O foul beast, let ye be bound. Or thy shall lay ye to rest in thou makers arms!

I swung the chain haphazardly in the air, thinking that I was a cowboy trying to wrangle her into the pen. I was clearly having way too much fun chasing down a frightened cow deep inside a dense forest, but I was trying to make up for all of the lost time. Let me find some form of enjoyment before the world starts throwing horse shit in my way again.

Also, I coudn't tell if I was wearing any clothes or not. It felt like I’m naked when I looked down, but I noticed a discrepancy with my skin that sways a little bit whenever I moved around. I think that’s my shirt. If not, well, my skin’s too loose now that it’s flapping around with the wind. How disturbing would that be? Not so much when you factor in that I don’t give a damn anymore. Okay, maybe a little. But don’t let that distract you from the fact that the cow just got stuck in a giant web. Wait. What?

“Web. A huge web… spiders?” I muttered.

Question and answer time! What sort of anxiety disorder did I tell you before? A; fear of clowns. B; fear of falling. Or C; fear of eggplants. If you answered A or C, then you weren’t paying close enough attention to what I said before and I’d be genuinely hurt if that was the case. Now, if you answered B. Ding ding ding! You've won a grand prize of nothing. But that meant that we’re bonding. Now, I’ll tell you something wonderful about me again. I absolutely—

Something skittered loud enough for me to hear its audible steps. The tingling awareness that another monster crept closer filled my body with a jolt of suspense. The cow didn’t seem so exhilarated, though. I can see her struggling, but that futility didn’t bode well for her.

Her distress caught the attention of more unseen creatures, most probably other arachnids. A chorus of skittering from the trees fanned my already trembling heart to increase the beat of its drums. Thump, thump, its fast-rhythmic play. My whole body was entranced by its splendid performance. However, the voice inside my head begged to differ.

You’re forgetting to breathe

Ah, yes. That. With how much my heart pounded, the same could be said opposite for my lungs. I’m breath taken by the sight, as you may say. My head felt light, too. I think I was about to faint.

I laughed maniacally as they came in like a dam that broke and water flooded the land. From a foot to almost a meter in height. Hairy and long legs that climbed almost anything with numerous eyes that surveyed the area and fearsome fangs to puncture the defenseless. They also have the innate ability to lay traps for capturing unsuspecting prey like her. They had it all. Everything that an assassin of the dark ever needed in its arsenal of death.

Should I just stand still and wait till they pass, or should I make a move now? Although, I think that it’s too late. My crazed laughter already gave my position away.

I ran to the captured cattle as fast as I could. My eyes set its sight on my predetermined goal and this time, I knew exactly what I wanted to do.

She might have sensed my arrival and moos oh-so loudly for everyone to hear. She must have been saying ‘come save me, my darling prince’ in cattle speak. Don’t you worry, you precious little thing. I’m coming for you.

As I was about to reach her, I quickly made a sharp turn to my right. Following that, I grabbed the smallest spider there that caught my interest and ran off into the sunset. The clear look of betrayal could be seen in her eyes. I’m sorry to say this, but I absolutely adore spiders. Do you think I’ll trade away this perfectly laid out opportunity to capture one and tame it for something like you? Of course not, you idiot of a bovine.

Moo!

Yeah, well, you ran away and got yourself in this mess in the first place. If you didn’t, you could have lived long enough to be served in a silver platter. Serves you right.

Mooooooo!

Sayonara. Till we meet again. I doubt it, though. But you never know, she might be able to pull off a miracle somehow. Her prayers to her divine cattle might be answered.

Moo… moooooooooo!?

Oh, shit. They’re already starting with the festivities.

“Don't worry! You're going to be fine!”

Nah, she’s dead meat.