I'm staring blankly at the computer screen. The clock says my shift ended almost five minutes ago... I click out of the email client, ignoring the endless stream meaningless virtual paperwork metaphorically spilling across my desk, and sign out of my work station. I leave. I doubt anyone notices.

I walk home in the dark, picking up the cheapest cup ramen available on my way. When I pass through the usual alley to get to my street, I can't miss the hoodlums ahead. I pay them no mind, just like always. But it figures that today, these particular ones aren't content to leave me be.

Why? Why can't I be invisible?

“Yo, dude, I know you're not just gonna walk on past us right here!” One is coming up, way too close, inside my personal space. He's flanked by two others. Vague mixtures of skin colors, facial features, and clothing styles. Hot breath on my face. “If you know what's good for you, drop your wallet and scram!” he shouts in my face.

“Leave me alone.” God, why is life like this?

“Are you even listening to me? I said drop your money if you don't want us to woop your ass!” Who even talks like that...?

“I said leave me alone.” I just want to go home. Even that is more than I deserve.

“Dude, are you fuckin' retarded?” his movements are getting more aggressive and threatening, his face practically pressed to mine. It's making me sick. I can even smell the disgusting body spray he has on.

“You're in my way, move,” I say.

“Alright, you asked for it!”

When I see him pulling back to swing a wild haymaker at my face, I realize he actually wants to hit me.

My fist lands against his throat with an audible crunch. His eyes bulge with pain and terror before he collapses. I start to step over his body before the other two respond.

“What the fuck?!” The first one that moves in threateningly receives a stomp to his leading knee. With a snap and a scream, he goes down. The other slams me in the side of the head, sending me staggering into the wall of the alley. He follows up with a second wild swing to the same side of my face, but puts himself right into my kick. It lands straight between his legs with another disgusting crunch.

The man makes a high, squealing sound as he slumps to the hard ground with the others, all rolling in too much pain to move.

As I leave the alley, I'm staggering, a blaring ringing on the side where I got hit. My head is pounding and it's hard to balance. God, I hate this.

I realize I'm staring at the front door of my building. Right, keys. I don't remember walking home. I fumble with the lock, eventually getting it, and head inside.

“Ray,” calls the unholy voice of the landlord. I slouch my way over to him. He doesn't mince words. “Rent's going up.” He passes me the new quote on a ripped up slip of paper.

It only takes one look. “I can't afford this.” I barely get by as it is, and this is a substantial increase. This rundown, lawless slum of a town is supposed to be the cheapest, why would it go up so much?

“Not my problem, get another job or something.” I stare at the piece of paper. How am I supposed to come up with this much money next month? I can't move, everywhere else is more expensive, and this is close enough to work to walk.

When I look up from the paper, I'm back in my apartment, on the fifth floor. My limbs move like lead. Going through the motions of making my cup of noodles. My thoughts come a little at a time.

I need to get another job.

I need to work even more than I already do.

Wake up, work, sleep.

I'll have to do that, from now until forever. To eek out a bare subsistence at the bottom level of poverty.

I can't.

I...

I'm done eating.

I sit down at my computer desk. I can't think.

I look at the clock. It's two in the morning.

I look back at the computer. I have tabs open for job sites, and a couple streaming and video sites. I wonder what I was looking at? Looks like I was considering a couple part time jobs nearby, and I downloaded a video streaming client.

That's right, streamers make money without needing to sell their souls (as much) to the corporate overlords, right? Could a miserable piece of shit like me actually entertain anyone enough playing video games to make any money?

I'm sure I'd fail, but.... I have to try. I have to try something before my life turns into the personal hell that is 'living to work.'

If that happened, there wouldn't be any point in the 'living' part.

WHAT GAMES ARE POPULAR RIGHT NOW?

A search on Gamerz, the current top game streaming platform, brings up Planes of Oblivion as the top game. I pull out my phone and text Fara and Jack, asking if they still play.

'Yeah, all the time!' my sister's reply comes back almost instantly. Jack is probably sleeping because it's... yeah, it's four in the morning now.

I'm so glad it's the weekend and I don't have to get up for work in a few hours.

If it wasn't, I might have actually killed myself. I don't have any medication in my house because it's too expensive and of course I don't have medical insurance, but I live on the fifth floor and I'm pretty sure the roof access door's lock is broken. Our building is eight stories which shouldn't be-

Ding!

The sudden chime directs my attention back to my phone. Fara sent me a copy of the game. Right, game. Weekend.

I'm fine.

It takes a while to make my shaking hands tap out a reply to thank her. With a few more clumsy taps, the game starts installing on my computer. It's one of those passthrough, sleeping VR things, right? Maybe? I don't care. I just know Fara makes some money playing. She mentioned that at some point. Probably. I can't remember.

My hands are trembling at my keyboard. Looking at my browser, I think I set up the Gamerz account and streaming client. I have to double check to make sure, but yes, it's all there. Ok, just play the game, Ray. Stop being a worthless fuck and make some money somehow. The sun is coming up in my window already anyway.

