“Yo bitch,” Darlene said.

Raine smiled at her and Darlene winked, causing her more anxiety.

“What’s up?” Elliot mumbled.

“Hey guys,” Raine said cheerfully, thankful she had perfected suppressing any and all emotions to put on her customer service persona. Not that she would normally use it with Darlene, but she used it when it was needed, and right now it was badly needed. She hadn’t heard from Elliot and this couldn’t be more nerve-wracking or awkward.

“What’s wrong?” Darlene said, knowing about the persona, shit Raine had told her all about this trick, and Darlene knew she only used it around friends if she was super stressed, but did she really have to rat her out like this?

“Nothing, just an easy day,” Raine said glancing at Elliot to make sure he wasn’t looking at her, to her surprise he was leaning back trying to check out her outfit, he must’ve felt her looking at him because he looked up at her, then hurriedly started pretending to stretch. Raine looked back at Darlene who grinned mischievously. Raine felt like nothing she said mattered, Darlene had gotten whatever it was she wanted and Raine was going to be a part of it, she knew this because Darlene had that look in her eye.

“You guys want a coffee?”

“Yo I’m sorry I didn’t text you back, I kind of crashed,” Elliot said suddenly.

Raine smiled at him, “you’re good, I fell asleep too.”

“And uhh,” he started but stopped. He looked at Darlene desperately, apparently not ready to say what was really on his mind.

“So Raine, listen,” Darlene started, Raine looked at her ready for whatever scheme she had dreamed up, “Elliot and I are going to chill at his apartment tonight, get high and watch some movies… do you want to join us?”

Raine felt trapped but a little relieved, she had expected… well she didn’t know what to expect really but this wasn’t all that bad.

“I don’t want to intrude,” Raine said glancing at Elliot before back at Darlene.

“You’re not, you think I want to spend all my time with my nerdy brother?” Darlene stuck her tongue out at Elliot, teasing him.

He grinned then looked up at Raine, “you should come.”

The sound of his voice made it feel like every part of her was melting, some things he said were almost a whisper like it hurt him to talk. The words came out smooth yet raspy somehow. She was staring at her notepad like an idiot trying not to blush, she sighed to calm herself.

“Hmm well I am off tomorrow, and I like weed… it’s just weed right?” Raine said unsure what all Elliot was into, she knew Darlene was clean, well besides pot.

Elliot chuckled, “Yea it’s just weed.”

“Elliot doesn’t do any other drugs anymore,” Darlene said.

“Darlene!” Elliot said before putting his forehead into his hands and rubbing his face roughly. He looked up at Raine and shook his head obviously desperate to explain but words didn’t come out.

She touched his shoulder gently and said, “don’t worry about it.”

He looked at her hand like it was a snake, so she quickly drew it back. He looked regretful that he had reacted that way, but she smiled at him again to reassure him.

“Hey, I have a question about the schedule, can we talk about it?” Darlene said. It was their code for talking alone or going outback to get high.

“Sure,” Raine said, she glanced at Elliot who was now looking at his lap like a child who had just gotten in trouble. Darlene and her walked to the bottom of the stairs to her apartment.

“Is he okay? Did something happen?” Raine asked.

“Oh he’s fine, I mean I haven’t seen him act this jumpy in months but he doesn’t have that ‘I want to die’ look in his eyes that he used to.”

“Well that’s good,” Raine said.

“I didn’t know he would be this nervous though he was fine before he saw you.”

“Oh that’s great,” Raine said, throwing her arms up.

“I mean he’s just nervous, he must like you a lot…hmm,” Darlene stepped back and looked her up and down, “maybe it’s your outfit… oh gross I just realized… oh man you turned him on, I did NOT want to be aware of that but… that’s probably it,” she finished shrugging.

Raine laughed, “Well should I… should I change?”

“No, no he’ll be alright, like I said he is nervous but he’s not like… losing it, this is a normal nervous and he’ll be better off to get over it with someone that I trust.”

‘Not someone he trusts, someone Darlene trusts’, Raine thought, then laughed.

“What?” Darlene asked not even realizing how protective she was of her brother.

“Oh, nothing.”

They walked back to the booth and Elliot had a cup of coffee setting in front of him.

“When did you order that?” Darlene asked.

