On the night of the show, everything was going well. My costumes stayed in one place, Cassie finally showed up after being twenty minutes late, and Mona's black eye from our fight was able to be covered by makeup. Lots of makeup.

We hadn't talked to each other since the fight, but it wasn't like I had been expecting her to strike up a conversation or anything. And she sure as hell knew I wasn't about to talk to her.

Jane, Thomas, and Jaz all kept the fight to themselves. They didn't tell Cassie or any of our other friends, which I was really thankful for. Cassie would have a hissy fit if she knew what had happened in the mall.

"Are you nervous?" Christian asked me, rubbing my back when he saw me trembling just a little bit. "Don't worry. You'll do great."

He was supposed to say that. Not only was he my boyfriend, but he was also a fellow cast member. We had to wish each other luck or else we were going to get in trouble.

"Leah!" a new voice suddenly shrieked, and I wanted to strangle Cassie. Was she aware that there were people on the other side of the curtain? "Leah! Where are you?"

I nearly tackled her when she finally found me, but she didn't seem to notice that she was being incredibly too loud. She just continued smacking on her gum, which she wasn't even supposed to have.

"So, I was thinking," she started, and I let out a very short breath. Here we go. "We should all go out for a late dinner after this. Like a cast dinner. Except us, not any of those loser freshmen that got extra parts."

I couldn't even respond to this right away. First, I looked around to make sure that none of those "loser freshman that got extra parts" were around to hear Cassie's insult. They weren't, thankfully. Second, I didn't exactly feel like going out with Cassie. Even though I was sure I'd be starving once the show was over.

"Who's going?" I asked instead of declining, since she didn't really make any specifics.

Cassie thought for a moment. "You, me, Christian, Mona—"

"No," I declined, right away.

Cassie's eyebrows furrowed. "Why not?"

I didn't feel like explaining everything to her ten minutes before we started, so I only shook my head and waved it away. She was able to tell by this that I didn't want to talk about it right then and I'd tell her later. Even though I really didn't want to.

When it was time to begin, my pulse was rushing in my ear. This was it. Months of rehearsals had come down to this moment right here. It had to be perfect.

Or as perfect as it could have been.

"Good luck," Christian whispered right before the curtains opened.

I smiled. "Good luck."

Summer Nights was my favorite song in the entire show, so I was very energetic while we performed it. It was basically the opening, the song that got everyone's attention, so I wanted to make it perfect. And I really felt like we made it as great as it could have been.

It was really awkward pretending to be friendly toward Mona, especially when there was lots of makeup covering the black eye that I had caused. But she was able to act like she had no problem with me, so I guessed I could have done the same.

While Cassie sang Look at Me, I'm Sandra Dee along with Mona and the other girls, Christian and I were backstage mouthing it obnoxiously to each other. It was a song we both enjoyed, and since we weren't on stage while it was going on, we rocked out to it in the back.

There weren't as many slip-ups on stage like I thought there would be. I nearly tripped once, but that was because I was focusing on not tripping. Yeah, that didn't really work out for me very well.

Hopelessly Devoted to You was the one song I was nervous about singing in front of a crowd. I found it very awkward and it pertained to my actual real-life situation too well.

I was on stage all by myself, which made it even more uncomfortable. But I decided to go for it. I had been working on this for so long that I wasn't going to screw it up just because I thought this was embarrassing.

That's when I finally noticed Blake in the crowd, in the second row. I almost completely froze, but I knew that I couldn't. I couldn't make a fool out of myself just because he was there and I wasn't expecting him to be.

But why wouldn't he be there? His girlfriend was in the show, after all. And that girlfriend was not me, so I shouldn't have been thinking about him.

But I was. Oh, how I was. Whenever I could, I'd look at him and the look in his eyes made me feel sick. It was the look he used to always give me. The one that said he was in love and was so lucky to have me. I didn't want him looking at me like that anymore.

It was like I was singing right to him, and he seemed to notice. This really wasn't a good.

