I was the ocean, you wanted rivers. I was the moon, you chased the stars.

- R. H. Sin

The month of January passed by surprisingly fast. No wonder with all the stress I was currently under.

First there was Adrian. I was taking things very, very slow, only showing affection when no one was around. I didn't want anyone to know about this before I was one hundred percent sure it was what I wanted. I had a reputation to uphold. The only people I had told about it were Tracey and Daphne.

He was surprisingly completely fine with it. I guess he was actually taking this very seriously.

I wouldn't be able to keep this up for long, though. Adrian was exciting and caring. Sneaking little kisses when we were alone, always asking for permission, telling me every chance he got that I looked beautiful and teasing me along the way. I was falling for him badly.

And then there was Draco bloody Malfoy. He annoyed me the absolute most, but he wasn't being mean, which was a great improvement. He did test me every chance he got, but he had left the low insults behind. Just yesterday, he rubbed my Acceptable on an Ancient Runes test in my face. I had misinterpreted one of the questions, causing me to flunk it. It was frustrating.

"Couldn't help but notice the fat A on your test, Selwyn. Bit disappointing, don't you think?" Malfoy laughed, followed by Crabbe and Goyle.

"Shut it, Malfoy. I didn't ask for your opinion", I snapped at him.

"Oh I don't care much whether you asked for it or not", he chuckled. "You should have studied more."

"I studied just fine!" I said, grabbing his cloak and pushing him against the window sill. "I wouldn't be too confident now. I'm going to crush you when we sit our O.W.L's. We'll see who's laughing then", I said quietly.

"You think you'll do better than me?" he said, raising his eyebrows. "In your dreams." He pulled himself out of my grip and walked on, sniggering with his goons. He was infuriating.

The worst part was that he had started flirting with Daphne again and I didn't know what his intentions were. It had been like this since the beginning of the year and he hadn't made a single move yet, so what was he playing at?

But there was no way I could convince Daphne that he didn't care. She'd just get angry and I had nothing to prove my theory. At least nothing I could tell her about.

Overall it was a rather quiet year at Hogwarts, unlike the hectic and tragic previous year. There was only one significant event in January: Azkaban's mass break-out.

I didn't show anyone how I felt about the news article, but I was slightly terrified. When my parents told me the news about Lord Voldemort returning last year, I had been shocked, but it seemed so far removed and unreal.

My family had supported the Dark Lord during the Wizarding War and I knew that when the time came, my parents would choose the same path, which meant that I was supposed to do that too, to follow in their footsteps.

My father was a death eater ... And it terrified me.

The Wizarding War had become a chapter in my History book, meaning that I knew all about it, but just theoretically. I had grown up at Hogwarts, where I was told everyday what the good side was and what the bad side was.

And I was on the bad side.

This mass-breakout meant no good, but I only realised how significant it was when my father asked me to come home during Easter break. Something was about to happen and I did not want to be involved in it. But did I honestly have a choice?

I tried not to worry about it too much, as it was out of my hands. I stopped worrying about it halfway through February, when I suddenly had so many other things to worry about.

I was working on an Astronomy assignment that was due next week. We had gotten new partners after Christmas break, meaning that Malfoy and I didn't have to sit together in any class anymore.

Suddenly Daphne stormed in, eyes darting across the common room, her skin pale and her jaws clenched together. In her grip was Graham Montague, looking absolutely terrified.

"Daphne, are you okay?" I asked, confused. She quickly looked my way and the corners of her mouth dropped.

"No, everything is not okay. I need you to come with me, Lea", she said, looking defeated. I frowned and ignored my assignment, walking up to her.

"I think it's best if we do this outside", he said, avoiding eye contact.

"What's going on? Did he do something?" I asked.

"No, I didn't do anything", Graham defended himself. "I just-"

"Shut it!" Daphne shouted, pulling him with her roughly. She seemed seriously angry. What was happening?

"Daphne, what is going on?" I asked as I followed her, but she didn't respond. Not until she reached an empty corridor.

"Tell her", she told Graham. "Tell her what you told me."

"I don't think I should, it's not my place, I-"

"You're involved so it is very well your place to speak up about it! Now do it or I will dissect your intestines!" Daphne yelled for the whole castle to hear.

