It’s hot. It’s very hot. Who knew that black flames would be so hot? Nobody is running away but they keep their distance from Justine…and me. Cowards. Well, maybe not so much cowards but completely useless. I bet the only reason they are staying put is because they want to see what happens. How bored are you guys? Officers are coming in to gather more of the crew to interview but the moment they step into the mess hall; they don’t dare say anything. Useless bunch of idiots.

Justine is still steadily walking towards me. Her black flames roar around her wings and hair. It’s like seeing a demon from hell. She seriously can’t be THAT angry at me can she? I mean, Asshole was being an asshole. I need to come up with something and I need to come up with it fast. A million thoughts run through my head as I try to come up with a plan.

“Justine, you’re beautiful, you know that?”

“Stop trying to distract me, little one.”

“Balls…”

Wait a minute... I’m a bloody genius! That will work! It will make her forget why she is angry, or why she is pretending to be angry. Yes, she will be so confused... I hope. This ought to work. This better work.

“Well? Little one I’m still waiting for your answer,” Justine frowns as she stands directly in front of me. Wow it’s really hot. And she is truly beautiful even though she is on fire. Heh. This is going to be fun.

I grab her hands and look up into her eyes, smiling. I notice there is a hint of amusement in her eyes. Yup, she was just pretending to be mad. Okay good, my plan should work then. Let’s get this show started.

“Oh Justine. You’re so naïve,” I start to sing. “But you have to believe me-e-e,”

She looks at me like I have finally jumped off the deep end as I begin to wave her arms and dance before her. Volt in the meantime grins in anticipation while Blake bangs her head on the table. They know exactly what I’m about to do here. We did it in the past to distract Blake when she got angry or was faking her anger at the two of us. Volt, I’m counting of you. Do your part.

I pull Justine towards my siblings and I gesture towards a door. “All eyes turn to you when you come into the ro-oo-oo-m!”

I spin her away from me with one hand before pulling her back into my arms. Her flames have died out and her wings have retreated back into her back in her confusion so I am able embrace her from behind safely and without issue. Volt has started to struck a slow beat on the table. Good job, brother. You guessed the right beat. Blake is walking away as quickly as she can. Typical. At least she isn’t stopping us.

“Your wings burn with fire. But that just increases my desi-i-i-ire!!,” I sing loudly for everyone to hear. I’m not the best singer but at least I’m not tone deaf. I can carry a tune…decently.

“What are you doing?” Justine asks. I ignore her and continue.

“You make the best cookies! And I love your boobies!!”

“Stop this,” Justine whispers to me.

I shake my head with a huge grin on my face. I let go of her and jump on the table that Volt is beating on. He stops drumming and jumps up to join me. We throw our arms around each other’s shoulders as I continue to sing. Volt joins in by beatboxing slowly. I am making up the lyrics as I go. Trust me, this isn’t as easy as I am making it seem. We slowly increase our volume. All eyes in the mess hall are staring at us like we are insane. Well, we probably are. Never been certified though. I wave my free hand and gesture towards everyone.

“Every guy in this room wishes you were their girl!! But you are mine so those assholes can hurl!!!” I look at Justine who is starting to look entertained and embarrassed at the same time.

“Why is your brother joining in? What are you two doing? Stop this at once!” Justine demands as she blushes ferociously. Yeah, we’re definitely not going to stop. This is way too much fun.

I glance over at Volt. He nods at me. Yup. It is time to howl the chorus. We raise our hands up in the air and start to dance with each other on the table.

“OH JUSTI-I-I-INE! WAIT, DON’T GO!!! I WANT YOU TO KNOW!! I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM SINGING BUT YOU DRIVE ME CRA-A-A-AZY!!! YOU MAKE ME LA-A-A-A-AZY!!! BUT THAT IS ONLY CAUSE YOU’RE SO HO-O-O-O-T!! AND OH MAN DO I REALLY MISS SMOKING PO-O-O-O-O-T!!!”

I jump down from the table and slide up to her. The Beasts are starting to laugh and applaud. Justine is turning into a deep shade of purple now. It’s fucking adorable. I grab her hands again and begin to spin her around before falling on my knees and hugging her legs. At least she isn’t resisting. Hell, there is even a hint of a smile on her face.

“So don’t burn me! Oh please don’t burn me!! I rather not get burned!! Oh ba-a-by please don’t burn me!! I rather not get…”

“ENOUGH! STOP!!” Justine laughs. She covers my mouth with her hands. She pulls me up to my feet. I take full advantage of the situation by hugging her and burying my face in her chest. Damn I love tall women. I get to be head level with their boobs. I lift my head up and look up at her. She is smiling shyly and her face is flushed. I want to tease her more.

