"I'm not saying that you're lying,

But you're leaving out the truth.

And I'm not saying that you're guilty

'Cause I don't have any proof

Feeling like I'm going crazy

And I don't know what to do,

'Cause on paper, you don't break them

But it's just not fair, the way you bend the rules."

— "Bend the Rules" // Niall Horan

ɤɤɤɤɤɤɤɤ

The silence is screaming louder than ever. For the first time in her life Mishti actually doesn't know what to say.

But then Abir slowly pulls his hands out of Mishti's.

And this is enough for Mishti to break, or at least try to make hole in the walls she has built around her. Abir is not a threat and for this one fleeting moment Mishti wants to hold on.

Because Abir deserves better.

"Trust me Abir, that was long back. Everything's changed now. Today I understand the good and the bad, I know what's right and I know how much wrong I did. I'm sorry Abir, I've always been this spoiled girl, too young to ponder over right and wrong, I was a complete mess. But today I'm changed or at least I'm trying to change Abir. I was selfish, I was a complete idiot but Abir, things have changed now. Please believe me, I can't think of hurting you ever. I can't hurt the one who saved me. Abir, say something for God's sake!"

Neither of them speaks for a while. Mishti feels something heavy inside her, too heavy to carry. And when it hits her, suddenly she is back to square 1.

She feels guilty.

Mishti Agarwal is guilty.

After so long of doing whatever she wants, today Abir Rajvansh has made Mishti walk on the dark streets of guilt.

Abir Rajvansh has done that, and how? Just by his silence.

Mishti attempts blinking away the tears as she looks up to see the man in front of her. What is it that she regrets now? When did she give Abir the power to make her feel guilty? But when she finds nothing in those hazel eyes of his, she knows she has to accept the truth she's constantly running from.

She has been fighting this constant guilt from day one.

The day she didn't listen to her mom.

The day she tricked Kuhu.

The day she dismissed Nishant.

The day she agreed for the marriage.

The day she finally realised the truth.

The guilt and regrets have always been there.

The day she met Abir.

The day she genuinely smiled after so long.

The day he made her feel safe.

The day he broke down.

The day she finally looked at him beyond revenge.

Mishti always had this I-don't-care-what-anyone-thinks-of-me attitude, she was never bothered by others except for her parents and herself. Honestly she never really knew what it is to love and care for someone until she met Abir. After Rajshree's untimely death, Mishti faced the harsh reality. This was the first time when the bubble burst and she drowned in the flood. Abir has been always right, had he not caught her hand she might have burnt herself in the flames. Not like she's weak but defenceless - she was, for sure. All your knowledge from books seems to leave you when your heart breaks. All hell's broke when Rajshree died, when she came to know that Vishambhar was her step-dad and she was nothing more than a deal for her so-called father. She ran away, although determined to take her revenge she had to run away to save herself.

This is when Abir re-enters her life, like a breath of fresh air. He gives her a purpose - a better purpose. He is the good to her bad; it all still feels so new and so good that the mere thought of Abir hating her now is terrifying.

She is used to Abir's love and tenderness and to her dismay, she has started needing him with her, always.

"Say something, Abir, please!"

Mishti pleads, lowering her pride in front of Abir, because it doesn't bother her ego. Being vulnerable in front of this one man never feels wrong. Leaving her everything outside only to let him in doesn't feel wrong.

It was too suffocating to hide the truth from Abir. The first time she saw him crying for Kuhu, she knew she was behind all this misery. How long could she have to bear this guilt? And when Abir has always been nothing but nice and kind to her, she has no possible reasons to treat him like shit. She can't get away just like that. As much as her father contributed to Abir's misery, she was involved too. Maybe she was manipulated but she too chose not to use her brain.

And such was destiny that both the father and the daughter had to come back to the man they ruined! And that man wholeheartedly accepted his offenders.

Mishti feels bad. For the first time she thinks of what Abir had to go through and it's just so bad. It doesn't take much time even for a fool to understand that Abir has always been, in fact, trying to help her out, her brain understands well that Abir taking over her father's company is more of a protection.

