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"I was upset because you called for Jungkook when you were scared." Rather than leading up to it, I blurt it right out. For some reason I have this irrational fear that either Jungkook or Taehyung are going to burst out of the bushes and subsequently bring a halt to the admission, so I jump right in and tell her everything. Starting from that, and going through the whole night. All of it from from start to finish, each worry and problem I had stressed over. I might have gone into too much detail, but I wanted to drive home how sorry I was.

By now I no longer care that she called for someone other then me. Although, in the light of day with her standing right in front of me, it seems unlikely that she'd be compelled to leave me over something that trivial, that small itch of doubt remains.

Having a mate and finding one is the best thing in the world for a werewolf. But at the same time, it's scary. Jimin's dad lost his mother, his mate, early to cancer and he hadn't ever been the same since. Most of his days were spent locked away, alone, probably crying. The thought that I could lose my mate in any way is unbearable. Nonetheless, every now and then that idea would pop up and haunt me. If I lost her I know without a doubt that I'd end up exactly like Jimin's father. No one likes losing a loved one, but it's even worse when they're your entire life, your main source of happiness and support, and literally the other half of your soul.

And even saying all of this and just wanting everything to be ok and go back to how it was before, I still can't help but to ask.

"Why did you call for him?"

When she freezes, I grow anxious. Is she not going to tell me? Or is it that she wants to tell me something I don't want to hear?

"I..." By the way she begins to mess with a lock of hair, I draw the conclusion that she must be nervous as well. This action of hers draws my attention to her attire. It's the first time I've ever seen her dressed up and I can't get over how pretty she is. Then again, on a normal basis I have trouble with that.

"You're beautiful today." The comment slips out without my giving any conscience effort towards it. It surprises her enough to break the tension, or whatever anxiety ridden thought that had been going through her mind.

With a smile she starts again. "Because there's something I've been meaning to tell you but Jungkook keeps interrupting us. And when that bee was trying to murder me, my life flashed before my eyes and I was thinking that I wished I had been able to tell you. But because of him I couldn't. I had a brain fart and I was scared and it just...came out that way. I'm sorry. Especially since it caused you so much grief."

"What..." I ask hesitantly, "what did you want to tell me?"

She looks me head on and I see it. Determination. Whatever she had been wanting to say, she was planning on doing it now. I simply watch and wait with interest.

Before she begins, she looks around and I mirror her actions. I can't say why, but for whatever reason I get this image in my head of Jungkook interrupting. His head popping out of ground from beneath us ("Noona! How did I get here?") or doing a back flip from the tallest branch in a nearby tree ("Noona! Watch this!") or dropping down from space like an asteroid and getting back up because that kid is built like a brick wall ("Noona! Look how strong I am!").

None of these things happen and it turns out that we're alone after all. We both finish observing our surroundings at the same time and meet eyes. And what she says next makes my heart explode.

"You were right. I'm yours. You are mine. And I love you with everything in me." Tears spring to her eyes but I'm too stunned to move and comfort her the way I would usually do. Despite the waterworks, she continues. "You are everything to me. You're smart and you're kind and you always take care of me. I don't think I can ever stack up to the same amount of support and love you've built for me, but I'm going to try. I want to try. I want to take care of you and make sure you know how important and treasured you are to me, and how valuable you are as a person. I love you. And nothing you can say or do will make me stop."

The fact that she said this, not plain but drawn out and in so many words, hits me hard. Y/n doesn't like talking about her feelings. She very rarely opens herself up to vulnerability. Knowing all that cements the feeling that she means it, and she feels very strongly in that regard.

I don't feel ashamed for crying. My dad taught me that it was ok to have feelings. This feeling is beyond happiness. Happy is not enough to describe this. Nothing I can say could truly convey what I feel right now. Rather than mull over the best way to describe it, I'll relay the words I've been feeling, and wanting to say to her since day one.

"I love you more."

The sob that comes out of her mouth startles me, but the way she rushes into my embrace lets me know that it's a happy cry. It's not like I can misunderstand her when my own eyes are stinging.

"I was so scared." Her voice is muffled against my chest but I manage to hear it. "I was afraid you wouldn't feel the same."

"What an absurd thing to think."

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Everyone cried at the wedding. Including myself, and I could have sworn I saw Taehyung wiping his eyes at one point.

Ronald still is (and might forever be) the lamest guy on planet earth, but he really loves my dad, and dad is clearly happier than he's ever been, so he gets the seal of approval.

