen.”

“You say that like you don't want it to.” he looked over at her.

“I don't.” she admitted without hesitation. “In the middle of the ocean while I'm hunting down a mortal enemy? That's hardly the environment I want to be pregnant in. And it would be a great deal harder to track down Ozera with a baby on my back.”

Crispin was laughing silently and she glared.

“What?” she asked. She had been serious.

“It's just so like you to say so.” he said. “You talk about having a baby but not changing your life even if you do.”

“If I have a baby,” she told him, “I would take it with me on all of my research trips. Mine would be a world traveled baby that I would get a teaching license to home school it while we're on the road. I can't imagine that any kid wouldn't want a fun life like that.”

“It does sound nice.” he said. “But what about the father? Would he be on those research trips?”

“If he wanted to come, I guess.” she looked away from him. She wasn't sure she liked this direction of questioning. “I'm not changing for the baby, I'm certainly not changing for him.”

He swept a strand of her from her face. “That's good to hear.”

“Don't get all mushy.” she smacked his hand away. “There's no baby so this conversation is pointless.”

“It's still good to know.” he told her. “If you do get pregnant, just know that I'll ask you to marry me.”

“If you ask me to marry you for that, just know that I'll say no.” she stood up abruptly. She really, really didn't like where this conversation was going. It was one thing to love Crispin, it was another to talk marriage and babies. She was still young. She wasn't ready for marriage and babies. “I'm going to go take a nap.”

Crispin watched her go with a smile on his face.

Research trip around the world? Now that, he thought to himself, sounded like a great deal of fun.

XXXXXXXXXX

Tina was awakened from her nap by the sound of the door to the girl's cabin opening. She opened her eyes as Joe walked inside and shut the door behind her. She looked kind of down.

“Did you work things out with Kai?” Tina asked.

“Sort of.” Joe sat on the floor, leaning against the cot. “He's accepted to take me to the next port but he's not at all happy about it. He's kind of mad actually. He's asleep in the other room. Did I wake you up? I'm sorry.”

Tina waved the apology away and sat up. A quick glance at the clock told her she'd slept for the better part of an hour. “It was probably time for me to wake up anyway.”

“Am I doing the wrong thing by not agreeing to turn back?” Joe asked softly.

“There would be no purpose.” Tina stood up an stretched. “It would only mean we are out on the water longer which would give Ozera a bigger chance to get at us. And I couldn't just drop you off and drive away. I'd have to make sure you made it on a plane safely which would take even more time. This is the quickest way.”

“I know all that logically, but still...” she sighed. “I don't like it when Kai's mad at me. He never yells. He just gets quiet.”

“How can you tell the difference? He's always quiet.” Tina asked.

“How can you always tell what Crispin is thinking?” she countered. “Every time I see him, he's smiling. It always looks the same to me but sometimes you get mad like he's thinking something you don't like.”

“He usually is.” Tina said dryly. She shook her head. Again with her and Crispin. It was like she couldn't escape him for five minutes around here. “He's just got this way of grinning that makes me want to punch him. I just know he wants to say something.”

Joe laughed. “Well, it's the same for me. I can tell the differences of Kai's quietness.”

“Don't draw parallels between you and Kai and me and Crispin.” Tina told her. “That's opening a whole Pandora's box that I don't want to deal with right now. In fact, let's just change the subject.”

Joe laughed at her but did as she asked. “Alright. Well, how about this? I was thinking up new names for our new MCRC and I've got it narrowed down to a few options but I can't really chose. I was hoping to get your input.”

“Oh, yeah? What-”

“Tina!” Ilia yelled down into the cabins. “Brook is on the line! Better get up here quick before Warren wastes all our money making mushy talk!”

Distantly, Tina heard something that sounded like 'shut up, Ilia!'.

She promised Joe to get back to the topic later and went to the bridge. Ilia, despite being rude, wasn't wrong. Warren was talking to Brooklyn like a love sick teenager. Tina had to wrestle the phone from his hands. Neither Brooklyn nor Warren thanked her for it.

“You know, if I could trust you two to pass the time working instead of flirting, I would let him talk to you.” she said into the phone.