I don't bother taking off my clothes. Who knows how long I've been wearing them anyway? I lie down in bed, clip my phone into the little makeshift plastic holder thing so it can rest against my forehead, and my computer spins up to start running the game. It should run wirelessly to the phone and put me into some sort of REM sleep dream or something.

Or maybe that's one of the other VR things, they keep making new ones. Doesn't matter. Just have to do something. Have to stop feeling like this.

Ok, uhh, right, character creation. Wait, I think I missed entering the game. I blink a few times and yeah, lost more time. I'm somewhere in the middle of the character creator. Looks like I'm making some cutesy catgirl? I flail around briefly, finding that the movement immediately calms me down. It turns out I don't have any body here.

I have no idea how the controls for this game work, I'm assuming that was part of the startup tutorial? It usually is anyway. Oh well, just have to figure it out. I'm in the game and nothing bad is happening.

After all, my surroundings are unusually pleasant. A vague expanse of blue and black stretching away in all directions with the still inanimate character perched atop a slightly raised pedestal, its bottom fading away down its length, like a ghost.

Meanwhile, I'm a wonderfully comfortable lack of form. Just floating with no indication of a physical body, except the necessary preconception of my hands. Just hands, like singular points, without even fingers.

Yes, calming down again. I stop to just give myself some time to stabilize. Good. Thinking clearly is good.

Ok, right. First step, check the stream. Scratch that, first step is figure out how to open menus so I can check the stream. It doesn't take much, it's apparently just a matter of directing my attention at the menu and a flick of my nonexistent wrist in a similar manner to other VR games I've played. It feels like a lot of the control conventions got standardized a while back.

There are only a few options available since I'm still in character creation, like backing out and starting again, but I'm clearly already a good bit into it, so I don't bother.

Ah, there's the integrated streaming controller. After a few settings changes, I get the stream authorized through the game so it'll actually work, and pull up the console so I get a preview. Yup, just me not existing in a blank space with a half-finished catgirl. And no one watching. I'm not surprised, the stream just started working like fifteen seconds ago.

I shake my head with a silent chuckle and move on. There's a little point of light indicating the location of the virtual camera. Looks like I can direct it by thought, and it also has some AI built in for capturing shots on its own when I don't have the time or attention for that.

There's also an option to add extra cameras the audience can cycle through at will, but my computer, my only half-decent possession, probably can't manage that much rendering at once. I don't know if I'd have the attention span for it either, directing them all. This is good enough for now. Time to get back to my character. With a wave, the menus clear out.

I look over the girl before me, still a little uncanny valley since she isn't breathing. When I circle around her, she doesn't have human ears, just the cat ones, positioned a little higher on her head than would make sense on a human.

Thinking as much, I reposition them, slowly dragging them down further. A little more horizontal, less vertical. More how it should look with human anatomy. That's better. Besides the ears, the hair is a cute, bubblegummy pink, with twintails. There's a floating panel to the side which updates with the hair settings when I focus on it.

Interestingly, I don't see an option to change the color beyond small tweaks. Whatever, it looks great like this anyway. Should I go long or short, I wonder...?

While I'm stopped to consider, I recall that Eliza from Elder Empire had longer hair, and Shia from Fantasia Order Online had shorter. Not to mention the half-dozen other catgirls from older MMOs... I don't really want this character to look exactly like any of my previous ones though. Middleground is kind of boring though. You just can't do as much with it.

Should I choose something a little cooler this time? Go with a ponytail maybe? Sure, it's a VR game, so I can probably change hairstyles like that whenever I want, but it's still a consideration. But... I'd rather make someone cute. Especially now that I'm streaming. Who would want to watch an ugly man play? I know I wouldn't.

After fiddling with the hair options a while longer, I find a solution. Dragging it out longer and longer, I get hair all the way down her back. Following that, there's a double tie option among the presets. I take that one, which cuts the length significantly by looping all the way back up and down again. It gives the pretty pink hair a fluffy look that ends near the shoulder blades, and if I ever take it down, it'll be super long. It's a unique look unlike anything I've used before, and I really like it.

Moving on, moving on...

As expected, I spend a very long time forming every aspect of my character. All the way from the usual absurdly detailed facial options, to the rest of the body, something game makers only started bothering with once VR became more popular, and you could actually see the rest of the character in enough detail for it to matter.

Not to mention the significantly expanded ability to remove clothing making it far more relevant, but that's besides the point.

One thing that becomes apparent immediately is the limited range of modification. Besides things like hair length, the actual character shape is a good deal less flexible than I'd expect of most MMO character creators. While that's not necessarily a bad thing, as it stops me from going too far off and creating an immersion breaking monstrosity, it worries me that everyone is going to look the same. An entirely different kind of immersion breaking nightmare.

I doubt it though, something like an MMO could easily die to such an oversight. Planes wouldn't still be the single most popular game four months after its release if they did that. I probably chose a base character type first, so I'm working from that. Of course I can't remember that part, so I don't know how many different bases they have to work from, but there's no helping it.

After a lot more work, I end up with a cute little catgirl, standing at five foot tall according to the info panel. It'll definitely take some adjustment from my own monstrous height, but who cares? Her face is pretty round with soft cheekbones and a little chin, but I didn't overdo it. Even with the strict limitations in place, I did notice reaching the edge of the uncanny valley with the most extreme modifications. I made sure not to go there...

