《Don't Fall》Chapter 6: Die Trying

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Dick woke up to a clattering sound of someone opening up the window in his living room. His eyes were half-lidded as he tried to clear the fog in his brain. The footsteps were gentle and light against the floor but definitely close to the bedroom. Dick wasn't sure what was happening as he grabbed the escrima sticks that were hidden and slipped underneath the other pillows. He let out a yawn before fully opening his eyes to see his surrounding. All he needed was to do was to jump out of the bed when the moment came.

The door finally clicked and opened slowly. A head came in but he couldn't see the face in such a low lightroom. Dick could only see the short hair flowing from the person who was peeking in. He held the sticks tighter and not moving an inch.

He waited and waited as the person stayed and watched him from where it stood. What Dick expected was gun blazing or a knife on his throat, but what he got was a quiet call for his name.

"Dick?"

Dick blinked and sat up from his lying position. As his eyes tried to adjust to the dim lighting in his room, the person pushed the door open and entered the room.

"Cass?" He was surprised to see his sister, moreover seeing her in his apartment. "Hey, what are you doing here? Everything's okay?"

Cassandra smiled when his brother recognized her; she entered the room more freely now. She immediately moved towards the window's curtain and pushed it open to let all the light enter. Dick's eyes were back to squinting as he saw his sister walking close to him.

"Promise," was the first word to come out from Cassandra. "You were asleep."

Dick blinked when his sister said that and turned to the clock on his nightstand that said two in the afternoon. His hands quickly covered his face as he remembered what he had promised. A groaned came out as he removed his hands to face Cassandra.

"Ah, sorry. Just give me a minute and I'll be ready."

Cassandra nodded and walked toward the open door. She knew something was amiss with Dick, but he was not the source. She had to ask him later.

It didn't take Dick long to get ready as he pushed back his hair with a gel then gathered the dirty clothes for the laundry. His bedroom was like a shipwreck with files and some papers almost everywhere in the room, but he couldn't be bothered by it since he was late for his promise. Though he would appreciate Cassandra to text or call him before coming into his apartment, he knew the probability of him reading the text or answering the call. So, he wouldn't bother telling her anything since it was on him for forgetting too.

The moment he stepped outside, he was greeted with his sister sitting on the couch with a file in her hand. Guess, he must have had forgotten to put it away this morning.

"Anything interesting there?" He smiled and moved toward the kitchen to fix himself some coffee. "B asked me to help with the case. I haven't read them all this morning but seemed dangerous."

Cassandra glanced at him and flip to another page that contained pictures and some notes. 'Children' was the word that stood out the most from everything else. The second word after that would either be 'tie' or 'torture' .

"Human trafficking?" She was facing Dick now, searching for answers.

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"Yeah, one of the possibilities," Dick said as he opened the drawer to get his favorite Nightwing mug, the one he got from Damian for his birthday. He smiled as he took the mug out and started the coffee machine before continuing, "But, some of Gotham's wealthiest children have increasingly gone missing in the past months and..."

Cassandra listened and wondered about the paused in her brother's tone. She waited until Dick continued but all she heard was a quick sigh from him.

"Connection?" She asked and closed the files after putting it on the coffee table neatly.

"Are you worried?"

Dick turned to see her. His blue eyes were tired and dark despite his neat and fresh appearance. It wasn't her first time seeing her brother looking like this, but it never made it easier to see anyway.

"Always. When do I ever stop worrying for any of you, Cassie," Dick said as he walked and sat on one of the couches. He offered her a cup of coffee but was politely declined. He nodded before taking a sip.

"Not right now." Her voice was gentle and quiet, yet the way she looked at him tell a different story. It was as if she looked past him.

"Damian, right now."

He couldn't bring himself to tell her what was going on in his mind. His mind was a mess, especially since Damian refused to tell him anything when they were having their time.

