"This is it. You are not in love. So either stay in it because you have a child or be brave and find the man of your dreams and marry him for real". - Brandy Norwood

I woke up with a horrible headache, Hardly remembered anything that happened, I woke up to Shawn office damn near ripped to shreds and then it all started to come back I began to bite my nail, and began to walk out into the living room looking for Shawn since it was dark,

Shawn! I yelled through the living room and I went upstairs and he came out of blue's room and I got quiet, He looked like he wanted to smack the hell out of me, he just walked passed me mustering up the strength to say something Can we talk? in a low tone, He leaned on the wall and looked at me strange feeling disgusted at myself for how non-interested, I've looked for the past few weeks.

Clearing my throat

"I Just don't understand why you don't love me anymore"

feeling myself about to cry again. I took a deep Breath and Continued

Or why The fact you feel I'm this horrible person; or am I terrible wife to you?

For the first time throughout all of these past weeks Shawn finally looked in my eyes maybe he realized something was wrong with me, and that I was broken.

My mind was hoping that he was going to tell me he loved me and that he wouldn't hurt me again and that we could fix it,

before I could process anything Shawn smash his lips into mine, and I didn't feel the spark he kissed my forehead and let me cry onto his chest. somehow I felt It was my fault, I put my career before our marriage, before my child, I was hardly ever home, as soon as blue was born I was ready to go on tour, do press, etc.

It was straining toward our relationship let alone our marriage.

"I love you, But I'm Not in love with you anymore, That's not going to change, I'll See you tomorrow Bey he kissed my forehead and walked away."

I walked toward my bedroom looking like a restless zombie and locked the door , If I could've slept forever I would've but I have a child, I cried myself to sleep yet again.