JUNE 4, 2012 - 3 YEARS BEFORE

WILL BRUSHED A curl away from my forehead as the sun began to dip below the horizon. I watched the breeze ripple through the blades of grass on the soccer field beneath us as I caught his hand with mine, intertwining our fingers. St. Mary's stood proudly against the dying light, her shadow steadily creeping in our direction.

"After tomorrow, we're not going to have an excuse to come back here," I mused.

"Hm," he hummed, releasing my hand and opening his arms. I scooted closer, turning around to lean my back against his chest, allowing him to rest his chin on top of my head. "That's true. It's a bit weird to hang around when we're not students anymore. We'll have to find a new spot."

The words vibrated against my back, causing a lump to form in my throat. "I never thought I'd feel sentimental about high school ending. I didn't even care until a few months ago."

"I wonder why that is," he teased, giving me a light-hearted squeeze. "But we still have the summer, Viv. We have time before real life begins."

"What if I don't want real life to begin?"

Will sighed, his breath rustling my hair. "It won't be all that different. We'll both be here. You'll be working, I'll be at school. We'll hang out at the beach instead of the bleachers."

I swallowed, waiting a beat. "Do you think I should've applied to CVU this year? We could've been at school together."

"I think that you should spend this year however you want to."

Scoffing gently, I picked at the chipping paint of the bleachers. "I wish my parents felt the same."

"It's your life, Viv. They'll understand that eventually." He paused. "That's what I hope, anyway. They seem like more reasonable people than my dad."

A heavy silence threatened to seep into the air, the way it always did at the mention of his father. Ever since our disaster of a first meeting a month ago, it had been a subject we'd both been afraid to broach. I shifted in his arms, wanting to see his expression. His sea blue eyes were far away, face withdrawn.

"Is he going back to Australia in the fall?"

"I don't know yet. . ." he trailed off, scrubbing a hand over his mouth. "But it doesn't matter. I'm going to be living in the dorms as soon as school starts. He wanted me to go back home. He doesn't understand that it's not his choice."

My heart sank, settling in the pit of my stomach. "I'm sorry, Will."

"Don't be." His eyes flickered back to mine, softening. "I'm serious. I don't want to go back there anyway. I already told you, I'm here if you are." Will's thumb toyed with my bottom lip until it curved into a tiny smile that he returned. "That's better."

"It's getting dark," I remarked. "I should go. Naomi wants to get ready for the ceremony together tomorrow morning."

Will groaned, tugging me closer to him when I tried to stand up and I laughed, letting him. "Not yet. Can't we just stay here like this a little longer? This is our last night as seniors."

I pressed my lips to his cheek. "We've been here for hours."

When he sighed in resignation, I wiggled free, rising to my feet and extending my hand to him. Together, we made our way down the bleachers as the last rays of sunlight disappeared behind the school. The streets of Cape Vincent were quiet as I drove Will home, but there was an excited energy in the air, like it was buzzing in anticipation for tomorrow.

The arrival of morning would also be the arrival of the close of this chapter of my life. I'd had conflicted feelings for weeks. On the one hand, it was thrilling to be at the end of my high school career, free from the shackles of crowded hallways and late nights filled with homework, but on the other hand, it was scary to be at the precipice of the rest of my life with no idea what came after. And there were things I would miss. Conversations with Will next to the lockers, stealing moments in between classes, eating lunch with Duncan and Naomi. It was strange that everything I liked about high school had only started at the very end of it.

I pulled into Will's driveway, shifting my car into park, and we sat in silence for a long moment, staring at the dark house. Will rested his head against his seat, turning to look at me. I adjusted my ponytail, suddenly self-conscious from the way his eyes were drinking me in.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked, cheeks warming.

"What if we didn't have to say goodnight tonight?"

I laughed lightly, shaking my head. "What are you talking about?"

"You could come inside."

The heat in my cheeks intensified. "Will. . ." I fidgeted with my fingers. "Your dad."

"He's not home," he murmured. "He won't be back until noon tomorrow."

The buzz of energy from outside creeped into my chest, alighting my stomach with nervous butterflies. Spending the night with Will was a thought I had rarely dared to entertain. Despite how comfortable I'd become in his presence, things still felt brand new. It was something I wanted, but also something that terrified me.

Will mistook my silence as rejection, pink flooding his cheeks in the dim light. "Or not," he blurted. "You don't have to come in, I'm not trying to pressure you into anything—"

"Okay."

He froze, his hand on the doorknob. "Okay?"

Feeling breathless, I nodded quickly. "Let's go inside."

He looked at me a moment longer, and my heartbeat was in my throat. He mimicked my nod, swallowing. "Okay. Yeah."

I exhaled a laugh, and he grinned, cheeks still flushed. Clumsily, we exited the vehicle and made our way to his front door. Will's fingers fumbled with the key as he unlocked the door, and when we stepped inside, it felt like stepping into a dream. I was inside of myself, but I felt like a spectator watching the scene as he scrambled to turn on the light switch, tripping on his shoes after he removed them, prompting another laugh to bubble from my lips.

"Sorry," he said, smiling sheepishly.

