For the next two days everything progressed smoothly, for the most part that is, turning every chant I knew into a spell, testing things out without realizing them that is. The day after mine and Dovera's conversation as I opened my eyes the mucus around my hands had hardened meaning that production had stopped and was safe? to remove, that was the consensus the two of us reached. Next came treatment, while nuts were available to add in my diet, the other methods that required such ingredients weren't implemented. At first Dovera was going to be the one massaging my hands but out of nowhere Estelle jumped in and took over. I was skeptical of the proposition, thinking there's no comparison between the thick as wood logs hands of a seasoned doctor and the delicate fingers of a lady but after seeing signs of calluses on Estelle's hands I let her do it without raising any objections.

Right, the past two days were spent in peace with me taking the first steps to recovery. The most shocking event that happened was my hair turning white... MY.FUCKING.HAIR.TURNING.FUCKING.WHITE. Apparently the "oh so knowledgeable" doctor Dovera didn't saw it fitting to mention since, in his worlds, "I saw many a young people like you lose their hair or color, I thought it a given, from what you went through." No matter how you look at it it's not normal. Those cases he spoke off had their hair turn white over the course of a few months. "Marie Antoinette syndrome" is the layman's umbrella term for a variety of causes that changes scalp hair color and hormonal imbalances due to trauma is the most likely cause behind those cases of Dovera. Only my case is a special one. Instead of my roots turning white and progressing as my hair grew, they had turned white in their entire lengths which is PHYSICALLY impossible.

And where physics stopped metaphysics began. Well calling it metaphysics is wrong since that studies the abstract in comparison to the tangible of physics. My answer lies in between those two concepts, where the abstract of the mind mixes with the tangible of the universe, arcansics. So basically my hair turned white because my unconscious wanted them and the energy influenced by it did the bidding. That's the best explanation I can give at the moment. Well I can lay here putting labels that might never get the chance to be immortalized in paper or I could deal with the more immediate problem.

"So... Did you spoke with your parents yet?"

She jumped a little at the suddenness of me speaking up.

Estelle: Did that hurt you my lady!

"Hurt? what?"

Estelle: Oh...

Once again she turned her gaze away from me as she continued rubbing my palms and fingers. I kept myself from letting out a deep, long sigh. This was going to be even more difficult than originally thought.

"You didn't answered my question."

Estelle: No I have not yet experienced the pleasure of doing so.

"Why? If you were waiting for my permission I already gave it."

Estelle: Many thanks for the lady's concern. That is a matter I will attend at my discretion.

It was easy to pick the coldness and hostility in her voice. And yet her hands hadn't stopped.

"Sorry for bothering you then."

Estelle: Why...

"Pardon?"

Estelle: Why did you apologized!

"What! A apology is wrong now?"

Estelle: Her Ladyship would never apologize for anything.

"And in what form is that a good trait to have as a person?"

Estelle: You truly are unlike her Ladyship...

"It took you so long to figure THAT out. And here I had you marked as a competent one."

Her head shoot up to me, eyes shining like brilliant malachite crystals.

Estelle: My Lady!

"So that's all it takes to be acknowledged as "your Lady" Cadence Troupe. Listen I'm not telling you to forget about her overnight but confusing me for her won't do you any favors."

Estelle: Then... then do tell me how am I supposed to act. When you say that the person I look up to is dead while wearing her face. What am I supposed to do?

"You were actually looking up to Cadence? I absolute wasn't expecting that."

Estelle: Then what did you expected, you who bare Her legacy. Why do you, or my Lady, thought my father agreed to any price they named? It was becuase I asked him to.

"You asked him to do that! And he didn't asked for anything back! I still have a lot to learn."

Estelle: What do you mean?

"Look Cadence was aware of the amount of money 'gifted' to have you placed as her lady in wait. But even if she wanted to complain, which believe me she did, Cadence was simply ordered to comply and comply she did without giving any further thought on the matter. Her own opinion, your reasoning, your family's wants nothing of that mattered."

Estelle: No you are lying. My Lady wasn't that weak a person. She...

"If she was dissatisfied with you she would let you know. Always one to attract stares and controversy. The first to jump into new trends. Aiming to be the center of attention. Do tell me dear Estelle why was your lady, in your honest opinion, acting the way she did? What made her so... flamboyant in character?"

She, for the first time, stopped massaging my hand and really reflected on my question.

Estelle: In a sense I always both envied and adored Her. Even when I heard all the bad rumors about her all that came to my mind was "This person is free" and that I wanted to be more like her, to learn from her.

"Then remember her like that. It will be the greatest service you can do her."

Estelle: Then what is your opinion of my Lady?

"A genius, not favored by circumstances, regardless of how she acted or what people thought of her she had the mindset of a genius. Her knowledge in Chanting was the greatest gift she could leave to me. And at least I can say with confidence that she went out fulfilling her curiosity."

'Curiosity killed the cat', as they say, but would it be appropriate to say 'and satisfaction brought her back', as they forget to add.

Estelle: Her curiosity... At the end my Lady never opened to me. What I learned over the years serving her was nothing more other than her schedule.

"Then do you want to know. And before you say anything altruistic there is a very good reason why she wouldn't answer even his majesty when asked about it."

Estelle: Then does it not stand to reason even more for me to not learn of it.

You really get hung up on the weirdest part don't you.

"It may well do so, but thing of it another way. Try to use her achievement and what it meant to her in order to better understand the person you looked up to. To find out what was beyond the rumors and underneath the masks she wore. Knowledge shouldn't be something to be horded away from people or but instead be up for grabbing by those thirsty enough to take it."

