Standing in between the two women and Ace, I did the only thing a sensible person would do. 

I started using sign language. 

I used my fingers to point towards the lady and then cross my hands to show that the waitress didn't do it. Then I pointed towards me and gave a thumbs up to show that I was responsible for the mess. Then I used my hands to act like I am beating someone then I pointed towards the waitress and then crossed my hands again to say that don't scold the waitress for my mistake. I was in the middle of my sign communication when fits of laughter filled the hall we were standing in. I stopped myself and turned my attention to my surroundings only to notice that everyone around me was laughing. Except for the rich lady and Ace.

Ace was familiar with my nonsensical actions and thereby was showing no surprise on my idiotic behavior.

On the other hand the rich lady was too busy looking skeptically at me that laughing didn't occur to her as the first reaction to my sign language.

Meanwhile I was now burning red with the embarrassment I was facing. 

"sei pazzo?" The rich lady again said.

"Why the heck can't you understand that I do not understand the strange language you are speaking!?" I yelled at her, now losing my patience.

But my outburst seem to go ununderstood, as expected, but the lady seemed to get angrier than she was earlier. Did she understand what I just said?

At that moment only, the waitress who was quiet till now decided to speak as she said- 

"questa era colpa di quella donna. mi scuso davvero per il disordine." And then pointed towards me.

Oh fuck. Which language on the earth is this? God help me. 

But she was pointing towards me, which meant that she was telling her that I was responsible for this. Thank God, now this strange-language-speaking rich lady will not scold the waitress and then-o ohh oh. No..

And then -

Oh fuck.

Now this lady will torment me. Why is my brain a fricking tubelight.?

I slapped my head with my hand as the rich lady turned towards me. There she goes.

"sei cieco o cosa? come può qualcuno creare un disastro così raccapricciante?" She said in rapid speed.

She seemed to be questioning me. But I could not understand a single word except for something which sounded like disaster. Was she really asking me something?

"l'hai fatto di proposito?" She asked again with hint of aggression and more force. (did you do it on purpose?)

I have to answer or else she will blow my hand with her thick strong hands and then feed my beheaded body to the crows while my head will be thrown into a dumpster by her because she Clearly thinks that my brain is filled with garbage.

I turned my head back towards Ace who was clearly enjoying himself with the drama going around. This fueled me and I turned back to the rich lady who was glaring at me. She must be asking whether what the waitress said is correct or not. Not wanting to make her angrier and thinking that she might be asking whether I really caused this mess - I nodded my head up and down to say yes. 

If she doesn't understand what does nodding mean then I am going to myself behead myself but only after I hit this incessant lady hard who doesn't know English! I mean everyone knows English, like a very large population. But this rich lady- 

But all my hopes of her understanding the meaning of nodding took a 180 degrees turn when I saw that my nodding had made the rich lady fully red. With anger let me tell you, if it isn't obvious.

Now I was thinking that it would have been better if she didn't understand the meaning of nodding. 

My actions had made her nose flare in anguish and that is when it was official that-

What was official? That Tom and Zendaya are dating? My conscience asked stupidly making me want to slap my conscience.

No for god's sake. 

It was official that she was hell angry, and not the angry birds one. But the Damon Salvatore without Elena Gilbert angry. 

"l'avete fatto apposta, pazze! che cosa-" I cut her fluent words which were going above my head like an aero plane over the sea.

"Oh wait you rich, plump, incessant lady." I Said and to make the lady understand I pulled out my hand and kept it in front of her, making a stopping action. Then I reached down my pocket and took out my phone. I am going to use a translator now. Enough is enough. 

And yes - don't you dare ask me why I didn't think of it earlier. Because it's like asking a person to masturbate while running from a dog who is running after them at full speed. Thinking of other unimportant things while running for your dear life.

P.s. please don't start imagining the scenario I just put forward... because well- 

Ahh..

So coming back, I took out my phone and was about to open the translator but the rich lady shouted before I could do anything - 

"cosa stai facendo ora stupida donna? Stai cercando di chiamare la polizia o cosa?"

Did she just call me stupid? How dare she!

I angrily came a step forward and used my finger to point it towards her in a bossy manner to show her that I wasn't afraid of her. I didn't bother to say something because it was like talking to a deaf person. And in this case - a plump, incessant, annoying and mind-fried deaf lady. 

Now I wasn't going to go all timid and cower down, I was on sassy Eva mode now. I have had enough of her, why the hell doesn't she understand that her language is not understandable for me. And does no one in this whole restaurant, except Ace, knows how to speak English? That's like next to impossible. 

And what the hell is this lady saying? Police? Why would I call the police? 

"tu aspetti e guardi. Chiamerò la polizia e chiederò loro di arrestarti. Certamente si prenderanno cura dei malati di mente come te." The rich lady said angrily while the waitress seemed to gasp when these words were heard by her.

I just looked at the rich lady, contemplating my action. What should a person do in a situation like this?

Ask help from Ace. 

Yeah, that is a straightforward answer. But my ego and pride always surpasses my intelligence. 

