Gotta pee gotta pee gotta pee gotta pee…fuuuuuuuuuuuck. Why didn’t I go when I had the chance?!?! Maybe I can get the Elf’s attention and he’ll let me go to the restroom. Wait, are we going outside? Where the fuck are we going? Huh, weird. Okaaaay…maybe I should use a tree? Hold up. He’s not taking me outside to shoot me is he? Why do I feel like Old Yeller now?

“Um…Excuse me?”

The Elf lifts and arm and motions for me to keep following him. Dude. Rude. Heh, that rhymes. Dude rude. Rude dude. He’s a rude dude. Oh shit…still gotta pee.

“I really need to use the restroom…soooo, can you just wait right here for a sec?”

The Elf just keeps walking. Dude!! Seriously? Okay, you are officially an asshole. Mother fucking asshole. No, calm down. Let’s be reasonable here. Let’s give him a way out. I know you can hear me but I’ll give you an out.

“Okay. Not sure if you’re listening or can hear me but I REALLY got to pee. So, I’m going to go behind this tree and just relieve myself really quick.”

“Do not deviate from our course.”

“Oh so you are listening. Look, I desperately need to pee.”

“I don’t care. I just want to get this job done and over with.”

Hey asshole, did anyone ever tell you that you are kind of a dick? Fucking bureaucratic asshole. Well, he probably hates his job. I can’t blame him all that much. But I’m naming him Asshole from now on. No need to be power tripping.

“Look man. I get it. You don’t want to do these interviews. I get that. I totally do. But if you want me to be able to concentrate on answering your questions honestly and quickly, let me just hide behind this tree here and relieve myself.”

“I dislike waiting. Hold it in,” Asshole flatly orders.

Fuck my life. Maybe I can just pop out my penis and let it dribble onto the ground as I walk. Better yet, I should aim for Asshole’s back. Nah…I’ll just hold it in. No. You know what, fuck this guy.

I stop and walk behind a tree. The asshole Elf groans in frustration as he stops and waits impatiently, tapping his foot with his arms crossed. Deal with it. I have to pee. I unzip myself and take a piss. Fuck him. When you got to go, you got to go. Besides, now I have asserted my dominance. I am marking my territory right in front of him. And I will not wash my hands. Note to self, shake his hand or pat his shoulder. Make him feel dirty. This should be fun.

“Are you done yet?”

“It’s very difficult to concentrate with you talking to me like that. And frankly it’s a bit rude. Just saying. Ahhhh…There we go. Okay. Hang on. Just got to shake out the last drop, you know? Give it a little squeeze. You know what I hate? That feeling of that last drop landing in your boxers. It’s like a patch of shame shouting to the world ‘Look at me! I just peed!’ And you know what sucks? No matter how much I shake, that last drop will always be there, waiting. Taunting me. It’s a pain in the ass.”

I peek around the corner and make eye contact with Asshole. He is pissed. Fuming really. I can almost see smoke coming out of his ears. Almost. This isn’t a fucking cartoon. But then again, he probably could make smoke come out of his ears. That would be funny. I smile at him as I zip up.

“There! All done. See? That wasn’t so bad. I felt like we connected a bit there. Didn’t you? I feel so close to you now. You’re practically a brother to me now! Best of friends!”

I pat him on the shoulder. Score. Mission accomplished. Asshole ignores me as he spits on the ground and starts walking again. I now notice that we are walking towards the other zeppelin. The one that Gram came in on I bet. When we get inside, I notice that the cabin is similar to Jacque’s with gun turrets mounted on the sides. The only difference is that the floor of the cabin isn’t clear. Instead, a bunch of tables and chairs in cubicles fill the room. There are about 30 officers conducting interviews. Damn, they are really going overboard here.

