I walked into the living room to see (Y/n) and Dr. Phil having s e x on the couch. I knew they were doing it wrong, not because I had had sex before, but because I was fairly certain that Dr. Phil wasn't supposed to be trying to stick his p e n i s in (Y/n)'s ear. Watching it, it didn't look awkward, it just looked strange. The two bodies seemed in no way uncomfortable, even though the s e x did not look enjoyable. 

Disturbed by this nauseating sight, I spilled out my favorite one liner, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!" 

The two ear-sex-havers looked at me. Phil's eyes opened wide like he had just seen a ghost, while (Y/n) just looked at me. "Hey Ricky," she said. "Don't mind me, I'm just having s e x with my new boyfriend, Phil." 

At (Y/n)'s words, my whole body began to shake with rage. How could this degenerate, Phil, steal the woman he knew I had a crush on? I was very open during OUR sexy time about the fact that I'm in love with (Y/n). Every time I saw her, I would get tunnel vision. She'd be the only thing in the whole world that I'd be able to focus on. 

Overcome by my anger, I did what any rational fourteen year old boy would do: I punched Dr. Phil in the face. 

I looked pointedly at (Y/n) and said, "Let's blow this joint." Then, I howled like a dog and began galloping out the door, my true love following close behind me, wearing nothing but a few measly soup cans. 

As I stepped into the hallway, I beat my chest and let out a deafening roar. I just couldn't help myself. I was letting my gorilla side take over, and apparently my gorilla side wanted to let everyone in the apartment building know that I was an alpha male.

I grabbed her hand and pulled her down the hallway into my apartment, which was conveniently located very close to Lil Jeezy's. When we got into my room, I smirked at her and said, "Hey, (Y/n), wanna see my six foot pp?"

She nodded her head, so I unbuckled my pants and pulled down my underwear. Then, I had to unroll my six foot pencil dick, since rolling it up was the only way I could get it to fit in my pants. 

At the sight of my massive shlong, (Y/n)'s eyes went wide. I pulled her toward me and started to stick my p e n i s up her nose, when suddenly, I was overwhelmed with an all-too-familiar scent.

I pulled my wee wee out of her nose and pushed her as far away from me as I could. "Get away you heathen! You smell like Steve Harvey's earwax." 

From there, I ran out of the room and into the street, where I promptly got hit by a car.