"I can't believe I let myself get talked into this."

I was standing on the football field, in a tight top and short skirt. This was what we were supposed to wear for cheerleading tryouts, and it just made me hate everything even more.

My nose was still purple, and it hurt like hell. I had put so much cover up on it that morning that it did successfully cover the purple, but my nose now looked like pancake. Hopefully that would stop me from making the squad.

I didn't know where Cassie or Blake were, and I hated this because I felt like people were staring at me. And I hated that more than anything, especially when it was for a negative reason.

But when I saw someone I did know, I was surprised. Sean was one of the last people that I expected to be here, even though he had been on the team last year. He had graduated, so why was he here now?

He saw me and immediately made his way toward me, and I was glad. I really hated being alone around a bunch of preps and jocks.

"Why are you here?" I had to ask him.

"They needed another person to help decide who's going to make the football team," he informed me now with a shrug. "They said that they wanted the star quarterback from last year to help them with the decisions."

I guess that was... okay. It wasn't that I was upset that he was there; it was just that... he used to hate Blake. I really hoped that that wouldn't affect his decision about him. He seemed perfectly fine with Blake now, but I just couldn't be sure...

"Now what are you doing here, wearing that?" he asked me now, and I suddenly felt very embarrassed. I really didn't want to be there.

"I... I'm kind of trying out... for the cheerleading squad," I sighed, actually very ashamed that I was doing this. I didn't really think that Blake was going to agree to this.

Sean looked surprised. "You? You're trying out for the cheerleading squad?" I nodded. His eyes widened even more. "But you hated it! When I forced you to join two years ago, I thought you were going to kill me!"

"I wanted to," I couldn't help but mutter.

This was just so embarrassing. I was just standing there, in front of Sean, a guy who was supposedly in love with me, in a short skirt and a tight top. This was just a horrible idea. I really hoped that I didn't make the squad.

"Oh, Leah!" a new voice now cried out, and I looked behind me to see that it was Cassie. Her smile just enlarged when she saw that her boyfriend was with me. "You're here! I didn't know that you would be here!"

Sean shrugged. "Yeah, well, I'm kind of a big deal."

I could tell Sean was joking, but I wasn't sure if Cassie did, because she then giggled, "I know!"

"Hey, Cassie!" we heard a girl shout, and we turned to see that it was someone else who was trying out for the squad. "Can you come here and help me fix my hair?"

Cassie smiled. "Of course!" she agreed before giving Sean a quick kiss before practically skipping over toward the girl. I really didn't understand how she could be so preppy most of the time.

"I guess it's just the two of us," Sean shrugged.

Just then, the football coach called out, "Sean! Could you come here?"

I made a face. "I guess it isn't just the two of us, then."

Sean shot me an apologetic look before jogging off toward the coach, and I was alone once again, surrounded by preppy girls and stupid jocks that I had never been able to stand.

"Blake Solo is trying out for the team?" I heard one dumb jock ask another. "What, does he want to make a fool of himself?"

"I know, right?" the other jock laughed obnoxiously. "Does he really think he can play? He might hit his head and be knocked out for a couple more months. At least the voices will stop then, huh?"

This really pissed me off. I thought that after Blake had been in a coma for so long, people stopped being inconsiderate and stopped making fun of him. But I guessed that I was wrong. This school was still filled with dumb assholes with IQs smaller than a pea.

Did that make sense? I wasn't so sure. But that didn't matter right then.

"Hey," I couldn't help but call out to them, my blood boiling. I was so small compared to them, and I knew I must have looked harmless in my cheerleading uniform. They both smiled at me, as if they thought I was flirting with them. "How about you keep your fat mouths shut about things you don't know? I know you don't know much, but that's good for us, so we don't have to hear your voices and stupid opinions."

They both scowled at me, but I wasn't about to back down. Did they really think they could just talk about Blake like that and I wasn't going to say something about it? They saw me right beside them and they didn't even try to be quiet. They were either very stupid and they wanted me to hear them.

