Bonus Chapter - Peace of Candy (I’m a Real Unicorn!)

Halloween Contest 2021

“They thought I was crazy when I left my pod and went with the missionaries. But I was over it, you know? After conquering so many planets and expanding the Shil’vati Imperium, I started wondering, ‘Are we the bad girls?’ Not to mention the things we’ve done to those we’ve conquered, the willing and unwilling alike; those are, to my mind, some of the most grotesque.

“Why do we do what we do? We, the proud Shil’vati, with our royal colors shown in every facet of our lives: our armor, our clothes, our equipment. Purple is a majestic color indeed, but when it’s everywhere it becomes overwhelming. I ask why, but in many cases, I know why; the Rakiri had a makeshift society including their own “nobility”. What a laughable farce, indeed. Treating those hairy beasts as though they were equal to our Empress. Ha! They needed to learn their place. The Helkam, well, I don’t give those slimy dregs the time of day. One day, though, by the Sea of Souls, we will have the Ulnus; they will meet the treads of the Imperium’s boot.

“I don’t know what it is about these Humans though. They have struck me as a people with some, I don’t know what to call it, but they have some kind of pull on me. I mean, sure, they do have visual appeal. Eye candy is what it is, I’m only a woman. But more than that, the chaste among them are just so endearing. There’s something beyond my crustaceous brain, that the beliefs of the Humans are...universal?

“Now I’ll admit the first piece that caught my eye was the man wearing only a loincloth, suffering so on the tree; my instincts demand that I respond to a damsel in distress, if you will. Then all the other iconography showed his peaceful demeanor with the woolen beasts. There is one piece that I have hidden away on my omnipad in a folder named “Reports” where this mythical man is shown wielding a whip. But again and again, his long hair, his bare chest, his smouldering eyes that see into my very soul--there are feelings, longings that I cannot describe in enough detail in this journal.

“And yet, more than that, his disciples range all around this planet. His disciples speak about giving to the poor, a concept below our Shil’vati constructs, but good for them for trying before we came to show them how it’s done! They all claim peace. I didn’t know how much I longed for peace until I came to worship with them. They are kind enough to have large, though shallow, benches in his house of worship where a girl can sit and not feel cramped like most of their other seating accommodations. They wear formal robes and stoles and take great care to show the majesty of their lord.

“The first time I came to service, as they call it, I found comfort in the ritual. The order of things calmed my being. They seduced me with thoughts of harmony between everyone under “God’s love”. I’ve been raised in the Imperium, where the only love I’ve received has been that of the Empress: cold, dark, mysterious and distant. Here, in their house of worship, I could feel the presence of the lord. They did not make me feel like an outsider. These pink-skinned lilliputians welcomed me with open arms. They even invited me to a meal after the service.

“This ‘lord’ of theirs was no stranger to meals as well. The ‘potluck’ was a jovial affair where various attendees brought items from their homes with them to share with others. It was an amazing spread! ‘Pastas’, ‘casseroles’ and baked or fried meats; small stacks of meat, cheese, a leafy vegetable on bread; baked tubers called ‘funeral potatoes’; sliced and fried tubers called ‘potato chips’; beverages of a dark variety called ‘tea’ and of a lighter variety called ‘lemonade’ and other foodstuffs aplenty! And the desserts; oh, what a joy! There were ‘cakes’; smaller, wrapped bundles of cakes, ‘cupcakes’; ‘Chocolate’ pies and tiny wrapped bricks with different fillings.

“And just like that, I was full of food and full with ‘the spirit’. I left there to return to my barracks. It was a crisp evening in autumn. The Human homes between the church and the base were covered in webbing, hollowed and carved gourds and other items which I learned were a part of a seasonal custom referred to as ‘spooky’. These Human customs were unfamiliar, but not entirely without charm. I had heard several youths debating their costumes for an evening called ‘Halloween’. The more I heard the more I thought about shopping around the idea with my pod. A common cryptid was the ‘witch’. They often had green skin, according to the conversations I overheard; how odd would it be for me to take advantage of my purple skin--an oddity to the Humans--to dress as a witch?

