‘Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity,’

- Henry Van Dyke

Chapter Twenty-seven

Azelie sat in the waiting room, too shocked to even shiver from the cold air of the hospital. She sat in the uncomfortable chair, staring straight ahead at one point of the floor in front of her. Nothing seemed real to Azelie, it must have been one of her nightmares, it had to be. This was too awful to be real. Ted was dying. He was dying because of her. This was her fault and that’s exactly what was being repeated over and over in her head.

‘Your fault. Your fault. All you’re fault. You did this to him. You let yourself get close to him, you know what happens, you’ve faced that truth, and yet you ignored the signs. This is your fault,’

It took every cell in her body to stop herself from breaking down into a flood of tears. The last family member she had, the only one that cared about her, and not just the huge lump of money she would inherit one day, was now in a hospital bed, fighting for his life. He took her in when she had nobody else and nowhere to go. He saved her and this is how she thanked him; by getting close despite everything she knew.

The doctors has told her that it was a ruptured brain aneurysm, a weakening in a blood vessel, which lead to a hemorrhage, which was when the aneurysm bled. It wasn’t good at all. They had told her that he was going into surgery straight away, and that they would keep her updated on how he was, but they hadn’t updated her in a while. They didn’t tell her anything else. She had lied and told them that she was 18, only a lie for a few months more but it didn’t matter to Azelie. If she told them that she was still technically a minor then it would be straight to emergency care for her, and she couldn’t go there. She needed to go home. Home, where she had found Ted dying on the kitchen floor. She couldn’t deny that’s where she belonged, she never had in Florida, and she hadn’t lived in New York since her parents died. Washington, Ted’s house, it was now her home.

Azelie suddenly felt uncomfortable in the waiting room, her feelings crowding around her in the busy space. She had attracted enough attention with her blood stained clothes, and had decided it was best to move on. Azelie had been told that Ted’s operation would be a few hours, so there was no need for her to sit in the waiting room going insane over her thoughts. She quickly pushed herself off of the chair she had been sitting on before going over to the reception to tell them that she was going for a walk, and that if any information came up about Ted’s operation, to call her immediately. Then, she left the waiting room in search of some peace, unaware that somebody was following her.

Azelie wasn’t religious, not in the slightest; but for some reason, she found herself in the chapel, sitting into one of the pine pews. They were comfier than the reception chairs downstairs, and there was nobody else here. She felt alone; just how she should be. Alone, it’s how it was always going to be for her, She couldn’t allow herself to care about anybody. Ted, Kelly, Alex, Lily... Cole. Definitely Cole. She couldn’t let herself feel anything for Cole. The idea of him hurt, it made Azelie’s stomach churn even more. Her word began to spin as her thoughts began to get too much.

“You alright there?” A voice questioned from behind her, pulling Azelie out of her own little world, and back into reality. She turned around to find him standing there. She had no idea how he had found her, how he even knew that she was at the hospital, but despite all of her thoughts about distancing herself from Cole, she found herself wanting, needing, to get closer to him. She needed him more than ever; but at the same time, she needed to be as far away from him as possible.

She opened her mouth to reply to him, to tell him that she was fine, but no words came out. She couldn’t say anything as the mask she wore so perfectly began to crumble. Tears began to roll down her cheeks, the sound of uncontrollable sobs filling the air as Cole ran over to her, sitting next to her and practically scooping the grieving girl up in his arms, trying to get her as close to him as possible.

“It’s my fault,” She whispered as she clung onto him, never wanting to let go, “It’s my fault he’s in there...” She added, Cole pushed her back a bit, so he could look at her face to face.

“No, Azelie! Don’t be stupid! This isn’t your fault, this isn’t anybody’s fault!” Cole replied, his voice stern as he tried to make his point. “It’s easy to try to blame yourself for this, but don’t do it Azelie! Don’t put yourself through that okay?” Azelie just shook her head in reply.

“You don’t understand, Cole,” She trailed off, looking away from him. She pushed herself away from Cole, sitting down next to him on the pew as she looked straight on at the cross onto the wall. She would never understand the hope people placed in religion, she could never have that hope. “It’s my fault he’s in here!”

“How? How exactly is it your fault? Did you poison his food or something?” Cole joked, shaking his head at Azelie. Why wouldn’t she listen to him! He had been through the guilt of his mother’s death, constantly telling yourself that you could have done something differently, said this, done that. You tell yourself that you could have saved them, and you probably could have if you knew what was going to happen. But life doesn’t happen like that; you don’t know what’s coming around the corner for you.

Azelie took a deep breath in, trying to figure out how she was going to word this correctly.