"How about you shut up, Burkley?" the bigger of the two jocks now snapped at me, and I found it strange that he was calling me by my last name as if I was a guy or something. "You're just as crazy as your boyfriend is."

As angry as this made me, I had to correct him. "He's my ex-boyfriend, dumbass."

The other jock continued to scowl at me. "You don't make it seem like he's your ex."

I didn't understand why it was apparently so strange to be nice to your ex. There were a lot of cases where exes stayed friends after they had broken up, so why was it such a big deal with Blake and me?

"What happened to you, Burkley?" the bigger jock asked me now, and it really did annoy me that he was calling me by my last name, and I didn't know why. "You used to be cool. You used to be hot. But even though you still have a nice face and body, your head's so screwed up that it doesn't matter."

I didn't even know these two, so I found it kind of creepy that they knew about me.

When I had been considered cool, I wasn't happy. All I ever did was try to please people, but it was never good enough. I was never good enough. And I realized that, no matter how hard I tried, I never would be good enough. I didn't even think I was good enough for Blake. So I stopped trying to please people. I started to worry about how I felt. I stood up to Cassie, my mother, and the whole school. And now I was considered crazy.

"You're crazy." The other jock laughed, and I didn't know why this was bothering me so much. "Both you and your ex-boyfriend. Just do us all a favor and check into a loony bin. There's no way you and Blake Solo will make the teams. We don't want anyone crazy soiling the football team or the cheerleading squad."

"Hey!" a new voice now shouted, and I turned to see that it was Derrick, Sean standing right beside him. They both had their arms crossed over their chests, menacing looks on both of their faces. "Don't you guys have anything better to do than harass a poor girl?"

"Don't you mean a crazy girl?" the smaller of the two jocks snickered, and it reminded me of the day I was outside the diner by myself and a group of jocks was making fun of me. That had all been Sean's fault, back then.

"Leave her alone," Sean snapped now, taking a step toward them. "Don't you guys have to go throw a football or something?"

The two jocks scowled at my good friends, but didn't say anything because they knew that if they did, they wouldn't get on the team. So they left without a fuss, and I was eternally grateful toward Derrick and Sean.

"Sorry about that," Derrick apologized, even though he wasn't the one that should've been apologizing. "Those two idiots are juniors. I don't understand why underclassmen believe that they're so much better than everyone else."

Sean snorted beside him. "You were just like that, Derrick."

The brunette boy glared at the blonde one. "Shut up."

"Smith!" I heard the coach call out now, beckoning Derrick over with his hand. "Come here!"

I didn't get why Derrick even had to try out. I mean, he was a shoo in. He had been playing football ever since he was a child, and he had been on the team ever since we entered high school. I was pretty sure the coach should've just known that he was going to play.

As Derrick jogged away, Sean now looked behind him to make sure that those two jocks were gone. "Well, they're definitely not making it on the team," he muttered, and I wasn't sure if I was meant to hear this or not.

That made me feel... a little better, but not much. It meant that, if I made the cheerleading squad, I wouldn't have to deal with them. And if Blake made the football team, he would have to deal with them either. But that wasn't exactly what was bothering me.

"I'm not crazy..." I swallowed, trying my hardest not to let my tears fall. I could not cry because of those stupid jocks. I looked up at Sean, not caring if he saw my watery eyes because he had seen them so many times before. "Am I?"

There was a look in Sean's eyes that I hadn't seen for a while. Like he felt bad for me. He had this look when Blake jumped off the bridge, the whole four months he was in a coma, and when Carrie said that Blake and I couldn't be together anymore because our relationship was unhealthy. I really hated that look, and not just from him. From everyone.

"Don't listen to what those guys said." Sean frowned and continued to give me that look. "You're not crazy. You never were crazy. They don't know what they're talking about."

I still didn't feel that great. I wanted Blake. I wanted my boyfriend. And I wanted everyone to know that he was still my boyfriend.

