I truly am sorry.

"Eh ? Did you just.. ?" Mom asked me, slowly getting me out of her embrace. Even without looking, I can feel her wides eye watching at me.

Ashamed, I simply can't bring myself to look at her eyes. Their eyes.

I sincerely don't know what I could, what I should say to ensure a semblance of normality in my life now. At this point, there is no use even trying to think about that I suppose.

The only I can do now is just, be honest with them. It's not like they will harm me or whatever after all.

It's just that you know, I wanted to keep things normal and not be this adult minded kid. Even if it means keeping the secret about me from everyone else. If I want to act clever and mystical I can just wait until I'm older. There is only one childhood in one's life and I don't want to ruin it for this kind of stupid reason. Because of my negligence.

I know it's selfish but I at least deserve that don't you think ?

Sure if it was like that (being the adult minded kiddo) I would, without doubt, be put into an advantageous situation objectively speaking but I don't want that. I don't know if my imagination is too wild but I can easily see how this kind of scenario progresses.

First everyone, and by that I mean my parents, starts acting differently then when I'm a teen there is a huge fight between me and my mom. I want to drink beer and Mom says "You're too young for that young lady !" and I retort "If we add up the length of all the life I experienced I'm at least a trillion year old you fool ! If you don't let me drink then I will run away from home !" then I find myself lost into a shady backstreet after a day of begging in the streets and get kidnapped to be used into a brothel for the rest of my life which at this point would certainly be pretty short !

Mom seemingly waiting for an answer from me, I stay silent under her gaze.

I owe them an answer.

"I'm sorry mom, dad... you did nothing wrong, it was my fault." I tell her, burying my head inside her chest. I grab her red pullover with both of my hands and clench them with all the strength I have. "So please, don't apologize."

"Your fault ? How could it have been your fault my little fae ?" She answered me, apparently not caring about how I am speaking. She put her arms around me once more, hugging me tightly. Her left hand in my hair, rubbing them exactly as she likes to do it.

"I.. I did something with my mana, I believe that why all this occurred" I answered promptly and with honesty, for once.

"Something with your mana ? What's mana ? What could have you done that led to you falling into a coma ?" Claudia, the angry doctor, interjected.

She doesn't know what mana refers to ? They use another word for it I suppose.

Patting Mom's back, I extract myself from her embrace.

Taking a deep breath I look at the woman. "Hum yes.. mana is the term I use to describe that energy flowing into me."

"Ohh, you're speaking of the magein. So what did you do with it ? I'm sure you listened to us earlier, you don't have a magistein. You shouldn't have any magein to play with." Claudia told me, in a serious tone.

When did this become a report about my mana experiment ?

"If by magistein you mean mana body, or using your term, this second body entirely made of magein. Through tests, I discovered that mana, I mean magein, can improve parts of the body when it's imbued in. And that this improvement was only temporary as magein left at some point.

Based on this observation I thought of imbuing my heart with it, thinking that because the heart is connected to every part of the body infusing mana in it would also affect the blood and so logically improving my whole body.

But doing that would not resolve the issue that the improvement is only temporary as mana somehow disappears after a certain amount of time."

Taking a breath I continued my explanation, noticing too well the speechless and almost afraid eyes of my parent. In opposition to Claudia who was waiting for me to speak quietly.

"Usually when I wanted to improve a body part I would manipulate some magein of my magistein in a way it would take a sort of liquified form into my physical body and then imbue what I was aiming for.

But that time I used my whole magistein rather than only a part. I thought that by doing so there would be a possibility that the 'thing which produces magein' would be also be brought into my heart.

Honestly, I wasn't counting on it. Rather I theorized that if the process was repeated enough time my vein would eventually be similar to my skin in the way they would not allow magein to leave.

As to how the process in itself went it's pretty simple, I just gathered every ounce of magein into a really dense point where my heart is, then I squeezed it dry.

It is simple in theory but very hard in practice as even a second of distraction would let all the magein gathered disperse into the magistein.

It's after I finally squeezed the last drop of liquified magein that I passed out. To end up waking in this very bed." I finished saying at long last, exhaling the breath I was keeping during all the talk.

Not daring to look at my parent I stayed focused on Claudia who was it appears deep in thoughts. "That makes sense. It explains why you don't have a magistein and why I thought your heart was giving me a weird feeling earlier.

But there is still something I don't understand. How were you, you who were at the time merely a 6 months old baby, able to do something like that ?"

"I... frankly don't know how to retort to that." I answer her honestly. Because I really don't know.

What am I supposed to say ? The world I used to live in met its end and I got reincarnated here while somehow keeping my memories ? Absurd, but I can't let them without at least a sliver of the truth, they need it. "But... what I can say for sure is, that I have always been this mature. Always."

Mom suddenly gets up from the bed without saying a word, as she walks toward the door she nearly trip but thankfully dad is here to catch her before she actually falls.

"I think… I think I need some air." Mom said before leaving the room with the help of dad.

What a mess. What a real fucking mess !

Everything is ruined and there is only me here to blame !

I have no right to be sad.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry..." I mindlessly repeat as I hear the sound of the steps getting farther. "Please forgive me I'm sorry..."

"You have nothing to be sorry for." Said a voice on my left as I feel something, a soft hand, patting my head.

"But... If that was true I would not be here." I answered sweeping the corner of my eyes.

"Indeed but did you do what you did knowing it would lead to this ? Would you have done it if you knew back then ?" She asked me with a smile.