“I’d given it a week before I returned to the church service again. There were more services during the week, but I had my own duties and thought the extra services seemed a bit excessive. I had, however, given serious thought to going if they did make a call to the altar during this service. I think I would like to give my life to Christ. Perhaps I could be forgiven for my sins, as they called them. I have done awful things in the call of duty. I’ve witnessed others do worse. But maybe, just maybe, if I can be forgiven, so can they.”

The voice reading aloud from the omnipad ended the last sentence with a mocking tone that transitioned into a laugh. “Yeah, we’ll forgive you, sugartits.” The reader took a long drag from his cigarette before dropping the omnipad from his face to his left side. He blew his smoke into the writer’s face.

She turned her head, clamping her eyes and mouth shut as best she could. The dim lighting of the fellowship hall kept the side of her face hidden in darkness. When she turned her face back toward the reader, he saw the dirty tube sock that was bound around her face covered the sock’s partner which was stuffed into her mouth. Her right eye shone wetly with a fountain of blue that flowed down her face.

“You know, Boss, that was some sick shit you did, but it worked. She wouldn’t open her eyes to open the omnipad, but you were right.” The reader lifted up his right hand to reveal a twelve and half inch fixed blade army knife. The tip of which had skewered upon it an eye with a black sclera and gold-rimmed iris. The blackness of it reflected the single overhead light as well as the tied down body of the Shil’vati author on the table. The reader also saw, behind him, several of the church’s parishioners; their smiles grew as they saw themselves reflected in the eye’s blackness as the reader turned the knife in the air. “The omnipad only needed an eye to unlock.”

“Thank you for your cooperation in this endeavor.” The person referred to as ‘boss’ turned toward the light to regard the reader. Her cherubic face smiled down on the Shil’vati author. “And thank you, despite your lack of cooperation.

“We will, of course, be paying you in the fashion we can once we get more information out of this omnipad; whether that means lasers, technology we can glean from the omnipad itself or just plain cash.” The boss swept her good arm toward churchgoers the author could recognize even with one eye while being tied down to the table.

One of the elders amongst the group held up a hand, “Oh no, it’s our pleasure to rid this place of just one of these purple devils.” Anger radiated from the once, oh, so welcoming, crowd. “We only hope that this is a step toward ridding the rest of the world of them.”

Once again, the boss graced them with her angel’s smile.

From the table, the author pleaded, “But peace? I thought that you people wanted peace in all the universe?” Tears welled and spilt from her good eye, “I thought if, like you, I could ask for forgiveness from Jesus--”

“Keep HIS name out of your filthy devil mouth!” Someone in the crowd shouted amongst similar vehement murmurings from the crowd.

The boss reached up to the author’s face, grabbing her right tusk with a heavy prosthetic hook. With her left hand, the boss twisted the clamp tighter then leaned down, giving her metal arm an angle on the table. She then lifted her metal arm in the air, still attached to the tusk so that it bent at the elbow at an unnatural angle. The author’s head lifted up from the table. The boss then gripped the bicep of the metal arm and swung her full weight down toward the floor beside the table. She dropped and, with a crunch, her hooked arm came down with her.

The crowd and even the reader were first aghast for a moment, then curious, leaning closer to see if the boss was ok.

The author sprayed blue blood from her mouth and hooted, “Fuck!”

The crowd backed up at the blue mist that rose from the table.

The boss noisily clambored herself up from the floor. Metal arm scraping the faux wooden floor, her legs swept ungracefully around and under her so she could lift. From the other side of the table, her chubby face pooched into a smile that was misted with blue. She looked down, clipped and latched some prosthetic arm apparatuses into place before lifting her hook in front of her face. The author’s bloody tusk was held fast by the hook. A few in the crowd looked away at the macabre sight. Others smiled with glee at the continued punishment of the purple devil.