The rest of the show went by incredibly awkwardly. I felt Blake's eyes on me the entire time, and it made me feel very uncomfortable. I tried my hardest not to screw anything up because I did not want to be embarrassed in front of him.

You're the One that I Want was the last song we performed, and definitely the biggest of the whole night. I felt very weird in my skin-tight costume, and it wasn't very comfortable to dance in, but I did my best, and when it was finally over, I was actually really sad. It seemed like it had ended so fast.

After the bows and the curtains had closed, the cast began to disperse. They wanted to go home or go out for dinner, and I was no different. But first, I needed to celebrate juts a little.

"We did it!" Christian laughed, picking me up and spinning me around. "That was amazing!"

I giggled, and he kissed me, his arms still wrapped around my waist. He was so happy, so proud, and I couldn't help but smile. This was what he loved to do, and I knew he was excited about everything that had just happened.

We parted ways so we could change back into our regular clothes, and after I was finished, I made my way out into the crowd to go find someone I knew. Not only was my family there, but my friends were as well.

But Mona and Blake were also there as well, and they were two people I definitely did not want to run into. I was going to have to look out for them.

As I looked through the crowd, I was stopped by people I knew and people I didn't know, praising me and telling me what a great job I did. Honestly, it made me feel amazing. I wasn't used to praise. I used to be, but this was even different from that time. I used to get praise from strangers about superficial things like my hair or clothes. My parents never praised me. My friends never praised me. Nothing I ever did was good enough. But now... this was good enough.

My parents were the first people I saw, so I made a beeline over to them. As much as I would have loved to see my friends first, talking to them was better than wandering around all alone.

"Oh, Leah," my mother smiled once I got to her, fixing my hair like I knew she would. "You did wonderful tonight! Good job!"

My father practically mimicked what my mother had said, and I thanked them both and smiled, even though I knew that Blake was somewhere around, probably congratulating Mona on what a good job she did even though she forgot one of her lines.

My mother continued to fix my hair, annoying me greatly, but I said nothing. "You really have a knack for this, Leah," she informed me with a broad smile. "Have you ever thought about pursuing acting?"

No, I hadn't. I had no idea what I wanted to do in the future. And that was really scary, considering high school was ending in only two months. But I wasn't going to let myself worry about this right then. I had to be happy.

"Leah!" my sister squealed when she saw me, wrapping her arms around me so tight that I could barely breathe. "You did so great! That was fantastic!"

I smiled when she finally let go of me. "Thank you."

Kyle hugged and congratulated me as well, but it wasn't nearly as tight as his wife's. I couldn't help but smile as everyone complimented me. It was nice that I actually did something good enough for once.

When I saw Thomas by himself only a few feet away, I excused myself from my family and made my way over to him.

"Why are you all by yourself?" I asked once I got close enough for him to hear me over all the other voices. "Where's Jane?"

Thomas shrugged. "She went to go tell Cassie she did a great job," he shrugged uncaringly, looking around at all the people. "

"You did great," Thomas grinned, hugging me. "I didn't think you'd do that well!"

I smirked. "Well, thanks."

He rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean."

I did. Even I didn't think I was going to do that well, but I guess I was wrong. The show was a lot of fun and I was sad that it was actually over. After all the work we put into it... It was over. It was kind of weird to think about.

When someone suddenly stepped into place beside us, I turned to see who it was. My eyes went wide when I saw that it was Blake, who looked very uncomfortable as he stood before us.

"Um," he said, shoving his hands into his pockets as he stared at the ground before glancing up at Thomas and me. "Can I talk to you, Leah?"

I blinked. He wanted to talk to me? I only nodded and said, "Yeah, of course."

Thomas looked from me and then to Blake. "Don't mind me," he waved, taking a step away from us. "I'm just a bystander."

Blake gave his brother a look I couldn't read and then started toward the door. With on last glance at Thomas, I followed after him in silence.

