"Why are we doing this again?" Sirius grumbled, his face propped on his palm. "This is so boring."

I sighed. We hadn't even been sitting here for three minutes.

It was Sirius' and my turn to look at the map while the others were on patrols or at work and couldn't do it.

We were sitting opposite each other, the table with the map on it between us. It was weird to be in the headquarters all alone, since I wasn't used to it being so quiet.

And yes, it was boring. We were just watching moving spots, trying to figure out where they were going. If we could make out where some were living, we'd have to write it down, but so far, we didn't see anyone stay at a place longer than ten minutes.

"Someone has to do it," I replied, trying not to smile at the adorable way his face was smooshed behind his hand.

"I know," He sighed again. But a split second later, he lifted his head. "We're allowed to talk while doing this, right?"

I shrugged. "Noone forbid it."

"Great." After a quick glance at the map, he looked at me again.

"Marls has told me that you've been at Azkaban a few days ago. How was it?"

I shuddered at the thought alone.

"Horrible," I said, dropping my gaze down to the map to avoid his eyes.

From the corner of my eyes, I saw Sirius bite his lip thoughtfully. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I hesitated, my eyes still on the map.

One spot was walking through Diagon Alley, which didn't help us at identifying the person.

I sighed. Talking to Sirius always made me feel better, so I could give it a try.

"The trip itself was actually interesting, but I couldn't focus at all because of those stupid Dementors."

I huffed out some air, getting angry at myself. "I don't know why, but noone seemed to be as affected by them as I was! I felt nauseous and super depressed, just sad and then I began to hear voices!"

I rolled my eyes and chuckled homourlessly to act unfazed by it all. "Noone else heard them, so I figured those were just some of my worst memories.... You know, a normal Monday."

"Oh," Sirius said dryly. He looked sympathetic. "I'm sorry, Frey."

I scoffed and probably blushed because of his sympathy. "Please, it's not your fault that I can't handle Dementors."

"Stop talking yourself down, Freya!"

Sirius studied my face for a split second.

I was about to panic, thinking that he'd read something into my words that I didn't want him to know, but luckily, that wasn't the case.

"Have you managed to create a Patronus yet?"

My mouth tasted bitter. "Thanks for the reminder."

"So no," Sirius concluded. "Maybe that's why they affected you more? Because I'm sure that you're not weaker than others."

I couldn't quite follow his train of thoughts.

"Why would they affect me more just because I can't produce a Patronus? Noone had summoned a Patronus; they've all been as exposed as I've been."

Besides, didn't it make me weak that I couldn't summon a Patronus?

Sirius shook his head, briefly looking at the map again. "That's not what I meant. Like... Maybe you felt so discouraged because you can't produce a Patronus that it made you a target. They can sense worry, can't they?"

"They can sense all kinds of negative emotions." I agreed.

It began to dawn on me. I knew that I had only briefly thought about how I couldn't produce a real Patronus, so that couldn't have been it. But I still had a lot of negative emotions inside of me that could've drawn the Dementors to me.

Of course, I didn't want to say that out loud.

"You know what, you might actually be right," I said instead.

A smile made its way to Sirius' face. "Great! We can work on that, then!"

My eyebrows furrowed. I had not expected that. "What?"

Sirius nodded enthusiastically. "You can practice producing a Patronus right now. I'll help you, and I'm sure you can do it this time! After that, the Dementors will have nothing on you."

I unconsciously smiled. My chest felt as fuzzy and warm as it always did when Sirius tried to motivate or cheer me up.

"But we're supposed to watch the map," I rejected.

"We're doing that!" Sirius insisted, immediately fixing his eyes on some of the spots. "Oh, look, someone new has been hit by the charm, there's a new spot close to Diagon Alley."

He shook his head. "Nevermind, I'm looking, and you can practice, okay?"

I stared at the newest dot.

Truth to be told, I'd tried it so often that I'd almost given up. I hadn't tried it for a least a week.

It was just tiring to try a spell on a daily basis, just to see no progress at all.

"I don't know. I've been trying for so long, maybe I'm just not meant to produce a Patronus?"

