《Xeno on Planet Erde》Chapter 19 – COCKS!!!!
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“Captain de Gralle? May I inquire about your…guest?” asks the Daimon captain.
Jacque takes one quick glance at me and shrugs his shoulders. “Ignore him, sir. He is…special.”
Fucker.
I hear Blake snicker a little. I glare at her to which she responds with an innocent looking smile. Don’t play innocent. You’re the one who said I was “special” to Jacque. Screw you. Not literally. That’s Volt’s job. I rather not screw you myself. Besides, Justine might actually kill me…not to mention Volt. And Sky, maybe. Depends on whether its emotions have advanced enough to develop attachments. Speaking of Sky, why did it hide its head? Was it just imitating Blake and Volt? Or did it actually develop a sense of embarrassment. I should ask it later.
Captain Gram nods at Jacque. I already dislike this guy. Actually, why do people automatically agree with each other when someone says I’m special? I hate this planet so very much.
“Captain de Gralle, we will need to speak in private about this matter.”
“Captain Sutro, I am Justine von Gustogh,” Justine speaks up suddenly. At the mention of her name, Captain Gram’s eyes open wide. “I request permission to attend this meeting of yours along with my three guests.”
“As you wish, Your Highness. I had no idea you were aboard. It is quite fortunate you are unharmed,” Captain Gram bows. You know what? I’m just going to call him Gram from now on. Tired of saying Captain Gram did this and Captain did that or Captain Gram said this. He’s just Gram now. Deal with it.
“But Your Highness,” Gram continues as he rises, “I must object to your guests attending our meeting.”
“I will be travelling with these 3 for quite some time. I believe it is imperative that they also be made aware of what the Cult of the Contagion Swarm is doing.”
“Very well, Your Highness.”
At this, Jacque led us away from everyone and to his office. Whoa…he has a nice office. Fancy even if it is a bit cramped. He has a nice wooden office desk in the back with a nice soft swivel chair. Paintings of…things are hung up on the wall. He has a picture of what I assume is his family since I see him and Francine in a picture with two older looking Beasts. Looks like his mom is an eagle-type Beast and his father is an alligator-type Beast. Or is it a crocodile-type? I really can’t tell the difference. I feel racist. Hopefully nobody will ask me about Jacque’s father.
Unfortunately, there are only two other seats besides the one behind the desk. So, naturally, the two Captains take their seats and of course Justine takes the last seat. The three humans stand in the back, elbows jostling each other as we try to get comfortable. I hope this conversation doesn’t last too long. Well, nobody is talking. They’re just sitting and twiddling their thumbs. Literally. Is this really that hard of a conversation to have? Sigh.
“What’s wrong with calling them COCKS? I mean, their name literally spells out ‘cocks,’ well, without the ‘k’ that is. We can ignore that little fact though. I’m going to start calling them ‘COCKS’ and trust me, it will catch on soon enough.”
Everyone just stares blankly at me before Blake smacks the back of my head. Followed by Volt smacking the back of my head. And the Sky whacking one of its wings at the back of my head. What the fuck guys? Not cool. And I bet Sky only whacked me because the two gingers did. Bastard.
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Gram shakes his head and he turns to face both Jacque and Justine. “He really is special, isn’t he?”
Justine nods her head as she gives me a look of exasperation. Hey, you’re the one who wants to date me or in your words, lay claim on me. Don’t regret your choice now, lady. Speaking of which, you’re a fucking a cradle robber. You’re what? 80 some years older than me? Guess I’m into cougars. Go figure.
“Captain Gram,” Jacque speaks up, “can you tell us what is going on?”
“The Cult of…”
“COCKS DAMNIT!!”
“Little one, be silent or you will not get cookies later,” Justine hisses at me.
“…Fine,” I finally say as everyone looks at me.
“Anyways… The Cult of the Contagion Swarms have a worldwide announcement to join them or die all over the projectors and with graffiti everywhere. They have made a number of assassination attempts in Union City as well as in the Four Nations. A member of the Hierarchy was murdered as well as 3 Elders in the Elven Coalition. My own people lost one of our Lords. An attempt was made on one of your BattleChiefs, Your Highness. I believe it was within Clan Arcme. But the most surprising thing about these assassinations was that they were performed by those within the government. A large number of arrests have been made all over Pangea.
