I let out a shaky breath as I wipe my hands on my dress, blinking away the tears. I look at my reflection in the mirror and grip at the bottom of my black dress.

The dress is sleeveless and it is a lacy material all the way down to my knees, where it stops. There is a thin material under the dress though which makes it not see-through. Since the dress is sleeveless and shoved my arms, I am worried that people will see my scars and think I am weak but I guess that is what I am, right?

I am just a little weak girl who runs away from my problems because I am too much of a coward to face them like an actual human being.

Although these scars makes me, well, me, that didn't stop my heart racing at the thought of people noticing my scars. I didn't want anyone to see them because it reminds me of the past. I reminds me of the times that I was weak and needed to feel alive.

I guess that's why I do it. I need that sudden pain to make me feel alive because without that reminder, I would probably be that person who holds no emotion whatsoever.

Shaking my head, I look back at myself in the mirror, trying to focus something other than my arms. My hair is brushed neatly into a bun on the top of my head and some of the loose strands stay around the side of my face, making me look somewhat nice.

I hear my phone buzz and I let out a sigh. I walk over to my phone in my back flats and pick it up, my heart suddenly stopping when I see the name 'Nicole' on my screen.

I hesitate to read the message but mustering the small amount of courage I have, I click on the notification, waiting for a second as it takes me to a place where I can see the full message.

I frown in confusion at Nicole's message. Why would she say that I will be distracted by her? I will be distracted by everything in that freaking room! Has she lost her mom? Of course not, so she obviously doesn't know what it feels like.

I don't bother replying to her message as I am too focused on the day ahead. I grab my speech and fold it in my hand tightly as I walk out of my room and down the stairs.

I notice my father standing in the living room, glancing between the television and his girlfriend. I let out a sigh and grab onto my dress, trying to hide the inside of my arms from my father.

"Hey." I mumble, watching as my father looks at me with a small smile.

"I'm glad you took my advice when I said for you to not wear a cardigan. You look more elegant when you show some skin." My father smiles and I just nod in reply. As we walk out the door, Eve says her goodbyes and I just wave but my father has other plans.

He walks back into the house and gives her a kiss before meeting me back outside.

"Okay, let's go."

●●●

I sit next to my father as my mom's sister comes up to the podium to say her speech. It is only my aunty and I speaking today because my father said and I quote, 'I couldn't bring myself to it'. I wanted to believe that my father meant that but the only reason he said that was because he never loved my mom. After so many years, it was all a fake.

Realising that the funeral will be quicker than I expected, I let out a sigh of relief. Hopefully I will be out of here quick because just by looking at my mom who is in the coffin, my heart is literally tearing apart in pain.

"From the day I saw my baby sister in the arms of my mother, I knew that the journey that was planned for us ahead would be difficult. My sister, being the youngest, was the peace maker in our family when my brother and I would argue. I guess, my sister always seemed to find the good in anything and thats why everyone loved her. When she told me that she had cancer, I knew that she wouldn't be able to fix this. This time, she knew that she couldn't solve this problem and that is what broke us all." My aunty wipes a tear away from her eye as she let's out a shaky breath.

"My sister would be laughing right now if she heard me say this but when we were younger, my sister always asked me if I could pose for her. To this day, I still don't know why she always wanted me to pose for her but I think I sort of have an understanding to why she wanted me to do that. You see, my sister loved to see everyone happy and everytime she saw everyone in a good mood, she would pose to make everyone laugh and I guess that's why she asked me to pose... because she wanted me to cheer her up, to make her feel happy like everyone else. Rose Elizabeth Parkinson," My aunty glances at the coffin. "Because we are all here for you today, I will do this once more for you but this time I want everyone to join in... for my sister." My aunty says and everyone stands, even me. My aunty smiles and wipes another tear from her eye.

"Please pose for my baby sister." My aunty says weakly into the microphone and everyone does as told, pulling weak poses as my aunty does the same.

"Tell Christian I said hello, Rose. Don't have too much fun without me because one day, I will join you again. I love you so much, Rosie." My aunty finishes and I choke out a sob and sit back down when my aunty begins to walk back off the small stage.

My father pats my thigh and I let out a sigh, standing up. My legs wobble as I make my way up to the podium and mu hand become sweaty. I place my small piece of paper on the glass podium and glance over at my mom who lays in the coffin.

It still doesn't feel real.

It still doesn't feel like she is gone.

"H-Hello everyone, as some of you may know, I had the great pleasure of being the daughter to the amazing Rose Elizabeth Parkinson; my mom. Some of you may even know the great bond we shared when my mom... when she was still here." I bite my lip, trying not to cry.

I have to keep it togther.

"When I was younger, I was obsessed with taking photos of my mom, not because of her amazingly good looks but because of her smile. My mom's smile was one of the many things I loved about her and I'm pretty sure everyone can agree with me when I say this..." I wipe away a tear and lick my dry lips, closing my eyes for a second to try and relax my nerves.

As I am about to continue, the doors open and none other than Nicole walks in, taking a seat at the back. She nods at me and I clench my shaking hands, letting out another shaky breath.

"When my mom smiled, she made everyone feel amazing and thats what she did to me. She made me feel like I was amazing in every way and now, her smile has stained my mind and I don't know if that is a good thing or bad thing. All I know is that my mom loved me for who I was, not the person I was trying to be like... which was her." I say and the people 'awe' at my sentence, making a small smile fall on my lips.

"Mom, I never really told you this much but you are my inspiration and even though your not... here... that won't stop me from reaching my goals. I love you, mom and I miss you already." I say, looking over at the coffin. My heart clenchs in pain but I try to ignore it as I let the last tear fall down my cheek.

"The last words my mom said to me are the words that make me at least try to push myself to get out of bed in the morning. She said and I quote, 'Don't ever give up because there is always someone out there who you inspire'." I let out out a painful whimper as I look at the coffin one last time.

"I will never forget you, mommy." I whisper, clutching my arm as I let the tear fall to the ground.

●●●