“Damnit, Justine, I was just about to get to the good part!”

“Enough. I cannot handle it anymore,” Justine says as she leans down. She then whispers in my ear, “Tonight, you will properly compensate me.”

I must have the dumbest looking smile on my face now. Heh, she got turned on and I’m so going to get laid again. Sweeeeeeet. You don’t need to be good at singing, just able to hold a tune. Hold your tune and girls will fall head over heels for you. I’m just saying. Boy bands have it all figured out, don’t they?

Seeing that the show is over, the crowd begins to disperse. The officers continue calling out to people and bringing people back. Volt and I are laughing and fist bumping each other. Apparently, he approves of my lyrical choice to serenade Justine. The girls are sitting at a table and we make our way to them. Volt sits down next to Blake and kisses her lightly on the cheek. I sit next to Justine who immediately places a hand on my leg. Hmmm. This relationship thing certainly does have its perks. Let me try something…I reach around and place a hand on her waist. Yeah, she’s not resisting and in fact, is leaning into to me. Huh. This is nice.

Blake reaches over to Justine and grabs Justine’s hand as she sighs heavily. “Justine, sweetie, I’m so sorry that my husband and his brother are idiots...”

“It was…entertaining.”

“Get used to it, they will probably do it again in the future for an entirely different reason. Just be glad they did not have instruments,” Blake sighs.

“Are they bad at playing?”

“No…They’re not bad. They just completely tune out everyone and play really loudly. You boys give me a headache.”

Volt and I smile stupidly and nod. Blake loves it though. We know she does. She may pretend to be embarrassed and all but we all know the truth; she loved the attention. And now, she has to share that attention with Justine. You’re going to have to learn to share, sis.

At this moment, Sky flies out of Blake’s pocket and lands on the table. It manages to keep its shape small enough so that we can conceal it with our bodies. Definitely don’t want these Union people to find out about it. It looks at us with curiosity.

“Miss von Gustogh, why did you not burn the Captain? Did he not obey your orders?”

“Yo, Sky, what the fuck? What’s wrong with you?!?!” That little bastard is undoing everything I just did!!!

“I am operating under optimal parameters, Captain.”

“Blake, I want to dismantle your AI.”

“Sorry, hun,” Blake smiles mischievously at me. “I think Alpha has progressed to the age of a curious 5 years old. It hasn’t stopped asking questions since I last made some adjustments.”

Justine in the meantime, remembers that she was “angry” at me and narrows her eyes. She looks at me and causes me to shudder a little.

“Hey, Justine…I know you’re not actually angry. Sooo…can you stop glaring at me? It’s really unnerving. Especially when fire comes out of the corner of your eyes…Or should I sing for you again?”

Immediately, she stops glaring at me and blushes slightly as she looks away. Heh, I have a new weapon against her. Awesome. This will be useful.

“Why did you provoke your interviewer, little one?” she finally asks.

I sigh and begin to explain what happened. I start with my need to use the restroom and how Asshole ignored me completely. Then how he refused to answer any questions of mine despite my attempts at being friendly. Finally, I concluded with how he seemed envious and annoyed that Justine and I exchanged claims with one another.

“Honestly,” I say to my siblings, Sky and Justine, “I think he wanted to claim you, Justine. That and the fact that a ‘half-Elf’ was able to probably drove him nuts. Oh and Volt, I told you that Justine was going to ‘claim’ me. Didn’t know that was how they say dating though...claiming is a weird way to say dating.”

Justine starts to tap her nose as she thinks. Huh, and I thought she couldn’t get any prettier. We all watch her before she looks up and speaks.

“I will inform Captain Gram as well as the Defense Cabinet in Union City. The Elf’s behavior is unacceptable.”

“Gram already confided Asshole into his quarters,” I add.

“Asshole? Linds, did you really completely forget his name and decided name him Asshole?” Volt asks me.

“Yes.”

“Well played.” We fist bump.

Justine sighs as she massages the sides of her head. What? I didn’t do anything…yet.

“I must be a fool to be attracted to you,” she sighs.

“Obviously,” both Volt and I state. I glare at Volt who grins at me. Jerk.

“I am reporting the Elf because of how he conducted his interview with me…”Justine trails off a bit at the end. I look at her closely. She seems…uncomfortable. Okay, what did Asshole do? I should kill the bastard. Only person that is allowed to torment Justine is me! Well, only mentally. And nothing abusive. Let’s be clear on that. I just want to entertain myself and Justine is fun to tease.

“What did he do? Should I kill him? Cause I WAS tempted to shoot him in the face. Twice. Maybe I’ll shoot him three times now.”

Justine smiles affectionately at me and grabs my hand. I squeeze it a little and wait for her to answer.