"I, but- I promised", Graham squirmed. Graham was two years older than her, but completely intimidated by her behavior. Daphne was not a woman you'd want to cross.

"I don't bloody care about your promises! Have some decency and tell her the truth! She deserves it!" Daphne continued, tightening her grip on his arm, which would for sure leave some marks.

"Someone tell me what's going on right now!" I snapped, starting to lose my patience. I didn't like it very much when people talked about me as if I wasn't part of the conversation.

"Yeah Graham, tell her", Daphne said, taking a step back and finally letting go of his arm. I crossed my arms again. It was something I often did when I felt insecure.

"Is everything okay here? I heard Daphne from the floor below." Adrian walked into the hallway, a confused look on his face. He smiled shortly at me and then looked at Graham and Daphne.

"What is going on?" he questioned.

"I suggest you stay where you are Adrian, because if you come one step closer, I will put you six feet under!" Daphne yelled, which took even me by surprise. What was going on and why was she suddenly mad at Adrian too? And not just mad, but absolutely furious.

"I'm sorry, man, it was out before I realised it", Graham pleaded, looking defeated. The colour from Adrian's face drained.

"Tell her!" Daphne shouted again. Another group of Slytherins had come to check out what the raucous was all about, Malfoy among them, great.

"No, no let me-" Adrian started

"Tell Eleanor about the bet!"

It was dead quiet in the hallway. Adrian had stopped protesting, Daphne was done shouting, Malfoy and his group were too curious to speak up and I was simply confused.

"What bet?"

And then Graham spoke words that carved deep into my soul.

"We made a bet, Warrington, Pucey and I. Adrian would get a hundred galleons if he'd manage to snog you before Christmas."

I felt as if the blood in my vessels froze. As if my body temperature dropped so dramatically that it turned my insides into ice. I felt as if all the colours around me disappeared, colouring everything around me grey.

I felt like I didn't feel anything anymore.

"I'm so sorry, Lea, but you had to know the truth", I heard Daphne say. It sounded as if she was underwater, far, far away.

"Eleanor?" Adrian's voice wasn't underwater. It was very, very clear.

"Is it true?" I asked. "What he's saying, is it true?"

"Yes, but I do really like you, it wasn't just because of the bet, I-"

I walked away.

Usually if someone hurt me, I'd respond by getting angry, like that one time I slapped Malfoy, or that other time I slapped him, but right now, I didn't.

I didn't because I wasn't angry, nor was I sad.

I didn't feel anything.

I didn't feel my feet walking away from the scene, or Adrian's hand who weakly tried to stop me.

I didn't hear either. I didn't hear the sound of his pleas or Daphne asking me where I was going. I didn't hear Graham apologizing or the crack of Adrian's nose when a fist ended up in his face.

I felt empty.

My feet walked me back to the common room, through the hallway and to my dorm. I locked the door and then, the fog in my brain cleared.

It had all been a bet.

Adrian Pucey had made me fall for him, just to win a hundred galleons. Galleons he didn't even need seeing as his family was filthy rich.

The first guy I had ever let myself fall for, had played me.

"Lea? Can we please come in?" It was Tracey's voice. Daphne must have given her the update already.

I was fine. There was no need for them to be concerned. Heartache was stupid and I had no thoughts to waste on it. I was fine.

I unlocked the door and let them in. They just stood there for a while, trying to analyse the situation.

"What? I'm fine, quit staring like I'm a wounded animal, please", I said, pulling off my cloak and untying my hair.

"Lea, we know you really liked him. Talk to us, we understand that you're sad and angry", Daphne said.

"There is no reason why I should. I've been stupid. I've acknowledged it and now I'd like to move on." I put on my pyjamas. I wasn't sad, but I was a little angry, angry at myself for being so oblivious. They had basically told me about the bet before it had even started.

Come here, lad, there's a hundred galleons on the line!

It's what Montague had shouted at Adrian when we were talking. I usually was suspicious about everything. Why hadn't I been suspicious about this? I had been a child. Feelings were dangerous and I had learned the hard way.

"Okay, just know that we're here for you if you want to talk", Tracey said. I didn't want to talk.

There was nothing to talk about.