I felt that this letter was necessary. September 2022 was very hard for me, but the only person I trusted enough to share my thoughts and pain with was my older brother. I'm calling this letter bittersweet, and I felt so much better after I wrote it.

Dear Matthew,

"Grief comes in waves". It certainly does, Matthew. September 2022, so far, has been horrific for me. I cannot go over how many times I've cried and told myself, "I'll call Matthew. He'll help me feel better." Then I realize that I can't... because that man named Matthew, my beloved older brother–you–is dead. He was murdered in cold blood one year ago.

I'm trying so hard to be the author you want me to be, but I'm exhausted. Nothing is working. All of my friends on Wattpad have become Wattpad Creators, but not me. Not little Victoria Christie. I swear, Matthew, what am I doing wrong? I write just as well.

I know what you're going to say: "Just give it time, Vika, and one day, they'll see your potential."

I'm trying to be patient, but I'm graduating in December, and I do not have a lead yet on my writing career. I thought the Creator Program would be a good first step for me, but apparently not. I'm not giving up, though. As soon as the program opens up applications, I'm going to be the first one to apply.

At the moment, I'm under so much pressure, Matt. How on Earth am I going to make a living when I graduate? Why aren't you here to guide me during this trying time of my life? Why did you let that man murder you? Timothy has helped a little, but he does not have too much experience with the working world yet as you did. Therefore, I'm stuck, with no older brother to guide me, and it hurts. I can feel that another piece of my heart has broken off. Before I know it, half of it will be gone, unless I find a way to regain my confidence. Please help me find it. I can't do this alone, Matt. I need you.

It feels really good to get this off my chest. While you're not here, Matt, I know you're listening, and I know you understand how painful what I'm going through is. Therefore, let me tell you about the few good things that have happened this month.

First, the memoir I wrote in honor of you, Wait! I Wrote That?, won her very first 1st place award on Wattpad last week! Two, I've been editing The Green Guardian for you, and it's now been shortlisted for the Golden Book Award in another Wattpad contest–even though it's not as well-written as Wait! I Wrote That?. And three, I'm re-writing the Claxton stories. I sent a sample of the first book off to a publishing company in North Carolina called Pisgah Press. Mom and Dad recommended it to me last year, but I felt like I didn't have a good enough sample to share... until Claxton came around again. I'm expecting a big, fat rejection, but we'll see.

I hope to see you in my dreams again soon. As for Wattpad, I'll just give it time. I already feel so much better writing this letter. And trust me, dude, you're still going to get the first published copy of one of my books. That was the gift I wanted to give you last year, and I'm going to follow through with it. You'll be first, then Mom, Dad, and Tee, and finally, the rest of the family.

- Your little sister,

Vika