《Duality Dissonance》Chapter 2.2 Motivations
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Well into the afternoon, it begins to rain. EV looks up into it, always remembering a certain line from the book. God is in the rain. It’s a light rain and the soft patter of drops feels refreshing. As evening approaches, the group decides to take shelter under a series of overlapping bridges. The roads and bridges fork in several different directions and they select a bridge with a grass median between the opposite direction lanes. Pride, Greed and Lust position into the grassy divider where Greed stakes his spear into the ground. He alights the spear and the glow exudes the ambiance of a campfire. It’s actually what EV thinks about as he sees the spear begin to glow. He and Gluttony crawl up the concrete incline on one end of the bridge.
“—so that’s why they usually have me checking nearby rooms when we’re indoors,” Gluttony continued.
EV shook away his meandering thoughts. “Yeah, but why do you turn your head around like you’re using your eyes?”
“Oh that’s because god told me to.”
“Huh? What’s that mean?”
“What’s what mean?—oh wait, did I say god again?—I meant Pride.” Gluttony smiles his big toothy grin as if to admit he didn’t say anything unintentional. “He said it was weird and confusing. He thinks that I should face whoever I’m talking to so they know when I’m talking to them.”
“Yeah, but can’t you just say their name so that they know?”
“Sure I could EV. EV, I could say someone’s name with everything I say. But EV, can’t you imagine how terribly annoying that would get. EV, just picture it. Imagine me saying a sentence EV. And EV, every time I said something new, I would say the person’s name. EV, now I don’t know about you. But EV, that would annoy the piss out of me. Don’t you think so EV?” EV’s curiosity continues sinking into something sour as Gluttony continues talking.
Sloth walks up and turns to spread out against the incline. “Ugh,” Sloth groans. “This bed sucks.”
“You could always go sleep in the grass,” Gluttony offers.
Sloth sits back up. “Yeah I could. But I really want to know about this plan. They still haven’t told us anything.”
“That’s because I’m telling you what’s going on.”
“Since when?”
“Since forever. Pride filled me in when I joined them and said that I should go over it with any new guys. I guess you two can tell anyone else we find.”
“What are you talking about? You haven’t told us any plans?”
“Sure I did. We’re doing the plan right now. It’s night time out—right?” Gluttony asks then looks back over to EV, who nods. “Great. That means Nemuri—the moon is out which also means that we shouldn’t be. So we’re under the bridge until Mezameru rises in the morning.”
“That’s not a plan!”
“Sure it is. Nemuri causes dark phases, dark phases cause rifts when they come in contact with you, and bridges cause uninterrupted sleep because the dark phases can’t reach us—so yeah, it’s all going according to plan.”
“But the You-mes—,” Sloth gestures out with the flat of his hand.
“The what now?”
“The things we gotta stop from destroying stuff.”
“The Yoi,” Gluttony asks with a smile.
“That’s what I said.”
Gluttony points past Sloth. “Can you see down the road there?”
Sloth looks and then shakes his head. “Well no, it’s dark out.”
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Gluttony shakes his head as well. “Ok, well just picture us going that direction in the morning because that is what will happen. Now imagine we come up to a huge rent in the ground that is as far wide as we can see. What do we do?”
“We go around it.”
“It’s too wide. It would take days to get around either end.”
“Well, we can just fly over it.”
“We can’t do that either because my wings are too small for me to fly.”
“We fly and come back for you?”
“The next Yoi is likely in a direction other than backtracking”
“Ok, then lay something across and make a bridge?”
“We can’t because there’s a huge wind that’s constantly blowing upwards and walking over would buffet you off of one side or the other.”
“Is this really out there?”
Gluttony shrugs. “Probably not but that’s not the point. The point is that we can’t plan for everything. We just have to keep a firm understanding of what we’re going to accomplish and keep moving closer to that. Whatever else happens between here and there is going to be too varied to account for. We just have to adjust to whatever happens down the road and plan for the few things that are more certain.”
Sloth looks away, more troubled than before. “Well what things are certain that we -can- plan for?”
“Destroy all the Yoi, stay out of line of sight with Nemuri when Mezameru has set, and whatever you do, stay away from the indestructible guardian that defends all the Yoi.” Gluttony nods his head definitively before looking back at Sloth. “Good night.”
“Wait—what indestructible guardian?!”
Gluttony smacks his lips and then lifts the ceramic jug onto his lap. He pulls the cork out to the sound of a thoonk. Sloth watches with baited breath as Gluttony casually turns the jug up and takes a long draw. “Aagh,” Gluttony exclaims. “That’s refreshing.” He taps the cork back in with his palm, yawns, stretches and leans back against the slope. He just waves a hand towards Sloth. “We can talk about it when we get there.”
Sloth looks back and forth between Gluttony’s prone form and EV who is trying to suppress a smirk. EV just shrugs, before getting up to walk further up the incline. “Indestructible,” Sloth murmurs as he looks off in the distance.
EV gets to the top of the slope where there are several small cubbies across the crevice between the bridge and the slope. He sets his dagger in one and then turns his back to it. With his feet flat against the slope and his knees drawn in, he rests the book on his thighs. He flips through the dagger-illuminated pages, reading an occasional quote or note as he thinks about the day. Was any of that actually real, he wonders. Trees being pulled in and Nemuri sending out dark phases? People seem to talk about Nemuri like it is some cosmic being capable of attacking the world, supposedly sending out the dark phases. But why does that make more sense to them than other explanations? The dark phases do happen at night but that doesn’t mean that they are caused by a celestial body. Maybe it’s something else.
