THIS IS SOME…

(Mentally huffing and puffing) Does life and death not like me? I thought I would at least receive an infant’s body that has already been born…

(Sigh) Is this the best I could amount to…a freaking fertilized egg? I am starting to feel a weird emotion creeping up on me…depression. I am going to be stuck in this Amazon’s womb for at least four months because I was making fun of this peasant (sigh). I guess, I have some serious soul searching to do… (sigh) teacher always use to say there is a time and place for everything…I actually miss teacher. These influxes of emotions I have been having lately does not seem to be the real me…I did not start having all of these weird feelings until I was in Raynar’s domain. Did she or her domain influence me (sigh)? Who cares, I just want to get out of this hellhole and be able to at least do what I want to do. What do I want to do anyway?

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I slick do not even know…I know that I want to die. Yet, right now I want to see what this world has to offer, but I am stuck in this messed up situation (sigh). I am not even using my favorite words anymore, something is definitely interfering with my mind…it is quite comfortable in here though. I feel like drifting asleep

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I probably should at least get some information about this world while I am stuck in here…that’s right I should put forth some effort. The situation is not totally bad, I have some time to relax and do some espionage while I am in this peasant’s womb. That is not right, I should not call her a peasant. She is my mother, I should give her the upmost respect, since she is the one that is bringing me into this fascinating world. Plus, what does that make me if she is a peasant (DO NOT ANSWER THAT).

Anyway…hmm…I hear voices…

(Astaroth) Awe…coo, coo, coo you are so cute little one. Elizabeth she is so cute (SHE!!! I was almost a girl!), I can not wait for my little one to be born. A tickle tickle (the baby giggles) aren’t you a little bundle of happiness and joy.

(Elizabeth, at least I assume to be) Astaroth do not wile D’erica up too much please, I am about to have one of the servants put her asleep in the carriage for the ride back home.

(Astaroth) You all have only been here for a few weeks, why don’t you all stay awhile longer… (She probably is giving Elizabeth the puppy eyes.)

(Elizabeth, at least I assume to be) A few weeks, my royal hinny. We have been here for almost a year! The king has missed the celebration of his daughter two year old birthday! I also, miss my husband (I told you she was a Queen). If we had a hanging for every time you said “awhile longer” over the past few months, mostly all the criminals in my kingdom would be dead. Plus, D’erica is my child, but I have barely even touched her since I have been here! (Sigh) I am not trying to be rude, but we have to return anyway to have the royal court’s doctor’s assist in providing treatment to her body for her future prospects can be high.

(Astaroth pouts) Fine! She likes her aunty more than you, don’t you D’erica. Since you are leaving, I will just go play with someone else! (Mother you slick sound like a child, I bet you are sticking your tongue out right now) OH MARY!!!

I hear footsteps that seem to be rapidly running towards my mother and me.

(Mary) Yes duchess, what do you require of me?

(Astaroth) Escort the queen and carry D’erica to their carriage.

(Elizabeth) I guess the next time I will see you is when you bring your little one to see me. Mwah mwah… (She kisses my mother on her cheeks, I guess) You and Vance behave while I am gone (she roars with laughter; is something funny?)

(Astaroth) Dashun escort me to my chambers, I am tired.

(Dashun) Yes duchess!

You have to be kidding me…I need more information MOTHER! Go mingle around the citadel or something sheesh for peace sake.

I feel as though, my mother has layed down. Well, it is official, my mother does not have a life. Well I can not fucking do anything about it, I am trapped in here. Shit…what can I do to pass the time…hmmm? Raynar said that you have to cultivate from a young age or have to receive some outside miracle remedies to help alter the physical body limitations. I am not even born yet, so I think now will be a great time (My mental ear is burning as if someone is talking about me).

Let’s see…how should I approach cultivation…I only have vague knowledge of it. I have a dantian in my head and also another in the pit of my stomach…I have to use essence to give my body the capabilities to use both; however, how do I meet the conditions though? Hmm…let me do a spiritual scan of my body. I have some huge meridians…why is the umbilical cord sending a black substance along with the nutrients to my body? The black substance seems to be traversing spiritual veins into my meridians…I think it is sealing up my meridians…that’s a no go. How do I stop it?

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I know! I could use the essence as a funnel to dilute the supply of nutrients that the umbilical cord is sending me. Okay, what did teacher say…

(Teacher or old fogey rather) Alright brat, I do not have patience for your shenanigans, from now on I will be your sifu or simply master…

(Me) No one is my master and this is not the Edo period. Now you may proceed.

(Old fogey) Brat you sure have a mouth on you, but l like that aura you exude when you speak. Now, all people have a conscious or rather a consciousness; however, if a person is not able to use more than ten percent of their brain, they will never be able to manually utilize it. Many call it the sixth sense and indeed it is, it gives you the ability do things that the world would consider godly…

(Me) Eh old fogey, you are rambling. Get to the point.