We arrive at one of the tables and he takes a seat. I also sit down and lean back. Yeah, I’m pretty relaxed. Why? Well, I relieved myself. I REALLY had to go. You have no idea how bad it was. Oh…he’s reading a file. I bet that file is on me. Oh shit…if Asshole asks me questions about my file, I would have no idea what to say. Fuck…I might a bit screwed here.

I sit there, now completely nervous, watching Asshole read the file. He leans back in his chair, takes out a pen and starts to chew on it. Yup, he’s an office man through and through. He makes a few notes here and there as he flips through the file. Okay seriously, how long does it take to read a file. I’m nervous but now I’m starting to get bored again. You know what? I’m going to take a nap. This chair isn’t exactly deluxe or anything but I can fall asleep in it. I bring my hands behind my head and close my eyes. Slowdown that breathing. Deep breath in, deep breath out. In. Out. In

“I’m going to ask you some questions and you are going to answer them promptly.”

Asshole interrupted my relaxation time. I really dislike this guy. Whatever. Let’s just get this done quickly.

“Sure. I’m game.”

Asshole narrows his eyes at me and writes something down. Already? You’re taking this way too seriously. I mean, I did meet your captain, surely that means something?

“Name?”

“Lindsey Shin. What’s yours?” I smile at him. He may be named Asshole but I can still be polite.

“Occupation?” Asshole asks, ignoring my question. Rude.

“Unemployed. How about you? What do you do? And you never told me your name.”

“What is your reason for traveling on board a Tribe military vessel?”

“Escorting the 4th Princess of the Daemon Clans to Union City,” I make up on the spot. Damn I’m good…or maybe not. He just wrote something down. I seriously hate this guy. I honestly have no real reason to hate him for writing anything but I do. Just call it, I want to hate this guy just for the sake of it. Asshole. And he won’t fucking answer any of my questions. The fuck is this guy’s deal?

“Where is your home?”

“Unknown.” This causes Asshole to look at me suspiciously. I should probably clarify what I mean. “I am an orphan.”

“…Hmph. Typical. Parents’ names?”

“Whoa, what do you mean by ‘typical’ there?” I ask. That just seemed uncalled for. What the hell, man?

“Parents’ names?” he flatly repeats.

Okay, Asshole is starting to piss me off. I am tired of this. If he won’t answer any of my questions and wants to be rude towards me, well, I’m certainly not going to make your job easier. Let’s have some fun, Asshole.

“No idea. I told you, I’m an orphan. I barely remember my parents. They died when I was 5 or something.”

“Your adopted parents,” Asshole clarifies.

Shit. I have no idea. I highly doubt the BattleChief used my actual adopted parents’ names. Oh shit, I should say something. Let’s go with this…

“Mom and Dad.”

“…”

“What? I call them Mom and Dad. They never told me their names.”

“…”

“Sometimes I call them Mommy and Daddy. Or Mama and Dada. Mapmap and Pappap. If I am being formal, Mother and Father. Sometimes they’re power tripping and I have to call them Matriarch and Patriarch. Then there are times when they militaristic and I call them Madam and Sir.”

“…”

Asshole writes a lot this time. Sorry Justine. I did something stupid. Well, I already did a lot of stupid things before this interview even started. But you probably already knew that was going happen when you said, “Do not say anything stupid.”

“I understand that Her Highness had laid claims on you. It is highly irregular for a Royal Family to lay claims on anyone.”

“Is that a question? Cause I can’t tell if you’re asking me a question or just making a statement. You really should be a bit clearer. Hell, if that was a question, I don’t even know what the question was. I was raised by Daemons. Lovely group of people. They took me in when I had nowhere to go. And they make wonderful sweets too. Plus, have you seen them? They are all so gorgeous. Every one of them. And they can fly!”

Asshole seems to stiffen a bit as he slowly takes a breath in. What is wrong with this guy? Obviously, he hates me. Doesn’t seem to be a reason for it though.

“Why would the 4th Princess of the Daemon Clans want to be with you?”

“I’m an unusual guy. I’m pretty fucking awesome. I don’t know. She just wanted too. She made the first move after all.”