“I didn’t, some girl brought it over and thanked me for my ‘service to our country',” he said with air quotes, there was a laughter in his voice and he made face like he was amused by this. Raine was relieved he had seemed to have calmed down.

“Yo, why do all the other waitresses have to wear uniforms but you two don’t?” Elliot asked.

Darlene looked at the floor to suppress her laughter and Raine took a deep breath and began praying for an answer.

“I told her I wasn’t working here if I had to wear a uniform,” Darlene said, telling part of the truth as she slid into her side of the booth.

“And you hired her with that attitude?” he asked.

“I hired her BECAUSE of that attitude,” Raine laughed. He laughed quietly and nodded, then tilted his head as if to say ‘fair enough'.

Darlene moved to the edge of her seat and said, “you want to set down for a while?” with a smirk.

Raine gave her a mean look and said, “I’m getting some decaf first.”

Elliot held his cup out to her, “could you trade this for water for me?”

“Sure… want anything?” she asked Darlene.

“Yea get some… sour cream and onion chips, with some dip man. Some beef jerky, some peanut butter…”

“Shut up,” Raine laughed at walked away as Darlene continued to list things in reference to the movie “half baked”. Her ability to remember the list was impressive. They often quoted stoner movies to each other while smoking even though it was cliché. Darlene had said ‘sometimes things become a cliché because they are fun’. She wasn’t wrong, they were different when they smoked together than when they were alone because they always tried to make each other laugh. When Raine got back to the table Darlene said, “and… funyuns,” as though she was just finishing the list. Raine started to laugh but stopped when she realized that Elliot had scooted up next to the wall and Darlene remained at the edge of her side. They were forcing her to sit beside him like they were all in the third grade. She rolled her eyes at Darlene and handed him his water. She sat her decaf latte down and found a polite way to sit in the short skirt she was wearing. She heard Elliot take a deep breath beside her and she looked at him out of the corner of her eye. He was leaning over his water holding it with both hands, staring into it. She would have to be the brave one here because this guy was not handling this well.

“So, what movie are we watching?” Raine asked. Then she felt stupid, you didn’t smoke and actually care what movie you watched, that was lame.

“You can pick,” Elliot said.

“I never get to pick,” Darlene said.

“because look what happened last time you did,” Elliot laughed.

“That is not the movie’s fault,” Darlene pointed at him. It would have been an inside joke if Darlene hadn’t told her about the Halloween visit that practically started Fsociety.

Elliot was grinning so he must not be too sensitive about the whole thing, which was nice. He looked at Raine again.

“Hmm, I don’t know what movies you have,” Raine said, they both laughed at her, so she said, “Why is that funny?”

“We have ANY movie,” Elliot said and understanding dawned on her. Of course, they pirated movies, she felt stupid.

“Are we corrupting you?” Darlene teased, then said to Elliot, “she’s a good girl and we are corrupting her.”

Out of the corner of her eye, Raine saw Elliot look at her skirt and lick his lips nervously, then he bit his bottom lip for a second. Darlene was doing this on purpose as the forceful matchmaker, in her mind, it was innocent fun. But at that moment Raine wanted to drag him upstairs to her bedroom. He turned sideways to face her resting his arm on the table and his head on his hand. The whole front of his body was facing her, so she looked at him.

“Whatever you want,” he said as though he had read her thoughts.

“W-What?” she nearly choked on her latte.

“Any movie you want,” he clarified.

“Oh,” she breathed, on the verge of hyperventilating.

“What did you think I meant?” he raised his eyebrows. Her eyes instinctively scanned his slender body and she blushed.

“I was just lost in thought so I forgot what we were even talking about,” she said, it wasn’t a lie really.

“Thoughts about what?” Darlene asked knowingly, and Raine gave her a death glare.

Elliot saw this exchange and interceded by saying, “it’s cool, you guys ready?”

They both said yes and Raine got away from both of them quickly to regain some composure. “Be a little more chill,” she heard Elliot whisper.

“You said you like her,” Darlene whispered back loud enough to make sure Raine heard, she couldn’t stay mad at Darlene, not that she was actually that mad, but she was about to have a panic attack before Elliot stepped in. Raine waited for Elliot’s response to Darlene but he didn’t have one unless he nodded, she hoped it was a nod and not the alternative. They walked in silence for a while until Raine realized she didn’t know where she was supposed to be going.