As does this dog. The first time I bent to pet her, she instantly rolled over for a belly rub. This was something else that reminded me of Fluffy. The first time I ever saw him, that was what he did, too. It was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back, in terms of making me snap and freak out over how cute he was. And so begins another love story, this time with me and this puppy. I wonder if my cats are going to be ok with her.

What I'm sure of is that I don't have to worry over dad and Ronald being opposed to the idea of another animal in the house. Ronald flipped out worse than I did when he saw her. Apparently Ronald is a crazy dog man. Also there was this sob story he told about a family dog he had as a kid and it ran away. Still trying to determine if the dog was escaping him or if it died and his parents lied to soften the blow. Even dad seemed happy over it, and with some annoyance, I note that he looks way happier than he ever was when I brought another cat home.

Moving on. Namjoon changed into this white dress shirt and khakis and gaaaaah. I know that doesn't make sense but it's the best way to describe how good he looks right now. Does he know he looks like that? Cause I swear sometimes he does it just to kill me.

Someone else trying to kill me: granny. The method: grossing me the hell out.

Post ceremony and vow exchanging, we head back to the inn that has been transformed into a dance/dining space. There's a small platform set up and since lame Ronald is lame, he has lame middle aged friends that have their own band and play the lamest music ever. Whatever. Not my wedding, not my call. As long as dad is happy.

Granny though.

"Look at that silver fox." she points out the oldest white haired ahjussi in the band. "I'd like to spread him over a slice of bread and devour it."

"Oh GOD." I face palm. "Please don't ever say that again."

To my horror, when I glance over at granny she's tugging at the neckline of her dress to expose more of her chest. "How's my makeup?"

What? "You aren't wearing any, granny."

"Just tell me how I look." she snaps, not once taking her eyes away from the old guy.

"You..." I sigh and throw my hands in the air, completely giving up. "You look smokin' hot."

She snaps her fingers, says, "you're damn right I am." then sashays away. Or at least sashays as well as you can when you're seventy six and walking with a cane for support.

I'm gonna pretend that never happened.

As old-school as the music is, everyone seems to be having fun. Hoseok and Taehyung are in the midst of a dance off, Namjoon has been kidnapped by my already tipsy Aunt and is being forced to slowly sway back and forth to a fast-paced song. Across the room, Jin is stacking an absurd amount of food onto a plate at the buffet line, Jungkook is spiking the punch, and Jimin is seated alone at a table by the window.

Wanting to make sure he's ok, I head over and sit next to him.

Wait!

Go back to that Jungkook thing-

"You and hyung are so good together." Jimin's mood has a sort of bitter sweet feel to it. "And you have a good relationship with your dad...I used to have that. But then..."

"Your mom." I finished, having already heard the story.

It was something we had in common. Both of us losing our moms at a young age, but the difference here was that I still had my other parent for support. Over time Jimin had moved in with his friends, and eventually they became more like family to him than anyone else. It was the reason he loved them so much and why he was so compassionate. When he'd needed help he received it and in turn he wanted to give that back.

A grim smile and a nod is what I get in place of a reply. This wasn't a shallow subject without some degree of pain. But the thing about pain is, it's not something that 'gets better with time' or completely goes away. It's something you learn to live with and adjust to. It's always there, beneath surface, but after building your life around that mountain, you've learned how to handle it.

Both Jimin and I get that, and that's why we can talk about this openly with one another.

I don't pressure him to keep going. I sit by his side to silently let him know I'm here to listen if he wants to talk. And Jimin always wants to talk.

"Sometimes..." he stares down at the table cloth, rubbing the thin hem of it between his thumb and forefinger. "Sometimes I wonder why I'm not good enough. Mom is gone but dad still has me. Possibly it's that I don't understand the mate bond. But I lost her too. I lost my mom. Why aren't I good enough?"

Because your dad's a jerk who only thinks of himself and lets his own son doubt his self worth. Is the first vicious thought that comes to mind. But I understand that's unfair. I don't know his dad or his pain. I just know Jimin.

Sweet, bright, happy Jimin, always willing to offer a helping hand. Talented and handsome. Thicc thighs and an ass to die for (hopefully no one is willing to die for an ass), loved by his friends, and his cat Chim Chim and here he is doubting his value.

I hate it.

Now he's looking to me for a reason to why he's not good enough. There's no way for me to be inside of his dad's head and give him a real answer, and somehow I know that simply telling him he's not worthless will only be tossed away and the idea rejected, because that question is too weighted for a such a basic answer to suffice.

Suffice. Something I never said before Namjoon and his giant brain invaded my life.

