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chapter 17 You deserve it.

I'm never in my life had problems in order to fall asleep.

Except for tonight.

It was past midnight and here I am. Leaning to the window and looking at the moonlight above me.

Yeah, and most importantly completely wide awake.

I heavily sighed.

It was two hours after my departure from the living room after I had told them about Sage. After that, I called the night saying that I was exhausted from all the events who happened today.

It was understandable.

They understood and with an affectionate goodbye from all of my mates and sincere, a half-smile from Rebekah I made my way towards the bedroom.

And now, I couldn't sleep because my head was full of what ifs.

What if I had accepted Esther propositions?

I had a feeling that she would have sent me back to my world. I would have been with my family.

With my mother, brother, his wife Kathryn and their unborn baby girl.

I wonder what name she will be given. They better put my name as her middle one.

I felt my lips curling into the smile at the thought of my family.

My mamma would make me a cup of her special tea and softly braid my hair.

Brother would crack jokes, even dirty ones and I would have laughed and snorted at them.

Mamma would have tugged my hair bit harder and reprimanded me about how Lady does not snort.

Even here I could see Kathryn giggling and rolling her forest green eyes while softly stroking her belly. How Anthony would tease me about me being a lady as much as he being a ballerina.

I snorted at the thought of him in a pink tutu doing pirouettes.

And I didn't take this opportunity. I let it pass.

My smile fell.

And for what?

For three not completely real vampires who claim that you are their mate? Yeah right.

The annoying voice in my head mocked, and I grimaced.

I was too tired to respond and just closed my eyes.

You made a good decision, Nicolette Jackie Green.

I told myself.

But, did I?

I soundly laid my forehead on the glass and groaned. The cold surface was pleasant to my heated skin, and after a couple minutes of peace I stand up straighter.

I needed to sleep, but before that, I needed a cup of tea.

A big cup of tea

I decided while trying to ignore the thoughts about how my mother and how she would sing me to calm me down.

I started humming Gaelic lullaby while making my way towards the kitchen.

In my old town, I often took long walks with my dogs in the night, where the worst thing you could meet was some drunk.

But here?

In the town where you can find any supernatural creature? No thanks.

"It's Gaelic, isn't it?" voice from behind me asked and I jumped in fright.

My heart was beating so fast I thought it's going to jump out of my chest.

Jesus Christ

"If you keep doing that, I'll be dead by the end of the year," I mumbled, and Elijah smiled apologetically while l stepping a few steps towards me.

"My apologies, astin," he purred and wrapped his arms around my waist. I leaned closer to his chest and buried my face in it while wrapping my own arms around his midsection

"Why are you not sleeping, it was tiring day?." he inquired, and I shrugged before lifting my head to look at him.

He looked really exhausted. His skin was paler and more ashen, eyes darker with slight dark circles under them.

An always perfectly fitted suit was quite wrinkled. I felt my eyebrows furrowing.

It wasn't good.

"When was the last time when you properly rested and fed?" I demanded, and he shifted his glance away.

It was a clear answer. Too long.

I sighed while grabbing his hand and dragging him towards the kitchen.

"Sit." I bossed him pointing at the chair nearby with my finger, he just raised his eyebrow in surprise and smirked at me while sitting where I pointed without any words.

I smugly grinned to myself and turned to the small refrigerator where I saw they have kept some blood bags from the hospital.

Well, they were not usually used of course.

I opened the lid and whistled. There were more than twenty bags full of dark red blood. I grabbed one and quickly closed the refrigerator.

Let's not think about it.

"You don't have to," Elijah protested and stand down I swiftly turned to him while narrowing my eyes.

He shut his mouth in mid-sentence.

Good boy.

I made my best angry-bossy look and put a hand on my hips.

"Shut your mouth and sitElijah," I ordered him, and he grinned. I raised eyebrows at him.

"I like it when you command me." he purred, and I felt warm and fuzzy feeling going through my body. I quickly turned around to hide my blushing face.

I heard him chuckling behind me.

Little bastard.

Without any more thoughts, I hastily poured out blood from the bag to the cup and threw away the empty bag.

It wasn't anything too disgusting.

Much. But still.

Oh c'mon, Lett, you are a girl. You are dealing with blood every month.

I put the cup in the microwave to warm up and turned my attention back to him. He was looking at me with a strange look on his face. My face scrunched in confusion.

"What?" I asked him, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

Did I have something on my face?

Elijah's grin widened even more while his eyes sparkled with awe and admiration.

At that moment microwave started beeping, and our eye contact broke. But I still could felt his eyes on me, it was pleasantly nice.

In some strange way

"You are incredible, Nicolette Green," he marvelled, I bashfully smiled and offered him a cup of warm liquid.

He gladly took it. I saw the vein under his eyes appear, but it didn'tt scare me.

It didn't scare me because I knew.

Hell will freeze before they hurt me.

After few gulps, he looked much better.

I stroked his cheek and softly smiled.

"Feeling better?" I asked him and Elijah nodded.

"Because of you, elskan," he answered and kissed my hand. "I don't deserve you." his face contorted in self-disgust.

I put my both hands on his face and lifted his face to meet my eyes. I gazed at brown ones with my grey ones.

"Yes, you do," I told him. "Don't believe what Esther told you. You are not a monster." I softly but firmly added.

He looked at me guiltily.

"I did horrible things in the past. Even today I terrorized innocent. " he murmured and I sighed. He is talking about Elena.

Of course.

"It doesn't matter now. It's the past. There is no point punishing your future for mistakes of your past. " I told him delicately caressing his hand.

"Forgive yourself, grow from it and then let it go," I added.

"Because, Elijah Mikealson, you deserve this and so much more. All of you." at these my words he lifted his head again to meet mine and I leaned closer to his face.

"And I will do my best to give what you deserved it. "

I breathed and leaned even more until our lips connected.