-Varia-

The hull of the keelboat sliced through the calm waters. The waters of the river were deep, and the sails were turned to catch the wind. They were moving surprisingly fast, sailing forward. They were both followed and flanked by other small ships while they moved downriver towards Kveling, one of the largest port cities of Er Rai.

Varia sat under the tarp-roofed cabin in the rear, sparing himself from the sun. The keelboats were used specifically to transport cargo, while the village used standard, small fishing boats to gather their catches. Varia was surrounded by this cargo, as most was kept under the tarp to protect it too from the sun, though it smelled regardless. Varia made the choice to sit among the fish opposed to the oppressive sun and the reflection of the suns assault on the water, but he still sat with his hand cupped over his nose, and a scowl on his face.

Arcturus did have a small business in fishing, but the fish never smelled the way these fish smelled. Perhaps it was the cold that warded off the stench of a great many things. He did not know, he just knew that he missed the lack of smells on the ice.

Varias eyes lingered on Maddox and Sabre while the two poured over a map of the seas and Nihal, attempting to plot their easiest course through the country. It was a mild annoyance that he was not asked for his opinion, as he traveled through Nihal for a great many years, and knew the best routes and how to avoid not only Nihalian troops, but civilization as well. He knew how to navigate most of the underground, but Sabre was proud and, like most Nihalians, angry with Varia’s persistent and effective campaign against Nihal. Movement caught Varia’s eye, and his eyes slid to Brom, gazing at him with mild annoyance while he approached.

Brom joined Varia under the tarp and sat beside him on the single step leading to the cabin. “The wind is in our favor, and the waters are calm. We should arrive in port tomorrow morning.” Brom spoke to him softly, fondly. Varia always wondered if that was out of fear that Varia would snap at any moment.

“I have never liked traveling by ship, be it sea or river.” Varia admitted, though this was not a new revelation.

“I know.” Brom responded. “Arcturus has no bodies of water that are not lethal, or frozen. The council had no reason to train you, or most of its men, how to swim. This is not uncommon in Arcturus. You should not be so hard on yourself.”

Varia scoffed, gazing over the railing of the ship and down towards the water below. “The river here is deep enough for me to sink and never surface. The council, in their great wisdom, should have considered the climate in the countries they wanted me to take for them.” Varia leant away from the edge, breathing a sigh, his eyes shifting to where Maddox stood. “I am not concerned with drowning here. There are many people here that would not allow me to do so.”

Brom’s gaze followed Varias, though Varia returned his to Brom. Broms eyebrow twitched, his jaw clenched and the artery in his neck pulsed just under his skin briefly. Varia cocked an eyebrow at him, but did not mention the clear agitation he displayed. Brom turned his gaze back to Varia, boldly meeting his eyes.

“Once he gets what he needs from you, he will kill you. You see that, right? No matter what he needs from you now, you have always been a hurdle he cannot leap. You are the only person who can best him, who can even come close to standing to him as an equal, or superior. He will not allow you to be in his way.” Brom pleaded, a story he often spun for Varia in an attempt to convince Varia to leave.

Varia turned his gaze to the river ahead again, annoyed that Brom was, once again, trying to convince Varia to take his leave. He could not, not yet. Not with a demon inside of him, not with only the two of them. They needed Maddox, and Maddox needed them. They were stronger together, at least for now.

“I do not make things easy for him, that is certain.” Varia mused, propping his chin on his hand, and his elbow on his knee. “If not for me, he could have ended the Arcturian push long ago. Such a cocky bastard, the first time he faced me.” Maddox still had the scars from that battle.

Maddox’s head turned, and Varia’s eyes lowered to him. Their eyes met, and the faintest of smiles flickered across Maddox’s lips before he turned from him once more.

“I am not concerned with what you brother intends yet.” Varia said, softer, his eyes still watching Maddox busy himself. The sun made the gold of his hair shine, and from just below his tunic, Varia could see the raw strength he possessed. It was little wonder why he was deemed the Golden hero of Er Rai.

Brom did not respond to Varia, and Varia was glad for it. Before long, Halan dropped from where he balanced on the beams connecting the tarp to each side of the ship to chart their course. He used the pulley to adjust the sails, turning them to the wind once more, and pulled the sail half up. He turned to examine his new companions, then held his hands out.

“It is midday, and I am famished! We are due for a small lunch, wouldn’t you say?” Halan asked, walking to where he kept their personal supplies. Maddox and Sabre joined Varia and Brom, and Halan distributed a hunk of bread and an apple to each.

When he sat, he tore a piece of bread from the loaf he gave himself and looked to Maddox. “Have you been to this area of Er Rai before?”

“I have.” Maddox replied over the crunch of his apple. He gestured behind them, in the direction of the Graves. They were too far down river to see the forest any longer, though not far enough to escape that sweet smell on the air, or the tingle of magic on their skin. “I stayed in E’letaesi for several years when I was a boy. Now that I am a man grown, I have visited a few times though I am often busy.”

“You are friends with the elves, then?” Halan asked, and Maddox shook his head with a chuckle.

“They will likely wish to kill me now.” He answered.

