I adjusted my mask slightly as I walked into the cold and stale temperature of the emergency room. It was nighttime when I had finally pulled together my confidence to visit Chan. Or rather, my sister convinced me.

The hospital air was sterile, however gloomy. It was the same hospital where I had went to when I had injured myself a few weeks ago, making the awful memories come flooding back into my brain.

I cleared my throat. "Excuse me, could you tell me which room Bang Chan is in?"

"What's your relation to Mr. Bang?" The front desk lady peered at me through the tiny frames of her glasses.

"Friend." I answered. She stared at me skeptically.

"Visiting hours are over, Mr.-?"

"Felix. Felix Lee. I'm-I'm his boyfriend, actually." I flushed a dark wine red underneath the mask as I lied. But I didn't come all the way here to be asked to leave, so I pleaded with the lady.

"Please, Miss. I love him, and I just want to see him. Just for a few minutes, please, I'm begging you."

She sighed. "Aish... fine. He's in Room 402, but if I hear about you disturbing anyone, you'll be in big trouble."

"Thank you so much!" I bowed to her and shuffled away, my cheeks burning.

As soon as I stepped foot into his small room, I regretted it. His figure lay lifeless under the white sheets covering up to his chin.

"Channie Hyung..." I whispered. He was pale as ever and had a huge gash down his neck. My breath caught in my throat and I choked on my tears, kneeling in the middle of the tiled floor.

"No... no, you said you wouldn't leave me!" I was on the verge of an anxiety attack, but I couldn't. If there was any chance Chan could hear me, I wouldn't want him to worry about an eighteen year old who couldn't handle himself.

Calm down, you've been through this so many times before. You'd think after more than 10x, I would know how to deal with this. But obviously, I still needed to learn that.

I swallowed my fear, pulling it to a halt for a few seconds. Get outside, get outside, I told myself. I bolted up from the ground and muttered a quick apology before darting out the door, sprinting down the stairways, and speed walking out of the lobby.

There was a patch of grass with a small park bench in front of it, so I took my opportunity and dove right in the center of it. I laid flat on my back on top of the green weeds with my arms flailed out, trying to catch my breath. But no matter how hard I tried to stop myself, my brain didn't listen. Tears spilled from my eyes and the blue skies above me blurred. No one was here to comfort me this time. I stayed stationary where I was, letting my tears water the soft grass.

A couple hours later, I found myself sitting in front of the pier, my feet dangling of the edge. How I got there, I can't remember. I felt myself standing up, barely clinging onto the crumbling gravel. Was I going to kill myself? I'm not sure about that either.

Emotionless. That's how I felt. I guess that's still a feeling then, doesn't matter. The tears were long gone, and I silently stood there, my world crumbling apart like the rocks. I realized how close I was to the end of the cliff. The breeze brushed my hair back like a comb would, and the trees seemed to whisper to me calmly.

Is this really how I wanted it to all end? Right now, right here, it could all be over. No one would have to deal with my shitty self anymore, and their lives would go on smoothly like I was never there. Maybe I should really jump...

"Don't." A voice said from behind me. It was no other than an absolute stranger, so I went back to staring into the sea.

"Listen, I'm not gonna stop you from doing what you want here. And I'm not really the type to give pep talks on 'oh don't kill yourself, don't cut, don't blah blah blah...' However-" He paused.

"Hm?" I laughed a little. "Continue, I'm listening. Not that I can go anywhere anyway."

"However, think about it. Is there really NO ONE that still wants you? No one at all? Not a single soul on the face of this earth that'll be affected? Is that really true?"

"Yes." I answered bluntly. "Obviously. Is that all you have to say?" I was honestly surprised he wasn't even lifting a hand to stop me. Not that I cared, of course.

"Are you sure?" He ignored my reply and kept talking. "Or is that just your mind playing tricks on you? If there really isn't anyone at all, if you're really living a life without any purpose, then fine. I give up. Jump, see if I care. But if there is, just a single person that still cares for you, I suggest you to think again."

I was silent.

"I don't know you. I don't know what triggered this. Self confidence or loss of a loved one, whatever. Either way, you know what killing yourself would do to that person that still hangs on to you? You know what that's called?" He sighed to my back. "Selfishness. It would really make things worse, wouldn't it? Your suicide causing a ripple effect, making others follow your lead? If that's really what you want, then fine. Jump. I dare you. Do it now, I'm not stopping you am I?"

I didn't jump. I swayed in my spot for a bit, then took one step back. Two steps. Even turned around to look at the stranger. He looked like he was in his early twenties, holding a skateboard against the ground.

He smiled a little and said, "I'm Lee Minho. We should be friends, you seem pretty chill."

I snorted at his comment. "I almost killed myself, and you call me chill? I'm Lee Felix, and you probably don't want to be my friend. I'll high key screw up your life." I grinned back.

"Bro, my life's already screwed up. I came here once too, but someone stopped me. Thought I'd return the favor."

"Thank you for that. I'd be dead right now if it weren't for you."

"Yeah, I know. So, tell me about you. What's your story?"

"I don't have a story."

He chuckled, looking into my eyes as we sat down in the middle of the street.

"Everyone has a story, Felix."