She does look like an absolutely adorable cinnamon roll though, so I think I nailed this one. The rest of her build is slim, but not sickly or anything disgusting like that. Breasts on the small side to take height into account. I went slim on the waist, but didn't do too much for the hips. The sexy hourglass figure just doesn't look right for her with the small build and candy pink hair and ears. Too much of a mismatch.

I examine the model for a while longer, lifting the arms and tweaking muscle definition here and there. She should have some tone, she's fighting monsters and stuff after all. A few more passes for stuff like bone structure, fat distribution, and body hair, and it's all looking good.

Her skin is very pale, with a pink, blush-like hue, and she appears vaguely young-adult in age. Somewhere between sixteen and twenty five. I'd estimate on the lower end, but that's mostly just due to her height. Adult, but youthful. And short and cute, with a lovable face.

The only thing I can't change at all is the little tattoo she has nestled between the base of her breasts. Right at the bottom of her rib cage. It's a swirl of razor thin black and white lines, curving to fan out in a circular pattern from three central points. They're arranged horizontally, really close together so it's only twice as wide as it is high.

It's definitely a strange sight on a cute girl like this, but looks nice enough that I'm not complaining. Besides, it's tiny and will be under her clothes anyway. Is this normal for all characters, with a lore explanation, or a race specific trait, maybe? I don't even know what races this game has. Well, I'll figure that stuff out later.

A menu tap has her dressed again, wearing a faded and tattered green shirt and knee length skirt. Probably standard beginner clothes. Her tail pokes through the back of the skirt and when I lean in close, I see that it actually has a button at the top of the skirt to make space, instead of the tail just magically popping through the fabric. Looks good, but maybe I can just tweak a tiny bit more...

I stand back one more time. Yes, I'm finally finished. Don't even want to think about how long that all took.

A flick pulls up the stream, and I see a log of a few people popping in, then leaving soon after while I worked. Again, I can't feel too bad, there isn't anything much to watch yet. I fiddle with the settings so it will give me an indicator when new people join.

Back to the character creator, I open up the menu and select the option to test it out. All at once, my comfortably ethereal non-body is gone, replaced with a human body once more. Nothing like my real one, it's significantly smaller, and even without any frame of reference in this empty space, it's kind of jarring at first. I have to shake myself to rid my limbs of the strange phantom sensations of how they feel normally.

Once that passes after a few seconds, I feel much better. I can twist and stretch fine. When I bend at the waist, I can place my hands flat on the invisible ground. I can even touch my toes. My real body is probably more gaunt than fat since I can't afford food, but I'm sure it's still more than I can pull off out there since that body can't move for shit.

Ah, the fantasy of video games. Not hating existing.

I shake myself. Not the time, I'm feeling good right now. I quickly open the menu again and scan over my options. First I need a name, then I can move on to stat distribution and stuff. I can't think well right now, so I just change Ray to May.

No, Mei. That's better. Even if it sounds the same. I input the name and move on. Time for the stats.

Ok, no. Stop. You have to think to do stats. I spend a minute just breathing. Letting the whistly in and out of my breath fill my tiny void.

Alright, a little more calm now. Oh right, before stats... breathing like that reminded me I skipped over the voice section. I go there briefly, shifting the natural pitch slightly, but leaving it mostly the same. After all, voice is something you control yourself. I go through a few scales to ensure I have the sound dialed in right. Then I remind myself to speak like a girl.

You can tell when a guy is playing a girl character in VR by the way they speak. Even though the character's voice itself is female, it's actually the nuance in enunciation and intonation that gives it away. Not something people consciously look for, but it's dead obvious hearing it even once. Years of listening to people speak makes it so you can just tell.

Since I'm pretending to be a girl for my stream instead of clearly being a guy playing as a female character, I have to actually speak like a girl, or I could get me called out in game and probably lose any viewers I actually get. After all, no one would want to watch me play.

Anyway, onto the stats.

Pulling up the new menu, I start to look it over. Normally I'd go into a new game with everything researched and I'd know exactly what I want to do with my character. I mostly like making mages anyway.

However, if I did any research earlier, before I launched the game, I don't remember any of it. I guess that makes now a good time. Now that I have the character made and I'm thinking straight, I should do my research before I ruin my character or something. I don't even know how this game handles respeccing stats and stuff. Some MMOs are really strict about that. When I pull up the menu to leave, I receive an unexpected warning:

Warning

Exiting character creation will erase this character. Your Personal Affinities and base character model will be randomized again next time.

Oh. I don't know what personal affinities are, but did it just say that character bases are random in this game? With the restrictive edit settings, if I'd gotten anything else even moderately different... Even if I was willing to put in extra hours of work rebuilding the entire character again, there's no way I could recreate a cute character like this.

Looks like my only option is to go from prior experience and hope I don't run into any hidden pitfalls specific to this game. It's not something I do very often, now I'm getting kind of excited. I can actually feel myself grinning without meaning to.

Time to go all in on this character and get it done!