Tick....tick...tick...

The persistent ticking of the clock above the door was the only sound in the room after McKayla had left. Tara shifted uncomfortably from her right foot to her left and looked down at the ground.

"What are you doing here, Tara?" I asked her finally.

She sighed and ran her hands over her face.

"I saw your name in the ER and I got scared." She said.

I didn't look at her and she didn't look at me. The air was thick with words and thoughts that neither of us were willing to share.

"You didn't have to come down here." I said softly.

Tara looked up at me and clasped her hands together.

"I wanted to. I needed to, Jax. When I saw your name on that board, I was scared shitless. I didn't know what happened to you or if you were even alive, but I had to find out. I had to see you." She said.

I looked at her for the first time since she walked into the room. She was holding her hands in front of her because she was shaking slightly. A single tear was rolling down her cheek and she was looking at me.

"Tara, I'm fine. You don't have to worry about me anymore." I said.

She took a step towards my bed.

"Jax, don't you get it? I will always worry about you. I know I shouldn't but I do. Especially after that night." She said.

Shit. It was Tara that I slept with while McKayla was away. I had forgotten all about it until she mentioned it. I sighed and covered my eyes with my hand.

"Shit Tara, I was drunk that night. I was going through some shit and I called you because I was thinking about the past." I said.

"I know you were drunk, I'm not an idiot Jax. But you did call me. I know I shouldn't have even answered the phone let along come to your house, but I had to. You can't tell me that you didn't feel anything. You can't tell me that it didn't feel right, that it didn't feel comfortable."

She was pleading with me. I heard it in her voice. She's used that tone with me dozens of times before. Usually it was regarding leaving the club or telling her club shit. This time was different. She was asking me to love her. Tara Knowles has always been the one running away from her feelings towards me. Now after everything that has happened between us, she's trying to run back.

As much as I wanted to, I couldn't lie to her. I wanted to say with everything in me that it meant nothing. That it was just a drunken mistake and I didn't feel a thing. I wanted to, but I couldn't. She was right. I've loved Tara since I was 16 years old and being with her felt right. But did it, or was it just drunk memories getting stirred up by loneliness?

"I've tried to forget you Jax. I left Charming again, tried to work, tried to date, I've tried everything I could to leave you in the past. But I realized in Chicago I felt empty without you. That's why I came back. When I came to your door, I half expected you to welcome me in. So I wasn't shocked when you slammed the door in my face. What did shock me, was finding out you had a new girlfriend. For some reason I thought you'd never be able to find someone after me. And when you called me that night, drunk and alone, I knew there was a part of you that still loved me. That's why I went to you. That's why I slept with you Jax. I know deep down inside you still love me."

When she finished, she put her hand on the door handle and turned to leave.

"I know you think you're in love with her Jax, but you will always come back to me."

And she was gone. My breath came out in short bursts as if I was running. My head was spinning with what she said. Did I still love her? If I did, where did that leave McKayla? I let out a groan and pressed the nurse's call button.

"May I help you?" A woman asked.

"I need something for pain." I said.

My voice was distant. I almost couldn't recognize it.

"I'll send someone in."

A few minutes later, a young nurse came in.

"You're feeling pain, Mr. Teller?" She asked me.

I nodded and she opened my chart.

"Well, I can give you some Vicodin if you want." She said.

I just nodded again and watched her take the pills out of a bottle and put them in a plastic cup. I took them from her and downed them without water. She walked out of the room and shut the lights out. I covered my eyes with my arm and focused on the ticking of the damn clock.

McKayla

When I got back to the waiting room, all eyes were on me. I forced a smile and Gemma wrapped her arms around me.

"Where's Abel?" I asked her.

It was the first time since I got to the hospital that I had thought about him.

"He's fine, he's with Neeta at the clubhouse." She said.

I nodded and chewed on my bottom lip.

"Can you take me home?" I said in a small voice.

I needed to see the place where Kip died. The closer we got to the house, the sicker I became. His death is on my hands and there was nothing I could do to make it right. Gemma pulled into the driveway and I felt myself start to shake.

"You okay baby?" She asked me softly.

I didn't say anything. I just swallowed my tears and opened the door. My legs were so wobbly, I had to hold onto the car for support. Gemma came up behind me and put her arm around my waist. When we got to the door and I opened it, my legs gave out and I fell to the ground.

It didn't look like I expected. In my head I saw a horror movie murder scene. What I saw was nothing like that. The only evidence was a small blood stain by the kitchen table that could easily be covered with a rug. That's what bothered me the most. There was nothing left of Kip. He was just gone.

I felt tears running down my face and I held onto Gemma as tightly as I could. She just rocked me and told me it was okay. But it wasn't. It would never be okay again.

"Come on baby, let's get you cleaned up." She said.

Gemma pulled me up and led me into the bathroom where she started to draw a bath.

"I can do it." I mumbled to her as she was pulling at my shirt.

She nodded and left. When I was finished, I noticed she'd left me clothes to change into. As I was pulling them on she appeared behind me and started brushing my still wet hair.

"It's my fault." I said finally.

She looked at me through the mirror and tilted her head.

"What is baby?"

"All of this. Kip being dead, Jax being hurt. All of it." I said.

She stopped brushing and turned me so that I was facing her.

"You stop that right now. None of this is your fault. Kip did what he was supposed to do. Protect you and the club. And Jax, he loves you more than anyone and would die for you." She said firmly.

I shook my head.

"No. Jax and I had a fight and I left. If I wouldn't have, Kip wouldn't have come here and he wouldn't be dead."

Gemma sat on the bed so that she was facing me and took my hands in hers.

"You're right. You would be dead because that bastard would've just killed you and Jax would be a mess. What you did was smart. I would've done the same thing. Kip knew the risks when he decided to prospect. You're allowed to hurt and feel bad, but you are not allowed to blame yourself."

I sighed nodded. I knew that in some way she was right, but it still just as much my fault. Gemma leaned close and kissed my forehead. She kept a hold on my hand and walked me into the kitchen. This time, it wasn't so bad.

"I'll pick up a rug or something tomorrow to cover that up." She said pointing to the blood stain.

She handed me a cigarette and a lighter and I breathed in it greedily.

"Let's get out of here."

We got back in the car and drove to the clubhouse. When we were stopped at a stop sign, I faced her.

"Who is Tara Knowles?" I asked her.

Her head snapped towards me and I saw her jaw clench. Her hands gripped the wheel so tightly that her knuckles turned white.

"Why?" She said through gritted teeth.

"She came into Jax's room when I was in there."

Gemma shook her head and started driving again.

"She's a no good bitch who is nothing but trouble."

I watched her for a while as I let her words sink in. Gemma hates her so that means she did something to Jax. My heart sank as I realized she was who Jax cheated on me with.