I caught two words from the bulk of words uttered by the rich lady, who was currently taking out her phone too, - polizia and arresta-something.

I highly doubt that she has taken out her phone to translate what I am saying, she is probably calling the police. Oh god. 

"Magnet for trouble." Ace muttered behind me. I turned around sharply at this to glare at him. And he smirked at me. I am never going to take his help. 

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13 minutes later.

"Does no one in this fucking restaurant knows how to talk in English?!" I asked frustrated from everyone around. There were not many people left in the restaurant by now. One couple was sitting at the far, who were busy staring at each other and looked like were dreading to tear apart each other's clothes. A family was sitting at a nearby table, and were clearly enjoying the show. Some youngsters were also sitting on two tables watching the whole drama while laughing. I think I have had enough of embarrassment for my whole life.

"So do you accept my offer?" Ace butted in sluggishly. 

He was so enjoying himself right now. And the offer? It was -

"I will handle the situation. But since you have created such a mess and talked to me rudely, you will have to pay right. So, I will help you if you do whatever I say for the rest of the day. "

My first thought would have been to ignore his offer. But right now, the situation is grim. The police is arriving any second now. 

think.. think..think Eva,

do or die. 

I Ignored Ace for a second and the very next second the police sprawled inside the restaurant. Seeing the commotion going on, the spilled pizza, the waitress, the rich lady and me and Ace, they came stalking towards us only. Oh my god. I am so dead. 

Isn't the police supposed to be lazy and not come to the crime scene until it is late? Why in the world is our area's police so fast? 

"Ric Hillwood Police." One of the officers came in front of us and showed his ID card. He was a middle-aged man with burly hair and moustache. 

Why can't every police officer be as handsome as Toby Cavanaugh? I would love to get arrested twice every day as long as he is the one arresting me. 

Well, At least this police officer speaks English. He'll work just fine then. 

I didn't know what to do so I nodded at the known information given to me. Before I could say anything the rich lady butted in and then began her incessantly-alien language, 5 foot fluent speech which continued for the next 1 minute and 27 seconds. Does the police understand this alien language?

"Va bene signora. Ma prima di intraprendere qualsiasi azione, dobbiamo ascoltare anche l'altra parte. Sii paziente." The police said.

I think my head is on the verge of exploding. I mean can you imagine listening to an unknown language, without any subtitles? It's worse than that. I swear to god, after this ends I am going to find out which language this is and then vow to never visit this country or learn this language. 

Now the officer turned towards me and Ace and said -

"We have heard the complaint this lady is having. Do you want to say anything in your defense?"

"What defense? I didn't do any crime? I don't understand the fricking language she is speaking in! What fault do I have?" I asked seriously.

"The lady claims that you have insulted and disrespected her and that too in a public place." The officer said calmly.

"You know you sound much more idiotic and illogical than I am. How can I insult her and how can she understand what I am saying when neither of us are knowing each other's language! That's rhetoric." I said almost shouting now. 

"Kindly lower your voice Miss. I am afraid I would have to take action right away if you continue to disrupt peace in public place." He warned me. 

Shut your mouth Eva. He is not Toby Cavanaugh. You don't wanna get arrested now, do you?

No wonder the officer has lost him, telling me that I have disrupted peace. I fucking bumped into the waitress and this mess got made. And why is the waitress quiet? Doesn't she know that the officer is bilingual? 

"Arresti questa pazza e la metta in manicomio, agente." The rich lady said again from behind the officer.

"Will someone translate what this lady just bickered?" I said pulling my hairs now. 

"The lady says - 'Arrest this crazy women and put her in an asylum, officer.' " The officer translated. 

"What the actual fuck? I am crazy than th-" I was cut off by the officer who seemed to be getting bothered by my swearing.

"Miss please use-" I cut the officer off and said -

"I am going to use whichever language I want to use. This plump lady is hell bent on suing me even though I apologized for spilling a dear innocent pizza in her lap. It was a fricking mistake! I bumped into the waitress and the collision happened, gravity did it's work and the pizza fell. Isn't physics at fault for this? I mean did I invent this collision? No right? You gotta arrest the gravity for attracting the - " But I was cut off by the officer who seemed to be thinking that I was actually a runway patient from the mental hospital.

"What on the earth are you-"I him off again. 

"Don't interrupt me Officer. Freedom of speech is my right. So now coming back to what I was saying that you should arrest gravity for attracting the pizza downwards and thereby falling on the women's lap. And about bumping into the lady? Well for that you should go back in time and ask the scientists Wallis and Wren to not discover what and how collisions happen. Then you can come back to the present time and arrest me because then we all would be unaware of the fact that collision changes the velocity of the objects colliding and thus legally I would be the criminal. I would myself come to the police station then." I said explaining the police everything with valid points. 

The officers looked at me for seconds, probably trying to understand what my mom ate while pregnancy before I was born. Heh!

"Who do you think we are huh? Idiots? Constable! Take her to the police station with us. We will make her understand physics in the jail only." The officer said when he recovered.

What? I am really getting arrested?