You know, it's really hard to avoid people when you're on an island with a ton of them and no way off or place to hide. It had only taken Felix thirty minutes (ish; Neverland time was still pretty tricky) to find me. I sat near a tree, hugging my legs and staring into space.

"You wanna tell me what happened back there?" I shook my head at him silently, lost in thought.

Opening my mouth and silently screaming...

Pinpricks of pain that felt like a million tiny bones breaking...

"You owe me, Uriel"...

A kid about my age with shining black hair and a rough demeanor that didn't match his startlingly bright, kind blue eyes...

"This place is filthy! Why do I even keep you alive?"

"Lily!" Felix snapped his fingers in front of my face. "Hey, snap out of it. Whatever it is, however bad it is, you can tell me. Or if you don't tell me, tell Wildcat. Hell, tell Pan, if you can corner him. Just talk to someone, alright?"

I shrugged, even though I knew he was right. The past was past, and it was going to stay that way. Wasn't that the whole point of Neverland to begin with? Even so...

"Felix, why did Shadow bring you here?" I asked randomly.

He looked at me in surprise, but seemed to know why I was asking. "I wasn't happy where I was. You know that, it's why we're all here."

I waited for the answer he knew I wanted. I didn't want to be told things I already knew; as odd as it was, I knew very little about Felix or Pan or any of the Lost Boys. The past wasn't really talked about when we were so happy being here.

Eventually, he sighed and sat down beside me. "I was the very first Lost Boy. I don't know why Shadow picked me of all people, but I know why he found me. Does that make sense?" I shook my head and he explained further. "There were a lot of miserable kids where I lived. Some were runaways and others, like me, had been thrown out on the street. So I've never really known what made me stick out from the rest."

I made a small humming sound. "Maybe it was fate."

"I guess so. I haven't really found another explanation, and Pan never answers if I ask, so I stopped asking." He shrugged a little. "Anyway, the point is that I'm here for freaking eternity and so are you, and we'll be happy. Isn't that what matters?"

I didn't know. Of course it mattered that I was here now, but it felt like it was also important that I'd been through what I'd been through.

"A guard dog needs to know a few tricks"...

"This is the only box you never open for cleaning. You understand that, you ungrateful girl? You never open this box."

Felix nudged me, bringing me back to reality again. "What are you thinking so hard about?"

"I never thought that would be a complicated question." I laughed a little dryly. "Mostly just my life. It's been a while since I could just do that, you know? And I'm kind of wishing I could go back to not being able to."

It seemed like he understood, then. He stayed quiet for a while and more memories came into my head, unbidden.

"What's your problem, you damn crocodile? She's never done anything wrong!

Winter nights suck. Maybe Mr. Rumple will give me a blanket if I clean really well tomorrow...

Who's Mr. Rumple's son? What does he look like? Is he as mean as his father?

"Killian, stop! I don't want you to get hurt!"

"Listen to her, boy. You're going to start a war you can't win."

Bright blue eyes looked at me desperately. "Ellie— Uriel. You know I'd do anything for you, so shut up and let me do this."

"If you asked him, Pan could take your memory away again once you've been trained," Felix said finally. "Just think on it. There are a few boys whose memories have been wiped before and they're just fine, but it's not a decision you make on the spot."

"I don't really know." It sounded like an option worth considering, but... I'd hated not having memories, not knowing who I was. The question was: which was worse?

When I woke up the next morning, I was in an unfamiliar place with an unfamiliar sensation. No nightmares. So this was what a good night's sleep felt like. I stretched luxuriously and opened my eyes.

Where in Neverland am I?

A moderately sized cave surrounded me, lit by an invisible source. I was dressed in a tank top and pajama shorts I'd never seen in my life. A fresh change of regular clothes was on the floor next to me. I sat on a... was this a bed? On Neverland? And not a folded pile of animal skin like what the boys and I slept on, but a twin-sized mattress with white sheets and a dark green quilt. A folded up jacket— my jacket —lay where my head had been in place of a pillow.

