《Astral Reviews Vol. 2》Review 25- Salutatorian Wars
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Plot (8/10)
I will say it's an intriguing idea. I've read stories were students fight over valedictorian but not salutatorian. This is a newer dimension in seeing. There are some ideas apart of the plot I have seen but overall it was a pleasant surprise.
Grammar (7/10)
It's decent but I believe it can be better. I'm extremely strict on my own grammar in my book and I believe others can do the same. Grammar is an important skill to have when writing a story. I noticed enough mistakes and I suggest using Grammarly and having someone proofread. Proofreading your own work can be effective but we can become blind to our own mistakes.
Characters (7/10)
I would like to see more character growth to show how dynamic they are. I want to know more about your characters and thier though processes. Of course, background plays a major role but so do many other things.
Cover (8/10)
Fairly decent cover but what I'm seeing with a lot of people are these big badges. You don't want the badge to be more important than what you're showing. Your cover is the first impression so you want the reader to see the essence of the book, not what it won. People may start winning books because their popular but they finish books that interest them. Also my first thought was honestly that the book was just another high school love story. Sure having a cute boy on the front is nice but how does it add to where you want your story to go and how does it make it unique. Make a cover only your book can have. The font is pretty nice but you can increase the title size more.
Title (10/10)
Your title is the best that it could possibly be. I don't have any edits for how you could've changed it or made it any better. I also have not heard any stories with the same title.
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Detail (7/10)
There is room for improvement. I see detail but not enough to immerse myself in the story. I say all the rime how you want to invoke the five senses because it's true. I have read books with a terrible plot but because they had such good detail, this seemed like good books. That doesn't mean to sacrifice the plot because, at the end of the day, the story still won't be all that good. Another important thing is to add the right detail. Don't be descriptive when you don't need to be because it becomes too much.
Below are the notes that I have. They didn't affect your score but they are things I noticed.
Notes:
If your book's school is on a 4.0-grade scale, it's impossible to get a 5.0 without taking college classes. Unless the character was taking all AP classes since the ninth grade with straight A's. Also when you said "Cho never got anything lower than a B", it should be an "A". If she got B's, the 5.00 wouldn't be possible. I can understand it's competitive but the race seems way to close to be at the beginning of the year. I can understand being competitive but unless a teacher is really stingy with how many tests they give out, then the grade will stay relatively high as long as you do well on most assignments. I only bring these points up because your book is realistic fiction and you want it closest to the truth as possible.
Going from there, a student visiting a teacher's house? That isn't ok on any level at all unless the said student has graduated high school and is over the age of 18. I may be nitpicking but it just isn't something that should be happening. The GPA also isn't calculated after every exam so it wouldn't be possible to know. Also the amount of change one quiz can have isn't that great unless there aren't really any grades. Also, what is this about grades being posted after a pop quiz? It would be one thing if it was an exam but it wasn't.
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Originality (8/10)
I will say you offer a fresh idea but there is a lot of cliches in it. Your story doesn't really differentiate itself from others as much as I had hoped. There are fresh ideas so don't think you are not on the right track. You have just added a few pieces making detours.
Prologue/ Introduction(7/10)
I really like the fact paragraph you started with but once you said hey I'm such and such, you lost me. You kind of slammed your character in there. You should introduce them piece by piece. If you are going to show all these positives about your main character like him being rich, smart, and good looking, at least add a reasonable flaw. Not being able to eat chocolate and allergic to cats, he's like a rich adorable puppy. Overall add more substance so it doesn't seem so shallow.
Writing Skills (8/10)
They are ok. The main thing I would suggest working on is sentence construction. Once that is the best it can be, also work on your diction. With those two things perfect, the rest of the writing skills will fall into place.
Overall story(7/10)
The plot is interesting but the execution is not to standard. You have such a good idea but the way it was presented wasn't the best it could be. I was intrigued to see how it would end up. I was just confused at times why it mattered if Arlan was bi. After further reading the story, I understood the reveal. I am 50-50 sometimes on if he was flirting with Calin or it was just his personality. There is potential in this story and I look forward to seeing the finished product.
Overall Score: 77 (C+)
Contact me with any questions or concerns.
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