Dick took another deep breath and released it while trying to organize his messy head. Cassandra's gaze eventually softened as she leaned on the couch. Was it always this hard to talk about what's going on in his mind?

"You don't have to. When you are ready."

All he got was a smile from his sister, and that made him wondered how long had he been isolating himself. How long had he stopped talking and just bottled everything up? He breathed out; maybe it was time to take it off his chest.

"It is Damian," Cassandra blinked when she heard the name but waited regardless. "It's probably not a surprise that I always worry about him."

She nodded but stayed quiet. Her head was leaning on her left hand as her whole body shifted to comfortably see Dick when they were talking.

"Why are you worried?" Cassandra was eyeing him, trying to see deeper into him. Dick's smile wasn't the usual bright and carefree smile; it was a small and tired smile.

"Why?" Dick swallowed a nervous small chuckled. "Because he is my little brother. And he's covering something from me — from us, Cass. How could you not worry about that?"

His sister only nods and said: " Our brother. He is our brother, Dick." Dick only muttered a small 'sorry' before Cassandra continued. "Me too. I'm worried about him."

He exhaled another deep breath and maybe it was from the coffee that he was starting to get his headache. Or maybe, because he hadn't eaten anything yet. After all, Dick did promise Cassandra to get lunch together. It had been a while since they got together in real life.

Dick sighed and stood up from the couch. He wasn't sure how could a few minutes of talk felt like hours, but what he knew for sure was the hunger inside his stomach couldn't be pressed for any longer.

"I promised you lunch. Shall we go now?" Dick asked as he walked to the kitchen sink and placed the cup in there. "I'm starving, and coffee with an empty stomach is a bad combination."

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Cassandra only smiled at her brother as she left the couch and headed toward the door.

"I'm driving. You and headache...." she thought for a little while. "A bad combination. Don't want to crash."

She smiled and chuckled when her brother's eyebrows shoot up with those blue eyes just looking straight at her in disbelief. "I think out of all of you, I'm way better driver."

A small giggled filled the air again as her brother's shoulders finally relaxed. All she wanted was to check on her brother and make sure everything was okay with him. They knew the heavy conversation would have to continue, but for now, getting out from the apartment for food seemed like a better idea than talking without any energy.

"Jason," Cassandra said, "better than you. Than all of us at driving."

Dick smiled when he heard the name when placing the dirty cup in the dishwasher. He washed his hands and grabbed the key to his apartment.

"You know what, Cass."

She was looking at him expectantly.

"You are totally right. Jason is better at driving than all of us."

It felt like forever since he had any appointments with anyone else in the family other than Damian. Cassandra was the first one who reached out after everything went spiraling down. Maybe she had noticed his unstable condition, mentally and physically, that he tried to mask from everyone. Or maybe, he wasn't as good as he thought in covering everything he was feeling. What kind of a face was he making that only Cassandra noticed?

Dick would never know but he was grateful that she was there along with his family too. Though they may not have noticed it as much as his sister did, they definitely did help him by taking over some of the work he had to do — probably the only way they knew how to take care of one another.

"Tim wants to... have time with you," Cassandra said emphasizing the word 'have' after she thought for a second of what to say.

Dick nodded as the bustling noise of the cafe filled the air. They had moved away from the diner to a cafe somewhere close to the shore, something that he himself wouldn't do but she insisted.

"Did he say anything else? The time or day, maybe."

Cassandra shook her head slightly, an indicator of a no , and Dick only smiled at her. It made him wonder when was the last time he saw Tim.

"Want me to tell him?"

It was him who shook his head this time. She noticed how Dick mumbled to himself but the noise kept her from hearing. She didn't want to ask, so all she could do was staring at her brother until he decided to say something.

Cassandra noticed how distracted Dick had been after they stepped out of the apartment. Her brother wasn't a type to stare at the streets when he had someone he knew with him. Normally, he would chat and talk until they ran out of topics or tired but now, Dick was just thinking by himself. Bottling himself up like a soda bottle ready to be popped open and burst with everything inside it.