He led me to an area of the parking lot where no one was. It was chilly, since it was now dark out, and Blake noticed me shivering. He immediately took his jacket off and wrapped it around my shoulders.

"You don't have to," I mumbled, about to take it off and give it back to him, but he shook his head.

"No." He tightened it around me to make sure it wouldn't fall off. "I'd rather you have it. I don't want you to be cold."

I said nothing. Blake said nothing. We just stood there, out in the cold, staring anywhere but at each other. Didn't he want to talk to me? Why wasn't he talking?

"You did a great job tonight," he finally praised quietly.

I smiled slightly. "Thank you."

I knew that he didn't ask me to come out here to talk about the show. I knew he wanted to talk to me for a completely different reason. And he knew I knew, so he quit beating around the bush.

Blake glanced back toward the door. "Are you happy with him?"

Knowing exactly who he was talking about, I nodded. "Yes."

This looked like it was killing him. "Happier than you were with me?"

I said nothing to this. I honestly didn't know the answer.

"What are you doing?" I had to ask, taking a step away from him. "Why are you asking me this? You're dating Mona."

"What?" His eyes went wide. "I'm not dating Mona!"

"Yes, you are!" I nodded, remembering everything he had said to her that day I had been eavesdropping. "I heard you telling Mona you loved her."

Blake's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"I heard you tell her you loved her!" I repeated.

Blake seemed to be trying to process this all in his mind. Had he somehow forgotten telling Mona he loved her? I assumed he did it many times after the first. I might have not made my presence known, but he still should have remembered at least one time he told Mona he loved her.

Finally, he seemed to realize what I was talking about. "That time, in front of my locker," he groaned, running a hand through his hair. "You heard that?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

He shook his head, taking a step toward me. I didn't take a step back. "Leah," he sighed, shaking his head. "You misunderstood. I wasn't telling Mona I love her."

I gave him a flat look. "Oh, really?" I questioned. "Then what was it? Because it sure sounded like you were telling her that you love her."

Letting out another exasperated sigh, he ran his hand through his hair again. "No, Leah, I wasn't telling Mona I love her. I was..."

He stalled. I was growing annoyed. "What?"

He let out a sigh of defeat. "I was... practicing how to say it to you again."

My eyes went wide, and I had no idea what I was supposed to say. Blake wasn't dating Mona... Blake wasn't in love with Mona... He was still in love with me.

And I was still in love with him.

"Blake..." I swallowed. "I don't... I'm not..."

I didn't even know what I was supposed to say. Blake and I were still in love with each other. But it wasn't that easy.

I felt like I was losing my voice, and not because I had just gotten off stage. "We're not..."

Blake shook his head, taking a step toward me. "Don't say we're unhealthy."

I shook my head this time. "We're not..."

He took another step forward. "Don't say we're not meant to be either."

"Blake." I placed my hands on his chest, stopping him from coming any closer. "We can't back together. Sometimes love just isn't enough."

"But you're admitting you're still in love with me," he said.

I blanched. "No... No, I'm not!"

"Why can't we just get back together?" he asked me now, almost sounding desperate.

"Because we can't go back to that! We can't go back to how we used to be," I almost whispered, my throat hurting. I wanted to cry, but I knew that I couldn't. He'd know how I really felt if I started crying.

"Yes, we can." With another step toward me, he clutched onto my hands. "You just have to try."

"I'm with Christian." I pulled my hands from his grasp. "I'm with Christian and I'm happy."

He shook his head. "Don't lie to me."

I shook my head also. "I'm not lying."

"Yes, you are," he insisted. "You're lying. Because you're still in love with me. That explains why you attacked Mona in the mall the other day. You thought I was dating her."

That was the reason I had attacked Mona. I just hadn't realized it until now. But Blake and I couldn't get back together. I was with Christian, who was a great guy. I didn't want to hurt him.

