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My eye is caught by Namjoon, who is staring off into space and frowning. Ignoring him I go back to my dinner, now with the nagging feeling that something will definitely happen to me if left alone.

This thought continues to nag at me into the next school day. During lunch I gaze up at the sky, my eyes landing on the half moon making itself known in the expanse of bright blue, despite the shining sun.

I'm just being paranoid and I know it. I've never been alone over night and my brain wants to produce a hundred and one nonexistent problems in order to scare me. If I wasn't so annoyed with Eun-ji I might ask her to stay over but as the case may be, I've been avoiding her all day to prove a point. So what if it's just as petty as what she had done yesterday.

I'm not above it.

But as much as I'd like to get away from my friend's relationship drama and for ONCE be able to read my manga before I have to get back to class, In-guk decides that today is not going to be that day. Of course.

"Should I beg her to take me back?" His shoulders sag as he mopes, picking apart his kimbap, one vegetable at a time.

"Yes." I answer shortly, my eyes never leaving my book, hoping that he'll take the hint and leave.

"But I want to be better. I want to grow up. I feel like all we ever do is fight but I never feel like we grow as a couple. Should I just give up on us for good?"

"Yes." I respond again, knowing he won't take any advice I give him either way. I don't care. I just want to read.

"What if I give up on us and then realize I can't live without her?"

"Yes."

"Are you even listening to me?"

"Yes."

"Am I the most handsome man you've ever seen?"

"Fuck off."

In-guk rolls his eyes and pouts over not catching me in his trap. "I'm listening." I tell him. "I have no choice. All I do is listen. Even when I'd rather be reading." My eyes narrow in on him as I glare. He ignores it. Naturally.

"Y/n, what do I do? I need advice."

"My advice? Let me read."

He's about to retort when suddenly something, or I should say someone, is forcing themselves on the bench between us, where there is absolutely no room. Paying no mind to the concept of personal space, Namjoon plants his big ass half on my lap and half on In-guk, who quickly scoots away, he and I sharing an incredulous look that we both direct at Namjoon.

I just wanted to read.

Why won't anyone let me read?

I move as far away from him as I can while still remaining on the bench before glaring at him furiously. "The fuck are you doing?"

He blinks innocently from behind his glasses, as if what he just did was completely normal. "I came to eat?" he opens a bento box and smiles, his eyes squinting and dimples making an appearance. "Would you like some?"

Without giving me a chance to reply he stuffs an Oreo in my mouth. THIS GOD FORSAKEN BASTARD—Oh wait, I like Oreos.

"Would you like one?" He asks In-guk, but the offer and the tone of voice with which he addresses him reeks of contempt.

What?

"I..." In-guk is still stunned by this sudden intrusion and just gapes stupidly.

"More for me, then." Namjoon doesn't give him a chance to answer before he starts to eat, totally ignoring the awkward atmosphere.

I just wanted to read.

"Y/n, do your cats like catnip?" Namjoon asks out of no where. "I want to get them a gift."

My heart skips a beat and I hate myself for it. I take as long as possible to finish chewing the Oreo he had stuffed in my mouth, hoping the wait will annoy him. He just watches me and smiles. The asshole.

"No. They hate it. And they don't like you. Go away!" I say childishly, determinedly re-opening my book and holding it in front of my face to block out my view of Namjoon.

"Strange." I hear his voice muse, "They seemed to enjoy my company."

It was true. Those little furry traitors (with the exception of BooBoo who I didn't see again until after Namjoon left) really loved him. After dinner was through he helped hand out my left over fish and then played with them for a time with the laser light and after that, sat on the floor stroking their fur to their heart's content. Steve, the most particular cat who on most days didn't even like me, had followed him to the door and had meowed and scratched at the closed wooden barrier once he had left.

What am I going to do with them?

"It's too bad they don't like me since I already got them a present."

I don't even know if my heart is beating so fast because I'm happy or angry anymore. It's probably a mixture of both but I don't appreciate that I'm feeling forced into these stupid feelings. And then there's my cats. My precious babies who could never do anything wrong. If this annoying male liked them enough to get them a gift, I shouldn't deny them, right? At that point it just felt like I would be betraying my cat's trust.

Eun-ji's right. I do have issues.