"But you even said yourself, that you think Blake's crazy," I had to remind him, not wanting to go back to that time, but feeling like I had to. "If you think he's crazy, then I must be crazy too, right? For being in love with him... Or, for once being in love with him..."

Sean didn't say anything at first. I knew he didn't know how to respond to this. He knew that what he had said, and what he had done, was wrong. And I knew he regretted everything that he ever did to Blake and me. And he didn't know how he was supposed to apologize to me for that by just using words.

"I was idiot back then, Leah," was what he said to me now. "I didn't think about anyone but myself. I didn't think about anyone's feelings but my own. I was selfish, rude, conceited, and I thought that I could make you love me. I finally realized that I couldn't do that. Blake was the one that you're meant to be with. Well, at least... I used to think that, until I thought about what Carrie said in the hospital the day Blake woke up."

I didn't want to think about this anymore. I did not talk about this anymore. I was just so done and I wanted to go home. But I still had to try out. If only there were some way I could back out of this now.

"Sean!" the coach now called out for the alumni. "We're about to start!"

We said our goodbyes and went our separate ways. Football tryouts were first, so the girls who were going to try out for the squad had to sit in the bleachers and watch as the boys went first.

I noticed that there were other people in the stands as well. I looked around, just to see who had shown up, and my stomach dropped when I saw Mona at the top of the bleachers, Christian right beside her.

They hadn't seen me, and I was happy about that. I was fine with Christian being there, but not Mona. Why was she even there?

Blake must have told her. Did he have to tell her everything?

Cassie giggled as she sat beside me. "Looks like Blake's girlfriend is here to support him, huh?"

Even though Cassie didn't know that Blake and I were still dating, I didn't understand why she thought that it was okay that she could talk to me about Blake's supposed new girlfriend like it was no big deal. She knew how I had supposedly once felt about him. Did she ever stop and think that maybe I still felt the same way about him? I mean, we kind of got forced info breaking up.

"You don't know if they're dating for sure yet, Cassie." I but down on the inside of my cheek to stop myself from saying anymore.

Cassie shrugged. "Yeah, I might not know for sure, but I know when people like each other. And Mona obviously likes Blake. Blake is a little harder to read, but I'm pretty sure he likes her as well."

I trusted Blake. I trusted him with my life, and I trusted him when he said that nothing was going on between him and Mona. I believed him when he said that they were just friends. Blake was just a genuinely nice guy and he wasn't very good around people so he didn't understand how Mona felt.

There was no doubt in my mind that Mona still liked him. She even said so herself that it was like they were practically dating again.

"Hey, guys," Leslie suddenly greeted, sitting on the other side of me. "Have they started yet?"

"Nope," Cassie answered for me. "They're just about to start. You're right on time."

As if on cue, the coach blew his whistle and tryouts began. I didn't exactly know how these things worked, so I just waited patiently until it was finally Blake's turn.

And I was surprised when I saw that Blake could actually throw really hard, and catch very well. I almost couldn't believe it. In the year that I had known him, the last thing I ever would have thought my boyfriend would be was a football player. Not that I was complaining or anything, because I thought it was hot as hell.

"Yeah! Go, Blake!" I heard up in the stands, and I found myself cringing at the sound of her voice. Did she really have to scream?

My tryouts were a lot shorter than the football ones. Instead of doing individual cheers, they showed us one cheer and had us all do it together. There were about five people judging us, and I didn't understand how that was enough to successfully see us all, but it didn't really matter to me.

I couldn't help but feel very self-conscious. Not only was Blake watching me, but so were Mona, Christian, Sean, and Derrick. It was just weird, because they all knew that cheerleading was not my thing.

Later that day, I decided that I wanted to see Blake. So I left my house, telling my parents, my sister, and her husband that I was going to Jane's, and I drove to Blake's apartment. I wanted to see him more than anything right then.

He seemed surprised to see me, but he was also happy. It reminded me of the many other times that I had surprised him. I was sure that he was glad that it was me and not Carrie this time.