“He did not DO anything to me. If he tried, he would be in the medical ward now. It was his conduct. He was…too familiar with me.”

“Did he ask about your dating life?” Blake asks.

“Dating life? You mean if I had claimed anyone?” Justine asks to which Blake nods. “Yes, he did. And when I told him I already exchanged claims with someone, he became overly aggressive and wanted to know who it was. Then he threatened to tell my family about this ‘scandal.’ It gave me a woody.”

I choked a bit on my spit as I struggled not to laugh. Volt on the other hand was unable hold back his laughter. Seeing Volt laugh caused me to bust out laughing too. Justine looks at us in confusion while Blake smacks Volt upside his head and shoots me a death glare. This does nothing to stop our laughter though. Instead, it only intensifies it. Shaking her head, Blake whispers something to Justine, causing Justine to blush heavily for the…what, sixth time now?

“That is not!!! Willies! I mean willies!” Justine desperately cries out as she raises her hands in front of her. Unfortunately, this only causes the two of us to laugh even harder. People are looking strangely at us but honestly, Volt and I are laughing too hard to care. Oh Justine, you certainly make things interesting when you try to use Earth expressions. I need to remember to teach her more expressions. I anticipate a great number of interesting…alternatives. MUWAHAHAHAHA.

“Little one, if you do not stop laughing, I will not bake you anymore cookies.”

I immediately stop laughing. That is a legit and a dangerous threat. I can deal with getting burned, smacked, drowned, but no cookies? No. HELL no. Justine is my only source for cookies and if she decides to stop baking them, well, I’m fucking screwed. She holds the power now. Fuck. I hate relationships.

Blake in the meantime whispers into Volt’s ear, causing him to stop laughing, cough a bit and stares at me with a deadpan face. Blake probably is threatening to withhold sex or something. Damnit…girls are scary. They know our weaknesses all too well. I look at my brother and a mutual understanding passes between us as we both silently lament the fact that we essentially signed away our rights by agreeing to be in a relationship with these girls. Now, we just sit here in silence as I twiddle my thumbs. There’s nothing to do. Can’t go back to the rooms and my “girlfriend” won’t let me make fun of her anymore. Relationships suck. The perks I announced before? Not worth it.

Speaking of sucking, I’m hungry…but the kitchen is so far away…I’m tired…I am going to put my head down on the table and pass out. I’m getting bored.

Suddenly, Justine gets up and walks away. Probably went to take a walk. I should take a walk too. Nah, that requires effort. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRED. I can’t build my Tower of Awesomeness without materials. Maybe I can annoy Blake and Volt. Hmmm. I have a napkin. Let’s tear this up and throw bits at them. No reaction. WHY ARE YOU IGNORING ME?!?! Fuck this sucks.

A few minutes later, Justine comes back with two trays of food. She places one in front of me. It has fries, a steak looking thing, something green and leafy, and what looks like chocolate pudding. I’m confused. I didn’t ask her to get me food.

“What’s this?” I ask her.

“Lunch. You are hungry, are you not?”

“…I didn’t say anything about being hungry.”

“You were staring at the kitchen and drooling like an imbecile. Eat before it gets cold,” Justine says as she taps my tray with her fork.

Oh…she’s…FUCKING AWESOME!!! I hug her but am nudged away immediately as she begins to eat. Touché. Food first then hugging. I approve. With a huge smile, I dig in. Damn the food is good. Okay, I take back what I said, relationships are awesome. As I’m enjoying the food, a Beast comes over and sit next to us. He has a wild look in his eyes and is holding a pamphlet. I hope he's not religious nuts hoping to convert us. I ignore him as I dig into the pudding…it is not chocolate. I feel tricked. It is…I actually have no idea what this is. It tastes like a mix of vanilla and tofu at the same time. Kind of nasty. I grab the cup it is in and stealthily place it on Justine’s tray. She can have it. Justine see it and takes it without a second thought. Oh good, she likes it and isn’t giving it back. And no wasted food. Wasted food is bad.

“Monsieur Lindsey, may I ask you something?” the Beast interrupts my train of thought. I glance over and see that it is the same shark-type Beast that forced me to serenade Justine in order to stop her from being “angry” at me. I should be annoyed but he did kind of help guarantee the fact I am going to get laid tonight. I’ll give him a pass. So far, all the Beasts I have met are pretty fucking awesome. He is no exception. He’s pretty fucking awesome.

“Is it actually possible for me to stop you from asking a question? No, don’t answer that. What’s up?”

“Are you going to go to The Union City Annual Competitions tomorrow, monsieur?”

“The what now?”

“The Union City Annual Competitions. Union City hosts a tournament in the Colosseum every year I was wondering if you were going to go. There are a variety of events.”