She stopped and turned to them, “Umm, I don’t know where you live,” she said. Elliot didn’t say anything and walked ahead of them as Darlene looped her arm with Raine’s.

“Is he okay?” Raine whispered to her and nodded toward Elliot who was walking briskly with his hood up and his head down.

“Yea he just doesn’t want to be recognized.”

“He said he likes me?”

Darlene laughed, “Of course, you’re great.”

“But I’ve done nothing but make a fool of myself since I met him.”

“I have been talking about you for months, he knows you’re nervous, besides those things are only big in your head.”

Raine knew the average person would hear nonsense but it was actually really wise if you knew how to listen to Darlene.

“He said a lot today, but he can hear us right now so,” Darlene put a finger up to her lips in a ‘Shh’ motion.

Elliot turned his head to the side and looked at them from the corner of his eye. Darlene smiled at him feigning innocence and he grinned and faced forward again. He shook his head to himself at his sister’s antics. Raine took out her phone and texted Darlene.

R: tell me like this

D: too risky, must be IRL

Darlene smiled at her and winked. Then she typed some more.

D: Be patient

R: I am just insecure I guess, you know from the last time

D: E would never be like L

R: I didn’t mean it like that, it’s just L made me…

D: what?

R: broken

Darlene read it and got tears in her eyes, she put her phone away and squeezed Raine’s arm. Raine leaned her head on her shoulder and Darlene kissed her forehead. They walked all the way to Elliot’s apartment because it was about fifteen minutes. A long walk but doable. Raine had a stupid thought ‘these boots might be made for walking, but not this far’ she laughed to herself but refused to tell them what was funny because the joke was lame.

“I just thought of something dumb, I do that a lot, ignore me,” she told Elliot.

He looked at Darlene, almost like he was looking for confirmation. Darlene shrugged, “she talks to herself all the time.” They were at his door and he unlocked it and walked in and they followed.

Elliot smiled, “oh that’s nothing...I… well you know,” he stopped and looked at Darlene, “she does know right?”

“Yea I told you she did.”

“Just making sure,” he said taking his hoodie off revealing a tight black t-shirt that let Raine know he had a lot more tone and muscle to him than she would have expected. The apartment was all one room. The front door led to a kitchen area with a table and two chairs. A couch sat on the far wall. Off to the side was a bedroom area with a bed with sparse bedding. Some dressers, books, and various things sat around the bed. In front of the far window was an elaborate computer set up, with two monitors and a bunch of other towers and various electronics. Elliot grabbed his backpack and took out his laptop.

“You don’t have a television,” Raine mused.

“Yea, I just watch everything on my laptop usually.”

Raine decided to be brave and went to sit beside him on the couch where he was typing on his laptop. He set it down on the coffee table and stretched out, putting his arm behind her on the back of the couch. Darlene was crouched beside the bed talking like a baby. She picked up something black and fuzzy and brought it to Raine.

“Awwww,” Raine exclaimed louder than she intended to.

“This is flipper,” Darlene said handing the dog to her.

“Hi flipper,” Raine said, then she just made some incoherent noises as the dog licked her face.

“You don’t have to let her do that,” Elliot said.

“No, I love her,” Raine said and he smiled. She cuddled with flipper for a while, and almost forgot the most beautiful guy she’d ever seen was sitting beside her.

“Y’all want to smoke?” Darlene said holding up a bag, she started packing a bowl. Raine reluctantly set flipper down on the floor and she ran to Elliot’s feet. Then she begged him to pick her up, so he bent down and grabbed her and said softly, “ohh you want daddy now huh?”

It was too much and Raine let out a whimper that verged on being a moan before she could stop herself. Darlene let out one loud chuckle then pursed her lips tight to keep from laughing. Elliot looked at Raine curiously but didn’t say anything, she thought she saw him fighting a grin as he buried his face in flipper’s fur.

“She’s just too cute,” Raine said, trying to salvage something resembling dignity.

