Once, twice, thrice, and a few more cries. That was how many times my body and limbs were torn or gouged out and then put back into place by an enigmatic force beyond comprehension. It played with my body without hesitation or asking for my consent. I felt like a helpless toy. A genuine Barbie doll. Only, I’m a man, so maybe Ken?

Firmly interwoven

Something tells me that this voice isn’t the usual voice inside my head. It's different. Malevolent, even. Maybe it’s an imposter? But what kind of audacity does it have to replace my precious friend. Although, I feel like it doesn’t even consider me as a friendly acquaintance, but more of a person it needs to look after otherwise it wouldn’t exist anymore. A symbiotic relationship is better than having none at all.

So, here we go again and honestly, I’m getting tired of this bullshitery that I often find myself in. It's more of an annoying routine now rather than a spontaneous unfortunate event that happens once in a while. Pain, pain, go away. Come again another day. Or you know what? Don’t ever come again. No one likes you. Just stay in your dark corner and brood over the things that you did wrong ever since you were conceived. Existing was one of it.

Harsh? It’s the ugly truth. No one wants to hear or even say it, but someone has to. It’s for their own good so that they can change for the better. That is what’s really important in someone that you want to start a relationship with. Trust. Trust that he or she can be blunt enough to point out your horrendous flaws without sugarcoating any of it to make it seem bearable to others. If it’s severe enough of a problem, they can inform you about it before the housewives around the neighborhood start gossiping and spread it to the others in a single afternoon tea. No need for any roundabout ways when they can just be dead frank.

In the same way as Fate’s asphyxiating hold

Let’s leave the emphatic voice to its own devices for now. I couldn't care less what it’s doing to me anymore. My chorus of painful grunts would just reach deaf ears. So, shut it and man the fuck up, or whatever the hell that means. If it hurts, it hurts. If you need to scream to distract yourself from the pain, then do it. There’s no shame in that. Not when there isn't a crowd to feast their eyes on a once in a while spectacle of embarrassing yourself. But, if there is, it will forever stay on the internet after some idiot attention whore posts it online. At least you’re going to be number one for once. On the trending page, that is.

Reality can be such a fickle child

Talkative as ever. This guy, I’m assuming it's a male because of the masculine voice, talks so much in a bewildering way. Fate that, death this, reality being a naive child waiting to get lured by a piece of candy into a white van. There’re so much confusing words coming out of his goddamn mouth that I just want to sew it shut to let him hear his own thoughts to see how stupid he sounds. And again, I’m assuming he has a mouth. Maybe he’s really just a disembodied voice. Who knows.

A single nudge and it will sway with but a moments passing

I sometimes think the insane one here is him and not me. Well, I’m also insane for listening to it so attentively, so we connect as fellow mental patients at the asylum on top of the hill. Maybe someday we’d get to see each other eye to eye and then we’d candidly discuss topics of who’s middle finger looks more like a worm. Someday. But definitely not a Friday.

I know of how you grow tired of lending your ears to this old fool. I won’t hinder you any further on your journey

Did it just read my mind and found out how annoying a one-way conversation was? It must have. I hope it realizes how much of a pervert a mind reader is, too. I see you hiding in the corner there, Professor X, and I don’t condone what you’re doing to your students.

Now, where the hell am I? This isn’t my usual pitch black and gloomy darkness that I’m comfortable with.