Last night, I kept spiraling thinking that I did something bad, or morally wrong. I stayed up trying to reminisce what happened.

"Good morning, (y/n)," I said as I walked out of my tent. It was a chilly morning, so she was wearing a scarf. But this time, a purple one, not the blue one she usually wears. She was sitting on a log, with Lily.

"Oh, hello Ray," she said politely. Yep, something's definitely wrong. She wouldn't just nicely greet me like that.

Her smile was sweet. It looked so courteous that I couldn't help but notice her eyes. They shined, like a crystal ball. It almost seemed like she was holding in her tears. (y/n) was smiling but her eyes were just the epitome of melancholy. It was an expression of false happiness.

I was about to ask her if anything was wrong, but then she waved and exclaimed, "Hi, Norman!"

Ouch. That kinda hurt. "Hey (y/n), did you have a good sleep?" he said as he walked to where we were.

Norman proceeded to sit next to her. I sat across them, eating leftover grilled corn.

"Pst!" I heard. I thought it was a fly so I swatted my arm, but it was actually Lily.

(y/n)'s upset with you, she mouthed, hiding her hand. I looked at (y/n), and she just seemed cheerful. Too cheerful.

Why? I mouthed back. I finished my corn so I threw it away in a garbage can. When I came back, Lily just shrugged.

"Sorry, my lips are sealed," she said out loud, shaking her head.

"Aw, come on Lily," I asked, crouching in front of her. "For me?"

She turned her head haughtily the other way before crossing her arms. "I abide by sisters before misters, so have a nice day, goodbye." (f/n) and Emma woke up. I waved and they tiredly greeted me back.

"So (y/n), do you want to start hiking while the grass is still fresh with dew?" Norman asked. This was planned, I could tell. (y/n) nodded and they were on their way.

"Lily is something wrong with (y/n)?" (f/n) asked sitting next to her. The foggy clouds started to dissipate and I could actually see the blue sky.

Lily seemed to be contemplating. "She's alright, she's just a little tired."

By tired, (y/n) is probably having the time of her life with Norman. "Well, I'm just going to be journaling plants, so I'm out."

"Can I come too?" Emma asked. "I need a way to energize myself."

"Sure, (f/n), do you wanna maybe tag along?" I inquired but she shook her head.

"No, it's fine," she excused, "I was never much of an outdoorsy person anyway."

Emma and I went on the same trail as Norman and (y/n). We were on our way up the mountain.

"Lily, something happened to (y/n)," I said quietly, just so she can hear. People can be eavesdropping by the trees for all I know. "Come over here."

We walked to a place with a lot of rocks so we could talk without whispering. "You could tell?" she said. So she knew what was going on.

"Yes, when I saw her immediately sleep. (y/n) never takes an impromptu nap unless something really bothered her. So what is it?" I questioned Lily. She sighed and put a finger to her lip.

"Fine, but I didn't say this to you," she said, proceeding to tell the information in my ear, even if we were in a secluded area.

Five minutes later, she nodded. "That's about it."

"Oh my," I said, lowkey in shock at what I just heard. "I did not think that was a possibility, moreover the actual answer."

"If you attempt something, just don't hurt (y/n), okay?" she urged. Lily really cares for her older sister. "She almost cried last night, and I could tell that she wanted to, but she didn't. (y/n) doesn't like to cry in front of me."

"You have my word," I replied firmly. "For now, we're gonna let nature take its course. We are in the mountains."

"So what do you want to talk about?" I prompted Norman. I felt really calm knowing someone could relate to me, and that it was perfectly fine to feel that way.

"So, just to clear things up. Emma, I like her," he stated. He awkwardly scratched his neck. "I always was in love with her since, I don't know, sixth grade, and I knew Ray had a crush on her too so it just got really weird and then graduation came and-"

"Woah, slow down," I said holding out my arms. "First of all, be quiet, you may never know who's listening! Second, yeah it's pretty obvious you're crazy over Emma."

"Just like how Ray is crazy over you?" he teased, almost about to laugh. I turned away and gazed at a woodpecker.

"Okay, that's different," I replied, "You knew Emma since, birth. And I only knew Ray since last year. Two completely unalike things. On opposite sides of the spectrum."

