“Anyway, so the cup is stuck and now I just go back and talk in this end... right.. ok, whispering dark thoughts... and some more... yes, you do look fat in that dress. No, people don't like you. Dragons really aren't cool and an overused trope in two-bit lit-rpgs.”

As the dark figure continued his frail attempts at corrupting the safety dragon, he found out what happens when you lack imagination and aren't a full blown sociopath who can manipulate people with ease. Basically nothing. The dragon just continued to stare into the distance, thinking about nothing except for selling safety and safety accessories.

“You know, you make a good point. Alright then, all these bastards hate your safety rules and want to break them down. Like they would break your very soul.” The dragon's nose twitched. The rage bubbled up inside of him like one of those miniature cake ovens that usually only had a lightbulb inside until your cool uncle passed by and turned it into a... what's the opposite of miniature? Maxiature? Megatur? We'll go with megatur. Because you know, it sounds cool. A megatur death-ray that actively kills people and lurks in the shadows, hungering for human blood.

The figure in dark eyed the invisible narrator and frowned. “Really? You're going with megatur when humongous, gargantuan, oversized and fucking large exists? Remind me to buy you a dictionary when this world is destroyed. Because I worry about your diminishing mental capacity. I really do. Any way, back to dark whisperings. Also, they expressed desire to break the safety rules with your mother. Making it illegal in 49 states except for Utah for some dark and obscure reason. I mean euh... the state of Nutah, magical Nutah, yes. Definitely not Utah. They're angry people there. You don't mess with them. Especially after they're willing, capable and forcing you to break the safety rules with your own mother.”

Dark strands of smoke escaped from the dragon's mouth now. As if he'd eaten spaghetti inside of a volcano and was now regurgitating his meal to make the world suffer both visually and … cholesterol-y?”

“Oh come on, man. If you can't handle your job as a narrator then at least get an internet connection and google these fucking words before you use them. You're making yourself look bad now.”

This narrator would and has in the past, but your 'fucking' dragon is ruining the wi-fi. You're turning him into a living bomb if you keep your emo shit going any longer.

“Temper, temper, narrator-kun.”

Hating your weeaboo ass so much right now....

By now the dragon was listening to the cure and doing all other, rather ineffectual stuff that you're not allowed to talk about on the royalroad website. But let's just say that his hard scales on his wrists more or less nullified the desired effect and just destroyed the sword instead. He rose up and roared hard, because those who work hard, deserve to play hard. Even if you're the harbinger of the apocalypse. He swayed at the hero who narrowly dodged the dragon's claws. BATTLE FORMATIONS EVERYONE.

The party, as usual, looked stupid and confused. Because tradition is tradition, traditionally at least. This is usually where the hero takes the lead and guides everyone into battle.

“Euhm... ok? Form of an ice-menorah everyone!”

Both the fourth wall and William Gates looked confused. Like a perfect, but oddly shaped twin, they replied in unison.

“The hell is an ice-menorah?”

“I think it's the opposite of a hell thingie, more like something religious and made out of ice. It was just the first thing that came to mind after this nutcase begged for battle formations.

DING! Updating character chart.

Level. And a one and a two and a three, four five. Minus twelve thousands, three hundred and thirty three. Soooo... twelve. Yeah, twelve. Cool.

STRENGTH: 0

INTELLIGENCE: 0

AGILITY: 0

DEXTERITY: 0

LUCK: 300. THIS IS LUCK BASED LOOOOOSER!

READERS: 101 (Two people accidentally wandered in and don't know how to get out any more.)

ACHIEVEMENTS:

'Oh you lucky so and so.' - S

'Innate asshole' - SSS

'I'm a kitchensink, daddy!' S

Slayer of children – Too Common, it's sad, really.

Kind of a dick. - D

ABILITIES:

'Pelvis thrust' – Minor failure.

'Pelvic barrage' – Failure.

'Pelvic barrage-aga' – Grand Failure.

'P-p-p-elvic-c-c barrage-agaagagagagagagaaaaaaa' – Abject Failure.

BATTLE FORMATIONS:

Ice-menorah

Hell-menorah

Just standing around like headless chickens with a stick up their ass.

“Wait, that's an actual skillset now? And why do I feel like the third one is being dismissed unfairly?”

Because that formation is being overused right now.

“Ah, I see. Still, isn't a menorah like candles of increasing length right next to each other? Do you want us three to stand next to each other ranked by size? Also, why do I get this distinct feeling that a hell menorah ends up with us being on fire in some way?”

Crap, the narrator thought you wouldn't notice.

“This middle-finger right here is for you my friend. Treasure it. But still, by this logic, the fourth wall has to stand at both sides. With me and Willy-boy here in the middle. How the hell are we gonna do that?”

“Also, why am I being roped into your bitchfight?” belched the fourth wall.

“Dude, it's our first real boss. We need all hands on deck here.”

William looked excited.

“DECK, William. DECK. Not the other thing.”

William looked less excited.

“Stop thinking with your deck, William. It's bad for you. You have to moderate yourself. Maybe first start with a porch or a sidewalk and inch your way further, with the three inches you have in an unfortunate location, towards the decking of your dreams. Believe in your decking dreams my dude, I believe in you!”

William, motivated through the power of hard and wooden decks, allowed himself to be grabbed from behind by the vibrating hero.

“Dude, phrasing? I'm just shaking with excitement and this oversized pleasure toy that holds the power of a fucking sun. I think I'll be fine. We about to slay us a dragon, mkay. Because drugs are bad.”

“POINT, at least the synthetic ones are. The ones I made are amazing.”