I pressed my fingers to my lips, feeling the need to be silent even though the house was empty. Will reached for my free hand, guiding me down the hallway and into his bedroom, the floor creaking beneath our feet. Once inside, he turned on the lamp next to his bed, and I took a tentative seat on the edge of his comforter. He lit the three-wick candle on his dresser, bathing the room in a warm, flickering glow.

"It's so quiet," I whispered.

"I know," he whispered back, before turning on his bluetooth speaker, scrolling through the music on his phone before settling on a song. A smile spread across my face as Sparks by Coldplay floated through the room.

He turned to me, making a face. "Too much?"

I shook my head. "I like it."

"Good." He stood before me, tucking a loose section of hair behind my ear, then letting his fingers trail down my neck, causing me to shiver. "Have I ever told you that you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen?"

Blushing, I laughed gently. "I don't think so."

"Well, I've thought it since the moment I met you. Vivienne, I—" He paused, hesitating.

"What?" I murmured.

"I just. . . I want to say something, but I don't want to scare you off."

I smiled again, using my thumb to smooth away his frown. "You won't scare me off."

Will looked at me intently for a couple beats. "I love you." My lips parted, the words hanging in the air. "I know it's too soon to say it. But I do. You're all I think about."

"Will," I breathed, tears springing behind my eyelids.

"You don't have to say it back if you're not ready," he continued on hurriedly. "I just wanted you to know. God, I feel like I've been dying to say that for ages. I love you, Vivienne. I think you're incredible."

Lost for words, I lifted my hands to cup his face, pulling him to me as my body tingled with nervous energy. We met in the middle, our lips finding each other with ease, and my stomach flipped as he wrapped his arms around my waist, easing me farther onto the bed, making enough room for him to crawl on top of it.

He was tethered to me as he eased my arms out of my cardigan, pressing kisses to my shoulder. I inhaled shakily, gliding my fingers through his soft hair, before his mouth returned to my lips. My heart felt like it was going to burst free from my chest, my throat too clogged with emotion to even think about speaking any time soon. Will looked at me as though he wholeheartedly believed the words he said earlier, like I was the only person he wanted to see.

I couldn't even imagine the way I must've been looking at him.

His hands went to my bare legs beneath my sundress and I exhaled against his mouth, fingers curling around the hem of his shirt. He pulled away a little, and my eyes fluttered open, taking note of the way his chest rose and fell, his cheeks rosy.

"Are you sure?"

Still feeling speechless, I nodded. Immediately, I knew how safe I was with him. Somewhere in my subconscious, our future together stretched on ahead of us, continuing endlessly, forever intertwined. He was the thing that filled the giant unknown of what happened after high school, and far beyond it. Because it didn't matter what the future held, as long as we had each other.

Will slipped his shirt over his head, tossing it to the floor, and I smoothed my hands over his chest, glittering with anticipation. I watched the way the candle light flickered across his skin, affection spreading throughout every inch of me.

"I love you, too," I whispered, causing a grin to take hold of his mouth.

It was the last thing I said before I gave myself to him.

Naomi straightened the cap on my head, making sure the tassel was on the proper side before stepping back to appraise me with a nod. "Perfect," she said. "What about me?"

"Also perfect," I assured her.

She bounced on her heels excitedly, scanning over the lineup of our classmates on the field. "I can't believe this day is finally here. I'm so over high school."

"You don't feel sad at all?"

Her eyes widened as she whirled to face me again. "Fuck, no. I'm ready to get on with my life."

I laughed. "Me too."

"You're coming to the after party at Mateo's right? That's the best part, anyway."

"Wouldn't miss it."

"Yay!" She gave me a squeeze. "I want to see what kind of drunk you are."

Someone called her name, and she waved at me, then disappeared into the crowd without giving me a chance to say that I had no plans of getting drunk tonight. We'd seen a lot more of each other over the past couple months, and I'd learned that Naomi was like a whirlwind, but in a way in which she brought a burst of positive energy into every room she entered, and left everyone feeling just a bit brighter before breezing on to her next destination.

The ceremony passed by in a blur. Naomi gave a valedictorian speech that was both heartfelt and borderline crude. My mom cried when I stepped up to receive my diploma. My grandpa and Claire applauded harder than anyone else while my dad snapped a million photos. The other boys on the soccer team hollered when it was Will's turn to walk across the stage, and Duncan pretended to crowd surf when it was his. It felt like everything happened far too quickly for me to be able to process anything. I was filled with a constant cloud of nostalgia, happiness, and excitement. When we threw our caps into the air, it felt like freedom, like throwing a thousand, tiny wishes to the sky in the hopes that they might come true.

Through the blur of elation, my eyes found Will on the other side of the stage. He was already looking at me, a smile of contentment on his face. There was no fear of the future in his expression, and he mouthed the words that had become our promise.

You and me.

┅

song: sparks - coldplay

wowow it's been a while! this is genuinely the first thing i've written in ages, and it feels really good to write again. in case you haven't already heard, my novel BLACKOUT is being published with wattpad books and is coming out next month (available for preorder now teehee)! the editing process took a lot of work, and a lot of time, and ever since then, writing has felt very scary and intimidating to me, so it's especially nice to put some words to paper after so long.

also i finished rewatching season 1 of big little lies today, and i had this song on repeat while i wrote this chapter, it's so lovely:

thank you all so much for reading and sticking around, i hope you enjoyed the chapter! ミ☆