She hesitated, keeping her face away from my eyes. Taking a moment to weight my proposition in her mind. Was she a genius in the making or did I misjudged her?

Estelle: I wish to know.

Her head spin around with force, determination and curiosity burning in her eyes. My mouth moved in response, before I even realized it, it had twisted into a grin on its own. Without saying a word I released the already gathered energy, realizing a small flame burning between our faces, safe away from any burnable materials, controlled under my watch, inside realm. Yet like a moth Estelle developed a yearning, she got entranced by it, she wanted to make contact with it. As soon as her fingertips were about to touch the small flame I snuffed it out leaving our eyes to meet a second time.

Estelle: That.. How! Is it not a taboo?

"Indeed so. But do name me the reason is has to be one."

Estelle: Becuase the first king degreed it.

"And what did his majesty saw that made research on chants a forbidden practice?"

Estelle: That's...

"Unless he witnessed a horror so loathsome that no history books should be defiled by it, there's only one reason that comes to mind. Power and stability. Chanting requires someone to know the chant, the nuances of pronunciation and have a good wand, which creates an ever growing divide between the richer classes and the poorer ones. Whilst what Cadence discovered and I further researched relies on the individual, a power far to volatile for structured society."

Once again she fell deep in thought. At least it appears that my words didn't drove her away but instead made the cogs in her brain twist in interesting new ways. She got it.

Estelle: Then can you teach me this new chanting.

This one will go far in life. I'll make sure of it.

"It's not chanting it's arcansics, short for arcane physics. Unfortunately first I need to deepen my own understanding before I can impart this knowledge to others."

Her eyes changed, they lost their shine, her face showed how dejected she was from my answer. Only, that was the bitter truth, I am unable at this moment to put words behind what I experienced and the testing pool is a single person so no solid conclusions can be drawn from the time being. Also given my complicated circumstances I can't dedicate much time into turning my research to proper teaching material. All in all its near impossible.

"But if you want I can promise to teach you when I figured it out."

A soft smile in response.

Estelle: I do appreciate the sentiment but there is no need to concern yourself over this.

"What are you talking about. For better or worse we're together in this."

Estelle: Even thought we have no relation?

"That's absolute nonsense! I may not be you lady-in-service and you my lady-in-waiting but right now we're together in this, two accomplices trying to survive against the world."

Estelle: ...Then I will take you up on that offer.

To cut the conversation at that she turned her head back to my hand, picking up massaging my joints from where she had left before. Only there was still one point that there needed addressing.

"So... going back to my original question."

Estelle: With everything going on is it really that important or is it their support that you're seeking?

A very bland but also appropriate question spoken in a casual tone. That's how I like it.

"Cadence, even if her family wasn't directly involved, wouldn't bother informing them, myself am the same, I couldn't care less, if I had parents to begin with that is. But you are, your family is, not the same. They care about you and now all that care had turned into worry and the more you believe they worry about you the more you, yourself, worry about the whole situation and it's slowly gnawing at you. I simple don't want to see my one and only accomplice in this world crumbling before my eyes."

Once again she stopped, hiding her face where I couldn't see it.

Estelle: And how can you say you know what I feel.

That's right Arthur shouldn't, Cadence definitely wouldn't and I have no personal basis to speak off so how can I see it.

"Call it forbidden knowledge. Part of the reason why I'm not Cadence."

In truth Arthur met someone who's meant a lot to her and who's family was an open, warm and accepting one. And it took her quite a lot of years before she understood the 'odd' ways of that family and I doubt she got everything right.

Estelle: How, wouldn't that make them targets themselves and then they could leverage them against us.

"That's a possibility, if we're not smart about it at least. Do tell me what is your actual relationship with the Doctor, are you truly blood related."

Estelle: No, from the stories I've been told uncle Dovera and Father met during the expeditions era.

"The same expeditions were your family was awarded their title?"

Estelle: ...Indeed.

"And the two parties continued to have relations after the expeditions era was over and your house was established."

Estelle: Exactly. If I may how does my family history help with our predicament?

"Why are you asking? Of course it helps, in fact it couldn't make for a simpler solution. It's as simple as 'the doctor' writing a three-part letter."

Estelle: Three-part letter?

"Absolute so. In the first part he will be expressing his condolences for your disappearance. In the second he will be nudging your parents to pay him a visit if 'their heath declines' due to grief and finally the third part needs be a blatantly false reminiscence about an event during the time of the expedition that somehow ties in with the story."

Her face lit up like the night sky above an orthodox church during Easter.

Estelle: I see! Then I... should I continue the massage?

"You can stop here for now. This take precedence."

She jumped from the stool she was sitting, skipping towards the door before suddenly freezing in her track and turning her head towards me.

Estelle: Can I ask? Does... does it really help?

"The massage you ask? Think of those scars as the skin tightening and preventing movement of what's under. With a good strong massage you loosen the scar tissue. I don't really expect to be able to write anymore but still I do think I'll be able to hold a cup of water on my own. And honestly I prefer a massage over the alternative."

Estelle: alternative?

"Skin grafting. Cutting the scar tissue with a very fine knife, cutting healthy skin from another part of my body and sawing it over the affected area. And yes it is as horrible as it sounds, every part of it."

Estelle: Yeah let's keep it to massaging. Also is all that part of your... forbidden knowledge, or how you call it?

-You catch on quickly.

We exchanged a final wry smile before she exited the room, leaving me alone.