“Most wish you dead, Maddox.” Sabre replied, and Maddox sighed dramatically, agreeing with him. Halan joined the other two in their laughter. Varia knew that he did not realize that Sabre spoke truth. Maddox was quite hated, though he did understand how that could be, and was, amusing.

“I have only been to Nihal once. I am nearing my 40th name day, and I wish I were still young enough to travel.” Halan admitted. Varia was completely uninterested in the conversation. He did not wish to grow to know Halan, nor did he wish to speak of his aging.

Varia turned his gaze to the tree line, following it as they coasted down the river. It sounded like Halan would ask to travel with them, but he would not be able to. This was not an adventure in the sense Halan spoke of. This was war. Halan was soft, weak. He would die, and though Halan seemed to want to find some purpose to his life beyond a life a peace and fishing, Varia would not be responsible for his death.

“You should travel then. Find others like you, who wish to see the sites of the world. There are a great many beautiful women in Nihal and Er Rai both. I suggest sampling them all.” Sabre spoke to Halan, and though the men chuckled at what he said, Varia knew Sabre was intentionally pushing him from wishing to travel with them.

“Aye, that does sound nice. Though I fear you have left no unsampled women for others like me, who are not blessed with your charm.” Halan said, then looked to Varia and Maddox. “I know you are on some sort of quest. I know you are warriors, and I know that traveling with you would end in my death. I am not built for war.” He admitted. Varia agreed with him, silently, and continued to eat in silence.

“You are built like an ox, Halan. You could easily wield a battle axe and become a formidable warrior.” Maddox insisted, and Varia’s mind shifted to his second in command next to Brom.

Kia. A massive brute of a man, rumored to have giant’s blood. Kia was easily the most recognized member of the Legion besides Varia. A terrifying foe to face, and an indispensable warrior to have besides you, he was the man Varia most sought to contact. Kia was loyal. He would likely be pulled back to Arcturus by now, for fear he would incite rumor and violence within the Legion, aimed at their oppressors, the Council. War changed Kia. He was not the same man he was when he first joined Varia as a younger man. He was loyal to the Demon of Arcturus, not to Arcturus itself.

“Ah, maybe in another life I could have been a grand warrior.” Halans voice tore Varia from his memories of Kia, and he turned his eyes to their host. Varia, though he believed Halan to be a soft man now, agreed with that.

In another life, perhaps Halan would have been formidable. He and Maddox were considered the most skilled warriors, the most powerful. They were both trained from a young age, very young, perhaps too young. Varia could hold a weapon before he could properly walk. Halan would never be like them, but 40 was not that old. He could still learn.

“You should not become a warrior. Do not pick up a sword. You have a beautiful, peaceful life on this river. You should be grateful. Many people do not have the luxury of safety, food, or even shelter like you do. My people, the people of Nihal have been living under siege and in constant fear for a very long time. It has been a long time since I’ve seen a place untouched by the war.” Sabre said, tossing his apple rind into the river.

Halan nodded, but Varia felt his stomach sink. The village likely would not remain untouched now that he and Maddox were there. The elves, the blood mages, Arcturus, Er Rai… all want them dead for one reason or another. If they found that they stayed in the village, which the elves likely did know, the village would be destroyed and its people would be slaughtered.

Movement caught Varia’s eye, and he looked towards the trees. The forest following the river was thicker in this area, but he still saw…. Something. A flash of light, of movement, rustling branches and bushes. He was not certain. It was likely a creature, but…. Whatever it was, it was gone. Varia felt his body grow tense with edge, and felt his skin prickle with that feeling of being watched. He glanced to Maddox, and Maddox gazed towards the trees as well. His face was hard, his gaze focused. His eyes shifted to Varia’s, and Varia knew he saw it too.

“Where are you going in Nihal?” Halan asked, breaking the tense contact he and Maddox shared. Varia grunted, then rubbed the bridge of his nose, pinching his eyes closed in an effort to ward off any annoyance with their host.

“Once we reach P’helle, we will travel south. The less you know, the safer you will be, Halan.” Varia said, the annoyance he tried to chase away pushing through in his tone.

It doesn’t matter if he knows the entire plan. He will be dead within a fortnight.

Even being near them put Halan and the entire village at risk. Halan nodded in response, though something about his gaze gave Varia pause. Halan, as Varia suspected before, wass not some ignorant riverfolk. There was recognition on his face when he approached Varia and an unconscious Maddox for the first time. Halan held his gaze, almost in defiance, and Varia held his in return, challenging him to admit what he knew.

And Halan did. He looked to Maddox quite suddenly and spoke again, causing Maddox to choke on the gulp of water he was taking. “How did you survive the destruction of Emeriss? I heard you were in the city.”

Varia, though he suspected something of this sort, stared at Halan, his eyes widening in surprise, at perhaps not the admission, but the boldness of it. Maddox, once recovered, also stared wide eyed, and Brom drew a sharp breath. Sabre seemed surprised as well, but less so than the others.

“I haven’t been near Emeriss in years.” Maddox lied, the lie falling from his lips so smoothly, easily. Any other would have fallen for it, but Halan did not waver.