“After my parents died, I was sent to live with my grandparents in Florida,” She began, trying not to let the memories replay over and over in her head. She had only been ten when her parents had died in front of her, and her grandparents, they had tried to keep her life as normal as possible after loosing both her parents and her sister, “And, everything was good down there, you know. For two years, I lived with them, and then they began to get sick. My granddad, was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and became so sick that my grandma couldn’t look after him anymore. She was so busy looking after him, that she forgot to look after herself too... and she died a few months after he was diagnosed, with my grandfather following a few months later,” Azelie explained, looking away from Cole.

“I was only twelve, and everyone was gone again. Everything I had built up over the two years with them was ruined, and I was left with another freaking suitcase and a cat,” Azelie said, trying to wipe away her remaining tears. Cole just sat there, listening intently to what she was saying, still trying to get over the shock that she was opening up to him like this. “I was twelve and so far every single person I had lived with had died. Five - my mum, dad, Haley, Granddad, grandma... they all died. And well, my aunts never had been the best of people. My dad had seven sisters all down in Florida and for three years, I was passed between all seven of them, never staying in one house for more than a few months. They were convinced that I was the angel of death or something, that if I stayed with them for too long, they would end up like my parents and grandparents,”

“Eventually, social services obviously got involved, and sent me to live with my oldest aunt, Anna and her husband, Rick. I stayed there for about three years, they weren’t nice people, they definitely weren’t family. They had no kids, worked every single day and hardly ever said two words to me,” Azelie babbled on, before getting to the point that always made her choke up. She could go over it in her head as many times as she wanted, but it never made it any easier to say. “Rick died, he just didn’t wake up one morning and after everything, Anna was convinced that it was my fault. That I had brought it upon them. She...she,” Azelie couldn’t take herself to say it. Anna had been one of those cold harsh women, she showed no emotion towards Azelie - probably wouldn’t have noticed if she had run away, but after Rick died... she snapped. Azelie was on her radar in a big way - and it wasn’t a good thing.

‘It’s all your fault!’ Anna’s voice cried in Azelie’s head, the memory replaying it’s self over and over in her head, listening to her aunt cry out and she repeatedly kicked and hit Azelie as she lay on the floor, wishing she was anywhere else; wishing that she was dead.

“What happened, Azelie?” Cole asked, his green eyes not leaving Azelie for a second as his hand reached for hers, hoping to provide some source of comfort. She turned to him, her brown eyes filled with a mix of emotions. “What did she do?” He added. Azelie shook her head, not wanting to answer the question; not that she needed to, Cole had a fair idea of what her Aunt had done.

“Anna died six months later - hung herself from the stair case banister,” Azelie replied, ignoring his question as the images Azelie had pushed down began to rise up again. She didn’t hate Anna by the end. She pitied the woman immensely, but that wasn’t why she didn’t hate her. Everything had made sense to Azelie. All the deaths, all seven, had been her fault, her influence. She was surrounded by death, and it had to be her fault. There were just too many for it not to be.

Azelie didn’t know why, but those seven deaths were her fault. She cared for all of those people in some way, and they died.

“It wasn’t your fault, Azelie,” Cole finally spoke, breaking the silence that had fallen between them, “People don’t die because you care about them, or vice versa! I care about you, I care about you a freaking lot and I’m not dying or dead!”

“Yeah - but Ted is!” Azelie shouted, getting angry at Cole. “It makes sense, Cole! It’s all my fault!”

“No Azelie! That’s your Aunt talking! That’s not you! What did she do to you to make you believe that!” Cole cried, turning to Azelie, trying to make her see that it wasn’t her fault. She just shook her head in reply. Words stuck in her throat. She didn’t want to tell him, she had never told anybody, not even her therapist.

“She.... she beat me,” Azelie spoke in a quiet voice, not even sure if he would have heard it. Silent tears rolled down her cheeks as she remembered the beatings, it was hard not to.

There was nothing he could say to her that would make this better because in that moment, his heart broke a million times over for the girl he had fallen so madly in love with. The strong, fearless girl who fought with him every second of the day. The girl he had saved in more than one way, and the girl who had saved him. He loved her so much that it was hard to deny it anymore, and impossible to stop himself saying it over and over in his head. He didn’t know what to say, so he didn’t say anything, and instead did what he thought would make everything better.

He kissed Azelie. At first his mouth barely grazed her lips, sparks flying between them, as if he was trying to figure out if it was a good idea or not. Of course it wasn’t, he would be an idiot not to know that, but he ignored that piece of information. Suddenly his lips pressed hard against her as he had decided to throw caution to the wind and do the only thing he thought would make it better.

The thought was stupid and impulsive, but it was all he could think about, all he wanted to do. His lips kissed hers, waiting for a reaction, waiting for her to kiss him back. He began to lose hope, he was about to back off when suddenly, she suddenly jumped into action, kissing him back, the surprise of the attack on her lips wearing off. His heart did somersaults in his chest as her lips reacted. Cole’s hands rose to her neck, holding her head while his fingers played with the hairs at the back of her neck, tingles running down her spine. She pressed her body into him, enjoying the fact that while he was kissing her, there was nothing going through her mind. It was empty, something Azelie didn’t experience often but when she did, she became addicted to it like it was the most powerful drug known. Cole wasn’t sure how he felt about her.