The bottom line of all this: she was worried and she still would be in the future. Everything that happened with their little brother and all the weird cases that kept coming up, it wasn't hard for her to put the two together and imagine the possibilities.

Cassandra herself had thought about that.

"Have you talked to Damian lately?"

The clinking of ice cubes in his cold coffee distracted her mind. The weather had grown cooler now than it was in the afternoon but still left a sweaty feeling to it.

"No," Cassandra said. "Haven't been home. Too noisy in here ." She pointed at her head and Dick knew it wasn't only him, probably the whole family too.

"When I asked him what changed his mind," Dick paused and took a deep breath. How long ago had he last talked about his feelings? "...he just broke down. He cried and apologized but couldn't say anything."

He gasped quietly with his thumb and pointer fingers resting on his temple covering his face. Was he really going to have a breakdown in this crowded place?

Then suddenly, he was giggling. Dick was laughing it off and his hands were no longer trying to hide his face. Those hands were brushing harshly against his hair and pulling it as if to make sure he was still alive with the pain. But it only earned Cassandra's worried look.

"Dick?"

She called his name quietly as her hands touched and pulled away the hands full of hair. Her grip wasn't too hard and forceful but it was enough to unable his hands to escape. Dick sighed in frustration but could only caress the hands that were holding him.

"Don't do that," she scolded. "Bad habit."

The brother smiled. It was indeed a bad habit of his that he tried hard to stop. Though it didn't help when situations like this happened and the whole vicious cycle started again.

"Don't want you to go bald," and that earned her a laugh. Dick smiled as Cassandra reached out for his other hand on the table and held it there.

They both sat in silence as the buzzing coffee shop became background noise that they were comfortable with. Cassandra didn't exactly know what she wanted to say to her brother, but she knew that they both needed to organize their messy thoughts before they could say anything to each other — or to their littlest brother.

The sister knew enough that Damian didn't need another thing going at him when he seemed to have a lot on his plate. Though she could only hope that his brother would remember that his family would always be there for him in all circumstances.

She drew her breath and picked up the melting cold coffee she had ordered. The coffee left a watery taste in her mouth since almost all the ice had melted from the heat. The coffee's bitterness was gone and she could only hope for the same thing with Damian.

Cassandra hoped that the early bitterness between the two of them had ceased, and for Damian to know that she would be there for him.

"You should visit and stay in the manor once in a while. None of us are taking this well, but at least, we'll be together to talk about it."

Another pause and she took her hand off from where she placed it. Her brother realized it but kept quiet, maybe what he asked for was too much even for his sister. Maybe the trauma was still haunting her even though it wasn't her fault, to begin with — after all, it was their fault. Not just Cassandra's but all of them.

The whole family's fault for not noticing, not realizing what had happened.

He reached out for his drink and gulped it down. The time they had spent in the cafe was nearing its end, and he was getting more restless for what was about to come. He knew that his sister had to be somewhere else than with him.

"Shall we head out now? I'm sure you have somewhere to be."

She lifted her head to see her brother across from her. She didn't know what he saw but his expression quickly changed when he saw her. Her hands trembled as she gathered her jacket and car key off from the seat while still hiding it from her brother's sight.

The memory of that night was playing on repeat in her head, and she had no idea how to stop it.

Cassandra Cain had no idea how to stop the memory of her littlest brother falling into almost his death from a five-story building. The thickness and warmness of her brother's blood on her hands became a reminder that she never wanted. Her littlest brother, her own family, was almost on his deathbed just because she couldn't see anything off about him. She should have known better, looked harder, and known that something was so obviously wrong with him. The Cassandra who learned to listen, read, and speak with a body language had just failed to do what she was supposed to know. She failed again and again and would only continue to do so.

"Cass?" Dick called gently, hovering over her. "Is everything okay?"