"What the..." I'd gone to sleep in Felix's tent last night, so where had this place come from? How'd I get there?

"Well good morning to you too, Squirt," the all-too-familiar British accent greeted me. The only good thing about him being here was that I knew I was safe. When the hell did I start associating Pan with safety? Wait, it's Neverland. How could I not associate the two?

Rationalizing, the nasty little voice said again. You're rationalizing again.

Shut up.

Make me

"You alright?" Pan asked. "You zoned out for a second."I nodded. "I'm just a little overwhelmed. Where am I, exactly?" It was a little overkill to have me go through this literally the day after the trauma of my past.

"After yesterday's— ahem —events, I figured you could use a good night's sleep, so I brought you here." Pan scratched the back of his head. "You don't seem to be in your usual bad mood, so I'm pretty sure it worked."

I shrugged. It was true; a good night's sleep had done wonders for my mood. I felt better and more energized than I had in ages. I couldn't remember the last time I'd gone to sleep without having bad dreams, and now that I had my memories back, that was seriously saying something. And had I ever even had a bed before?

"I think that in cases like this, you should say thank you, right?" Pan shrugged. "I don't really care. I just didn't think anyone really deserved what might have happened if you'd been sleep-deprived and traumatized. There's a good possibility that we all would have killed you."

Alright, enough was enough. Thank-yous could wait. "Why do you talk like that?"

"Like what?" Pan looked taken aback that I'd changed tone so quickly. "I don't think I talk any way in particular..."

"Like that!" I gestured wildly at him. I'd wondered about this for a while. "You act like you're so sure of yourself and of everything that goes on in Neverland, but you always use words like 'I think' or 'I'm not sure.'"

"Oh, that." He shrugged. "Get yourself dressed and I'll tell you. Think of it as your first magic lesson."

And that's when I realized I was basically interrogating him in my underwear. Fantastic.

I stood outside the cave with fresh clothes and a newly red face. I don't get embarrassed easily, but that would have been humiliating for anyone.

Rationalizing...

Go the hell away.

You don't want me to. If you did, you wouldn't be thinking about me as much as you are.

"Ready? It's a pretty short story with a really big meaning." Pan stood in front of me in a puff of green smoke, holding two skewers of meat (rabbit, maybe?). "Breakfast."

I took one from him and sat down on the ground. "Tell the story then, Master Pan." I regretted saying that as soon as it was out of my mouth. More memories of Rumpelstiltskin rushed back, making me wince. I shook my head slightly to clear it.

Pan sat across from me and took a bite of his food. "Well, it's pretty simple. You asked why I don't make affirmative statements. The spell I cast to make Neverland livable for other people made it impossible for me to lie."

I raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

He nodded and took another bite. "More specifically, I can only speak the truth. Even if I believe something, if it's not true, I can't say it. Being unable to give a straight answer is par for the course."

"So what's this really big meaning you talked about?"

"It's something that you'll hear a lot, whether you're on Neverland or not. All magic comes with a price." He finished off his skewer and the stick vanished in a puff of smoke. "The bigger the spell, the heavier the price to pay. It's simple give and take. In this case, Neverland started as a dreamland. A lie. When I made it a reality, I forfeited my right to lie. It's not easy, but it's bearable. No price will be too high to pay. Are you done eating?"

I hadn't even touched my food; to be honest, I'd forgotten it was there. "I guess so." The food vanished. I wiped off my hands and stood up. Pan followed my lead. "What about small scale magic?"

"All magic comes with a price. Always. Here," Pan said, "Let's try something. Remember what I said about focusing?"

I nodded with a scowl. "That's what started all this."

"I need you to draw on your memory. Focus on who you are and who you used to be."

"Why?" I knew I was stalling; I had no real urge to go back into the abyss of who I used to be. "What purpose could that possibly serve?"

Pan rolled his eyes. "What purpose couldn't it serve? Your past defines you. It makes you who you are."

