"why would you bring me here?" felix's doe eyes stared at changbin, but the latter didn't respond.

changbin just hopped out of the car and walked around to the passenger side door.

"we're both going to get some closure today." changbin said as he held out a hand for felix to grab onto.

reluctantly, felix held onto changbin as he got out of the car and the two began walking down a path between two sides of grass.

"so how will this bring us closure?" felix asked as he stayed close to changbin's side.

"just give it a chance, okay?" changbin said as he led felix down the bed of grass.

"fine..."

after a bit of walking, changbin finally sat down in front of a small piece of stone that had some writing carved onto it.

when felix sat down beside him, he read the words that were on the slab in front of them.

seo ryujin

beloved sister and daughter.

"binnie," felix looked over at the boy who had an unreadable expression, "this is-"

"yeah," changbin sighed before felix could finish, "felix, this is my sister ryujin. ryujin, this is the boy im in love with... yes i said boy, i know... you didn't expect that, did you? actually, knowing you, you would probably say 'i always knew it!'

"anyway, i figured i should bring him here to meet you, but i also had some things i wanted to say to you myself..."

changbin took a deep breath, his eyes lightly shut with his head down. felix moved closer to the boy, placing his hand back into changbin's.

changbin looked over at felix with a soft smile before he opened his mouth to speak.

"so ryujin... it's been a long time since i've visited you... i suck for that. i didn't even visit you in the hospital. i never said goodbye. the last time i showed up here was your funeral. are you mad at me?

"i would be mad at me if i were you, but that's not the type of person you are. mom and dad always told me you asked for me when you were at the hospital, i wish i went. i wish i could have said goodbye.

"do you think we could pretend you're here right now so i can have the chance to say goodbye? that's all i really wanted. i regret it so much not saying goodbye to you back then."

felix heard chnagbin sniffle, causing him to look up at the boy's eyes. they were slowing beginning to puff up around the edges and the whites of his eyes were being coated with red.

"i love you ryujin, and i will spend the rest of my life missing you... but this is goodbye. this is the goodbye i never got to do back then. i hope you're resting well and are happy wherever you are.

"i will come back and visit soon, but i have to let the living you go... because you have been gone for quite some time now." the raven haired boy said this as he then patted the stone gently and rose to his feet.

he quickly wiped the tears from his eyes before turning to face felix. he tried to flash a smile, but it was obvious it was not genuine.

"your turn." changbin said as he waited for felix to lead him to where his grandmother was buried.

"are you sure you don't want more time here? there's nothing else you want to say?" felix questioned, but changbin just shook his head.

"i talk to the moon most nights and pretend ryujin is listening in, just like we did the one night on my roof." changbin placed his arm around felix and kept the boy close to his side.

"i feel like a bad person..." felix admitted as he spun around in changbin's arms.

"why would you say that?"

"i've been putting off thinking about her ever since the day of her funeral... i hardly even spent anytime here. i didn't even cry! who doesn't cry at their grandmother's funeral?" felix said as he began to hit his fists against changbin's chest.

"lix stop," changbin grabbed ahold of the boy's wrists, "you're not a bad person for not wanting to feel the pain that comes with grief, but if you don't allow yourself to feel it now... then when you finally do, it will be a lot worse."

felix knew changbin was right. he knew he had to let in his feelings eventually, but he was just so afraid of the pain consuming him the way it had in the past.

"i know," felix mumbled as he wrapped his arms tightly around changbin, smothering himself in a hug.

"it's okay, bokkie, i won't let you lose yourself again. i will be right here with you to pull you out when it becomes too much." changbin spoke softly as he rubbed felix's back to soothe him.

"you promise you won't let me go this time?" felix asked, his eyes brimming with tears.

"i promise." changbin then felt felix tug on his arm as they began walking towards the opposite corner of the cemetery.

"mimi..." felix fell onto his knees at the site of her freshly placed headstone.

changbin slowly got down next to the boy, keeping a bit of space between the two of them.

"why couldn't you hold on just a little longer? why did i have to go out that day? i wanted to say to goodbye to you! i wanted to tell you i love you and that i appreciate all you have done for me.

i wanted to apologize to you for trying to hurt myself... i wanted to tell you i'm sorry for almost hurting you the same way my dad hurt you.

i know all you ever tried to do was make me happy. i'm so sorry mimi! i just really wish i could've said goodbye, i wish i could hear your voice telling me it's all going to be okay, and have one of your tight hugs that makes me feel like i can't breathe..." felix began to choke up as the tears rolled down his cheeks.

his mouth went dry and his chest began to tighten. there was no chance he could hold it back anymore.

his breathing quickened as if he was chasing the air that surrounded him, but it was no use... he was suffocating. slowly and painfully, the grief was suffocating him.

but changbin was right there beside felix to help him get through it. changbin knew what it felt like to be consumed by grief and he wouldn't let it happen to felix.

"i just wanted to say goodbye..." felix said through his dry heaving after he collapsed onto the ground in front of him.

changbin closed the space between him, and began running his hands through felix's hair. he knew there was nothing he could say to help felix, but he just needed to let the boy know he was there for him in any way he could be.

a.n.

why do i always hate the last few chapters of stories i write???

omg maybe i should like quit writing and give up my dream that i've had since like 8th grade😀

~

but since i probably won't quit writing since it's the only thing that makes me happy...

new story has been published!!!

it would mean a lot to me if you read it, but ofc you do not have to:)