Darlene sat down on the other side of Raine and took the first hit, she handed it off and got her phone, and started typing. Raine took her hit and handed it to Elliot quickly before reaching into her bag and flipping her phone to silent, she had a feeling Darlene was about to text her. She felt her phone vibrate and she discretely took it out and laid it between her and Darlene’s legs.

D: He knew exactly what he was doing, he’s shy but not stupid.

R: Do you think…

“You guys smoking or what?” Elliot said, trying to reach around to hand it to Darlene and keep flipper from falling off his lap. He saw the phone between them and Darlene holding her phone, he rolled his eyes and sat back taking another hit.

“Hey!” Darlene snapped.

“You guys are keeping secrets, so I’m keeping the weed.”

“It’s not secrets, we are just talking girl talk, you wouldn’t understand, what if we are talking about periods or something,” Darlene said.

Elliot scoffed, “doesn’t bother me.”

Raine was glad for that in a general way, but at this moment, she almost wished he was one of those immature guys that freaked out over women’s natural bodily functions.

“That reminds me, Darlene I bought you some tampons, so if that’s the issue they are available to whoever,” he said as he handed Darlene the bowl, he looked at Raine and showed her the bowl, “this helps a lot too.”

“I’m not on my period, but yea I know,” she said. She had never met a guy this chill about that before, that was one of the things she hated about her abusive ex, he acted like she was gross and a bad person for having a period. Every month they fought about it because they couldn’t have sex. Darlene took a hit and passed the bowl. Raine looked over at Elliot, “you’re not like most guys huh?”

“I’m not like most people of any gender.”

She smiled, “that’s awesome,” she took a hit then smiled at him as she passed it to him.

“You’re not either… like most people I mean,” he said.

“I hear that a LOT, but it’s usually not a compliment… that was a compliment, right?” she looked at him and he nodded as he exhaled, blowing the smoke upward away from flipper. He put his arm behind Raine to hand it to Darlene but she was typing on her phone.

“Darlene, hey, DARLENE!” he said.

“I’m out, for now, Leon is texting me,” she said. Darlene had told Raine a lot about Leon, but he was mostly Elliot’s friend.

“What does he want?” Elliot asked.

“He wants to know why you aren’t answering his texts,” she told him.

He pulled his arm back and handed Raine the bowl, “I’ve been too in my head today to text anyone.” It was meant as an explanation for why he hadn’t texted Raine as well, she could tell by the way he had said it.

“What’s up? You okay?” Darlene asked, a look of concern clouding her eyes.

“Yea it’s not like that, you know what I mean just sorting things out and needed some time alone.”

Darlene didn’t look convinced, but she let it go, she hopped up and said, “Well before we pick a movie, I need to go get munchies, what do you guys want?”

Raine mustered up her best over-the-top stoner impression and started, “Get some…sour cream and onion chips, with some dip man. Some beef jerky, some peanut butter. Get some Hagen-dagz ice cream bars…” she paused trying to remember. Darlene tilted her head, amused and waiting for the rest. Raine continued, “A whole lotta chocolate, gotta have chocolate, man. Some popcorn, pink popcorn. Graham Crackers!... umm…hmm… okay I give up,” she finished in her regular voice.

Darlene laughed and shook her head, “amateur.”

Darlene held her hand out to Elliot and he sighed taking out his wallet and handing her a twenty, “PINK popcorn, really?” he asked.

“Don’t ask me, ask Brian,” Raine laughed.

He shook his head at their silliness, “well I already have microwave popcorn,” Elliot said.

“Well look at you, being domestic,” Darlene teased.

“Umm if we have popcorn, I DO have to have chocolate to go with it,” Raine said.

“What did you just say?” Elliot said, he was staring at her awe-struck.

“I know it sounds weird but it’s really good,” she told him.

“No, I know, I’ve been eating it like that my WHOLE LIFE,” he said.

Darlene rolled her eyes, “here we go.”

“Did you tell her about it?” Elliot asked Darlene.

“Oh yes, it was an elaborate plot to get you to think you’re soulmates because you both eat chocolate with popcorn… no I didn’t tell her, weirdo.”

“I don’t know if it’s that uncommon,” Raine said, “I mean it is a perfect pairing.”

Elliot shrugged, embarrassed.

Raine felt bad so she said, “But yea it’s weird like because I literally cannot eat it any other way.”

“Me either,” Elliot said, smiling again.