“We don't flirt the whole time.” Brooklyn protested. “We'd get some work done.”

“This phone is too expensive for 'some work'.” Tina grumbled. “So? What's up?”

“Well, it's Jack.” Brooklyn said, her voice getting somber.

“Is he okay?” Tina asked quickly.

“He's gotten worse lately.” she admitted. “I think he misses you and Crispin.”

Tina frowned. “Why did you have to throw in that 'and Crispin' part?”

“I just mean that he's used to you being gone all the time already.” she said quickly. “But he's used to having Crispin around. He just misses you both.”

Tina groaned. “Can I have a conversation that's not about Crispin?”

“Huh?” Brooklyn said, confused.

“Never mind.” Tina shook her head. “Forget I said anything. Do you want me to talk to him?”

A few minutes later, Tina was assuring her father that she was indeed fine. They were all eating well, everyone was still healthy. She brought up Joe's pregnancy which seemed to cheer him up slightly.

It only took a short time to realize that he wasn't missing her. At least, not specifically. He missed all of them. It was hard on him to know that they were all out risking themselves for him. He didn't like knowing that they were all in such danger while he was laying safe in bed.

Tina reminded him that he never cared about such things before. And, she said, if it bothered him so much maybe he should come with them next time.

To her annoyance, he didn't at all seem interested in that idea. That was when Tina got frustrated with him and decided to hang up. If he was going to be pathetic and useless then she wasn't going to waste her time talking to him.

However, Crispin took the phone from her before she had the chance and passed it to Dallas at the wheel. He brought the phone around to everyone on the boat, letting them all say hi and talk to Jack for a moment.

That annoyed Tina too because Jack's spirits seemed to lift when he spoke to them.

Jack drew strength from his people, he always had. There was no reason for that to annoy Tina and it didn't, not overly much anyway. What annoyed her was that Crispin thought of it and allowed Jack to speak to everyone. It was a good idea. She shouldn't let it make her mad.

It did. Crispin made her mad.

Crispin was the only one who didn't speak directly to Jack. He signed to Warren who passed on what he was saying to Jack.

When the phone was passed back to Tina and she said goodbye to Jack, he was already in a better mood. Tina could hear Brooklyn say so in the background before Jack hung up.

“Think you're clever, don't you?” she asked Crispin unhappily when she put the phone back in its cradle.

“Not particularly.” he signed innocently. Not even that fake innocence he usually had. He didn't know why she was upset with his this time. It didn't really bother him though.

“Never mind.” she made her way back down to the girl's cabin. Joe had vacated it after talking to Jack and returned to the boy's cabin to lay down beside the sleeping Kai.

Crispin, to her annoyance, followed her down.

“I really can't get away from you, can I?” she asked him unhappily as he shut the door behind him.

“Did you want to get away from me?” he asked. The walls were thin, he wouldn't speak if he didn't feel the need.

“No. Yes. I don't know!” she threw her hands up and sat down heavily on the cot.

He grinned.

“Get that look off of your face.” she ordered than got mad again. She recognized a grin that no one else would be able to translate.

This love thing was getting really annoying really quickly. She didn't understand why people actually wanted this emotion. All it was doing was pissing her off. It was irrational too, which only made her madder. She was irrationally mad and mad about it.

“You're annoying.” she told him unhappily.

“I'll take that as a compliment.” he smiled.

“This is your fault to begin with.” she accused him, jumping to her feet.

“Oh? Do tell how?” he asked. His grin was only getting wider. He was enjoying this.

“You started with all of that baby and marriage talk!” she growled. “Then Joe only added to it with saying how easily I understand you and then you have to go and prove how well you know my dad. You can stop all of that immediately.”

Crispin snickered softly. “I didn't realize those were bad things.”

“Marriage talk?” she snapped. “Who talks about marriage this early in a relationship?”

“I was merely stating what would happen if you got pregnant.” he signed calmly. “Since you don't plan on getting pregnant, there should be no problem. Unless, of course, you're thinking about marrying me.”

“Who said I was, idiot?” she turned from him with a curse. He was right. If she didn't care then it shouldn't bother her. That it was bothering her meant that she cared. Which was, of course, annoying.