“What kind of events?” Volt asks.

“There are a number of events. The most popular ones to watch are the obstacle course race, shooting competition, a combat tournament, and the best one, the warzone.” Sharkie says. Yes, that’s right, I’m naming him Sharkie.

“Warzone?” Volt’s eyes seem to brighten at that.

“Teams of 3 – 10 people face off against one another one at a time and try to eliminate each other in battle. Of course, nobody gets killed and the weapons are dulled. Guns are allowed since they provide the specialized guns that shoot colored pellets that will mark those who get hit.”

Volt and I look at each other. Sounds like paintball but with other blunt weapons. I wonder if we can get in on this. Blake is breathing heavily. She may not look like it, but Blake is a paintball freak. She always signed us up for paintball tournaments whenever she finds them back home. Big, small, medium, it didn’t matter. She fucking loves paintball. It’s part of the reason why her choice of weapon is a rifle. She’s an excellent shot. She may not have joined the military like Volt and I did but she may outclass us in terms of accuracy and skill with a gun.

“Hey Sharkie,” I nudge the Beast, “Can we join in on that ‘warzone’ tournament?”

“Yes, monsieur! That is why I asked! I knew you would want to join in! You can actually participate in any of the tournaments! For the warzone competition, you need a team of at least 3. I was hoping you would participate and win us some credits!”

“You know we do not have the ability to control the elements like you Erdians do, right?”

“That is fine. Some people choose not to use the elements at all when they compete. Others use it exclusively. Nobody will bat an eye if you don’t use the elements.”

“Perfect. Help me sign up the three of us, what are we? Half-Elves? Actually, Justine, what do you guys classify us as?”

Oh, I should probably mention here that pretty much the entire ship here knows and has sworn to keep secret that the three humans are aliens. Hence, why I am so nonchalant about talking about my particular situation in front of Sharkie. Of course, only Jacque knows that I am the “Creator of the Contagion Swarm.”

“Other,” Justine simply states. Figures. Well, works for me.

“Okay, Sharkie, what are the prizes? Do we win anything?”

“Well, three of the events I mentioned are individual events. You win around 10,000 credits for first place for each event. That of course depends on the number of participants. The warzone, well, that one is special,” he smiles a very toothy grin. Holy shit his teeth are sharp. And he has a lot of them. I wonder if he flosses. “The warzone, you can win as much as 20,000,000 credits.”

I whistle. That’s a lot of credits. Well, it sounds like a lot. I actually don’t know how much counts as a lot. But, that is enough to pay back Justine. And with interest if we win the other three events.

“So if we win this warzone thingy, we can pay off the debt to Clan Gustof!”

“You will participate then, monsieur?!” Sharkie is literally shaking with excitement.

“Yup. Sounds like it will be fun. We probably won’t win but I want to see how we do. You want to be our guide then?”

“Of course! I will inform the rest of the crew! Everyone was hoping you will join in the Warzone competition! We want to see how you hoomuns would fight in war. There are several who will be competing as well so you may go up against them. Just remember to go to the Colosseum today to sign up! Here, you will need to fill this out and hand it to an official! It also has the rules of each event written on there.” He thrusts the pamphlet into my hands and runs away to tell everyone our plans.

Sharkie is totally counting on us winning. He may have tried to disguise it as saying he wants to see our tactics but it’s kind of obvious. Well, let’s hope that we can win. Honestly, I doubt we would even make it past the first round. A nationwide tournament? Yeah, we may be aliens and all but we’re not gods and unbeatable or anything.

I feel an arm wrap around my shoulders as Justine rests her chin on my head. “Little one? You’re not planning on winning every event are you? The athletes train their entire lives for this competition. My oldest brother is considered one of the best warriors in the world has only won the combat event once in his lifetime. All the other competitions, he never came close to winning.”

“It’s that hard, huh? He’s a better fighter than you?”

“Yes, he is far better than me. He is 157 years old. He started competing when he was 18. He only won last year.”

“Interesting…I didn’t actually plan to win. It was a minor hope to get out of debt with your clan. But, this…competition thingymajig sounds like it’ll be fun. I just need to read the rules and…” I trail off as I read the rules for the individual events. A huge smile appears on my face.

“Dumbass, why are you smiling like an idiot?” Justine inquires. I gently place my hand on top of hers as I turn my head to face her.

“I believe that I will be able to win one or more of the events without breaking a sweat.”

Justine laughs sweetly as she kisses me. “If you say so, little one.”

This is going to be fun, if it works. Hehehehehe.

Oh shit, that was an evil laugh wasn’t it? Yeah, totally an evil laugh. Oh well.

Hehehehehehehe.