“I served as a medic with Er Rai for years. I went to Nihal and marched to war less than a decade ago.” Halan spoke, his voice level, calm. He perhaps knew the danger that providing shelter to them caused, but he seemed ignorant to the danger he now put himself in. He did not lie about not being a warrior, he used to be a medic, of all things. Of course a fucking medic would recognize Maddox.

He knows who we are. Who we both are.

Varia’s hand dropped to the hilt of his sword, and his eyes left Halan and swept over the other ships sailing downriver with them. There were seven others, less than thirty men. He could dispatch the other ships easily, before they would even know what hit them. Each keelboat had a cabin, and a tarp or even a wood roof on it. There were shadows, and he had the reach to hit most ships easily.

Halan held his hands up, eyes wide now that the shadows on their own ship began to darken. “I have known since the moment you stepped foot into my village!” He exclaimed.

Sabre, who seemed accustomed to Varia’s eminent attack at the very least, snapped his fingers suddenly. “I knew I had seen you before! You were with the 23rd regiment. You joined our march to Qruedon, didn’t you?”

Halan looked surprised, and nodded to Sabre. “A-Aye… you remember that?” Sabre shrugged his shoulder, looking a little too pleased with himself.

“It’s my job to remember. Though I suppose I was lacking this time in particular. I could not place you for the life of me.” Sabre admitted, giving Maddox an apologetic shake of his head.

“Aye, I was deployed to Nihal and placed with the Heros elites. You,” he said, gesturing to Sabre, “Would sometimes come sit with the others in my group and eat dinner around the fire. But the Hero… he did nothing more than go over battle plans in an effort to stop the Demon of Arcturus’ push.”

“Why did you help us?” Varia spoke, not interested in Halan’s life story, least of all when he traveled with Maddox against Varia.

“I have seen many things, Commander. When you attacked our camp, I was badly wounded and left for dead in the chaos. It was two days before Arcturian soldiers found me under the sands, wounded, but alive. They gave me food and water, medical care…. I found later that they were deserters. They told me that their families were political hostages, but that they were told, by you, that their families were dead. I always thought that was odd… that you would tell your men these things… and then allow them to leave. They said you did, that you told them you would allow them a day and a night head start, but after you would send men to track them down… Why did you let them go? You knew you would not catch them.” Halan asked.

“I have caught a great many deserters. Several that you crossed likely were headed south, and I north. I was fighting a war, not chasing criminals.” Varia snapped back. While Varia did catch many deserters, he did allow many to escape. He told many of his own men that the only thing anchoring them to the military was dead, and allowed them ample time to escape him. Some did escape, many did, but many did not heed him, did not use the time he gave them, and he was forced to run them down.

Even then, I knew what Arcturus was. I allowed many to escape.

He wondered, briefly, if those men were alive still. Not just the ones Halan spoke of, but all of the men he allowed to run. He wondered if they would come when called, like he predicted Kia and parts of Legion would.

“That is not what they thought. I was wary of you, as are most Nihalians and Er Rians. We heard you ate the flesh of your enemies and stole their strength, that’s how you were so powerful. When I said this to those deserters, who did not consider themselves to be Arcturians anymore, they were… offended at that. They told me you were just a man. That’s all, just a man, doing his job. I did not understand that, then…”

“I split from the group, bartered my way back to Er Rai and settled in my village. I met my wife and built a happy, peaceful life. I knew who you were the moment you arrived… I thought Maddox was your prisoner, and I thought you sought for his health so that you could consume his strength as you did so many others. I was going to kill you in the woods, at least try to, but when we were out there, I could not.” A smile spread across Halan’s lips, and he gazed at Varia with an almost admirable look on his face.

“You showed the men how to properly hold an axe, how to nock an arrow, where to hit the wolves. You protected us, helped us, slayed the wolves and joined us in dressing and skinning them. You were not at all what I thought you to be. When we camped the night before, you listened to the stories the men told, and promised them that they would have their revenge. You were quiet, so quiet… you seemed like you were broken so many times, and had to rebuild yourself alone. You complimented the men on their wives and their lovers, listened to them tell their stories to you, listened to them speak of their sexual adventures... And then you said you did not favor women, and that you were seeing someone. You did not say, but I knew it was Maddox.”

Brom twitched at those words, and Varia too felt uncomfortable. Maddox did not turn his gaze to Varia, but he thought he could see the faintest of smirks on his face.

“When we returned to the village I knew then with certainty that you two were not enemies.” Halan looked to Maddox then. “I have no interest in men. You do not need to worry about me killing him, or taking him from you.”

Maddox’s face flushed, and Varia reeled back in offence at the words. He could not be taken from Maddox, he did not belong to him. He was not some prize to be stolen from another. Varia’s offence was deafened by the howl of laughter that left Sabre. Brom stood and left the group, moving to stand at the bow.

Varia grit his teeth, swallowing his anger and embarrassment. “You say you do not plan to kill me now. How will I know you will not try?” He asked, redirecting the conversation back to more pressing matters.

“I will not try to kill you, but in truth, I would not admit that I was still planning to. I would not be able to even if I tried, as you know, but telling you this would only assure my own death.” Halan explained, and Varia was convinced, though unhappy about it.