“So, chocolate and what else?” Darlene asked.

“Just grab whatever,” Elliot said.

“Okay, peace out girl scout,” Darlene threw a peace sign and walked out. Raine smiled, only Darlene could make such a cheesy phrase sound cool. So, she and Elliot were alone, she glanced over and he was petting flipper with his head tilted down staring at the exposed part of Raine’s thigh. She cleared her throat to get his attention and he moved his eyes to hers but kept his head down. Peaking up at her he grinned, “what?”

She ran her hand through her hair and leaned back, crossing her leg towards him. He watched her legs and bit his bottom lip. Then he sat flipper on the floor, she ran over and jumped onto the bed and curled into a ball. Raine watched her but Elliot didn’t take his eyes off her legs, he was still biting his lower lip.

“Like my skirt?” she asked, pulling it down some to cover herself, self-consciously.

He looked up at her, “yea, it’s sexy,” he whispered slowly. She felt a shudder go through her and she blushed then cleared her throat again, “thanks,” was all she could manage.

“Are you nervous?” he asked.

“Very.”

“About what?”

“All of this,” she gestured to his apartment and he gave her a confused look, so she waved her hand between them back and forth, “or more like this.”

“Ahh well don’t worry, I don’t intend to try anything, I have to take things as slow as possible for my own reasons so don’t be nervous,” the more he talked the gentler his voice became. Part of her wanted to jump on him and part of her was relieved that he was taking things slow because all her interactions with men and sex had been traumatic. She let out a sigh, “okay… I didn’t mean to sound like I was complaining though, I’m flattered that you… whatever.”

“Think you’re sexy?”

“I thought it was just the skirt,” she teased.

He let out a laugh and took another hit off the bowl, “Nah… it’s mainly you, I thought the same thing last night… and I do want to take things slow sexually… but uhh” he paused and leaned forward cleaning the bowl into an ashtray, he turned his head and punched her knee lightly, “I still like looking at you,” he let out a little laugh and then looked at the floor, starting to get shy again. Every part of her wanted to kiss him, she hadn’t ever had a guy talk like this. Many had hit on her, of course, in more ways than one… but none were so open and willing to take things slowly like this.

“You’re sweet Elliot,” she said, he looked up and smiled at her. He put his closest hand on her knee and raised his head up to her eye level. He took his other hand and pushed her hair behind her ear then cradled her face. He closed his eyes and so did she. She waited for his lips to touch hers, but nothing happened. She opened her eyes and his were still closed, his eyebrows were furrowed like he was confused or hurt, or both.

“Elliot?” she whispered.

“Fuck,” he whispered back, shaking his head. He leaned back and covered his face with his hands, “ugh fuuuuck,” he said again.

“You okay?”

“No,” he mumbled through his hands, she waited. He dropped his hands and leaned up to face her again. He looked at her intently and got a sad look in his eyes like he might start crying. She gulped because everything he felt, she felt too, it was just how she was with everyone but especially people like him. Broken people, because they were like her.

“I want to kiss you so bad,” he said.

“You can,” she urged, kicking herself mentally for sounding eager.

“No, I can’t… I… don’t want you to get hurt,” he said.

“It’s just a kiss, if you want this to be casual that’s okay,” she said, it would be disappointing, but she didn’t want to push him into something he didn’t want.

“No, no, I don’t mean it like that, I like you… I mean… okay that’s what I was trying to say last night but I got scared, when you asked me what was keeping me awake, it was you, I couldn’t stop thinking about you, and maybe I’m crazy, well I know I’m crazy but like I’ve never felt like… this… so soon, I just met you and it felt like… I don’t know,” he finished.

“I know, me too,” she said.

“Really?” he asked, grinning.

“Yea, well you know it could partly be because Darlene has told us both a lot about each other, I mean I know I felt like I was starting to get to know you through her.”

“Oh, she talks about you every day, I started to feel like I knew you better than she did, you like pumpkin spice lattes but hate the ‘basic bitch’ label because women should be allowed to enjoy things… I agree by the way, although I admit I used to be guilty of judging like that a little, not women but people who drink Starbucks in general.”