Also, a large number of kidnappings have been conducted. Random civilians have gone missing everywhere. Fortunately, we have been able to quickly get things under control and the Cult of the Contagion Swarms have quiet down for now.”
“When did this start?” Justine inquires.
“Two days ago.”
“OH SON OF A FUCKING BITCH!!!”
Oops. Did I say that out loud? Yup. Yup I did. Justine is giving me a “what the fuck is wrong with you” look while Jacque is face palming as he leans back in his chair. Aaaaand I just got smacked again by my siblings and Sky.
“Linds, are you a fucking idiot?” Volt hisses in my ear.
“Captain Lindsey, you should remain silent,” Sky chimes in quietly.
“Hun, shut up,” Blake snaps at me.
“What is wrong him?” Gram asks as he looks at me questioningly.
“Everything,” everyone says at once, including Jacque. You guys all fucking suck. Fine…let’s play along.
“I has to pee…” I squeak out in a little kid voice, improper grammar and all. I hold my hands together in front of my groin and start bouncing. Nice one, Lindsey. Good save. Gram raises an eyebrow before facing Justine.
“He really is…special.”
“Yes…yes he is,” Justine replies as she rubs her temple. Heh, I bet she regrets wanting to “claim” me now.
Uh oh…I actually do have to pee now…
“Captain de Gralle, we need to individually interview everyone before we let you into the city. Like I said, it is a precautionary measure. I understand it is a huge inconvenience to everyone.”
“Yes, it is. You understand that I have 197 Beasts on this zeppelin? Do you really plan on interviewing all of them?”
“I do. Including your guests and yourself. Of course, I won’t be the only one conducting the interviews. I have a few officers from the United Air Defense Force with me.”
Jacque sighs heavily as he nods. “Very well. I will inform the crew.”
“Thank you for your understanding, Captain. Hopefully we can move this along quickly and get you into the city before nightfall.”
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Gram gets up and bows to Jacque before turning and leaving. But before he leaves the room, he stops in front of me.
“You are certainly an interesting one.” he mutters.
“Thank you?”
He nods and walks out. The moment the door closes, everyone, except for Sky, busts out laughing while I put my hands up in the air in frustration and anger. Bastard probably thinks I’m mentally handicapped or something.
“Fuck. Every. One. Of you!!”
Justine gets up and smiles and she hugs me affectionately. I look past her and I see Jacque wiping tears from his eyes. Fuck every one of you assholes…in the…asshole…yeah.
“Little one, that was perhaps one of the funniest things I have ever seen.”
“I hate every one of you right now. Get the fuck off me you flat chested nymphomaniac.”
“Oh hun, you do realize you’re an idiot right?”
“Hey, not my fault. I literally JUST found out that the COCKS, and yes, I will keep calling them the COCKS, deal with it. Oh right, I just found out that the COCKS started acting up AFTER the Contagions attacked us. Coincidence? I THINK NOT!!!”
“No shit, Linds. We all figured that out but we also know better than to say anything. Jacque didn’t even blink.”
“Captain Lindsey, you are truly special,” Jacque says flatly before smirking a little. This causes another round of laughter from everyone. I am going to kill them all. Twice.
“Seriously guys? Come on now.”
Justine hugs me again and pats me on the head. “It really is a serious situation. The Cult of the…”
“Justine, if you’re going to lay claim on me, you better fucking start calling them COCKS.”
“Wait. Her Highness has laid claim on you?!” Jacques exclaims as he stands up.
“Indeed I have, Captain. That is why I am hugging him. He is now my manfriend.”
“Manfriend, Highness?”
“Justine…it’s boyfriend,” Blake whispers, causing to Justine to blush a little in embarrassment. HA! Serves you right bitch. Can you let go yet?
“Your Highness, forgive me for my impudence but I thought that the Daemon Royal Family disapproves of their members laying claims with those outside of the Clans.”
“I do not care what the Royal Family says or thinks. I am laying claim on Lindsey.”
Nobody says anything as I stand there awkwardly in the embrace of the much taller, purple 4th Princess of the Daemon Clans. Yep. This is awkward. I need her to let go.
“Just so you know, I really do have to pee…”
“Shut up, arm rest.”
“…I’ll pee on you if you don’t let go.”