“I can see that those men were right. You are just a man. An abused man, just trying to find your own way in this world.” Varia did not like that. He did not want to be assessed by this man, by any man.

“Arcturus betrayed Varia, and tried to murder him. The destruction of Emeriss was meant for him. Varia was set up, sent here alone and he is now trying to end the war. Maddox and myself are also considered dead, and our quest relies on silence. Absolute silence, from all of us. From you now, Halan.” Sabre spoke, all humor gone from his voice.

“I will not tell anyone that I have seen you. No one would believe me if I did. I don’t understand your plan, but I am not of a military mind.” Halan admitted, then grinned to Varia. “You have no reason to trust me, but believe me when I say that my wife would have trusted you. She believed the men that I met in Nihal, and she spoke of you kindly whenever you were brought up. She said that you were just a man, working for a place that was not our place. Maddox, to her, was the same as you. If he were not Er Rian but Arcturian, we would view him the same as we viewed you. She would have helped you… I will help you. I will help you get to Nihal to finish this war so that one day I may travel without threat of war finding me.”

Varia looked to Maddox then, and Maddox looked to him. They held each other’s gaze for a long moment, then Maddox shook his head very slightly. Varia knew that Maddox did not want him to kill Halan. Varia sucked his teeth, then stood. He huffed with a wave, and moved to sit on the rear of the ship, leaving the others to speak among each other.

He was left alone until that evening, after the sun dipped in the sky and the moon replaced it. Maddox approached then, and sat near him, allowing his legs to dangle off the edge of the ship. Each ship was illuminated by a single lantern, orange rippling along the soft flow of the rivers as they sailed along slowly.

Maddox shared Varia’s silence for a moment, before he spoke finally, his voice soft. “We should not kill him.”

Varia glanced to him, then gazed back over the river behind them. “Halan knows too much. He will jeopardize what we are attempting to do.”

“He does know too much, but I don’t think he will betray us. I think he is an honest man, though he is insufferable.” Maddox responded, gazing out over the river as well.

“You cannot be certain of who will betray us and who will not. We cannot keep leaving loose ends everywhere we go. We must be careful.” Varia said, his tone matching Maddox’s soft one.

“I know, and I’ve been wrong before.” Maddox mulled the words in his mouth, before speaking again. “How will it affect us if Halan does speak?”

“If Arcturus finds out that we are alive, they could begin a mass campaign and drop their explosives on every major city in Nihal and Er Rai. They could blockade the coastline, and remove Legion from where I could possibly reach them. They already withhold information from the Legion, and more from the commonfolk. Withholding my status would not be difficult. One man telling others that he has seen us alive and together could ruin everything if only one person believes him.” Varia planned this conversation. Maddox was always quick to try and quell any murderous thoughts he may have.

Maddox stayed silent for a moment, then leant closer to Varia. “You cannot kill everyone, Varia. You need to trust that people can be good sometimes. Just good, for no reason other than that’s what they are.”

Varia scoffed, rolling his eyes. “I am not a child. I know there are honest people.”

“Halan is helping us, even though you are his enemy. You are changing, a good change. You already stopped yourself from slaying him the moment he admitted to knowing who we were.” Maddox persisted.

“Is that how you see me? As someone who is too quick to kill? Who will not allow someone a moment to explain themselves?” Varia huffed, turning his head up to gaze at the sky. “You are no different from me. You would think the same of me if I were Nihalian and you were Arcturian.”

“That is not true. I know how Arcturus is, I’ve seen what they do to their people.”

“You do not know! You know nothing of Arcturus, or its people. You are not a savior there, you are a monster to them. You are feared, you are hated, just as I am in Nihal and Er Rai.” Varia snapped, returning his gaze to Maddoxs, holding it angrily.

Maddox stared back, his expression unreadable to anyone but Varia. Varia knew he struck a nerve, and he knew Maddox was perhaps surprised, and even hurt by what he said.

Good. I am not the only monster here.

Maddox finally broke the stare, and gazed back out over the river. He stayed quiet for a long time, so long that Varia almost began to feel a tad guilty by what he snapped to him. But before he could even consider apologizing, Maddox broke the silence. “Is that how you want people to see you? As a Demon? As someone who would eat the flesh of others, as someone who murders anyone who crosses your path?”

Varia stared at Maddox still, though his anger was subsiding. When Maddox said it like that, asked him if he wanted to be feared… He did not have an answer for him.

“We are doing this because we need to change, Varia. Both of us. We need to adjust to a world with no war, because we will end the war. We are so… fucking broken by it, we need to overcome it, to be better than what everyone expects us to be.” Maddox spoke with such sincerity, passion. It was rare he was so honest with Varia, especially like this.

Varia looked back over the river, then lifted his gaze to the sky once more. Somewhere, his star was up there, though heavy clouds lingered and he could not see it. How could he change in such a way? How could he destroy the mold Arcturus built for him… built for so many others? Why would he change? He would not survive this war.

“If I change, I will be of no use to you.” Varia said, all fire gone from his voice.

“You’re right, you will not be. I don’t need you to shy away from killing, I just want you to think about the people you kill. Even if it’s deserved.” Maddox answered.

