Lights on, lights out, lights on, lights out—and the cycle continues. There weren’t even any lights to turn off or on. It was my own consciousness that’s being toyed with by gravity. A natural sadist of nature. Second only to sunlight on a cloudless summer day.

Same question as I had last time. How long will this vertical torture last? I prefer this one than the crawl, though. At least I won’t be remembering most of it because I’m in la-la land. Dreaming away, the good ol' times. When I could still see what’s around me. The ugliness of it all because beauty is highly subjective to the eye of the beholder.

Now that I could listen to my own thoughts in silence, howling winds ripping my eardrums not included, I can reevaluate myself in a much deeper sense. Lately, I think I’ve been using profane words much more often than I’m used to, and I've become somewhat uncouth unlike the well manner kid that I was brought up to be. That’s a given though, as it is an expression to let my woes be heard in a heavier tone. But was that really the reason?

Also, my perception of the world seemed much grimmer. Before, when I remembered the days in the diner while I crawled for dear life, a thin smile formed on my lips and it alleviated my mood somewhat, but now I can only find the faults in everything that has happened there.

The obvious adultery of that friendly woman in red, an abusive uncle towards his nephew who kept on nodding to the side, the smiling con-artist who persuaded me to take a not so desirable loan for his ‘miraculous and game changing' product, and an extremely religious middle-aged man who wouldn’t stop preaching for me to join him on a Saturday night’s prayer session. I think the last one that I mentioned was a homosexual with how he unabashedly examined all the men that entered the diner, myself included.

I’m not a homophobic dick who cringes and clicks his tongue whenever I see a gay person walk down the street, though. I have an acquaintance whom I got along with quite fine like that. I’d say we were even close friends that could share some dark secrets with one another. It’s just that ‘religious’ guy’s ways of ‘getting to know each other' gets on my nerves. Prayer session? I’d be surprised if you’d ever get to leave his house after you've entered the tiger's den.

I’m criticizing everyone, but what about me? I’m not much different than them. A lousy, trouble making son who couldn't even do anything to save his parents deteriorating relationship. My dear hometown friends who also had their fare share of problems, I left behind to escape the reality that I ran away from. Must have gotten them very worried when I packed everything and left without saying a word. I doubt my parents noticed five years ago that I wasn’t even there anymore. Too busy fighting over who’ll own what property, who takes custody of the rebellious teenager, and what happens to the dog. I should’ve taken Rustle with me back then. At least I considered him more of a family member than those who birthed me did.

Not much of a proper and well-thought-out solution leaving the nest so early, but it was one that I did so willingly. People don’t put much value on the things that they have when they can still hold it in their hands until it’s gone up and disappeared, but I think I made a wise decision. I only have myself to look after in this world. Look at how I ended up in this mess. Tried to be a hero in a silly looking costume, wearing his tight briefs outside with a stained blanket for a cape to save a child crying out for help. The only thing missing is my VIP ticket to a psychiatric ward. First class room with my own complementary talking chair.

I wonder what happened to that little girl, though. I carelessly threw her from the third floor of a collapsing apartment building. But now that I think about it, did I just outright kill her myself? Would she have survived the fall? I don’t know. Trifling questions that didn't need to be bothered with because it’s already been done. Never dwell too long in the past, otherwise you may never be able to look forward ever again.

… what a splendid red thread for you to have found me, lost one

Hmm? I’m not falling anymore? My feet are planted safely on the ground and I'm surprisingly conscious to notice it, but I don’t remember landing or anything though. It should have been painful as hell, too.

Although, you are torn and tainted with unnecessary fabric

Hey, that’s new. The voice inside my head's the first one to strike up a conversation this time around. Did I finally get through to him? Is this it? The start of a budding relationship between me and him?

I laughed uncontrollably once more from this momentous occasion. There it goes again. I’m kind of a lost cause now, I think. Soon, I’ll be eating my own shit from my adult diaper and then using it as a hat afterwards. What thrilling and joyful fun would that be? So much, of course. When you're a lunatic without any sense of reason, you'd find the world to be a much happier place.

No matter, for I will weave you

The both of us laugh together in harmony. Honestly, I find the man to be a tad bit creepy.