"Back to what we were saying, it's just, I can't really blame Ray you know?" he said. "I definitely felt betrayed, but I can't make him the scapegoat just because Emma might like him instead. That's selfish."

"Same here. I don't even know what I feel for Ray is!" I exclaimed. "It's so confusing. Also, do you think Ray likes Emma? My sister said she has a feeling, and I don't know whether I should believe her."

"Wow, no wonder you look like you're always in thought," Norman replied. He leaned against a tree trunk. "And I don't think so. He treats Emma the same way he treated her in 1st grade. Like a a little sibling."

"I guess that's what you and I both have in common," I said, laughing. "We're both lost when it comes to the matters of the heart."

Lily and I were currently under the same tent, since the others went hiking and I couldn't leave her by herself.

I was trying to do a handstand. "What are you doing (f/n)?" Lily asked as I toppled over my dirty clothes.

"They say that when blood goes to your head, you can think more strategically, and I'm trying to find a way to solve the misunderstanding between (y/n) and Ray," I said as I struggled. "The magic of the shipper is unmatchable."

"Ohh," she said, nodding slowly. "Can I help? I miss him too."

"Sure you can," I said as I just gave up on handstanding. "You got any ideas?"

"Well shouldn't we solve this as quick as possible?" Lily asked. "All four of them are prone to meet anytime soon. The path they took is a circle, and it joins together once you reach the top of the mountain. I had a field trip here, so I know."

I had a realization. "And if they meet unintentionally, frick, who know's how that's gonna be like?! Oh my God, wait (y/n) doesn't even know I set her up with Ray during Christmas Eve! She probably feels so deceived."

Lily looked confuzzled, because I was rambling about something she doesn't even know about.

I breathed and recollected my thoughts.

So during the eighth grade graduation, when we all threw our caps in the air, Ray kissed Emma out of nowhere. Norman and I witnessed it. Oh yeah, (y/n) was with her parents so she didn't see anything, and because she didn't meet the three of them yet.

It was confirmed Ray did like Emma in middle school, but I don't know if he still does now. I hope not, for that ruins everything I prepared for.

Back, to the week before Christmas Eve, I recruited the others to Operation Mistletoe. Emma was there too, but I completely forgot that Ray and her kissed!

When they casually mentioned it, in the car drive yesterday, I even said I remembered that, because the memory didn't enter my brain until two years later. How can they just talk about it like it was nothing?!

Well maybe because they've been besties since birth. Ray, Emma, Norman, they're all so comfortable with each other that they probably talk and do all sorts of things when me and (y/n) are not around.

The possiblities are endless!

I took a deep breath to calm my nerves before I start making false assumptions, and got my mind to work. I need to stop spiraling.

So I forgot the little detail they kissed. This is fine. This is okay. I can work with this.

Then again, the incident of graduation was a long time ago, so they likely forgot at the time. But you also don't just forget your first kiss!

But Ray doesn't think of her in that way anymore. Norman likes Emma, that's for sure. Emma acts like she likes Norman, but is equally friendly to Ray. (y/n) is an entirely different story.

Emma and Ray are ancient. Their entire relationship could be considered prehistoric, honestly. Also, Emma helped us with during Norman's Christmas Eve party, so that means she doesn't care about Ray in terms of "more than friends." Right?!

Ray seems that he likes (y/n). There's literal evidence. And (y/n) seems that she likes him back. Well sometimes, at least.

God, everyone is so confusing. Emma sometimes acts like she's in love with both of them, Norman is so different inside the council room, I don't even know myself whether Ray is telling the truth or teasing, and (y/n) can't figure out her emotions.

What a great friend group I'm in.

There's a way to fix this, I thought. There has to be a way.

I stood up, hitting my head on the hanging lantern. "Ow!"

"You okay?" Lily said, standing up. I quickly assured her and scrambled out the tent.

"Come on Lily!" I said, taking her hand. We ran up the trail. "We have another mission."

I can't let them meet. I know I said earlier for our situation to be laissez-faire, but no, not anymore.

So as Lily and I ran up the trail, stepping on leaves, I was creating a plan for them to not meet.