"No and definitely not, but still…" I answered.

I know she is right but whatever she says, my action had consequences and I'm suffering them right now. You reap what you sow, and the thing I cultivated the most is my stupidity.

I know it's the self-loathing parts of myself who are talking but I can't help it, and after all, there's no smoke without fire.

I feel sorry for them. I'm sure they wanted to have a nice family life, the three of us. But here I come and shatter it in no time, their ideal.

"But why didn't you said anything if you were this clever ?" Claudia asked.

"At the time my body was not developed enough to comfortably talk and stuff like that. I couldn't even walk. But even if it was, developed enough, I don't think I would have." I answered, looking at the closed door hoping for it to open.

"Really, why ?" She asked me, looking genuinely surprised by my justification.

"Because if I did, the same situation I am in right now, hospital aside, would have taken place. I just wanted, and still want, to be seen like how a random kid would be." I said.

"That's fair I guess but don't you think you're underestimating your parents ?" She asked me seriously.

"Uh ? What do you mean ?" I respond, curious about her meaning.

"You may be a super clever lass but in the end, you're still their child. You think they would abandon you or stop being your parents for something that much ? I don't know your parent but they don't appear to me as this kind of person.

Maybe you should give them more credit don't you think ?" She told me with a kind voice, putting her hand on mine.

My life is not a story. This. This is reality.

I'm forgetting this too easily and then act as if nothing had consequences, as if I was some sort of the main character in a story where nothing bad can happen. A story where I don't have any responsibility toward others, where only me and myself truly matter. A story where everyone but me is akin to an NPC. NPCs who in the end act for my interest. A world that bends itself to my benefit.

But that's not what reality is. I'm not some main character in a story.

I am but only a gear inside the big machinery of life and the way I act affects everything around me. May it be for the best… or not.

I really am foolish, aren't I ?

All of this was easy to admit. I could have realized all of that before no ?

Earth. Maybe I'm still didn't really turned the page about it.

"You are… right." I admitted to her, and myself too. "But what happens now ?"

"Well, now you wait for them to think about it. It's a lot to take in you know ?" Claudia said a giggle. "Until they come back what do you think of talking a bit ?"

She's nice.

Trying to ignore my worry I accept her offer. "Sure, is there is something you want to talk about ?" I asked.

"Hey ! I should be the one asking that !" She exclaimed with a grin. "Well to be honest with you, I do. I'm curious about this experiment of your you described to us earlier, can you tell me more about it ?"

"Okay, at this point there is no reason for me to hide anything I suppose." I agreed. "Well, when I woke up I directly checked the result as I was curious about it. And to be sincere with you it is surprisingly good.

From my inexperienced eyes, I would say my heart kind of totally fused with my magistein. I can feel it injecting magein in my blood each time it pumps if I concentrate enough.

My whole body feels different too and I am not talking about how good I feel compared to before as I am constantly boosted by magein. What I am speaking of is how my body seems to have adapted to constantly receiving magein.

Maybe it's because It kept receiving magein for 3 years without stop that it changed in such a way. Now it seems more efficient in the way it uses the received magein.

For example, before when I was infusing my eyes it would improve my sight in a way I would simply see far better and farther but now this effect is far better, color is more vibrant than they were. But the new change is that I can see magein, kind of."

"You really are a chatterbox when it comes to that stuff aren't you ?" Claudia laughed. "But yes, it's really interesting. I think you are the first person I met to think of doing this. I am no mageister but I know quite a bit about magei as a doctor and I can tell you that what you did was really risky, and dumb. When someone loses their magistein they simply die because there's no magein to keep them alive."

Great, new terms to remember.

"Oh, I'm lucky I didn't then. But technically I still have a magistein, it just fused with my heart." I said realizing something after completing my sentence.

I fucked up.

My heart is now my magistein, that great. A physical, fragile, and vulnerable heart.

"Oh." I simply expressed.

"Indeed, now if your heart gets somehow harmed, your whole magistein will be too." She said with closed eyes. Reopening them. "But maybe it's not that simple. After all, you're the first person to my knowledge to do something like this so there is bound to be aspects of it that work differently."

I hope she is right.

"I should have thought about this.." I mumbled.

Looking at her I asked. "By the way, for what stands the terms 'magei' and 'mageister' ?"

I can guess but I want to be sure.

"Ah yes, I forget you are only a nearly 4 years old ignorant child. The first one stands for all the practice related to the magein and the second one refers to the one researching, wielding the magei." She answered, adjusting the glasses she doesn't have.

As I thought magei means magic and mageisteir means magician.

"I see, thanks." I nodded at her.

"But really, not even 4 and already a pioneer in magei. I still can't believe you're not some old woman in a child disguise, to be honest." She said, giggling.

Old women can disguise as children ?

"I hope I'm not." I answered. "But still, thank you for speaking with me, it did me good."

"You are welcome, Silvia." She said with a warm smile. "Oh, someone is coming back."

My anxiety instantly goes through the roof as I hear the distinct sound of Mom's heel getting closer.

The doorknob slightly rotates down, allowing the door to open.

Mom's figure slowly appears in the widening gap of the door.

Each second feeling like an eternity.

Until eventually, she enters the room, Dad following her closely. I can see her eyes are a bit red.

She gets near my bed, Dad at her left side.

"Silvia, we…" She began to say with difficulty.

Dad suddenly cut her off to finish her sentence.

"Silvia, we love you. No matter what." He simply said.

Before I had a chance to say anything, I was already in their arms.