"Your headphones are off," I observed out loud, surprised because this was the first time I had seen them off him in the month and a half that he had been awake. "Is your medication starting to work again?"

Blake shrugged. "A little bit. But I can still hear voices every now and then. But my iPod's charging, so I had to take them off."

He moved out of the way so I could come inside, shutting and locking the door so that if Carrie decided to stop by, we would have some extra time to hide me again. I sure hoped that it wasn't dusty behind the couch anymore.

We both took a seat on the couch, neither of us saying anything. I wasn't exactly sure what to say, and it was obviously the same for Blake.

"So, why'd you come over?" Blake finally asked me now, and I didn't exactly have an answer. I just wanted to be near him.

"I just wanted to be with you," I shrugged, since it was the truth. "We haven't had a lot of alone time lately."

Blake frowned. "I know. I'm sorry about that."

I scooted closer to him and laid my head on his chest. "It's not your fault."

He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, holding me tightly. I had missed this a lot. I couldn't even remember the last time we just sat together like this. It had been a long time ago, I was sure.

After a few minutes of just sitting there, I lifted my head and began kissing his neck. He was surprised by this, but didn't stop me. He didn't stop me until I put my hands under his shirt.

"Leah," he breathed, grabbing onto my wrists and removing them from his chest.

I blinked at him. "What?"

"We need to stop," he informed me simply.

"We haven't had sex since before your accident," I reminded him, in case he had somehow forgotten. "And that was five months ago!"

Blake let out a stress filled sigh. "I know, Leah, but... we just shouldn't."

"And why not?"

"We just shouldn't!"

"Well, if you'd rather get it from Mona, that's fine," I blurted out in exasperation, pushing myself up off his couch and making my way toward the front door. "I'll just leave so you can call her and she can come over."

He jumped up right after me, grabbing onto my arm and pulling me against his chest. "That's not the reason why," he told me sternly. "I don't want to have sex with Mona. I want to have sex with you. But we can't."

I was crying now. "Why not?"

"Because..." Blake looked like he didn't know how to tell me this. "The voices."

"The..." I blinked, not exactly sure what he meant. "The voices?"

Blake let out a sigh. "They're not completely gone yet. And I don't want to have sex with you when they're talking in my head, and I don't want to have my headphones on because I think that's unfair to you."

This made me feel much better, but I still continued to cry. I was just so relieved that the reason he didn't want to sleep with me was Mona.

"You're really worried about Mona, aren't you?" he asked me, a worried frown evident on his face. I could only nod. "Leah..."

"She said... She said you were practically dating. How am I not supposed to worry?" I squeaked, not believing that I was actually crying. "I've lost you once. I can't lose you again."

"You're not going to lose me." Blake's hold around my waist only tightened. "Because I love you, not Mona. And I'll always love you. I've never felt this way with anyone but you, and I know I'll feel this way forever, no matter what happens. Even if you decide one day that you don't love me anymore, I'll still feel this way. Because you're the one for me and it doesn't matter if no one else sees it. You've changed my life for the better, and that's not something I'm ever going to forget. You helped me start talking, you helped me make friends, and you made me feel loved. Why would I throw that away for Mona? We might have been together for five years, but it was nothing compared to this. We were children when we started dating. You and me... We're real. You're the reason I haven't killed myself. You're the reason I'm still alive."

"But I'm also the reason you jumped off the bridge," I nearly sobbed.

Blake shook his head. "No, you're not," he assured. "My schizophrenia is what made me jump off the bridge, not you."

"Blake..."

"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. Please believe it."

"Damn it, Blake," I cursed, my eyes still overflowing with tears. "You're going to make me cry."

He gave me a small smile. "That's okay."

He hugged me to his chest tightly, letting me just cry for as long as I wanted to. And this was what I really needed. I needed to just let it all out and cry.

"I love you, Leah," he whispered. "And only you."

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Fourth update of the summer! And it's only been four days... I'm proud of myself, considering I haven't updated my stories together for months now. :)