Lily is our distraction. (y/n) is a little overprotective over her, so I might risk a lecture, but that doesn't matter now. But our little sister will be what leads (y/n) and Norman away from the trail. Preferably to that little brook.

For Ray and Emma, Lily will lead them to the flower meadow she told me about. Since she went here before, she claimed she knows the area like the back of her hand.

And my part is to clear things up from the both of them. I wholeheartedly regret not telling (y/n) of how Ray and Emma kissed in graduation because that obviously would have destroyed two years of intense labor, so now I have to take responsibility.

This is Operation Quadrantids. And it has officially started.

"Is it just me or is (y/n) acting a little odd?" Emma asked. So she observed her behavior as well. I nodded and looked around my surroundings. This looked like the forest I used to play tag with my friends when we were younger.

"Yeah, I noticed that too," I said, assured. "She immediately went to sleep at 5 pm, woke up at 7 pm, didn't bother to catch fireflies with us, and when we came back, she was laughing with Norman."

"You're right," she replied. She put on a thinking expression. "You think it's something we've done? We only know (y/n) for a year, so we can't jump to conclusions."

"I've been wondering about that," I said, trying to recall if I said something. "But she honestly would not be bothered if I or someone else insulted her."

"Wait," Emma said. "We're only thinking of the current trip. Let's go back to when we were in Norman's place."

"Well, she asked me to inquire Norman what we were doing, and I proceeded to call her a dying jellyfish when she tried to act out her question," I admitted. "But she didn't seem that annoyed with that."

"Then we left," Emma added. "What happened after?"

"We were talking about flowers in my book, and she even teased me afterward," I said. "Then she asked me if I had my first kiss, and then that whole talk about our first kisses, and then-"

"Guys!" I heard someone say. We turned around, surprised. It was (f/n), and I somehow didn't even notice her coming up the trail. She panted, trying to take her breath. "Actually hold on."

She looked like she had ran a marathon. Once her face cooled down, she aggressively pointed at me. "You. Come with me."

"Uh okay," I said as Emma watched me get taken away. We were behind a tree. "So, do you need something?"

She put her hands on her hips. "You better make things right. Immediately."

"Huh?" I asked, confused. "What happened?"

"You don't realize it, but you kinda screwed up," she explained. "So remember that one discussion about first kisses?"

I nodded, again remembering that time in the car. "Yeah..."

"You didn't hear from me, but you were actually (y/n)'s first kiss," she said, gesturing towards me. "That thing with eighth grade, that was a little white lie."

"Wait what?!" I said. That's surprising. "I'm flattered, I-, wow!"

"This isn't a good thing. Let me finish," she said, continuing sternly. "Do you happen to recall what happened after?"

"Mhm, my first kiss was with Emma, and hers was with me," I answered. She looked at me. Am I supposed to figure something out?

Ten seconds of silence passed. "Geez, Lily could figure this out. What I'm trying to say, is that she has some mixed emotions as we speak. The thing is, she doesn't precisely not what she's feeling."

I'm so confused. Why are girls so hard to figure out sometimes? One minute they're all smiling and laughing cheerfully, the next they're sulking by themselves.

"She doesn't know about that we um, set you guys up at Christmas Eve," she said. "Sorry!"

"You set us up?!" I exclaimed. She nodded.

"We did, but that's not important right now," she said quickly. "Well it is a little bit actually."

"So (y/n) felt like she didn't deserve to even feel this way," (f/n) explained. "Since Emma and you knew each for quite a while."

"Lily also told me why she was with Norman." she added. "When they were talking around the fire, he stated that it was okay and that her thoughts were valid. He even told her that he himself felt upset. Think of that Ray! You were so busy having fun catching fireflies that you didn't even care to notice how Norman and (y/n) are doing there at the fire."

I have nothing to say. "Oh, thank you, I see." I said as I walked back.

"So you better apologize and correct things, because I can't help and inform you every step of the way," she said firmly. She waved and ran back down the trail.

So (y/n) felt something similar to sadness, but mixed with bitterness?