“I do think of people I’ve killed. I hear them every night, still.” Varia murmured, though immediately regretted it. He should not express such weakness, to anyone. Especially to Maddox, who could use it against him.

“Varia, I-“ Maddox began, but Varia waved him off.

“I will do what you need me to do. I will not kill Halan. I also do not think he is a threat.” Varia interrupted him, unwilling to speak of the nightmares that plagued him, and unwilling to hear Maddox feign concern for him.

Maddox stared at Varia, then scowled. “Why did you allow me to try and appeal to your humanity if you were of the same mind as me?” Though he looked angry, his voice was playful, and almost relieved that Varia was not thinking of killing Halan still.

“I was amused hearing you champion a man you are so viciously jealous of.” Varia responded with a casual shrug.

“I am not jealous of that fucking bearded fisherman.” Maddox grumbled, rolling his eyes and turning his head back to the river.

Varia glanced over his shoulder to where Halan sat with Sabre. The pair was leant against the mast, sharing a skin of ale between them. “He is attractive, for such a large man, I suppose.”

Maddox jammed his fingers into Varia’s hip, drawing his attention back to himself. “I am not jealous, but you do not need to try and make me jealous, you evil creature.” Maddox whined.

Varia batted his hand away, pressing a finger against Maddox’s chest when he attempted to lean back in. “It is adorable, seeing the Hero of Er Rai fawn over the Demon of Arcturus so.” Varia teased, before turning his attention again to the river behind them. “You do not need to be jealous, anyway. Once we reach Kveling we will be leaving Halan behind while we sail to war. Then I’ll be stuck with only you once again. At least for the time being, I have no better option.”

“Oh great, I’m so glad I get to be your only option.” Maddox drawled sarcastically, though he appeared to enjoy the banter. Varia enjoyed it as well, despite himself. He did not often entertain Maddox in this way, but in an odd way it was freeing. It felt… normal. Like they were just two, normal men. Not bitter enemies plagued by war.

“I will make certain you stay with me, and that you always consider me your only option, Commander. Be certain of that.” Maddox spoke again, and Varia snorted.

“Do you plan to imprison me, Captain?” Varia asked, shooting a mock shocked look to his companion.

“I do. I will, if I must.” Maddox said, a chuckle leaving him.

Varia snorted again, lowering his head when he felt his lips twitch up in a smirk. He felt eyes on his back, but chose to ignore who was certainly watching them. “You couldn’t imprison me, even if you wanted.”

“You’re right, you are a slippery beast and it would be difficult to imprison you.” Maddox said, tilting his head up and tapping a finger on his chin as if he were deep in thought. “Perhaps I will give you an offer you cannot refuse.” He declared, gesturing boldly to his crotch.

Varia barked out a laugh, but shook his head. “You are foul.” He murmured, finally turning his gaze over his shoulder. As expected, Brom sat near the bow still, his eyes locked on Varia. Varia held his gaze, allowing his smirk to fall from his lips.

He was becoming wary of Brom with each passing day. Brom continued to speak ill of Maddox and his intentions, and he would attempt to trick Varia into leaving him. He was not worried that Brom would kill him, but he would ruin the plot to bring Arcturus down with his dislike of his brother.

Varia did not believe he was being tricked. He is being used, but not tricked. Maddox, while dishonest normally, was not dishonest about his intention for Varia. Maddox did not have any intention that could turn Varia against him, at least none that Varia could think of. He had to stay, he had no other option.

Varia turned his gaze back to Maddox, who sat and gazed out behind them, looking more than pleased with himself. He should not be concerned, he should trust Maddox, at least a bit. But he couldn’t, and he could feel anger beginning to swirl in him. He did wonder, sometimes, how many of Maddox’s actions are only used to further his own use. If anything he said to Varia, even in their most intimate moments, were true.

Brom is getting into your head. This is what he wants.

But what does Maddox want? Brom wants to keep Varia from Maddox, but Maddox wants him to fight the men he grew up with, to kill his countrymen. And for what goal? He was not certain, and was not even sure Maddox knew.

Varia sighed, swallowing his anger, and turning to place his feet on the deck of the ship. “I am tired. I’m going to lay down.” He muttered. Maddox looked to him, his brow creasing briefly, but he did not argue.

“I will be here when you wake, always. I will stay up tonight.” He murmured. Varia glanced to him, then gazed out past him, towards the dark forest surrounding them.

“Watch the trees.” Varia said, shifting to his feet and stepping the few steps to his cot.

“I will. I have been.” Maddox said, then looked down to where Varia was now sitting, pulling off his boots and heavier armor.

“You will not annoy me tonight. I deserve some sleep.” Varia commanded, flopping down to lay on his back, running his hands over his eyes.

Maddox chuckled softly, cocking his head at Varia. “I will keep my hands to myself tonight. But I cannot guarantee it for the rest of our journey.”

Varia smirked to himself, then pulled his cloak over his head, rolling onto his side and pressing his forehead against the wall of the cabin.

Soon, the sounds of the water lapping at the hull, the soft voices of Sabre and Halan, and the constant presence of Maddox nearby lulled him into a sleep. It was dreamless, at first, but then he opened his eyes and found himself standing at the base of the tower of Nazapul, where he grew up.