“Well their coffee does suck, and I’m not just saying that because I run a coffee shop, I don’t really consider them competition anyway, it would be like comparing a five-star gourmet restaurant to McDonald's,” she said. Elliot laughed and looked very pleased for some reason. So she said, “what?”

“You.” It was enough of an explanation for her because he said it so sweetly.

“Well I could rant on all that for hours, but I don’t think I should… because we have gotten way off-topic.”

“Which was?”

“Why do you think kissing me will end with me getting hurt?” His eyes clouded a little and his smile faded, she instantly regretted bringing it up again and said, “I’m sorry we don’t have to…”

he touched her hand and she stopped talking. He took her hand in his and held it as if he were proposing.

“I would tell you everything in my head and heart and everywhere else, but I honestly don’t know, I really don’t.”

She felt tears welling up in her eyes and when he saw that his did too. He took his thumb and wiped a tear off her cheek, “shit, I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I’ll find out, I promise.”

“It’s seriously alright, I can wait, don’t push yourself, I would never want you to… go to a bad place because of me.”

“No, I’m doing it the right way, I will talk to my therapist about it, and it’s not your fault, I don’t hook up with a lot of girls, but I would have had to deal with this eventually.”

Suddenly he looked over his shoulder to his computer chair, he sat there staring for a long time and it dawned on her that Darlene had told her about this. He was talking to Mr. Robot. When he looked back at her she smiled wanting to make him comfortable and let him know she wasn’t going to judge him.

“Sorry about that,” he said, waving a hand in the direction of his computer as if she had heard the conversation.

“You’re good,” she said.

“So… how much did Darlene tell you about…”

“Mr. Robot?” she interrupted.

He looked a little taken aback but not stunned, then he looked a little relieved, “Well you stayed here alone with me… knowing… so that must be a good sign,” he joked.

“Elliot doesn’t talk like that, there’s nothing about you that would make me scared of you or not trust you, I mean I know we just met but anyone that would do the things you’ve done…” she paused not wanting to gush like strangers on the street had done to him, “the thing is anyone who would have it inside them to be that selfless...” She shook her head unable to find the words. He was looking intently at her waiting for her to continue. “I don’t know what I’m trying to say, but there are so many people with the same disorder and I don’t know if Darlene told you but I was studying to be a psychologist when Papi got sick and I had to take over the shop so like there are so many things I could say but the thing you need to know is that nothing about you is bad or wrong, I’ve met some of the evilest people you could imagine and none of them had a mental illness they were just mean, and bad, and I’m sure you could say the same about people you have met… developing a way to survive is a strength and that’s what you did, that’s not a flaw.”

A tear fell down his cheek and Raine bit her lip hoping she hadn’t hurt his feelings. He suddenly put his arms around her and pulled her into a hug. “Thank you,” he whispered. She relaxed into him for a moment before they both pulled away.

He sighed, “I have come a long way and I have accepted myself, but I still worry about what other people will think about it.”

“Well I’m very happy to hear you say that… that you’ve accepted yourself, that’s the biggest hill, and if other people don’t, those people suck and they can kiss both our asses.”

Elliot laughed.

“So, you don’t have to tell me but was he talking about me?” she asked.

“Yea.”

“Good? Bad?”

“No not bad, just concerned… not hmmm not about you really just me… umm dating I guess…”

“He doesn’t think you’re ready?”

“He doesn’t think I’m good at it.”

She started laughing. Elliot looked at her curiously.

“I’m not laughing at you, I promise, I just wasn’t expecting that response,” she said.

“He’s not wrong,” Elliot said.

“I’m not either, good at it, I mean.”

“I’ve had one girlfriend,” he said.

“That doesn’t mean you’re bad at it,” she said.

“I got her killed…”

“Shayla?”

“Darlene told you?”

“Yea and that wasn’t your fault, I mean you did everything you could… that guy isn’t still… around is he?”

“No, no he’s gone.”

“What happened to him?”

Elliot looked at her like he didn’t want to answer, “I can’t tell you that because… because it’s not my secret to keep.”

“That’s okay, I just… I want you to be safe.”

“I would never let anyone hurt you.”

“I’m not worried about me, I’m worried about you, I don’t know these people they wouldn’t come after me.”

“People like him don’t care about that, but he’s gone and it’s safe now… we’re pretty sure.”