And finally Mishti listens to the voice of her heart that she has never really bothered to acknowledge.

She is in love with Abir, her feelings are more than just attraction or infatuation. His pain hurts her like nothing can. And for all Mishti knows, love is not on her agenda. Love is something she has never heard enough and shadows of the pain that she's running from still haunt her.

Is she really thinking it straight?

Is this really the love that is the purest of all?

Is this the love she always wanted to feel?

Is this love, the love she never understood nor believed to be true?

But the man who always shows her the right way is silent today. When she really needs him to talk to her, he has chosen silence. This is weird, this is harsh. He's a psychologist, he has control over his emotions, he knows to handle himself. He is not supposed to act irrationally. No, he can't.

Mishti feels tears dripping out of her eyes.

"Can we go somewhere else? Please, this is getting a bit suffocating here in this dark."

Finally Abir speaks looking at everything but Mishti. He has had too much for the day already. It's crazy how hours back he was worrying if Mishti would forgive him or not and now he himself is struggling to accept the situation they're in. Not knowing how to react is the worst thing one can ever feel and no matter how hard Abir tries to contain himself, Abir knows he is not in the right state of mind now. And he can't make things worse by his indecisiveness. So he just needs to get out of this chaos for sometime and get his mind back.

"Let's go to the party, Mishti. Or else I'm losing my mind. Please."

But as Abir moves he feels Mishti holding his hand from behind.

"No Abir, first tell me if you're forgiving me or not. I won't let you go. Tell me if you're angry, don't avoid me Abir."

"I'm not avoiding you Mishti. But this is not the right time to have that conversation. Please try to understand this, you know this is a bit heavy on me right now. And I don't want to hurt you by saying anything wrong. Let all these things sink in first, please."

"What do you have to think, Abir? I could have not even told you all these. I did it because I feel it's important. You always say that hiding the truth equals lying, don't you Abir? I'd never want to hide anything from you anymore. I understand this was not the right time but I couldn't carry the burden anymore."

"I know, Mishti. Maybe your intentions were not wrong but --"

"No Abir, listen to me. Look at the present, even Kuhu is happy in her present. She's getting married isn't she? So you too should move on. And Abir, trust me, nothing is the same anymore. Neither me nor you. Abir please, don't stop loving me because of the stupid mistakes in my past."

"Mishti?"

"Oh come on, you love me, don't you? Did you think I won't realize that?"

"No, I didn't."

"You can't hate me now for the mistakes of my past."

"I know. I can never."

Abir looks at Mishti with teary eyes. It is difficult - difficult in every way. He knows he loves the girl in front of him but the confession has hit so bad that he feels unstable. For the first time he feels the real need to be held by Mishti, he wants her to hug him tight and say that she loves him too and she won't leave him. He needs someone to comfort him and that someone is none but Mishti.

So he confesses out the words he treasured for a very intimate and special moment.

"I love you, Mishti."

The words that could have been a beautiful beginning for them.

But now it's an attempt to save whatever is left off, try to pick up the pieces and a promise that he will still let her in - only if she wants to.

Abir can feel the desperation in his own voice. He needs her to say it back, he knows she too feels the same, he knows she is not the old egoistic self-centered Mishti Agarwal. Her confession swept the rug beneath his feet but it can never change his feelings. He's vulnerable now and he needs Mishti as his strength. He wants to forget everything and breathe. So he needs her to say it back.

He needs to know that he's not chasing a cloud.

But here she is, standing silently. Moments ago she was asking him to talk and now she's not saying anything when it's important. And he almost gets an answer.

Abir gulps down the cry numbing his throat. It's hard. So fucking hard. What does he even want? Just an assurance that he's not alone, just a promise that someone is here to take care of his fragile heart too, just a little bit of hope that they'll be alright.

Is it too much to ask for? Can't she see the urge in his eyes? Can't she too just say it?

Or has he been in an illusion all this time?

Mishti opens her mouth to speak but stops. Abir notices the little smile in her eyes as it creeps in; so he doesn't let his hope die. There is definitely something left before a meaning can be asserted out of this mess.