"After I lost BooBoo I felt useless." Taking a deep breath and forcing myself to say it without discomfort is impossible, but I force it out anyway. "I was always crying and everything was hard. Same as when I lost my mom. I couldn't study like I should have been, I didn't pick up after myself, sometimes I forgot to eat, I ignored Namjoon and my friends. They never ignored me. They took care of me. And while that helped a lot, at the time, it also made me feel useless. My inner dialogue changed. I was thinking I was useless and making life hard for everyone else and that I didn't deserve to be happy. My point is, it's impossible to think logically when you're in that dark place. So, speaking from experience, I can promise you that the voice in your head that is telling you that you aren't good enough, is lying. Our brain does that. I don't know why and I can't explain why but sometimes it does that. What you need to do-" we lock eyes, "-is to tell it to fuck off and leave you alone. You ain't got time for that shit."

He gives me that laugh—that happy Jimin laugh where his eyes turn to crecents.

"And...have you tried talking to your dad about this?" I ask. "He's probably lonely, so he might listen. You don't know until you try."

"You're probably right. I-" he cuts short when Namjoon drops into the chair in-between us.

That was a bit rude, but ok. I glance at him in irritation, ready to snap at him or ask what the hell his problem is, but I stop cause he looks...weird.

"This punch issO good." Jimin and I share a quizzical look. Namjoon tilts his cup back and downs the rest of the punch inside. Hang on. Isn't there something I should be remembering about the punch?

When the (thankfully, plastic) cup is empty, he haphazardly tosses it over his head and it bounces away.

"Are you drunk?"

Jimin's question COMPLETELY draws my attention and it switches from him to my boyfriend. Drunk? How would he...Jungkook.

WHY is he so EVIL?

Rather than answering his friend's question in a normal and sober fashion, Namjoon slams a fist on the table and yells at the top of his lungs, "I LOVE Y/N!"

Oh Jesus Christ.

This is it. This is where I die from embarrassment.

Giggling, Jimin covers Namjoon's mouth with a hand as people turn to look at us. Good thing we have this crappy music blasting so it's not so many that I disintegrate on the spot, but it is enough to make me want to pretend not to know these people.

"Well," I stand, "Imma head out."

Game plan: ditch Jimin and leave him to deal with it.

This shouldn't come as a surprise as we have already established that I'm a terrible person.

Before I can escape, Namjoon grabs my wrist and looks up at me with eyes so round and cute they could rival that of the puppy's.

"Don't leave without me! Jimin has no jams!"

Running away is my main priority but I can't help but ask. "What the hell does that mean?"

Jimin shifts uncomfortably in his seat and avoids my look of confusion. "It's a long story."

...Ok then.

Somehow I manage to slip out of Namjoon's grip on my wrist—a feat that I normally would have a harder time accomplishing. I'm prepared to run off when Namjoon decides that he's sat still long enough.

"I'm going to dance!"

What.

Before either of us can stop him, he runs off to the dance floor. Another look is shared between Jimin and I, but this time it's with a pair of conspiratorial grins on our faces. We shouldn't. It would be so mean.

But we do it anyway.

I sit down and together we watch the train wreck that is Namjoon. Who is currently...oh god...laying on the floor and pumping his hips towards the ceiling. Jin jumps in front of Jungkook and shields his eyes, while granny is off in the corner and energetically making out with some old guy.

EEEEWWW! SOMEONE QUICK I NEED BLEACH FOR MY EYES!!!!

Jimin starts to chortle and it brings me back to Namjoon who is—or trying—to do the worm. This ends with him straight up rolling horizontally across the floor and running into several people. We lose sight of him for a second, mostly because he gets lost in the crowd but also due to the tears of laughter streaming down our faces.

When we see him again, Namjoon is slow dancing with a young guy I recognize as dad's sou chef. What I mean by slow dancing, is that Namjoon has this guy held hostage and is violently swaying them back and forth, while Hoseok attempts through laughter to separate them.

The second Hoseok finally achieves this, Namjoon looks him in the eye, and rips his shirt open, buttons flying in all direction. Unfortunately, he's wearing a white t-shirt beneath that. When Hoseok tries once again to grab him, he pulls away and screams, "YOU CAN'T CONFORM ME TO THIS SYSTEM!"

Then tries to break dance. Funny enough, that's the story about how Namjoon broke his wrist.

I know I've said this to myself several times. Why is my life like this? But honestly, at this point, I wouldn't change anything.

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Edited 6/8/22