It had now been two months since you had joined Lil Jeezy's "group". Your life was going absolutely splendid! Every Friday night, you met up to hAnG oUt with The Group, and you had even started to develop romantic feelings for one of the guys.

Every time Phil looked at you, you felt your heart soar inside of your chest. He was so kind, dedicating all of his time to helping people. You couldn't help but feel aroused by his mostly bald, shiny head. It glistened in the sunlight like that disco ball thingy that drops at the beginning of every new year. His voice was smooth like honey, and replayed over and over again in your ears. Everything about him was just perfect.

You sat on the couch in Lil Jeezy's living room, reading one of your favorite books, If I could Fly, by c_whoran. Books always had a way of calming you down. Recently, things had gotten so hectic between school, work, and hAnGiNg OuT with The Group, so you needed a little time to relax.

You were thoroughly enjoying your book when a soft voice spoke from behind you, saying, "You know, (Y/n), I've been thinking, and I've come to the realization that we have so much in common." He sat down next to you and looked at you lovingly. "For example, you're reading a book right now. I read a book once, and, actually, I was wondering if you'd like to recreate a scene from it with me." He inched closer to you, taking your hands in his.

This is it, you thought. He's going to propose. Although the two of you had never even been on a date, it was clear that you were in love. "What scene is it?" When you spoke, your voice barely got louder than a whisper. He was close enough to hear you though, so the quietness of your voice didn't cause any problems.

He brought his face impossibly closer to yours, so that your noses were touching. In the same tone you had just used, Phil responded, "The chapter four sex scene in My Immortal."

You stared into his eyes and traced your middle finger along his bottom lip flirtatiously. "I'd love to."

That's when it happened: you kissed. Your lips collided together in a mess of love and lust. Even though he was 50 years older than you, your mouths still fit together perfectly, like two puzzle pieces. Your lips moved in sync, and your tongues performed that one scene from glee where Mercades danced on top of a car and broke Kurt's window.

In that moment, you knew that Phil McGraw was the man you would love for the rest of your life.

Oh and also you had sex in the woods and Pickle Rick walked in and said, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"