I sigh in aggravation. No one is forcing me so why do I feel trapped? "Fine. But you give them the gift and then you leave. Ok?" I peek over the edge of the book to find a thrilled Namjoon grinning from ear to ear. My heart pounds so hard it's starting to become painful. Fuck.

Hours later the final bell rings much quicker than I ever remember it ringing before. Did someone learn how to speed up time when I wasn't paying attention?

A still grinning Namjoon is by my side seemingly the second I exit my last class, making me wonder if he even attended his final lesson. I glance up at him before averting my gaze elsewhere, feeling self conscious for no reason. Idly I fiddle with the straps of my bag, wondering if I should put up the effort to be nice for once or just continue to be my normal self.

Since when do I care?

This train of thought crashes when an overtly handsome senior passes by, looking at Namjoon with a mischievous smile gracing his face. "Goodbye, Namjoon-ie." My mouth goes dry when he directs this smile to me. Why the hell are all the boys here so good looking? "Goodbye Y/n." He sends a wink and then moves on, leaving me confused and Namjoon huffing in irritation.

"Ignore Jin hyung," he grumbles, sounding embarrassed.

I blink, bemused. "Why should I ignore him?" Was it possible to ignore someone that good looking? "Wait...how does he know my name?"

Namjoon's face heats up and my question is answered. Did he like me so much that I was a subject of conversation with his friends? Thinking of it flustered me while a small part of me felt happy. A part that I quickly smother and throw into the abyss.

Get the fuck away from me, feelings!

Instead of responding he clears his throat and reaches into his bag, pulling out a bag of sour patch kids. Wordlessly he holds them out to me and still feeling too flustered to speak I accept them quietly with a grateful nod of my head.

The walk to my house isn't as awkward as it was yesterday but it's just as silent. Every now and then I would peek over in Namjoon's direction, studying his profile. I'm still so confused about why he's interested in me. No matter how much I think about it I can't understand it. I've never been nice to him; never offered him any sort of conversation or smile. Most of our exchanges have been of me grunting and glaring and in return he smiles and gives me sweet words and compliments.

He's handsome, I'll give him that much. Brown hair with eyes to match, tan skin and thick lips. Don't even get me started on those dimples. They'll be the death of me if I allow it, I'm sure of it. He's taller than me by at least six inches and his shoulders aren't huge but they're broad enough to hold you steady in a rocking boat during a thunderstorm. Whatever that means. My dad's words, not mine.

My point is that he's handsome, whereas I'm...average.

So in short, my appearance is average. I've got a bad personality. Have bad eating habits. Am obsessed with cats. Not the best friend you could get. And then...there's that. Which I refuse to even think about. No matter how much he's overlooked when it comes to me, he won't be able to get over that.

Gloomy conclusion made up in my mind, I drag my feet the rest of the way to the house, unlocking the door when we finally arrive and make our way inside. I stop once I've walked through the doorway and drop my bag on the table by the door, preparing to greet BooBoo, just as it had been since the beginning of time.

Normally the tinkling sound of his bell and the pitter patter of his feet on the hard wood would be heard at this point but today the hallway rings in silence as I stand, waiting expectantly. Was he sleeping? No..BooBoo has never slept through my arriving home from school. Not once in our life together.

Fear takes root in my heart and without a second thought I'm calling out to him, full force running across the house to the bathroom, hoping I would find him in his favorite spot, just as healthy and happy as he'd ever been.

Sure enough I find him, curled up in the sink but his breathing is labored and he takes one look at me before uttering a pitiful meow that breaks my heart in two.

"BooBoo!" Faster than I've ever moved, I've grabbed a towel and go to wrap him up in it, but the moment I touch him he howls in pain and my heart breaks again, if that was possible.

Namjoon, who had apparently been following stares at me, wide eyed. "Is he ok?"

"I don't know." Tears prick the corner of my eyes and my voice comes out shaky. "There's keys to the spare car in the cupboard by the door. Go get them, now."

Without question Namjoon is gone and as gently as I can I'm picking my old baby up and following after him, holding the ginger cat close to my chest and assuring him he'll be ok. Once we're out the door Namjoon is turning to me and holding his arms out.

"Y/n, I can't drive so I'll hold him."

The last thing I want to do is let go of his little body but I force myself to, carefully placing him in Namjoon's waiting arms before sprinting for the car.

