NOVEMBER 7, 2016 - 1 YEAR AFTER

THAT NIGHT, I dreamt of Will.

I used to dream of him a lot, when it first happened. For the first couple weeks in Tokyo, I saw Will in my dreams every night. Sometimes they were simply happy memories, as if my brain wanted to remind me of what I'd lost. Sometimes they were calm, quiet moments, so mundane and lovely that I couldn't remember if they were real or not.

But most often, I dreamt of the day I left him. And then I'd wake up breathless, disoriented, tears staining my pillowcase, an endless cycle of heartbreak.

That night, though, the dream was new.

Everything was bright, and soft. We were sitting in a rowboat, rocking gently along the waves, and at first, I thought it was a sunnier take on our first date. But this version of Will wasn't the eighteen year old one from that day. There was no doubt that it was the one from the present day, with the tired eyes, worry lines, and stubble. The boy in front of me now had seen pain, seen heartache, and had become weary.

But his gaze was kind, and welcoming. Like open arms waiting for me to fall into them.

I closed my eyes, feeling safe, listening to the sound of the waves. We weren't paddling, but we weren't moving either. The world moved on around us, but we were frozen in time. For once, it didn't feel stagnant. It felt like home.

Will reached out, touching my cheek, and I opened my eyes again.

"Vivienne," he murmured, voice as warm as honey. "You can tell me. Please."

It was as if his words were a magic spell, and everything immediately flowed from my lips with little effort or trepidation. I told him about the visits to the clinic, the sleepless nights, the tears I cried, the lies I told, the blood I shed, the pain that was insurmountable, the shame I felt, even now. And as I did, I became lighter and lighter. My words caught in the wind and floated away, letting me breathe again. 

When I cried, Will cried with me, holding me in his arms, kissing my tears away.

"I love you," he whispered. "You and me. Always."

I was so elated I felt like I could die. I'd been waiting for him, all this time. I'd told myself to move on over and over, but this was what I'd always truly wanted. A second chance to rebuild myself, and us, and everything else I'd broken.

And then I woke up, my pillow case damp with saltwater, sunlight streaming in through the window. I felt a strange sense of calm, one I didn't think I'd ever felt before. 

I'd spent so long hiding the truth. From Will, from everyone.

Maybe it was finally time I stopped. 

┅

another intentionally short chapter! do not fear, there's another one coming right away (tomorrow maybe?? or sooner), this is more of a transitional one, like chapter 17. we're going to be going back to the past and getting into the nitty gritty. . . i hope you enjoy <3