“Indeed. All the more suspicious. I do not understand how someone like Her Highness would want to be with someone as…inadequate as you. She should be with someone more suitable to her. You must have done something to force her to exchange claims with you. What did you do?”

Holy shit. Is he actually giving me shit for dating Justine? Wait, come to think of it, how did he know? Oh that’s right, Justine kissed me earlier. He probably saw that. But that could have just been…nah. That was definitely a couple kiss. No way anyone would confuse that something else. Asshole is really getting on my nerves here. Like I had to blackmail girls to date me. Sheesh. I’m not a loser like you. I bet you do that. Oh, you’re talking again. Yeah, I’m not really paying that much attention anymore. Bored of this shit.

“I interviewed Her Highness earlier. I was shocked to find out she had exchanged claims with someone. Imagine my shock to see it is someone like you. She should be with someone with a bit more…class. Someone who is more whole.”

Hang on a minute, is he…envious? He is, isn’t he? Asshole is totally taking it out on me. Well, this is not good. This cannot end well. Which means…I better have some fun before shit hits the fan. Hey, it’s already going to end badly so why not see how far I can take it? Bad idea? Probably, but I don’t really give a flying fuck. Huh. Flying fuck. I might have to ask Justine later if she wants to try having sex while flying. And speaking of flying, I just realized I joined the mile-high club. Sweeeet. Oh right, I should probably retort back at Asshole.

I beam brightly at Asshole while staring directly into his eyes. His eyes seem to narrow in anger for some reason. What? Did he really think he could get me angry? What the fuck is he trying to accomplish anyways? I’m not some guy who would turn huge and green when I get angry. That also would end badly for him too if I could do that. What is his logic? Let’s get this person angry and make him have an outburst so I can arrest him on charges of being in league with COCKS? Actually, that might work if the system is easily corrupted. He is a bureaucrat after all. Maybe he wants me to say something like I brainwashed Justine. That would probably cause a huge shit storm if I said that. I should watch what I say.

I’m still going to keep messing with Asshole. Let’s play, poke the bear. The bear in this case being green-haired Asshole. I’m counting on you, Justine. Use your status to get me out of this mess later. She’s going to give me a lecture or something later for this…worth it.

“Well, Justine and I exchanged claims. I see nothing wrong with that.”

“You disrespect her by calling her by her name?!”

“That’s disrespectful? Wow. You really expect someone who has exchanged claims with Justine to call her ‘Your Highness’ every time? What, you expected me to say ‘Oh I love you, Your Highness!’ What about ‘Your Highness, let’s go fishing!’ OH and how about this one, ‘Oh Your Highness! You really know how to please a guy! Let’s have more sex, Your Highness!’ Maybe when I am moaning in bed I should be saying ‘Oh Your Highness! Highness! HIGHNESS!!! YES YES YES!!!’ Although, in that scenario, I became a woman…huh.”

CRASH

Asshole just flipped the table. I’m still smiling at him. Guess I stuck a nerve. He’s not even a Daemon and he is getting pissed? Sheesh. 50 creds that this guy had wanted to ask out Justine and she turned him down.

“YOU DARE?!?!” His spit is practically spraying all over the place. His fists are tightly clenched as he stands over me…which isn’t much considering that he is about my height.

“I dare what exactly? I honestly have no idea what you’re daring me to do if you don’t finish your statement. I mean, I might take the dare depending on what it is. Do I dare eat a bunch of steaks in one sitting? Yes. Do I dare go run around naked in public? Maybe. Do I dare shoot myself in the face? Hell no. That sounds like it would hurt. Would you shoot yourself in the face? Probably not. Your face looks pretty delicate. It’ll probably hurt you a lot more than it would hurt me. Actually, it would definitely hurt you more since you’re shooting yourself in the face and not me. Wait, what exactly are you daring me to do?”