Mishti feels pity for herself and Abir, so close yet so far they are - even if she wants to jump out at him right away, her mind won't support her in this. They should always be far away from the fire of revenge and hatred - her and Abir - whatever they have is beyond the dirt and somewhere something is not right yet.

Mishti Agarwal's revenge is still pending.

Abir might have forgiven his father's offenders but Mishti won't let her mother's death go in vain. And if that means standing afar from Abir a few more days, then let it be. All her sufferings, all the struggle, all those hours of guilt and self-loathing - she cannot let it go this easily. To give up on this because of Abir is not something she can afford. Or maybe whatever she feels for him is not that strong to stop her.

She can't choose Abir over these things.

She never thought Abir would say these words this early, she knew he was patient enough all this time to not let those words slip out of his mouth. She definitely appreciated that because she is never ready to reciprocate. She wants Abir, no doubt, but this is not the time. This is not the time to approve her heart. It's a bit saddening to see the pain all over Abir's face and break his heart once again. How funny life is! She is again the reason Abir will be heartbroken although she promised not to do so just moments ago. Maybe it'll break her heart a little but she knows they both will survive this; she feels like crying and hugging him at once.

Instead Mishti smiles. She is too strong to get overpowered by her heart. And Abir's arms right now will be a cage she won't like to get out of - so better don't go that way. Without saying anything she gently holds his hand and walks towards the party arena.

"Mishti?"

"Everyone is waiting for the man of the night, Abir."

The irony was she wouldn't let him go when he wished to go to the party and now that it's her turn to stop, Mishti would care for anything but Abir and his heart.

This was a bad idea. This was always, in fact, the worst idea. He is a Goddamn psychologist but he couldn't differentiate between an illusion and reality. Mishti Agarwal doesn't love him; it was so desperate of him to declare his love just like that. How could he be so wrong?

But how could he misinterpret it? Definitely she feels for him too, it was evident many times. In fact, she didn't exactly deny, did she? What was wrong? Maybe you said it too early, Abir Rajvansh! That was so desperate of you! You should have given her some time.

But hasn't he given her enough time already? It's love, not a university course where you'll get results only at the end of the semester. Love is there the moment two hearts meet, it seeks no validation or confirmation. It's a matter of time to realize and admit it; but love stays right there, all along. And you know it well Abir, Mishti knows it too.

But with all honesty, you were not wrong confessing it, Abir. How can you be? That was indeed the moment to say it all. And you said it because you saw it in her eyes, especially after all that happened in the last few hours, it was kind of certain that you had to confess - at least for the sake of having something to bind you two together. So does that mean Mishti wants to leave? Oh God... This is so fucked up!

You're so fucked up, Abir Rajvansh!

Abir lets those tears of grief escape his eyes. He has nothing to complain against, no one to blame. He remembers the first day he saw Mishti - he knew he was better off without her, he knew he had to not make her so important to him. It was so foolish of him to trust his heart. Mishti was too kind to not say anything harsh as her rejection, but the ultimate truth is - he's heartbroken, again.

Maybe she has never been there by his side.

Maybe he's the only one walking down the streets of these silly emotions.

Maybe he's the only one to dream of going back home when he's flying high alone.

But now he is too far gone to come back and begin again.

Now that he's tired of being alone and scared to fly higher, he has no one to hold on to.

Nothing to hold on to.

So if he's falling apart, no one is to blame.

So if he's broken, no one is to question.

So if his illusion is breaking, no one needs to hold him

But it's hurting so bad - it always does.

And now all these lights won't be able to put out the darkness inside him. So he does what he's best at. He smiles.

Because he has to.

Because life doesn't stop.

Because this is the truth now.

Mishti is the reality - harsh but true.

As they enter the venue a smiling crowd cheers and congratulates him. Oh the project - yes, they are celebrating his success. As people circle around him happily, Abir looks around. Before Mishti makes a final decision he needs to talk to her for once, be it the last time. But she is nowhere to be seen in just a blink of an eye.

Where did she go?

Is this their end?

Are there no goodbyes?

Is Abir overthinking it?

Showing Abir the way to his regular life, did Mishti Agarwal walk out of his world?