I probably broke more traffic laws than I could count on the way there but I couldn't care less. Luckily for the law officers none were in sight to see me breaking these laws.

Let them try and stop me.

It seems to take an excruciating length of time to get to the animal hospital and when we're finally there the staff is infuriatingly calm as they take down my name and information. I shoot a text to my dad explaining what was going on as we follow a too-cheery nurse down the hall and into an exam room.

"Here you are." The stupid nurse sings. "The dr will be with you in a moment." she giggles and then leaves. Good for her because if she'd stayed a second longer I was going to punch her in the throat with no regrets.

The door clicks shut and I turn to Namjoon, still cradling my cat in his arms. Just like the first time they met their eyes are locked in a stare down, except this time I sense no aggression or tension in the moment, but instead a quiet understanding between the two, as if they were somehow able to communicate telepathically. I can't accurately explain it, but it's like a strange moment where I feel as though I'm intruding on a moment that's meant to be private.

"You're going to be ok." Namjoon's voice is low and assuring, his eyes never wavering.

My bottom lip finds it's way between my teeth as I fight not to cry. Namjoon's words are probably more for me than for BooBoo but the scared part of my heart doesn't want to listen. If this had been any of my other cats it would be one thing, but this is BooBoo. He's old. Far past his prime. I'm afraid that whatever is plaguing him now will result in...no I can't even think it. That's the worst possible scenario and I refuse to accept it until a veterinarian tells me that I have to.

My phone pings with a text message alert. Furiously I scrub at my eyes, fighting like hell against the tears. There's a text from dad that I have to read five times before it makes sense in my panic addled mind. 'Do you need me there?'

I try and force myself to think. Would it be ok for him to leave work? Do I need him? Before I can think too much on it he messages back 'Never mind, I'm on my way, Y/nbear.'

Feeling dazed I shove the phone back into my pocket and move to Namjoon's side, lifting my hand to stroke BooBoo's ears. Once again my lip is between my teeth as I chew on it anxiously. I blow an unsteady breath through my nose and blink away tears. As stupid as it sounds I didn't want BooBoo to see me cry. Throughout our lives together, I'd not cried often. I'm just not that person. But the handful of times I had, this cat had always ran to me whenever I let tears fall. No matter how long I sobbed he would sit on me and purr, nudging whatever part of me he could reach with his head and kneading his claws gently into me. At this point he isn't just a pet to me, he's family.

After what seems like an eternity, the door opens again and a small, pudgy man in round glasses that reeks of animals enters.

I answer the customary questions as Namjoon slowly and carefully lowers BooBoo onto the exam table.

The pad of my thumb becomes red and raw as I chew on it, apprehensively waiting for the dr to say anything, give me any reason for my cat's current state. His hands move expertly over BooBoo's body, fingers circling in some places and poking in others. Finally he reaches his rib cage and the cat howls and twists around to bite at the searching fingers. I flinch, frightened by the sound.

The vet calmly explains that he believes BooBoo has a broken rib but he'll need an x-ray to find out for sure. Blankly I nod and watch helplessly as my cat is taken out of the room and into the back, feeling more useless than I ever have. How did he have a broken rib? When had that happened? I should have been there. I should have prevented it.

As if he could hear my thoughts, Namjoon speaks up. "It's not your fault, Y/n. You couldn't have stopped it. Probably not even BooBoo could have."

I don't answer. I can't because like a damn breaking, my pent up emotions spill out in the form of a sob ripping out of my mouth. Tears I've fought so feverishly bust out of me at an unprecedented speed.

Without a word, Namjoon's arms encircle me and pull me in. Strangely this brings me more comfort than I ever could have expected. Something about the strength in his arms, the warmth from his chest, the steady beat of his heart calms me down in a matter of seconds. How does that make sense? I don't know. I can't understand it, but I don't care. My arms come up and wrap around his waist tightly.

I hang on to him like a lifeline, not caring that I'm embarrassing myself, or soaking his shirt in tears or showing him the weakest part of me that exists. I can't explain it, but I know deep in my heart that I need this safety, that I've always needed this sense of security and that I can only find it here. It must be the stress I've accumulated since I walked in the house. But right now I really don't care. Namjoon is way too good for me and I know this, but just for this moment I'm going to be selfish.

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Edited 7/22/21