《That Scottish Play》Act 1 Scene 5
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Enter Lady Mac B, Reading a letter.
Lady Mac B
“These weird thingy dudes met me on the day I took an absolutely massive ‘W’ and I think they can see the future. When I tried to ask them more questions they straight up vanished. While I was standing there like a derp, messengers from the king came and made me thane of Cawdor. Which is exactly how those witchy bois saluted me before saying I was gonna be the future king! I thought I should spill the tea to you, my one true Bae, so we can have some extra special fun times. But shhhhh it’s a secret.”
(She looks up from the letter) You’re thane of Glamis and Cawdor? And going to be king, just like you were promised. Or would, if only you had the balls to take the crown. You are way too nice. You’re power hungry and ambitious, all the things I look for in a Bae, but you seriously need to grow a pair. Ambition isn’t worth Jack if you don’t have the will to do what it takes. Come home right now so I can convince you to take your rightful place, beneath my fee… I mean, on the throne.
A Servant enters.
What’s the haps, boyo.
Servant
The king is on his way.
Lady Mac B
That is some wild bullshizz, Macbae is with the king, he would have shot me a text so I could do some prep, go to the salon and all that jazz if the king were really on his way.
Servant
Sorry but I ain’t no liar, Macboss is coming. His text just arrived so ‘f’ ing winded he could barely force the words out.
Lady Mac B
Pamper his tired butt, he brings awesome tea.
The Servant exits.
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So the messenger bro is a pony,(Laughs) ah it’s a shame there’s no body here to laugh at my jokes. He’s a little horse (Cracks up) Still Duncan’s in my house, and he’ll never leave muahahaha. Come to me bad boi spirits, let me blame you for my murderous thoughts. Put me through gender reconstruction surgery so that my head will be full of murder, cruelty, the sports ball! I don’t know what goes on inside their heads. Turn my blood to gravy, so I won’t feel remorse and die of CDV as soon as that becomes a thing! Don’t let none of that human compassion taint me. Fill my boobies with acid, murderous demon bois. Leave your hidey-holes and come fulfill your job. Let smog fill the air so none shall see the crimes I’m about to commit!
Enter Mac B
Best Boi of Glamis! Worthy boi of Cawdor. Those titles are below the man who should be king! Your text shot me forward in time away from the present all uncertain and shizz and into the future where I… we stand victorious over the dead bodies of all who dare oppose us.
Mac B
Keep it down dummy head. The king is here tonight.
Lady Mac B
When does he want to leave at?
Mac B
Next sunny time.
Lady Mac B
He must not live to see it. Your face is like a book, everyone can read your emotions through that facebook of yours. We need to set your profile to private! Only show those dummies what they expect to see. Greet the king daddy with love. Float like a butterfly but be the snake underneath it… wait that’s not right. Look like a flower, sting like a bee? No, eh whatever. The king boi is coming and he’s got to be yeeted. Let me handle the, uh, show. Tonight is our night and we shall never be the same after it. Like in those stupid teen movies.
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Mac B
Hit me up later.
Lady Mac B
Just stand there and look pretty, leave all the dirty work to me.
They exit.
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