(Old fogey) Alright you cheeky brat! (If this was the Edo period, I would hmph hmph you for talking to this handsome devil me like that!) Take a good look at you surroundings while you try to get a meditative outlook of it and when you start to perceive spectrum/s of color/s being emitted everywhere, you will have completed the first step in becoming able to utilize essence. After you have reached that point, use your consciousness to sweep your body and you will find veins which are called qi passages. You may have noticed that your qi passages lead to several center and focal points that are clogged. You have to simply communicate with the essence of the atmosphere to cleanse and traverse your qi pathways to what would be a sphere in the pit of your stomach. This sphere is a dantian, which is a container that holds Essence/Qi. As you traverse the qi passages, you will progress to gradually be able to use more and your body will also develop capabilities that will grow in turn. Now brat there are plenty of ways to absorb and cycle the essence in your body, the purer the essence, the more powerful you will be…hmmm. I would tell you a pretty thorough method, but for being cheeky…

(Me back in reality) That old fogey, he better be glad he was useful. Hmmm...the different colored lights that shadowed me to this world is essence, I think. I cast my gaze around me to see if I can find any of the lights…a mass array of lights seem to be coming from the umbilical cord and a few from what I guess my mother’s blood. My mother is helping me. I actually may develop feelings for her…back to focus. I need to first develop a relationship with the essence before I am able to utilize it. I get in the meditative atmosphere and try telling the essence that I respect its existence and would it become my friend (I am so cocky aren’t I). It seems to actually be responding to me drastically by stampeding towards my body…that is not good…they have dark brown and black spots enshrouding it. I need to purify it! I immediately relay to the essence to form into a funnel shape and use the friction between its molecules to cleanse itself. The essence that comes out of the funnel seem transparent, but you can still see the tint of the different colors,

I guess the different type of colors represent what type of element it is (Aren’t I a genius! You is smart! You is Kind! You is Important! Why am I being sarcastic towards myself?). Now, I should guide the essence to my meridians through my qi passages to work on purging that black murky stuff

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GOD DAMN IT! THIS IS TIRING!

Eh, I am only working on the dantian for warriors, I need to work on the mage’s dantian too! Let’s see…what’s that…it appears to be routes from my two dantians that lead to four caves that have a cavity connecting them to the biggest cave out of the group and has routes intersecting into a path that leads to my heart

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What the fuck…why do I have the twin royal swords attached to my heart? The swords seem to be absorbing essence and whatever is in the caves…hmm. I am not going to waste my mental energy on it.

I start back on doing cultivation by making sure the essence is equally divided while it is cycling through my two dantians. The process is so tiring that I fall asleep, wakeup, cultivate while trying to communicate with the swords, fall back asleep, and wake…you get the freaking point! Making me sound like a robot by repeating myself over and over

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Several days past by (a little over two months), I have succeeded in cleansing my meridians, but once I did…All the essence I accumulated in my dantians converged together to the twin swords (Greedy mother fuc…haven’t you heard of the sin gluttony). Well it isn’t too bad, since I know I can be both a mage and warrior now due to both of my dantian humming happily I think…

I am startled from my cultivation when I hear moans…

(Astaroth moans) No Vance, we really shouldn’t, I am pregnant ba…uhm uh uh ah ooh

(Vance horny ass father I would presume) Ssh Astar (I guess it is a nickname, but it is kind of getting turbulent in here.) I heard sex eases the process for the baby to come out (You ignorant buffoon).

(Astaroth, mother you are either slick dumb or horny) Okay, be gentle…

These have got to be the biggest idiots I have ever met in my life…WOAH WOAH! Why does it feel like I am moving (by the way…my father seems to be a hollerer…) Eww! The walls are contracting and the slimy stuff around me is helping to ease me out

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NOOO! I wasn’t ready (those words seem familiar)! Wait, I think my mother is screaming…

(Vance my idiot father) SOMEONE HELP ME!!! MARY!

(Mary) Yes, Master what do you…(gasp) Oh my goodness, the duchess is giving birth (Naah bitch she is having her period, HURRY THE FUCK UP AND GET ME OUT OF THIS HELL HOLE!!!) ATTEND ME! (I guess she is yelling to the other servants) BRING A BASIN OF HOT WATER, SOME TOWELS, AND A KNIFE!

At least she handling the situation properly. Good Job. Wait a second a knife…what would she need a knife for

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NOO! I WANT MY PEE WEE! DO NOT TRY TO CIRCUMCISE ME WITH YOUR PRIMITIVE METHODS PLEASE!!! I AM BEGGING YOU! (I AM STARTING TO FEEL DEPRESSED)

Hmm…I am stuck. My father must wasn’t working with anything, I hope I do not end up with the short stick…Ooh, someone is pulling me. Yay mother fucker. Yay…sike, it’s about fucking time.

Ladies and gentlemen I am exiting the VEE JAY JAY! I AM OUT!

Light floods my vision…what’s that shiny thing coming towards me…it’s a… FREAKING KNIFE (I START CRYING, SCREAMING, AND KICKING; YOU WILL NOT TAKE ME ALIVE) WAH WAAH WAAAH!

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I did not feel anything…that actually wasn’t so bad. (I guess I was just being a pussy you are probably saying…I got two words for you: FUCK YOU! Well don’t I feel accomplished.)

Anyway, I am having a Drake (you know the hip hop artist) moment

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Nigga, we made it…well I made it…

Anyway, I can at least get fresh air now.

Yay.