Corpse couldn't get Jack's words out of his damn head. He knew he was just trying to look out for Madison through all of this.

It's harder to accept a reality you don't want to believe in.

Corpse had considered all of his options time and time again. He hadn't meant to take it out on her, but it was the only thing that would make her give up on him enough that breaking up would be easy.

He just didn't want her to feel any pain, that was all.

"I think we will move in together soon. I'm here all the damn time," Corpse said, barely paying attention to what he was saying while responding to emails. Jack was one of his best friends, and he always accepted his calls. They hadn't talked much since Madison and Corpse had announced their relationship but now that Jack had gotten him talking, Corpse couldn't stop. He was just excited. "But, man, I don't know. Ive been in the same apartment for four years... kinda got attached to it. But she has furniture, like real deal, full set furniture, and I don't have that at home. I mean, for fucks sake, I have a stocking with my name on it; she put up on the fucking TV stand yesterday. We're doing the holidays together. It's insane..."

Jack was silent on the other end, pulling Corpse's attention away from business and instead to his friend. "You there?"

"Yeah, yeah..." Jack said, accent thick over the phone. Corpse could tell from his tone that he was doubtful.

"What's wrong?"

Jack sighed. "Corpse, you know I wouldn't say anything unless I actually cared, ya know. I, I just remember you saying you would never get into any serious relationships because of all of your health problems, right? You won't even get a cat because it's a 15 year commitment, but you're talking about moving in and going further with Madison. You want to do that? Really?"

Corpse honestly hadn't thought about it. His health was getting so much better recently, he had forgotten. But, he supposed he could imagine spending forever with Madison. He had imagined marriage with her, which he never thought he would ever do. It just seemed so easy to do that with her.

He wasn't the type to consider any of that before they had met, but now, not going further in their relationship felt impossible.

"I hadn't thought about it, to be honest with you."

"Well, you should. You know how Madison is. She's domestic as fuck with you. She'll want to move in together, then she'll want marriage, then she'll want a family.... That's just the way it goes. But you know, she'll want all of that, while you're in pain every day, struggling to figure out what's wrong with you. I'm not saying she won't be okay with going through that with you, but she should prepare for the worst, just like you do every day."

It was harsh, but Corpse knew he was just trying to help. He was doing what Corpse didn't want to do. He was being honest with him.

"Yeah... yeah, man you're right." Corpse said quietly.

This changed everything. What was he supposed to do? He felt selfish, making Madison deal with his health issues. It was different for Madison and her mental health. She knew what was wrong, and she was getting consistent help with it. Corpse was the opposite. He had no clue what was going on with his body, and he had no idea when it would kill him. Did he expect Madison to stick with him until he died? Then go on with her life and pretend it never happened?

Why had he started this in the first place? Why had he even talked to her at all?

After ending the call with Jack, the only thing he could think of to do was ask for advice. He wanted someone to tell him he was wrong, and he shouldn't just drop her like he was considering. He wanted someone to tell him that they could figure this out, that he could stay with Madison and that he had no reason to do this.

But Mykie, Loey, and Dave all said the same.

"Holy fuck, Lo.... what do I do?" Corpse asked, head in his hands. He couldn't even look at the living room anymore without wanting to puke. He couldn't see their names embroiled on the fucking stockings and not think of how much he was going to hurt her. There was no getting out of this. He would die, and she would be heartbroken. He would break up with her, and he feared that would be even worse.

"Corpse... I don't know," Loey's voice was so calm, it soothed him but didn't help with anything.

"I can't... I can't hurt her." He tried not to cry, but he couldn't help it. Things had felt so good. He should've known it was too good to be true.

"I know you don't want to, but, Corpse... you either break up with her or she breaks up with you."

"She wouldn't do that," Corpse replied, throat swelling from crying.

"Not unless you gave her a good enough reason to..."

He had made a promise to himself years ago, and he should keep it. At least until he knew what was wrong with him.

sad face :((

btw...

thank you guys for all the love on my new story tennessee whiskey.

i dont think enough people talk about how TERRIFYING it is to post a new story after you have so much support on one of them. its like you dont want anything to flop but you also cant keep writing for forever...

anyway thanks for everything. i love you all dearly.