“Good,” she said.

“So, what about you?” he asked.

“Me?”

“Why do you think you’re bad at it?”

“Well one out of two of the boys I’ve ever been in a relationship with was abusive… the one that wasn’t was a guy I dated in first grade.”

“I’m so sorry… who is he?” he asked.

“Oh no, no names.”

“Do you still talk to him?”

“No… no, I don’t talk to him.”

He gave her a look like he could tell she was hiding something, she couldn’t tell him about Luke sending her messages all the time, but she hadn’t lied, she never responded to Luke.

“I don’t know why…” she sighed, “we started dating when I was a senior in high school, he was in college,” she was careful not to tell him too many details and she told him about Luke, her anxiety and insecurity. She left out some of the more brutal beatings for Elliot’s own sake. When she was done, he said, “Darlene has told me some of that but…”

“Not how much it has messed me up?”

“I didn’t say that,” he said.

“But it’s true, I mean as gorgeous as you are and as much as I just want to throw you down and…” she stopped, then dropped her head in her hands. She felt a hand on her back, he stroked her hair gently and she looked up, he was tilting his head thoughtfully.

“Continue…” he said.

She let out a small laugh, “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to…”

“No,” he interrupted, “seriously, it’s okay, I’m not going to judge you no matter what you say.”

She didn’t know how this person could exist, how was he so kind and perfect? She looked at him waiting for him to disappear or something.

“Well?” he said.

“Well… the point I was trying to make is that, as… attracted to you as I am, I was relieved when you said you wanted to take things slow… because almost every time I’ve had sex it has been… bad.”

“Bad?”

“Not just bad, like traumatic… he liked for me to pretend like I was…” her breath caught as she remembered.

“You don’t have to tell me if it’s too much.”

“No, I… he said that lots of women like a ‘rape fantasy’ so I would have to pretend like I didn’t want to do it… which I mostly didn’t but you know at that point I was so… stuck that I felt like I didn’t have a choice, I mean you’re supposed to sleep with your boyfriend, and you’re supposed to fulfill his kinks and find new ways to spice up your love life and all the other terrible advice women hear all the time.”

“That’s fucked up,” he said, “those times weren’t… really, you know…”

“Sex? Yea I know that now, it was rape because I didn’t really want to do it, not the fantasy part or any of it… I mean, there were times, we were together a long time and a girl needs some… well you know, I’m human… but even then, even when I wanted to, it was like I knew he was the wrong person, it never felt… right.” Elliot put his arm around her and pulled her close, she laid her head on his chest. He kissed her forehead softly.

“Mmm…” she heard herself say. He ran his hand down her arm and back up a few times. Right then the door flew open and Darlene waltzed in yelling, “What’s up bitches!” before they could move, she took one look at them cuddling and let out a loud, “Awwwww, you guys… are adorable!”

Raine flew nearly to the other side of the couch and Elliot stood up and practically ran to take the bags from Darlene. He started to put things away and Darlene went over and forced Raine to move back to the middle of the couch.

“So, what’s up? Should I leave again? I don’t want to clam jam,” Darlene said, not even attempting to keep their conversation from Elliot.

“Eww… is that a phrase people ACTUALLY use?” Raine asked.

“Well, what do you want me to say? Cock block? I was trying NOT to talk about my brother’s…”

“Darlene! Popcorn?” Elliot asked, desperately trying to shut her up.

“Chill out, what’s the fun in hooking your brother up with your BFF if you can’t embarrass them both mercilessly?” she looked at Raine and winked.

“You’re the most hyper-stoned person I have ever met,” Raine said.

“That’s cause y’all are lightweights, I’m not even stoned,” she said, “anyway that’s a good idea, Elliot roll us a joint.”

“I’m pretty high already,” he said.

“Good for you but I said roll US,” she pointed at herself and Raine, “a joint.”

“You roll a joint,” he laughed. She stuck out her bottom lip and pouted at him, “I handled Leon for you, I brought the hottest chick I’ve ever seen practically to your bedroom…”

“Okay, alright shit,” he said. He rolled it and gave it to them; he didn’t want to smoke any more. Raine only smoked half and Darlene finished it. Elliot made them watch ‘back to the future’, but they mainly ignored it to talk.