The boss pointed with her good arm and hooked a finger as if to say ‘come hither’ to someone in the crowd. A small girl, no older than 9, came forward. A smile was plastered on her face. She held out her cupped hands. The boss held the hook above the small girl’s cupped hands, untwisted the clamp and let the removed tusk fall. The girl clasped her hands as tight as she could. She turned back to the crowd, put the tusk between her pointer and thumb, then put the tusk on her forehead. She squealed, “I can be a unicorn for Halloween this year!”

---

“Well, it doesn’t really fit the theme,” Michael screwed his face up in consternation.

Before him stood Fala, who was wearing a neon pink tiara, a poorly (or excellently) fitting pink bodysuit, sparkly tutu, sparkling wings and a neon pink magic wand. “I don’t care. I am a fairy princess.” Her nose rocketed to the sky in defiance of Michael’s assertions.

Michael scratched his head and tried not to mess up his hairdo. “You know what? The fourth one is an ‘Indian’, which isn’t kosher to say or be or do nowadays, so,” he ceded to her desire to go as a fairy, “Yeah, why not?”

Fala pirouetted happily away from Michael to drool over the big bowl of candies on the island in the kitchen.

Linnet approached Michael next. “Is this wax mustache really necessary?” She wiggled her snoot and the mustache fell, as if unhinged, from a side of her muzzle.

Michael grabbed the loose end and angled it back up into place. “GLUE!” he shouted over his shoulder. Katherine came running from Michael’s bathroom where she was attending to the other trick or treaters in their party. She schelacked another layer to Linnet’s ‘mustache’. Michael thanked her and bid her to continue what she was doing. “It’s a part of the schtick.” He said as he looked in her eyes, then he kissed her and pressed the mustache back to her face.

Linnet didn’t mind the kiss, but still wrinkled her brows and commented, “What a strange custom.” She straightened her aviators over her eyes and pulled the blue costume back into place under the utility belt. Michael appreciated the placement of the gold cloth badge on her chest before she stepped away. Now is not the time, but I do see that she has handcuffs. Woof. Michael smiled mischievously.

Harley knocked on her yellow hard hat as she walked past Michael. He gave her a sly nod as she passed. The safety vest fit her well as well. She went over to the couch to sit with Bill.

Bill was wearing camo pants, a camo vest, a red headband and a serious amount of black and camo paint on his face. He cautioned Tiana, his granddaughter, to be careful with his “Rambo knife” as she pulled it from its scabbard. She waved it around like a wand. “It’s no fair!” Tiana pouted, “Fala has a wand and I don’t!” her nostrils flared.

Andrea heard the alarm of her daughter’s tone and came rushing over, “You are a ballerina, not a fairy princess!” Her demeanor broke the character that her heart-shaped sunglasses, tie dyed headband, shirt and pants would have otherwise announced. She was not being relaxed and groovy.

Tiana huffed after being corrected. When hippy Andrea departed, Fala leaned toward Tiana, “Here sweet girl, you can have my wand.”

Tiana beamed. “And your wings?”

Bill and Fala glanced at each other. “Don’t push it.” Bill advised.

Tiana gave Bill back his plastic knife in favor of the pink wand.

Katherine pulled Bel’a out of Michael’s bathroom toward him. Bel’a let herself be dragged by her hand, but had to use the other to keep the overlong fire helmet in place. “What a smokeshow!” Katherine hubba-hubba’ed.

Michael kept his mouth stiff to try to not react inappropriately. Bel’a’s grey undershirt and strategically placed suspenders held up her duct taped black jeans, she smiled awkwardly, “It’s not too much, is it?”

Michael clicked his tongue at her and held up an “okay” hand. He took a deep breath and walked into his bedroom. “You ready, son?” He asked the miniature spiderman on his bed. Doug was playing Roblox; he gave a half hearted thumbs up. Michael put his plastic teeth into his mouth and leaned down to bite Doug’s neck. Doug held Michael back at arm’s length. He then made a hissing sound to mimic the shooting of webbing into Michael’s face. Michael wrenched back and tried to scrape the pretend webbing from his face. Seeing that Doug was back to playing his game, “Ok, well, we’re about to go.” Michael cautioned as he stepped out of his bedroom.

