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One moment turned into two and eventually I lost track of time. My eyes were dry now and the ominous feelings of no happy ending to this situation were all but gone. I can't understand why. All I know is that Namjoon's comfort had become my strength and for some inexplicable reason I was more self assured and comfortable than I had ever been.

Once the initial moment had passed and I had calmed down I should have let go. I should have stepped back and thanked him for everything. But I couldn't. On one hand I was now self conscious that he had seen this side of me. Nobody likes showing their weak side to anyone so that part I can understand. On the other hand the part I can't comprehend is the piece of me that wanted to cling tighter to him and breathe in his scent and bathe in this warm feeling and never let go.

I have to let go.

Slowly I try to convince myself to pull away. But just the thought brings a whimper out of my mouth and unconsciously I cling onto the back of his jacket tighter, burying my face in his chest. Why the hell does he smell so good?

This is so embarrassing.

Namjoon doesn't say a word. His arms remain strong and steady around me, one hand stroking my hair. I fight not to lean into this touch. That part I wouldn't be able to explain later. Except that I just did that when I put my face in his chest. Shit.

Let go, Y/n. You have to let go.

"Thank you." I mumble into his chest. Maybe I can convince him to let me go? Unwillingly I unclench my hands from the fabric of his jacket. "You didn't have to be so nice to me." I lift my eyes from his chest and upwards, only to find him already gazing back at me with a look I can't explain. My heart jumps into my throat.

"You deserve all the happiness in the world." His voice is low and soft, so alluring it fills me with the urge to get closer but stubbornly I stand by ground, fighting against everything in me to give in to this inexplicable feeling. What is wrong with me? What's up with him? Why would he say that? I want to believe him but I can't. In a split second a memory of words spoken in disdain echo in my mind.

"You're disgusting. Who could love you?"

As if the words had come to life and physically burned me I flinched out of Namjoon's hold and forced my eyes anywhere else. The moment I was free of his embrace my body felt cold and foreign and my heart hurt. But that was ok. That is what I deserve...right?

"Y/n?"

I ignore Namjoon's voice calling for me and reply to my dad's text about what exam room we're in. A moment later he had arrived and this time it was his arms around me. Desperately I ignore the voice in my head telling me that these arms felt wrong. I could gain comfort from my dad but nothing will bring me the same type of completion I had received from Namjoon. That thought is absolutely terrifying.

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Something had scared Y/n and I didn't understand what. For a moment there was a definite connection. Or was it only on my end? No. Even if it was small she would have felt...something. Anything. Since I'd discovered her as my mate I'd done my research, mainly in the form of speaking with other members of my pack that had mated with humans.

Jin's father was human and as he had told it, the whole experience for him had been completely different as a human, as one would expect. The way he had explained it, he hadn't been able to feel the mate connection at all until the first time they had hugged. And later on after he'd been marked and could experience it in full, he'd said the feeling when they'd shared a hug was only a fraction of the bond's full potential.

Jimin's mother, who had passed back in our middle school days, was human and Jimin could recall her saying something similar. In addition to that, the feeling for a human at first had been a lot to handle, and more than a little intimidating. That must be what Y/n was feeling now. Not just that but obviously this was already an emotional moment for her.

I'm impatient but I have to focus on self control. Pushing too hard could scare her away, but not pushing at all might give her the impression that I don't want her.

I'd only gotten to hold her for a moment. It wasn't long enough. The moment had made me happy but underneath that I felt a small twinge of guilt settling in my stomach. Maybe I'd taken advantage of their vulnerable state. I'd certainly held her longer than I should have.

It wasn't long before the vet re-entered the room and confirmed a fractured rib, most likely obtained from jumping up to, or down on something, and arthritis in both back knees had probably played a part in that accident.

The good news was that it was only one rib and that no surgical treatment was needed. In addition to that he could come home tonight and had already received help for his pain. Moment's later he was back in Y/n's arms and from the dazed look in his eyes, was in Disney World, thanks to whatever drugs they gave him. He seemed to feel good enough to cuddle close enough so that his face was buried in her neck.

I can feel my left eye twitching. Is it stupid to be jealous of a cat?

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Y/n always smells so good. Even now when she smells like that dog man. I don't like dogs but that dog man is ok. Except he thinks Y/n is his. Typical dog, thinking she's his because he saw her.

Wrong. Y/n is mine cause I had her first and she loves me more. Even the other four-leggers in our home know this. I used to have to take care of her when she was a kitten so to me she is like my daughter in some ways. But mostly she is my pet. I love her a lot so I can't just let anyone have her.

One day I'll be gone and the dog man can have her then. But right now Y/n smells like dog so she needs to be groomed.

I know the dog man is glaring at me but I don't care and I carefully clean her neck. It's not weird. I'm taking care of her cause she always takes care of me. I can't let her smell like a gross dog. She's my pet, after all.

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I decide to skip school the next day. It was Friday so I spent the next three days at home with my injured baby, spoiling him rotten.

All day I was feeding him and the other children bits of fish, stroking their fur, dangling their feather toys and throwing their catnip mice to play with them. We took naps in the sunlight together and I scratched their backs to their hearts content. During this time Lucifer had bonded with me and the rest of them, particularly with Voldemort, which I find ironic considering their names. The only downside with Lucifer was that she did have a psycho streak and tended to break anything and everything she got her paws on.

It was adorable.

Over the weekend, Eun-ji and In-guk had both (on separate occasions) come by to check on us, Eun-ji questioning why my room smelled so strongly of the body spray she'd left here.

I hadn't seen Namjoon but he'd sent a get well card addressed to BooBoo and a bouquet of catnip that got all of my children as high as a kite.

That was my final straw. I can't deny it anymore. I don't think I like him nearly as much as he likes me. But I know I feel something for him. Whether it's just a friendly type of fondness because he's been so gentle and sweet to my cats, or if it's in a romantic sense, I haven't worked that out yet.

All I know is that he isn't annoying.

It still scares the living hell out of me. The last relationship I'd had was perfect up until he found out. Maybe when I'm older and grown up I'll look back on that relationship and not feel so broken over it. It was just a six month affair, a middle school kid's attempt at the real thing. But to me it was still a real thing. He was my first love, and he'd completely crushed me.

The only person I knew I could talk to about this was Eun-ji, and I did. I completely poured out my heart to her while she quietly sat and listened while petting Voldemort's fluffy back. Once I had finished, she sighed and looked me in the eye with a stern expression.

"Y/n. I know I've said this before but you need to let it get through to your brain. Kris does not define you." For once I don't flinch at hearing his name. "His words do not define you. Your past does not define you. You define you. He's a piece of shit and even though you have a tough exterior, you're one of the best people I've ever met." She flips her hair over her shoulder. "And I'm never wrong when it comes to people."

I chuckle and a rush of affection for my best friend hits my heart. It's true. Eun-ji does have a good sense of personality, always able to determine if a person is good or not. Back then she couldn't explain why, but she'd never liked Kris in the first place. Obviously she had been proven right in the end.

"But..." I ask quietly, "what about Namjoon?"

Her face morphed into a glare. "Ok, while I'm pissed that you just now told me he confessed to you-" I pout my lips at her in an attempt to be cute. Her eyes roll at the sight. "I don't think you need to do anything."

"What do you mean?"

One shoulder comes up in a shrug and her attention settles back onto the cat in her arms. "You don't know how you feel yet so get to know him better for now. Let what happens, happen."

"That casual?"

"You have a better idea?"

I clasp my hands together and bow my head. "No, seonsaengnim."

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Edited 7/22/21