The questions frustrate him because there always seems to be more. He has an unexplainable and non useful knowledge base about the other world and an ever growing bank of questions. He wishes he could hang a sign outside that -bank,- “Closed Until Further Notice.” Instead, he maintains the growing frustration at the useless trivia, in an ever growing pile, that he can’t line up with any of his questions.
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Envy must get stronger if you want to survive, says the voice.
Wouldn’t surviving be easier if any of this made sense, EV think in frustration.
Envy finding answers is not a strength. Envy’s questions are what will drive you to getting the strength you want. This one will guide Envy. EV looks past the book to his shadow that seems to sway even as the light behind him does not. Envy must stay with the group for now. Envy will find more power soon and then you won’t need the group. This one will be all that you need.
EV looks back over to the book and twists his lips as he considers. I hope you’re right.
He reads through more of the quotes and always feels awed by some of the things written within the book. Socrates reminds him of his own thinking and makes him feel a little easier about his own questions. Ford seems very determined, like the very words are his and EV is only allowed to hold them for a few moments but must soon return them. And Emerson seems like someone that is somewhere in between. Or at least that is what EV imagines from their words. Emerson’s words seem to ask a question while simultaneously answering it. EV thinks about one of the quotes for a time. Is that all I want to be? Someone strong enough to not need anybody else? Seems a bit short sighted.
Envy must only focus on getting and forget about what will be enough. Envy will gain everything you need as long as you listen to this one. Envy not listening to this one will get you killed.
Maybe so.
“Psst! EV,” comes a forced whisper. EV looks back out and sees Gluttony’s head tilted back up towards him. “Is he gone,” Gluttony whispers.
EV looks back down to the roadways and sees Sloth on the far side of the campfire, sprawled out and staring up at the underside of the bridge.
“Yeah,” EV whispers back. EV looks back down and sees Pride and Greed opposite of one another with their backs leaning against a concrete support pillar. He looks around but doesn’t notice Lust anywhere. Over close to the other crevice maybe? Gluttony ambles up the slope and sits next to EV. “I thought you were going to sleep,” EV asks.
Gluttony is pushing his boots off when he looks over. “Oh no,” he says. “I was just trying to get rid of Sloth. It seemed like a story would be more effective at getting rid of him than faking narcolepsy.”
“Narcolepsy? The sleep thing?”
“Yeah,” Gluttony says enthusiastically. “I sometimes say things and forget that not everyone knows about a lot of the old world stuff.”
“You know about the old world,” EV asks, seeming hopeful.
Gluttony just shakes his head. “Well, not really. I mean, I know some stuff but I don’t know how.”
“Yeah,” EV says, settling back into himself. “I have some of that too.”
Gluttony leans back against the cubbies and looks towards the book in EV’s lap. EV pulls it away at first, feeling protective of its contents. “Is that the book from before? Back when we first met?
EV nods. “Yeah, it’s one of the very few things I found containing writing.”
Gluttony leans forward as if to scrutinize the pages and then glances back up to EV. “What’s in it?” EV looks at the open pages and then back over to Gluttony. Gluttony just shakes his head. “I can’t read it, remember? Words aren’t physical—well, unless they are cut into or out of something.”
“Oh right,” EV says as he adjusts. “Well, uh, it’s obviously a book but I think it was something personal to someone Like a journal, maybe. Whoever it belonged to, copied down a bunch of notes and quotes from other people. All of the little statements mean something that makes you want to think about it more. And a lot of them feel like they are directed to me.—I was just reading over this one. It’s from a guy named Emerson. He shows up in here several times. His goes like this: “The only person you are destined to be is the person you decide to be.”
Gluttony nods sagely. “Yeah, but there’s a catch in there, right? Deciding something is a very deliberate thing. You can want to do something but that’s not the same as deciding to do it. If you don’t do the work to be what you want, then you become something you don’t want—and that’s a decision too. —No one else here can tell you what you should be.”
“You talk as if you’ve heard this before.”
“No—it’s more of a personal experience. I guess you can call it a life lesson. So whatever happens—focus on what’s most important to you—the things that make you want to get up each morning.”
EV nods. “Yeah, we have to save the world first.”
Gluttony looks at EV like he has a third eye in his forehead. “No EV.” He reaches over to poke into EV’s chest. “What’s more important to you, as an individual.” Gluttony gestures out across the rest of the camp. “We’re not all here to,” Gluttony air quotes, “—Save the world—. We’re here because we have our own stuff to sort out. We’re just together because the saving the world thing has us moving in the same direction.”
EV’s eyebrows wrinkle in confusion. “Saving the world is not what’s most important?”
“Not to me it’s not. And it’s not to you either. Maybe you haven’t figured yours out yet but aside from Pride down there, I doubt anyone else will say they are traveling with us to save the world.” EV becomes distant as he thinks about it. “Eh, food for thought.”
EV closes the book as Gluttony rolls to face away from him. EV sits with the book in his lap for a while and just considers Gluttony’s words. It’s to get stronger—isn’t it? The question haunts him for a time. What if I don’t know what’s more important to me? He lays down and rolls over on his side, staring out from within the shadow of the bridge. There is standing water down the bank from him and he stares at it while the book is tucked under his head as an impromptu pillow. Nemuri is reflecting off of the water’s surface. EV stares at it while the question keeps going around in his mind, like a kid on a merry-go-round that is reaching out and keeps tagging him every time it comes back around. What’s most important to me?
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