It did not look how he remembered, at least not fully. He was nearly aware that this was a dream, with the way the tower waved, the way the sky blurred and darkened red. The tower was massive, reaching the sky, jutted and sharp. It was a dangerous building, and a dangerous place to be.

He felt fire on his back, burning and tearing at his flesh. He gazed down to his hands and they were red with blood. He was a child again, he realized, holding a long sword that was as tall as he was. The sword was chipped, rusted, dull, stained with of blood and tarnished with years of neglect.

There was another child, his age, perhaps of his 5th name day, maybe 6th. He was dead, though it was not a clean kill. His throat was ripped open, and Varia vaguely remembered that he thought he could sever his head from his body. He thought he could make it quick, but he could not swing the sword hard enough, he did not have the strength to lift it but barely.

Someone spoke to him, but he could not make out the words. It was jumbled, incoherent, but he turned his head regardless. A man stepped closer to him, a man dressed in black, a fur cloak trailing through the dusting of snow behind him. He placed a hand on Varia’s head and ruffled his hair.

Varia gazed back to the body, staring at it. Blood pooled out from him still, the snow melting around it, steaming, staining the old cobbled stones. He remembered the child. That child was his friend, his only friend. He couldn’t remember his name, though he tried to think of it. He squeezed his eyes shut, but when he opened them, he was in Nihal, on the sands.

The heat stung his back, and he could smell burning from somewhere. He was standing in a village. Blood was smeared on adobe homes, the old stones crumbled, thatch rooves burned. Before him was a pile of bodies, taller than him, taller than the buildings around them. He could hear the fire crackling, smell the burn of bodies and homes. He could hear people begging, pleading, screaming in horror and pain.

Some of his men, though their faces were blurred to him, cast more bodies into the growing pile. Behind the one he gazed at, there were other piles, some taller, some shorter. Other men gathered logs to build pyres, and in the distance his men marched the survivors south, to the larger force that likely waited for the prize of flesh.

Varia glanced to the bottom of the pile when movement caught his eye. The sand shifted, watching as something began to move. He saw small fingers grasping at the sand, spreading it out and pushing forward, digging out from under the bodies. He did not move, just watched. A child emerged, dragging himself from the oppressive bodies, and Varia saw his old friend again. His nameless friend, what was his name?

Varia blinked down at him, his mind foggy, unable to quite process what was happening. The child, his friend, was blue with death, ragged flesh hung from his lips, decaying. His eyes were milky white. His young friend pulled his shoulders from the pile, and Varia could see the cavernous wound on his neck, he could see tendons, arteries, meat, muscle. He could see the jugular, severed and split open, allowing the light to touch deeper in his friends’ throat than it should reach. His friend opened his mouth, but his mouth was a void. His head, no longer supported by a full neck, flopped to the right, exposing the gruesome wound even more. His spine jutted outwards, his skin tore even more, and Varia felt his heart beat in his chest.

Smoke curled from his lips and from the wound on his neck. Varia was frozen, but he could feel the familiar sensation of snowflakes drifting onto his skin, sticking in his eyelashes and melting on his cheeks. He briefly wondered how snow found Nihal, but his mind was still foggy, and he was unable to force himself to wake.

The other bodies in the pile began to open their eyes as well. Like his nameless friend, their eyes were white. Smoke began leaking from their fatal wounds as well, and they opened their mouths the same as the young boy. Like him, the same smoke curled from the blackness of their wounds and mouths. The smoke grew thicker, surrounding Varia and wrapping around him like his own shadows. It pushed under his armor, burning his flesh, down his throat, choking him. He closed his eyes tightly, trying to wake, somewhere in the dark recesses of his mind, he recognized this as a dream and that he needed to wake.

When he opened his eyes, he was in a hellscape. It was dark, he could see nothing but the smoke around him, consuming him. Then eyes. Crimson eyes, boring into him. The smoke had taken the form of Dor’Goth, though he himself was without form. His shadow swallowed Varia, surrounding him, encasing him in darkness that he could not control. Varia opened his mouth to shout, but no sound left his mouth. Dor’Goth laughed that familiar, grating laugh, so loud it was painful. Varia couldn’t move. Through the dark, the face of his old friend appeared, and then more, the faces of so many others began to appear all around him. They moved through the smoke, haunted eyes, angry mouths agape. His friends’ wound seemed to grow longer across his neck, his skin crackled and fissured, and they drew closer. Closer and closer, and he could not move.

He woke suddenly, swinging his arm and shoving something firm and warm away from him. Maddox hit the ground, eyes wide. “Varia…” He whispered, then sat up on his knees, crawling back to the side of the cot and moving his hands to Varia’s shoulders.

Varia stared at him, drawing heavy breaths, before he looked down to his hands. He stretched them out, and the shadows curled around his fingers. He felt wetness on his cheeks, and lifted his hand to swipe away the tears that stained his face. He drew another breath, then sat up properly.

“Are you alright?” Maddox asked, his voice low and thick with concern.