I knew I was out of excuses now, but I wished I had a Hail Mary. "Alright. I'll do it."

"Good." Pan stood up to face me. "So try to focus, and you'll feel something. No, don't ask me what, it's different for everyone, but you'll know it. Then focus on that feeling and draw it out into your hands."

I closed my eyes and tried to do as I was told. The years of following orders, whether I understood them or not, kicked in and I found that this time, focusing was easy.

Pan was right. I knew the feeling: a rhythmic roll in my veins that I'd never noticed before. I imagined waves crashing on the beach, then drew them toward my hand, but the weirdest thing happened. Instead of moving toward just my right hand, the feeling also went to my throat. Pressure built until it couldn't build anymore, then released.

When I opened my eyes, Pan stood over me, looking impressed. When did I get on the floor?

He offered me a hand up, something he'd never done before. "Well done, Lily. Very well done."

"What... What was that?" I asked, letting him pull me up. His hand was warm; for some reason, that surprised me. "And why does it seem like I spend more time unconscious than awake lately?"

"That's what I call a Claiming," Pan said with a grin. "It's when we figure out your specialty."

I was confused. "You mean like light or dark?"

He rolled his eyes. "If things were that simple, Neverland wouldn't even exist. No, I mean your specialty. There's light magic, yes, but there's that's it's own category. 'Dark magic' doesn't exist. There's one woman I know who's partial to fireballs, one that's good with dragons, and another one likes puppies."

"Long story," he said at my questioning look. "But what I had you do was release all of your magic at once. When you did that, it manifested in its purest form and subsequently left you tired enough to fall over. I caught you, by the way," he added. "You're welcome."

I ignored him; my mind was buzzing too much for gratitude. "Manifest i its purest form... So what did mine show?"

Pan's grin spread into a fully sincere smile— even rarer than a dreamshade cure. "See, that's the thing. You showed water and music— two very powerful and unique forms of magic."

I looked around and didn't see any water. "What water? Everything looks normal. I don't see anything."

"It was all on the beach," he said. "Would've been fatal if I hadn't prepared."

Oh. "That's..."

"It's great, so whatever you're about to say, don't." Pan looked at me. "You just need to learn control. And as for your musical talents, that did show some tangible results."

He held a wide, flat object out to me. It looked a little like... "Isn't that your flute?"

Pan shook his head. "This is what your magic created. They're similar instruments, but mine is more limited in what it can do. Ironically, the instrument itself is called a—"

"Pan flute. I know," I said, cutting him off. "Can I see it?"

"Of course," he laughed, tossing it to me. "It's yours to begin with."

As soon as the ivory instrument came into contact with my skin, I felt a comforting warmth from it, like... like... I didn't know. This was what magic was supposed to be.

I know that now, I thought. The flute had an intricately carved band holding it together. I closed my eyes and blew into it experimentally, not really intending to play, but I found myself effortlessly playing the song from my memories.

When it finished, I opened my eyes and saw Pan looking at me in amazement. "That was incredible. I'm willing to bet your voice is even more powerful. I'd say I'm proud of you, but I have nothing to be proud of. Be proud of yourself."

I felt a blush rising to my cheeks. "I don't even know what I was doing."

"We'll save that for another day. For now," Pan said, still grinning, "I think we can go our separate ways so you can find something to carry that with. I want it on you at all times."

Then he did something really quick and unexpected before vanishing, something that was over almost as soon as it began, and I understood what my magic felt like.

It feels like... like a hug.

Woohoo! It's finally done! This chapter feels like it took forever to write, but it's only really been, like, a week. So, I've really been looking forward to this one for a while, because it addresses Lily's biggest fear and well, can you say LILY X PAN?! I freaking created the girl, and I ship her with Pan.

The pan flute is going to be a huge clue for a certain character trait for a certain character, and why I did and didn't have them do certain things...

BWAHAHAHA TOO BAD.