He cleared his throat softly to turn her attention back to him. “And, I'll remind you. You said you would tell me no. I'm the one who should be getting upset here. It was my hypothetical proposal that was rejected.”

“It was a hypothetical duty proposal.” she countered quickly. “There was no love in that hypothetical proposal.”

“Are you asking me to love you?” he grinned. He really was having a good time.

“I am not.” She was. She wanted him to love her. Of course she did. If she was going to have to feel all stirred up and annoyed like this then he better be suffering with her. However, she would be damned if she admitted it.

“So you're saying that you rejected my hypothetical proposal because you were concerned about my intentions behind it?” he asked. “What if I did ask you out of love?”

“I would still say no.” she lied quickly. She didn't know what she would say. Surely it was far too early to talk about marriage. The problem was it wasn't an entirely reprehensible idea.

He grinned as if he knew she was lying and her glare only intensified.

“So you've rejected two of my hypothetical proposals?” he frowned dramatically, his eyes dancing with laughter. “You're breaking my heart, Tina.”

“Ha!” she spat at him. “You're the one teasing a girl with hypothetical proposals.”

“What if I took the hypothetical part off of the hypothetical proposal?” he asked.

He was having entirely too much fun in Tina's opinion. She could see the enjoyment he got at watching her wriggle under these questions.

“It's still no!” she declared loudly.

“That's three hypothetical proposals you've denied me.” he laughed softly. “I shall live my life alone and forlorn now without you.”

“Stop joking around.” she told him. “You're making me mad and you're doing it on purpose.”

“Guilty.” he signed.

He stepped forward and pulled her into his arms. He kissed her apologetically, but with a smile still on his face. She didn't deny him but she refused to let herself get into the kiss. It was a hard battle. He was impossible to resist. He just kept at it until her will melted to him and she was pliant and responsive in his arms.

She could get mad at him for that too. He didn't even make a sound, he didn't have to. She yielded to him on her own. It took barely any time at all. One second she was returning his kiss reluctantly, the next her hands were in his hair, her tongue battling with his.

The fire between them didn't scorch her anymore. It still burned uncontrollably but she enjoyed its sting. It warmed her body, warmed her temperament, warmed her heart. The way he just kept at something even when he was met with resistance, how he never gave up, pleased her greatly. She didn't want or need a weakling who always bent to her will.

She loved him because he stood next to her diligently and happily. She loved him because he fought with her and enjoyed it. She loved him because he was as strong as her.

When he pulled away, his smile smug at her surrender, she felt a stab of pain.

Before, it had just been a worry. Now she was genuinely afraid.

What if he didn't love her?

This was why she feared the fire when she had first encountered it. She had known then, even without knowing, that the fire would be able to touch her heart. She didn't want to give up that piece to another person. She didn't want to let herself be vulnerable to another like that.

And here she found herself vulnerable in that very way. Crispin, more than anyone else, had the power to hurt her.

He saw something in her eyes and frowned. “What's wrong?” he asked quietly.

“Forget it.” she shook her head quickly to banish the thoughts from her mind. It was too early to think about marriage and it was too early to think about love. She should just enjoy Crispin and worry about feelings and other such things later.

However, just letting something be wasn't in Crispin's nature.

“Tell me.” he told her.

She shook her head again. She could feel the pull to do so but it wasn't coming from his voice. She wanted to tell him. Curse herself, she wanted to tell him everything. Not only was she vulnerable to him, she wanted to confess to that weakness. Could she fall no lower?

“Tina, I want to know.” he said sincerely. “If I know what's wrong, I can fix it.”

“Or you can poke at it some more.” she glared.

He looked surprised. “I wouldn't do that, not if it was serious enough to bother you. You know I wouldn't.”

“Do I?” she asked, sharper than she intended.

“I didn't mean to upset you.” he told her, taking her cheek in his hand. “I like teasing you when you're mad because you look so cute and you're funny.”

“Most people say I'm scary.” she grumbled.

“Adorable.” he corrected. “In fact, I-”

Tina would never know what he was going to say. The boat pitched violently to the right sending them crashing to the floor.