No, that's not it. (f/n) said that even (y/n) doesn't even know herself. She just abandons her own mindset for the sake of someone else. I feel so bad now that I know the partial story. I didn't even know! But instead I labeled it as out of malice, when she was actually doing it for my sake. Because she thought I was in love with Emma.

It's like in that chess game we played 2 weeks ago. She just evades the pursuer when there's nothing left to do.

Because when someone come too close, she disappears, not a single thing ever like before.

"You should go make up with him," Norman said. We were now sitting at this tree trunk that had fallen.

"I know, but he didn't do anything exactly wrong," I said. "I don't want to rant at him just for something he did three years ago. I can't magically change the past, it doesn't work like that."

"But it did make you upset, yes?" he said. I nodded. I was definitely upset.

But the emotion upset is a really broad category. In the classification of "upset," sadness, anger, envy, scared, just a lot of negative stuff, reside there. I just didn't know which emotion I was feeling in particular.

"So you should confront him," Norman said to my response. "(y/n), you can't just leave him in the dark. Clear it up a bit, and hopefully things will go back to normal."

Hold on, things will go back to normal?

That sounds amazing. I won't have to keep smiling like nothing happened.

But what if I don't want things to go back to normal? What if I wanted a change?

Maybe that's why I don't want to approach him. God, I don't know. Is it because I'm fearful? But why should I feel scared when I'm just going to talk to Ray?

Or maybe it's envy. I don't sense any sort of hatred towards Emma. Norman stated he felt jealous, but what did he mean by that?

"Norman, when you said you were jealous what exactly did you imply?" I asked, looking at him.

"Oh that? Well I wanted to straighten things out with Ray. He knows I liked Emma, but still proceeded to kiss her, and bring it up after so long," he said, matter-of-factly. "Does that help?"

So betrayal. Norman felt betrayed. He thought Ray was doing it out of spite.

"Sorry, thanks, I'm just so lost with myself," I said hiding my head with my hands. He chuckled.

"It's fine, I hope I helped," Norman said.

"(y/n)!" I heard a voice yell from behind us. I could tell it was (f/n). She started walking towards me. I walked toward her. Where'd she come from?!

"Where's Lily?" I asked. I noticed she wasn't with my sister, even saying that she was going to watch her while we went out. However, she said that she was with Ray, so I relaxed.

"I need to tell you something, Norman come here, you're gonna hear this too," she said. We followed her to a little pond, puzzled of what's going on.

"(y/n)," she said resolutely. "It's fine. I know it hurts. I know you probably think that it's not okay for you to even think like that. But you are your own person."

"What?" I asked, confused.

She sighed. "You and Ray really need to learn context clues."

"I know you felt some negative emotions. And I know you couldn't figure it out. But (y/n), you need to stop beating around the bush. End your habit of running away, right now" she said vigorously.

I am so bewildered, and don't even know what she is talking about. Ido have a small idea, but I hope it's not what I'm guessing.

"I'll say it one more time. It's perfectly okay for you to have feelings for him. Sharing is caring my ass. All is fair in love and war? Who gives a crap?!" she said almost hysterically. "From here on out, you (y/n), my best friend in the entire world, are going to decide what you want to do. Don't let Ray, Emma, or even myself tell you what the hell you want to do with your life!"

"(f/n)..." I said, in awe. She was scaring the birds, and Norman looks so confused.

She quieted down. "Sorry for screaming, just thought I should get that out. Look, I know you better than anybody here. And I know you don't feel the best at the moment. But please, the peak of Quadrantids is tonight." she said as she took my hand.

"And I don't want you to miss it because you're upset over some guy," (f/n) whispered.

I nodded, my hands shaking. "Okay, I'll join. But I'm only attending because you're gonna nag me all night if I don't," I answered, my voice wavering. I made a vow not to cry this entire trip.

As much as (f/n) is embarrassing, odd, and the most open person I've ever met, she's thoughtful. She wishes the best for me, and was always there when I needed a hand.

"That's the spirit," she replied, smiling. "Oh and sorry Norman, I kind of forgot you were there."

He offered an agreeable grin. "It's alright, (f/n). And I'm happy (y/n). I'm glad you decided to join the council."

"Thank you Norman, you're not so bad yourself," I said. I gave him a pat on his shoulder and offered a silent prayer.