“Dad, can you help me?” Katherine asked sweetly.

“Sure thing, babygirl.” Michael took the costume attachment from Katherine and centered it above her butt. He tied it around her so that it was held in place. They tested it to make sure it stayed. Her green tights and rhinestone covered top made her look like an adorable peacock.

Michael tied on his cape and began to rally the troops. “Alright, are we all familiar with what’s going on out here tonight?”

The Rakiri nodded together hesitantly.

Andrea led the directions, “First, we knock on the door.” Then she looked around the room for someone to take the next step.

“Then we say ‘trick or treat’”, Linnet repeated the phrase carefully. “But if we do not get candy,” she looked at Michael for assistance. “We have to trick them?”

“It’s a phrase. We aren’t actually going to trick anyone.” Michael clarified.

“Unless someone needs to be tricked.” Bill said menacingly. “But they’ve got to draw first blood.” He licked the edge of the plastic knife with his eyes wide open.

Tiana scrunched up her whole face and drew back away from Bill, “You’re weird, Papaw.”

“And then,” Katherine chimed, waiting for a response.

Doug popped into the common room from Michael’s bedroom and tried to hop onto the couch, but awkwardly fell off. The room suppressed a chuckle. He then hopped up successfully and proclaimed, “THEN WE GET THE CANDY!”

Michael smiled through plastic vampire teeth, “And say ‘thank you’.”

Bel’a finished the round, “And then we walk away.”

Michael nodded his approval. “We’re all ready then?” He clapped his hands together.

Doug swung his arm toward the stairway and exclaimed, “Paw Patrol is on a roll!”

Michael swung around, “What?”

Doug innocently pointed at Linnet, “That’s Chase”. Then Bel’a, “That’s Marshall.” And finally he pointed at Harley, “She’s Rubble.”

“Um, what?” Bel’a cocked her head to the side. Linnet and Harley echoed her head cock.

Michael grumbled, “It’s a kids show. I didn’t think of that when I thought you all could be the stereotypical Village People.” The Rakiri heads did not move. “Older people will know you as one thing.” He pointed at Doug, “Young people will think you’re another. It’s fine.”

Andrea agreed, “It’s fine.”

Bill chuckled.

Tiana copied dutily, “It’s fine.”

“Ok, let’s roll out!” Michael announced.

The crew marched downstairs toward other buildings in the apartment complex. Along their way, they passed several other trick or treaters. The parents recognized the Village People. The children recognized the Paw Patrol. And so it was.

Katherine commented on another girl who passed, “That’s a good Rarity costume.” She winked at the girl who was dressed like the white and purple unicorn from My Little Pony.

The girl glowed, “Thank you, I’m a real unicorn. It’s not plastic.”

“Oh yeah, where’d you get it?” Bel’a asked. She nudged Linnet.

Linnet lifted her sunglasses because she couldn’t see well with sunglasses on in the dark.

The girl cooed, “My friend Rachel got it for me.”

Michael was already far ahead in the front of the crowd. Linnet caught up to him. “Don’t you have a friend named ‘Rachel’?”

Again tonight, Michael held his mouth stiffly to try to not emote what he was feeling. “Uh, yeah, why?”

Linnet looked at Michael, looked back in the direction of the little girl with the tusk-looking projection on her forehead, then at the ground. “Maybe something we should talk about later.”

Michael’s stomach sank with worry. “Sure thing.” He got into place behind Doug and Tiana and urged them forward.

Tiana knocked on the door. It opened. A vampire, Rambo, a ballerina, Spiderman, a peacock, a hippy and a very wolf-looking group of Village People and a wolfish fairy princess smiled and rang out harmoniously, “Trick or Treat!”