It was dawn, soft light filtered in through the tarp. He could hear the sounds of a city in the distance. He did not answer Maddox, reaching to the foot of his bed and grabbing his sword instead. He pulled it onto the bed with himself, wrapping his fingers around the hilt. It comforted him, somehow.

I must have cried out in my sleep, if Maddox is here…

He finally looked to Maddox. “Did I wake the others?” He asked, mentally hitting himself for how weak and small his voice sounded then.

Maddox shook his head. “No. Sabre is already awake, as is his usual. Brom has not moved from his cot, and Halan still snores from his.” Maddox chewed his lip for a moment, then placed his hand to cover Varias. “I was nearby and came to calm you when you started having your fit. You were not loud, I was just close.”

Varia felt nausea swell in his stomach, embarrassed, angry, frightened. He swallowed it, and pulled his hand from under Maddox’s, pressing his knuckles against his temple. His head was already beginning to split. He sighed in annoyance, then glanced towards where the tarp separated from the hull.

“We must be near. I can hear the city.” He murmured.

“Aye, we will dock within the hour.” Maddox confirmed, then sighed. He ran a hand over his face, then took Varia’s other hand in his. “You friend… what was his name?” He asked softly.

Varia looked to Maddox, his eyes narrowing and burning with rage at being asked such a personal question. And anger with himself for just… not knowing. He pulled his hand away, then stood, grabbing at his armor and pulling it over himself with shaky hands.

Maddox took the hint and did not persist, instead standing as well. He moved to Varia once he was finished dressing, and wrapped his arms around his shoulders, leaning down to press his lips against the side of Varia’s neck.

“You are fine, commander.” He whispered, then pulled from Varia, stepping towards the deck.

Varia stood, watching Maddox tend to the sail. He was increasingly surprised with Maddox. He never knew that he could be like that, so tender and comforting. He understood him, and knew when to leave him be. How many times Varia could have used that assurance and understanding in his life… It almost angered him, but he felt his anger and fear leaving him.

He glanced to Broms cot, and met his seconds’ eyes. Brom watched him, and Varia scowled, unnerved that Brom would witness such a tender moment, a moment of weakness. Brom did not speak, only closed his eyes and rolled to face his back to Varia.

Varia sighed, then turned to watch Maddox on deck. Maddox began to lower the sail from where it was pulled up for the evening. The other ships were still around them, some sailed ahead with lowered sails. Others were just beginning to lower them, while others still remained fully stopped with their sails up totally. Smoke rose over the trees ahead of them, as did tall buildings, barely able to be spotted in the dawning light. The river was orange with the sun, and the air was biting, but pleasant. Birds rose above the tree line, and deer drank from the shore. It was beautiful in Er Rai, and Varia felt almost guilt at wanting to destroy it for so long.

Maddox rotated the sails, and moved back inside, past Varia to grab their bags. Varia’s lips moved on their own before Maddox moved by him again. “We were children. I don’t recall how old, maybe 5… maybe 6. He was my first friend, and also my first kill. I was told to deliver that mercy to everyone that needed it.” Varia murmured, gazing impassively at Maddox as he spoke.

Maddox turned to face Varia when he spoke, and listened. He did not seem phased, but his face paled slightly at his words. Varia did not wait for a response, instead he waved his hand and grabbed one of the bags Maddox set down.

“That was a long time ago. I do not remember his name.” Varia spoke, moving to step out onto the deck, but hesitating. He turned and looked at Maddox over his shoulder. “Do not bring this up again.”

Maddox stepped to stand near Varia again, taking a bag in his hand as well. “I will not. When you are ready, you will tell me on your own.”

Varia eyed Maddox, but moved onto the deck. He would not do that, he knew. His past was not relevant to their mission, it would not matter afterwards. Maddox said he wished to live after this, to learn to live without war, but Varia would not live beyond this war. There was no future for him. He wanted to die once this was over, it would be too hard to change.

The ship docked within the hour, as Maddox said, and the group helped Halan to unload his catch. The men from the village that already arrived joined them and began to set their stand up. Sabre wandered off towards the sea port, hoping to procure a ship early.

Varia gazed around the port city, the sights and smells foreign to him. The streets were surprisingly clean, paved with cobblestones that still appeared mostly white despite the mud. There were women wearing flashy, colorful dresses, and tall, feathered hats. The men wore swords that he was certain they never had to use, and strolled through the streets as if they were kings. There were not only Er Rians, but Nihalians as well, dressed in silks and selling rich goods. The buildings were tall, and decorated with many banners and flags of all colors, but none were the light blue of Arcturus. Nihalian ships were adorned with gold and red sails, and painted deep greens and blues. The Er Rian vessels were less flashy, though painted lighter than the wood they were built with.

His eyes swept the streets, and fell upon the familiar chainmail of Er Rian soldiers. The soldiers were standing outside of a tavern, speaking among themselves. Varia immediately tensed, his hand dropping to rest on the hilt of his sword as it always did.

Maddox approached from behind him, and Varia caught his eye. Maddox followed his gaze, and then smiled to Varia, reaching behind him to take the hood Varia wore and flipped it onto his head. He winked to the commander, then pulled his hood up as well. “It is best if we remain near the vendors we have come here with while Sabre and Brom search for a ship.”