“…”
“Your move, you titted bitch.”
“Why did I lay claim on you?”
“How the fuck should I know? You’re the one who did it.”
Justine sighs as she grabs me closer. Wait, grabs me closer? That’s not what you’re supposed to do when you’re regretting your decision…
“Now I remember. You make my life interesting,” she beams at me as she lifts me off my feet and kisses me on the lips. Wow that was emasculating. My feet are literally dangling in the air as we make out.
“GET A ROOM!!” Volt yells.
Blake taps Justine on the shoulder to get her to put me down. Sheesh. This woman is insane. She’s going to be a clingy girlfriend, isn’t she? God I hope not. But then again, clingy girls won’t cheat…I think. I guess they will take good care of you though. Justine does makes awesome cookies. I just hope she isn’t the easily jealous type.
“Okay guys, we actually do have a serious problem,” I say still within Justine’s embrace. Damn, will she let go already? Although…she is resting her boobs on my head. It feels kind of nice. Okay, fine. You can keep hugging me. Oh, NOW you let go? Sheesh.
“Captain Lindsey, you probably want to know what the Cult of the Contagion Swarms are,” Jacque states.
“Actually, I kind of figured it out based off their name. They’re a bunch of dicks which is why I’m going to refer to them as COCKS. I’m telling you, that name will catch on. But seriously, I bet they’re a bunch of fanatics who want to join the Contagions and believe that everyone should join the Swarm. Now, I bet that they used to be really quiet and a minor annoyance. However, it looks like they have had their hands everywhere and just tried to destroy everything you stood for and protected. I’m also guessing that the reason they started to act now is because of…well, me. I bet the Contagions somehow told the COCKS that the Creator is here. So, how did I do?”
Justine and Jacque blink at me in surprise.
“What? I’m not an idiot. You two both knew that. Well, Justine did at least.”
“I just never expected you to be serious, Captain Lindsey. It is…unusual to see.” Jacque finally says.
“You’re an asshole, Jacque.”
“And you just ruined the moment, sir.”
“Actually, Captain Jacque, let me be serious again. Do you guys have a rough estimate of the COCKS’ number?”
“Unfortunately, we do not. They are a secretive group. I never expected them to have their hands in government though. If what we believe is true and they are acting because of your sudden arrival, you would do well to watch your back. The Cult is far more dangerous than anyone could have predicted and are extremely dangerous. They truly believe that the Contagion Swarm is the salvation of Erde and will stop at nothing to force everyone to assimilate into the Swarm.”
“It was always thought that the Cult had some way to communicate with the Swarm but it was eventually dismissed as a rumor. Now, we know the truth. Lindsey, the Swarm is in control of the Cult. This is bad,” Justine adds with a hint of worry in her voice.
“I’ll say this is bad! You still didn’t call them COCKS, Justine.”
“I am being serious here, Lindsey!”
Justine is angry at me. No surprise there. I grab her hand and squeeze it tightly. I look up and smile at her. She’s angry but at the same time, I know she is a little scared. With people up high in powerful positions coming out as members of COCKS, it will be hard to know who to trust. Fear and distrust are powerful tools in espionage and warfare. This isn’t going to be easy to deal with.
“Look you beautiful purple princess with an insatiable appetite and tiny boobs, there is no point worrying about this right now. Why? Cause there is an albino outside this zeppelin that wants to interview everyone on this blimp to make sure we’re not part of COCKS. THAT is what we should worry about. We might as well get started. Volt, Blake, we probably need to figure out our stories. I vote we say we’re from a faraway land or some shit. That or we hide.”
“He already saw us, hun. How exactly do you plan to hide?” Blake points out.
“Uhhhhh…skills?”
“Didn’t think that far ahead?”
“Nope. Although, that Gram guy probably thinks I’m retarded thanks to you assholes. He probably won’t bother to interview me.”
“Justine, what do our papers say?” Volt asks.
“You are half Elves and half Daimons. Orphans and raised by the Daemon Clans.”
“Oh, that works,” I muse. Interesting. I should send a gift to the BattleChief later. Simple and easy to remember. And maybe that will help her accept my new relationship with her daughter. Then again, she just might kill me for causing Justine to break tradition and rules.