"Think about all the times we had together," he now whispered, taking my hands once again and bringing them up to his chest. "Remember the first time we kissed. You wanted to get Cassie mad and you ended up pissing off Sean as well. Remember the time you realized you liked me; the time you realized you were in love with me. Remember the time you met my father and you said your view of me would never change because of something he or Thomas said. Remember the first time we made love. Remember the morning after that. Remember how it felt when I was in a coma for four months."

"Blake," I rasped. "Why would you bring that up?"

"Because that's how it is without you," he told me now. "I just can't get over you."

It had been months since we had broken up, and yet both of our feelings were the same. They hadn't changed one bit. That had to mean something, right? He had so many girls going after him now, and I had Christian, but we still only wanted each other.

"I miss your hands," he whispered, lifting them up and kissing them between every sentence he said. "I miss how they'd run through my hair. How they'd hold my face. How soft they are. And just thinking about them on someone else just kills me."

"If we were..." I coughed, my voice hoarse and raspy from the need to cry. "If we were to get back together... Would you stop being around Mona?"

He stayed silent. I immediately grew angry. I couldn't believe him.

I yanked my hands away from him. "Are you kidding me?"

"No, Leah, no," he sighed, grabbing onto my hands once again before I could get away. "I would. I would stop seeing her. It's just... Mona doesn't have many other friends."

I rolled my eyes. "I wonder why."

Before I had beaten her up, Mona used to sit with my friends and me. But she never seemed as closed to them as I was. No one really noticed when she stopped hanging around us. But I was happy about that, because that meant no one was going to question it. No one was going to ask why she no longer hung out with us and found out it was because I had attacked her.

"So?" Blake bit the inside of his lip. "Can we get back together?"

"I can't," I informed him honestly with a shake of my head. "I'm with Christian and I don't want to hurt him."

But when I thought about it, I knew hurting Christian was inevitable. Because Blake was right. I wasn't as happy as I was claiming to be. Christian was amazing, and he treated me just how I wanted to be treated. But for some reason, that just wasn't enough. He was... much more of a friend than a boyfriend. A brother, even. I just wished I realized that before I started dating him.

Blake did not look happy. "Have you slept with him?"

I couldn't believe he had just asked me that. "That's none of your business," I snapped.

"Leah." He let out a breath and rubbed his hands over his face. "So I can sleep at night, can you please just answer the question?"

"What if it's an answer you don't like?"

"Then I won't be able to sleep anyway."

I swallowed. "I haven't slept with him," I now said, so quietly that Blake barely even heard me. He looked relieved, like I had just lifted a huge weight off his shoulders. I didn't know what else I was supposed to say.

But I didn't have to say anything else, because Blake then leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine. I was caught off guard at first, but felt myself melting into the kiss after realizing what was happening.

It was slow, at first. Like we were trying to get used to each other again. His arm wrapped around my waist, bringing me closer to him. His muscles were firmer and more defined than before, and I assumed that this was because of football.

I missed this. I missed the feel of his lips on mine. They were soft and warm like they had been all those months before, and I couldn't help but kiss him back. I didn't know if it was just a force of habit, or because this was what I had wanted for months.

But just because I wanted it didn't mean that it was right.

"Stop," I gasped when I pushed away, out of breath.

Just because I was planning on breaking up with Christian didn't mean I was going to get back together with Blake. Especially since Christian and I hadn't broken up yet. I knew that if he found out that I started dating Blake again before I broke up with him, it would hurt him even more.

Christian deserved better than that. Christian deserved better than me.

"Why do you want to get back together so much?" I asked, feeling like pulling my hair out. Let's see my mother try to fix that. "All we ever did was fight with each other."

"We only fought with each other because we had to keep our relationship a secret from everyone," he now said, and I knew that he was right. "Christian thought you were single and Mona thought I was single. That caused both of us to be jealous because they both made moves on us. We both fought with each other because we didn't see the other person as a threat even though they were. That was the only unhealthy part of our whole relationship."

I shook my head, tears filling my eyes. "I tried to kill myself because of you."

He frowned. "And I tried to kill myself because of you."