One minute, she was all he could think about, she was the only thing that made him smile; the next she was pushing him away when all he wanted to do was hold her. Her licked her bottom lip, trying to progress the kiss further, trying to see how far he could get.

Suddenly, Azelie’s mind came crashing back down the earth, realising what was happening; what she was doing; what they were doing. Her world imploded as she realised that she was kissing Cole.

SHE WAS KISSING COLE! COLE WAS KISSING HER! HE HAD KISSED HER; SHE HAD KISSED HIM BACK!

Her mind went into ‘freak out’ mode, as questions flew round her brain. Why hadn’t she pushed him away yet? Why was she kissing him back? Why was he kissing her in the first place? Azelie’s hands rose to his chest, pushing him away, her heart beat skipping as his lips left hers, a tinkling sensation the only reminder of what had happened. Her brown eyes flickered open as confusion began to take hold, regret filling Cole’s green eyes.

‘W-what the fuck was that?” She stuttered, not caring if it was blasphemy to swear in a church, her best friend had just kissed her when she told him that she had inadvertently killed most of her family - going to hell wasn’t top of Azelie’s worries at that moment in time.

“I’m sorry, Azelie, I-it... em... didn’t mean anything...” Cole replied quickly, not thinking about what he had just said before running his fingers back through his hair as he backed away from her, freaking out slightly over her reaction. Did she not just feel what he had felt? The strong tingling sensation still playing on his lips after one of the most amazing kisses he had ever shared. He had kissed a few girls in his time - but nothing was even comparable to what he had just shared with Azelie, nothing ever would ever beat that kiss.

“It didn’t mean anything?” She said, repeating his words, trying to process everything he had just said. She stood up and ran her fingers though her tangled hair, her thoughts still messed up from the kiss. “So what you just thought ‘oh look poor little Azelie pouring her heart out to me... must mean that she wants to play a round of flaming tonsil tennis!” She added, her voice rising with each word, practically screaming in confusion towards the end.

“No! It wasn’t like that!’ Cole shouted, standing up to face her, towering slightly over Azelie. He couldn’t get over the fact that she fighting him after the kiss? Did she honestly not just feel everything he just felt?

“Then what was it like? Why the fuck did you kiss me then, Cole?” She questioned, her brown eyes full of fire as she fought with him. Cole let out a groan of frustration, his head telling him to kiss her again, not fully satisfied, needing his lips on her soft, pink lips once again.

“I-I don’t know...” he admitted, frustration running through his veins as he fought the urge to kiss her again, “You kissed me back!” he shouted, point at her, frustration and confusion taking over.

“No shit Sherlock! What else would I do when somebody starts kissing me?” Azelie shouted in reply. She had no idea why she kissed him back, she had no idea why she was getting so angry about it.

He had just kissed her, it obviously meant nothing to him and he had just kissed her, not sparing a thought about how confused she might be afterwords, how he might be playing jump rope with her feelings. She shook her head, needing to get out of the room. She wasn’t religious, but she had gone to the church to think. It was quiet and empty, and that was what Azelie had needed; but now she was more confused than when she had first walked in.

“Just... I don’t know! Okay, I don’t know why I kissed you! All I know is that it was fucking awesome and that if I could go back and do it all again - I know for damn sure that I would! Happy now?” Cole shouting, thinking that it would be best if he just admitted all of his feeling, blurting them out to Azelie. Azelie just stood in front of him, trying to process everything he was saying. Her mind just turn up blank. She couldn’t cope with this, what was he trying to say? Cole might as well have just said everything in a forgein language! Azelie shook her head violently from side to side, backing away from Cole, needing as much space as she could get from him.

“Just leave, Cole,” she whispered, frustration building up within Cole. He shook his head, not taring his gaze from Azelie for a second.

“No, Azelie, we are going to talk about this! We are not going to just sweep it under the damn carpet and act like it never happened!” Cole argued back, reading Azelie’s mind, realising what she was trying to do. Azelie just stared at Cole, fire still in her eyes telling Cole just how angry she was.

“Fine,” she spat, “I’ll leave!” Azelie shouted, storming away from Cole. She felt childish for running away from him, but she didn’t care. All she knew was that she needed to get as far away from Cole as she could. Cole shouted after her as she ran out of the room, sprinting down the corridor as she managed to avoid the people walking towards her. She ran and ran until she was certain that she was far away from where Cole might find her.

Finally alone in a quiet place, Azelie allowed her emotions to re-surface, not bothering to even try to hold back the tears that had threatened to fall since she had started running from him.

Until next time,

Unicorn out