Jacque at this point reaches for a microphone looking thing on his desk and gives an announcement to the entire ship, informing them about the change of plans and how everyone of them needs to be interviewed. I noticed that he left out the COCKS entirely. Guess he wants his crew to be as honest as possible to exonerate them easily. Good plan. Unfortunate that they can’t hear the news about the terrorist organization through their Captain though.
We walk out of Jacque’s office and wait in the galley with a majority of the crew. Looks like the Union City Air Defense Force wants to keep everyone together. I hope nobody is sick because this is how a plague starts. Seriously. It is just waiting to happen. Don’t these people know the basics of hygiene? Well, fortunately, it looks like the Beasts are all relatively conscious about their hygiene. Better, I’ll say, than some humans I know back on Earth.
Beasts enter and leave as their names are individually called out by a member of the Air Defense Force. It moves so slowly though. Justine and Jacque are called almost immediately by someone to be interviewed. Lucky bastards. But I guess that is normal. Get the high ranking ones out of the way first.
God, I am so bored. I entertain myself by gathering silverware and try to stack them to form a tower by standing them up against one another and adding layers. Volt keeps trying to knock over my creation only to be met with stabs from my Spoon of Doom. He does succeed a few times unfortunately. Asshole. Blake watches us with a hint of amusement in her eyes. Sky on the other, we told it to transform into a block and hide in Blake’s pocket. We really did not want to explain it to whomever interviews us.
Finally, Volt and Blake are both called individually of one another and I am able to construct my tower in peace. Or so I thought. Justine at this time comes back from her interview and sits next to me. She faces me as she leans against the wall behind her. Sighing heavily, she raises her legs and rests them on mine. Rude. Well, whatever. She has nice legs and I guess this is normal behavior for couples. I put a hand on one of them and continue to try...whoa…she has really smooth legs!! Wow…I mean, she is wearing long pants and everything but I had maneuvered my hand under a leg sleeve from her ankle. Wow…so smooth. I wonder if she shaves her legs regularly or if she just naturally lacks hair on her legs. Huh. Maybe this whole relationship thing isn’t so bad.
Anyways, back to building my Tower of Awesomeness. It is currently 3 feet high and stable. Nobody knock it over. I will stab them with the Spoon of Doom. Okay, this next piece is delicate. Careful…Careful…Caaaarefulllll….
“Lindsey Shin!”
FUCK! That made me jump and the Tower of Awesomeness topples over. Fucking…Elf? I think it’s an Elf. Man I think. He’s dressed in black leather armor and wears…nunchucks? This dude has nunchucks? Sweeeeet. I like him already…but only a little. He did cause me to knock over my Tower of Awesomeness.
I lift Justine’s silky smooth legs off of me and stand up. Justine in the meantime, pouts a little and stretches out a hand to me. What? What does she want? Am I supposed to do something here? Just kidding, I know what she wants. I grab it and squeeze it gently as I smile down at her. Huh, I am looking down at her. That’s a first. Well, not exactly looking down. She’s still about my height sitting. She is crazy tall. Or I’m crazy short.
“Kiss for luck?” I ask her as I bring my face closer.
She kisses me on the cheek and pats where she just kissed me. “Do not say anything stupid, dumbass.”
“Dumbass? Where did you learn that word?”
“You and your brother say it all the time. It is an insult, is it not?”
“Wow…you sure are smart!” I say sarcastically. Justine kicks me away with a grin on her face.
“Get going, dumbass. And remember, do not say something stupid,” Justine kicks me away with a grin on her face.
“No promises!” I declare as I make my way over to the Elf.
Well, here goes. The Elf is about my height. Oh nice. Fellow shorty! He has short green hair. Whoa. Green hair…interesting. Did not see that coming. His face is almost feminine like. How interesting…I wonder if all Elves look girlish. He is very pretty. Not handsome, pretty. His skin is tanned and he looks like he has delicate arms. I bet 100 creds that he could probably tear me in half though. If I learned anything on this planet, looks can be deceiving. Justine looks weak, even if she is tall but she has the strength of what, 20 guys back on Earth? Oh and yes, the Elf has pointy ears.
I look into the green eyes of his and take a deep breath.
“I am Lindsey Shin.”
The Elf nods and gestures for me to follow him out. Oh shit. I just remembered something vital…
I forgot that I really need to pee.
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