Sirius looked up at me with an 'are you serious' face. "Frey," He almost scolded.

I didn't know why, but my heart fluttered again and I quickly stood up to look away before he could see my blush. I didn't want him to think I was whiny. "Okay," I said, getting my wand. Merlin, the effect he still had on me...

What memory would I try this time?

The times my father had hit me?

When Francisca moved out?

Or when Sirius rejected me just when I'd been about to pour my heart out in front of him?

I shook my head to abandon these thoughts. If I was trying to make progress, I had to stay serious, no matter how unmotivated I felt.

Back to the golden memories!

Mum and me buying my first broom. "Expecto Patronum."

Nope.

Getting my Hogwarts letter. "Expecto Patronum."

Nah.

Getting sorted into Ravenclaw.

Nada.

Getting to know Sirius.

Hell no. It hurt just as much as it made me happy.

Lily's and James' wedding.

Not really.

I sighed angrily.

"Keep going," Sirius tried to encourage me. He was looking back and forth between me and the map.

I sighed again. It was easy for him to talk. He'd been a natural.

"Any suggestions, prodigy?"

He didn't comment on my remark and just thought about it. "It's little things that manage to make you happy. Maybe think about that and step out of your comfort zone? Things you wouldn't think of immediately? "

I suppressed another sigh. As if I hadn't tried that already...

Getting into the Auror program. "Expecto Patronum."

Still. Rien.

Managing the Homunculus Charm.

Intet.

Getting the year's best NEWTs?

Nichts.

I paused when I realised that all of these were things from the past.

Maybe I should stay a little closer to the present. What fullfilled me nowadays?

I'd go as far as saying that my mental health had improved a little...

So what had been the reason for that?

My heart jumped excitedly.

Marlene!

If this didn't work, I really had no clue what else I could try.

I closed my eyes and pictured the moment Marlene sat down next to me on our first day of class. I smiled when I remembered that I hadn't wanted her to sit next to me back then, but it had been the best thing to happen that day.

I thought of how we started to spend time together, how she kicked Jack Gales and how she kept glaring daggers at Lina.

I thought about what an amazing friend she was, and how lucky I was to have her. "Expecto Patronum!"

A glowing blue shield shot our of my wand's tip, hovering there for a few seconds.

I was too stunned to speak. How long had I tried to do this without any success? After all of these months, almost a year even, the exasperation had come to an end.

I yanked around to look at Sirius. "Did you see that!?"

"I did!!" He almost screamed back, jumping up from his chair to pull me into a hug. "You did it! You're so close to getting it right, Frey, I can feel it!"

He twirled me once before setting me down again.

I was pretty sure that his excited expression mirrored my own. "Try it again! Think of the same thing, but maybe a different situation? Even happier?"

I could've facepalmed.

What made me happier than the knowledge that I was officially Marlene McKinnon's best friend?

I hurried to raise my wand again, thinking about the little speech Marlene had held, and how much fun we'd had on the concert. How happy she'd been when she'd given me nice clothes and when she'd done my make-up. How she'd chosen me over Sirius to join her.

I think that was the only memory I had that my subconscious didn't automatically link to something that made me sad. It was the strongest memory I could think of.

"Expecto Patronum!"

I heard Sirius' cheers before I processed it myself.

I was standing there motionlessly, but with a massive smile as I watched the corporeal Patronus swoosh through the room.

My heart was beating rapidly from all my excitement.

Even when Sirius ruffled my hair proudly, exclaiming how he had known that I could do this all along, I couldn't tear my gaze away from it.

The last time I'd felt this proud had been when I'd succeeded at performing the Homunculus Charm.

Fast forward a little more than two years, it was a full circle moment. Sirius had encouraged me then and he'd encouraged me now.

I did it, everything inside me was screaming in disbelief. I really, really did it!

The Patronus was the most beautiful thing I'd ever summoned.

And when I recognised the shape, my grin turned into a light hearted laugh.

I'd never thought about what shape my Patronus would have, but I immediately thought that it was well matched to me.

An owl.