Varia nodded, then looked to Brom who stood beside him as well. “Go, find a ship.” Varia said.

But Brom did not move, hesitating, his eyes shifting between Maddox and Varia. Varia looked to him again, his eyebrows raised. He clicked his tongue, opening his mouth to repeat himself when Brom turned and slinked off down the pathway.

When did he become so hesitant with my orders?

Varia scowled after him, and would have continued to do so until Maddox spoke. “He is adjusting to this new life. Allow him some time.” Maddox tried to reason.

“Brom is free to leave whenever he wishes.” Varia spat back, fire in his tone, angry with Broms recent issues.

Maddox sighed, lifting his eyes to the sky briefly, then returning them to Varia’s face. “Do you truly think Brom would leave your side?”

Varia muttered Arcturian curses under his breath, but did not answer. He would not, Varia knew Brom would not leave him, especially with his brother.

Halan approached then with woven baskets full of supplies, sparing Varia from speaking more of Broms newfound insolence. He gazed into the baskets, eyebrows raising in surprise at what was in them. Fruit, dried fish and waterskins, armor better suited for the harsh sun of Nihal. He looked to Halan, who simply shrugged. “You are my friends, and I would want you to be prepared for your journey. This is not just from me, I admit. The village pitched in, as a thank you.”

Varia felt an odd pull in his chest, and he looked to Maddox. Maddox pulled a fine bow from the baskets, and a quiver of arrows. “These weapons… are you sure you want to part with them?” Maddox asked.

“We have no use for weapons.” Halan said, then gestured to the sword at Varia’s side. “There is a better sword in there, for you.”

Maddox pulled the short sword from the basket and handed it to Varia. Varia pulled the blade half from the sheathe and inspected it. It was not the greatest blade, but it was better than the sword he currently used.

“Thank you, Halan.” Varia said, pulling his current blade from his belt and swapping for the new one. “You must be cautious. If someone recognizes us, then they will know what you have done for us.” Varia warned once again.

“I will be wary, but I am not concerned. I will be fine.” Halan said, looking to Maddox when the captain set the basket onto the ground.

“I was not fond of you at first, Halan, for reasons that were not justified. You have proved to be a good friend, and a good man.” Maddox said. Halan laughed, a loud, bubbling sound from deep in his chest.

“You would not think that if I were interested in men.” Halan responded, and Maddox laughed as well.

“Aye, finding that you prefer women helped me change my mind.” Varia rolled his eyes and turned his head from the pair.

He gazed down the dock, ignoring the two men beside him as they continued to sing each other’s praises. He watched the people walking, but his eyes fell on a group of men with their own hoods up. The flash of eyes told him that they too were watching him. He scowled, craning his neck to try and get a better look at the small group while they moved through the crowds. A movement caught his eye, and he looked up to the tops of the buildings, spotting several more hooded men sitting on the rooftops throughout the city. His eyes return to the group that moved closer to them, watching while the figures ducked into small shops and down alleys, out of sight.

Varia set his basket down, glancing back to Maddox and Halan once again. The two were deep in discussion about something Varia could not quite make out. He turned again, and moved towards the shop closest to him, that he watched a man move into.

He moved inside, his hand resting on his hilt, though casually. He did not remove his hood, and the portly girl kneading dough called out a brief greeting, but did not lift her head. A bakery, lined with shelves and shelves of fresh bread. Varia could not spot the man he followed, and moved deeper into the small building, turning a corner.

The moment he turned the corner, he was shoved back against the wall by the hooded man. That close, Varia could see that he was not human, but an elf. Before Varia could process that they were under attack, the man drew a dagger, stabbing it forward towards Varia’s gut. Varia yanked his sword half from the sheath and allowed the dagger to ping off of it. The man withdrew his hand, and in that moment Varia pulled his sword out the rest of the way, flipping it, and burying it into the elves gut. The elf reared back, his hood falling from his head, his large, almond eyes wide as he stumbled back to attempt to gain his footing.

He shoved the dagger towards Varia again, but Varia stepped to the side, and it instead grazed the leather on his arm. Varia shoved him back, pushing him from his sword and reaching to draw his own dagger from where it rested, hidden against his stomach. The elf muttered something in elvish, grabbing bleeding, gaping wound in his stomach, then lurched forward again.

Varia bat aside the elven blade once again, then pushed forward himself, driving his dagger under the elfs chin and through his neck with such force the elf fell back until Varia’s dagger stabbed into the wood of the doorframe. Blood spurted from the elves neck, splashing over the floor, over Varia’s hand, over loaves of bread. The elfs eyes bugged from his head, staring straight at Varia. His mouth dropped open, his tongue falling from between his lips. His eyes were so wide, so glossy, that Varia saw himself reflected in them.

Varia yanked the blade from the elf, allowing his body to crumble to the floor and sheathed his dagger, wiping the blood on his hand onto his pants. He moved to the door, pulling his hood from his head and pointing his sword at the woman behind the counter.

“Stay here and don’t move!” he ordered, then he burst from the building. As he did so, a volley of arrows flew from the tops of the buildings and down into the docks below.