The voice brought her back to reality as she sat still and stared at the wall past the seat. Her brother was no longer sitting across from her but standing beside the table and waiting for her to join him. She couldn't fake a smile, not with her head still playing the same exact memory like a broken record, and definitely not the emotions showing on her face. Yet, it did not stop Dick from asking her.

"Cassandra," he called her name slowly as if not to frighten her. "Cass, are you okay?"

Dick's voice took her mind away from the memory, but she still didn't feel right. Every time the memory resurfaced, she would be having nightmares — violent nightmares. A nightmare where she was too late to catch him. A nightmare where she witnessed as her brother's brain shattered from such a force and blood-colored everything surrounding it. A nightmare where Damian died because she was too late... always too late to save him.

Her breaths became heavy just by thinking about it. How was she supposed to live through this memory? The feeling of blood in her hands only reminded her of her past. And to see and feel her brother's blood in her hand felt like she had just killed him. She could but would never ever hurt her family — especially not her youngest brother who went through the same pain as her. Not the family that accepted her for who she was.

However, it never stopped the oldest sibling from worrying as Dick bent down and held his sister's hand. The trembling stopped and her wavering eyes eventually disappeared. He smiled and took the car key from her hand while still holding her. Cassandra was sure that Dick was going to drive her home then take a bus or a motorcycle home because that was how it worked for him. Normally, it would annoy her but this time, she knew how much she needed it. Her mouth couldn't even form any rejections against the idea as she simply agreed to what he wanted to do.

Her breaths turned to sighs once more as she stood up and wore the black jacket in her hand. A few quick phrases like "I'm fine," and "Let's leave," were thrown at the brother as she stepped out from the cafe as quickly as possible. She tried to regulate her breath and the colder air was helping with it than the inside of the cafe. Her steps stopped the moment she was outside and slightly in a less crowded area. The only thing she did was breathing in and out repeatedly until the fog in her mind cleared a little.

"Be fine," she inhaled.

"Damian is okay, " she exhaled.

Those phrases kept repeating in her mind as she leaned against the building where the cafe was. She was just there, breathing and repeating the words inside her mind like it was not the first time this happened.

Dick followed her up soon after he paid for their drinks. He spotted her instantly and approached her cautiously. He knew she wouldn't run away but it was best to be careful in this situation. This wasn't the first time he had seen his sister like this, but this was probably one of the worst one.

"Cassandra?" he called and placed his hand on her shoulder softly. "...Are you okay? Is everything okay?"

The questions visited her again, but this time she felt like she could answer him better. Her breaths were regulated and her heart wasn't racing. She could turn and look at Dick properly, maybe even talk a little bit with him.

"Was the cafe too crowded for you?" Dick asked, not raising a voice or anything that could suddenly jump the sister off her skin.

The sister nodded while muttering a small " sorry" , yet Dick only smiled and shook his head.

"You don't have to be sorry. I'm proud of you, Cassie," he wasn't mad, could never get mad at things like this unless his family was pulling stupid and dangerous stunts. Instead, he was proud that his sister could withstand such a crowd for a while. He knew how hard it was to get her to socialize and communicate with strangers. Damian was the same too since they were a family full of strangers with no blood relations at all.

"I'm so damn proud that we deserve ourselves some desserts," he winked at her with a smile. "What do you think?"

Dick only offered a smile and asked, "Do you feel like ice cream?"

Cassandra only chuckled after the brother finished his sentences. It was a relief for her that her brother never treated her differently despite knowing the problems she had. It was a relief for her that Dick's childishness always seemed to brighten up everyone around him a little more regardless of the situations.

It was a relief that she could open up to him even just a little bit about her trauma and problems; otherwise, she would have blown up long ago. Though Dick might not know everything, she was glad that he was her brother that she could open up to. And all she hoped for Damian was to do the same, to open himself little-by-little and not shut them off like this.

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