Asshole reaches into his flipped table and pulls out a small pistol. He points it directly at my head. You know, at this point, I’m no longer even concerned. So far, my life has been threatened at least twice a day since I woke up on this planet. It’s becoming a norm for me now. That can’t be good though. Maybe I should stop antagonizing the authorities. Nah, they keep doing stunts like this and it honestly is annoying. They’re too…rigid.

“I SHOULD KILL YOU WHERE YOU STAND!!”

Speaking of antagonizing the authorities…

“Technically, I am sitting,” I grin at him. “You’re the one standing.”

“SHUT UP!!”

“Really? By yelling ‘shut up’ on top of your lungs at me, you really expect me to shut up? I don’t think that is how it works. If you really want me to shut up, you probably should shoot me. Although, I wouldn’t recommend that. You might stir up trouble. Or war. Is that what you’re going for?”

“BE SILENT!!! YOU’RE NOTHING BUT A FILTHY HALF-BREED!!! AN ABOMINATION TO OUR KIND!!!!”

Oh. Well, I should be offended. Right? I should be offended. Would a true half-breed be offended? I think they would be. Should I pretend to be offended? Everyone is looking at us now. Let’s…play this by ear.

“But, I just showered. Do I smell? Maybe I still reek of sex. Are you telling me to go shower? Want to put this interview on hold while I go clean myself? Or is it because I took a piss outside? I know I didn’t wash my hands. Is that problem? Should I go wash my hands? But then, you should probably wash your shoulder. I did pat you after all. And you might want to clean this chair too. Are you OCD about cleanliness? Is that the issue here?”

“SHUT UP! DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW TO STOP TALKING?! ALL YOU HALF-BREED SHOULD JUST...”

“LIEUTENANT ALEX! STAND DOWN!!”

Damn, I actually wanted to see what all us half-breeds should do. Was it bake a cake? I like cake. It was probably go bake a cake. Or maybe get high. Nah, I’m totally just fucking around. He probably wants us to die or some bullshit like that.

Captain Gram is stomping over to us. He does not look like a happy camper, no sir. Asshole turns and immediately bows to his Captain. Unfortunately for him, his Captain is glaring at him. I can see anger in both of their eyes. One is angry at his officer, the other is angry at something else entirely. I wonder what? Oh right, it’s directed at me. Heh.

“Lieutenant. You are hereby relieved of your duties. Go to your quarters and remain there until we have launched.”

“But sir!”

“NOW!!”

“…Yes sir.”

Asshole bows again and turns to leave. He shoots me a hateful look which I returned with a bright smile. Later Asshole. I know you’ll probably try to plan some kind of revenge but just so you know, you’re way too much fun to mess with. And way too easy. It’s not even a challenge. Should have just let me pee instead of being a power tripping asshole. Oh I see a lot of fun ahead of us. And I’ll shoot you in the face if you try anything to hurt my family or Justine. Twice. Double tap. Just to make sure you stay dead.

Basically, don’t fuck with me, Asshole.

When Asshole finally leaves the cabin, Gram turns to everyone and stares at them, causing everyone to get back to their interviews and answering questions. He then faces me and sighs heavily.

“I must apologize, Mr. Shin. I should have looked at who was to interview you. Lieutenant Alex Pamish is a proud Elf and stuck in the old ways. He looks down on half-breeds such as yourself.”

“Do most Elves think that way? I actually never met an Elf.”

“Then it is unfortunate the Lieutenant is one of your first encounters with your heritage. No, he is one of the minorities who will openly insult half-Elves. Most Elves do not care enough to say anything. And to be honest, half-Elves are not that common so you are probably his first encounter as well.”

“I thought Daimons and Elves mingled together frequently? At least, that is what I was told. Don’t the two races also bond?”

“You must have truly been isolate, Mr. Shin,” Gram says as he raises an eyebrow at me. Oops. Hopefully he will not think too heavily on that. “We mingle as business partners frequently but rarely do we bond with one another as mates. Elves are a proud people and typically will only become mates with their own kind.”

Gram sighs again before gesturing towards the exit. “You can go back. I apologize again. I should have had someone else conduct your interview. Thank you for not striking Alex. You can rest assure that he will be disciplined for his actions.”

“Hey, don’t worry about it. I found it very enlightening actually. Thank you, Captain,” I reassure him as I bow. He bows back, deeply and smiles as he rises up.

“I said this before Mr. Shin, you really are interesting,” he says as he walks away.

Curious. Very curious. Half-Elves are looked down on. I wonder how much trouble the three of us will face in the future because of this. Did Justine know about this? What about her parents as they made the documents for us? They had to have known. But, they were probably right though; if you mix Daimons and Elves together, they MIGHT resemble a human. Mix any of the other races, you probably would not even come close. And seeing how Asshole immediately called me a half-breed, looks like they actually made the right choice even though there are people like Asshole. But then again, people like Asshole are everywhere.

So, half-breeds look like humans then? He did readily accept me as half-Elf. I wonder if I can see any other half-breeds. That would be interesting. Daimons have roundish ears but they still are pointy at the end. The skin tone is off…unless you compare it to an albino. And last I checked, humans do not have wings. We also do not look like the Elves. Curious.

I make my way back to the galley which at this moment, is full of laughter and noise. I wonder what is going on? I open the doors and I see everyone crowded around one table. There is a HOLY SHIT IS THAT A SHARK?!?! THERE IS A SHARK BEAST?!?! THIS IS AWESOME!!!!! Wait, does he have fins for arms?!?! No, he has arms. Really beefy arms. And legs. Huh. Guess he only has a shark head. That would be hard to make out with.

Ahem, sorry about that. Got a bit excited there. Anyways, the shark-type Beast is standing on the table and acting out something. Every time he stops talking, the crowd erupts in laughter. As I get closer, I start to hear what he says.

“…favorite part is when the Lieutenant pulls out a gun, points it at Mister Lindsey Shin’s head, and declares on the top of his lungs, loud enough for all of us to hear, that he should, and I quote, ‘KILL YOU WHERE YOU STAND!!’ And you know what Lindsey does? The guy just nonchalantly remains seated and smiles the biggest shit eating grin ever. ‘Technically, I am sitting. You’re the one standing.’”

Roaring laughter races through the crowd. I chuckle a bit. Glad people are enjoying this. But seriously, I was just there a few minutes ago. This is already starting to spread? Man, people must be bored out of their minds. I notice that the table he is standing on is the one where I was sitting. Justine is still sitting there with a huge smile on her face. Blake and Volt are laughing but with their heads in their hands. I cannot tell if they are embarrassed for me or if they actually find this hilarious. Probably both. I make my way towards Justine and someone shouts out my name. Suddenly people start shouting and cheering as I receive pats on my back.

“Damn! I can’t believe you had the courage to say something like that to that Elf!”

“Way to go, Lindsey!”

“Thank you? Hang on, Justine, why are you glaring at me? You were smiling and laughing just a while ago…”

The room immediately goes silent as all eyes turn on Justine. She slowly gets up and walks towards me. I unconsciously take a step back. She’s either really pissed or she is REALLY good at acting pissed. Either way, terrifying. Actually, what makes it even more terrifying is that her black wings are out and on fire…again. And so is her silver hair. They’re black flames. Okay, she’s probably very angry right now. But then, why was she laughing? Why is everyone slowly backing away? I NEED SHIELDS!!! GET BACK HERE YOU COWARDS!! If you guys are near me, she won’t attack so easily!!

“Boyfriend,” she says steadily in a monotone voice, “what was it that I told you before you left?”

Uh oh. Can’t lie. Her damnable lie detector is too strong. I fucking hate that lie detector. Sigh. Here we go.

“Not to say anything stupid?”

“And what did you do?”

“…”

“Well?”

“...You’re pretty…”