it's the 23rd. 2 days until Christmas.

and I'm stuck at the School.

My dad called me, on the day of the masquerade ball. I was told I couldn't come home "for obvious" reasons.

that I was sent away for a reason and coming back home is completely disregarding it.

he's still controlling me. even when I'm over 2000 miles away.

and he doesn't even know about it.

if he ever found out, he would be ecstatic. he craves manipulation. I would be feeding into him. even more, than I have.

I moved so I could put him behind me. put Toronto and everyone there, behind me. I needed to forget.

but it still feels like every single one of my actions are because of him. anything I do is because of him.

I'm still letting him control me.

I could've done something to stop it, years ago. and I wouldn't be in this situation. I would be back in Toronto at my private school with my old friends, with no problems whats so ever.

not in Vancouver, across the continent with little to no contact with anyone in my old life. not here with new friends that I've only met a couple of months ago.

I do love them all. maybe more than anyone back home. but sometimes I can't help but miss everything and everyone I used to be with. sometimes even him.

I was attached to him. he was a big part of my life. nothing I can do will make it untrue.

even with how much I ache for it to be.

Leo texted me earlier. he told me he'll meet me at my dorm at 6. but he didn't tell me what we were doing. all he said was to meet him and he had something planned.

it's 6:50 I got dressed an hour ago. now I just have to wait for him. he's late, or maybe he's not coming at all.

maybe it was all a joke, a sick joke. I hope it wasn't.

I check my phone again, it's 6:55 now. I take my jacket off and set it on my bed, there's no point in wearing it if I'm not going anywhere.

I start to take off my shoes but then there's a loud knock at the door and my phone starts to ring, I glance at it and see Leo calling. he's probably here, an hour later than he said.

I set my phone down not answering the call and open the door. he's staring at his phone and quickly looks up at me. "I'm late."

"you are."

"shit, I'm so sorry." he stares into my eyes not moving an inch.

"it's okay." I open the door wider and walk into the dorm. he walks in behind me. "we're still going right?" he asks. his voice sincere.

"yeah" he's in front of my bed and I slightly try to push him aside. but he doesn't move. "um Leo," I say.

"yeah?"

I point behind him "can you move aside a bit? I need to get my jacket." he looks behind himself and then moves. "sorry." he says.

I grab my jacket and put it on, Leo watch's me the whole time. his eyes never daring to look away. "okay I'm ready." I say.

he looks away from me and then down at his phone and after glancing at it for a second he sets it into his pocket. "okay good, we need to get there quick. we're already late."

we start walking to the door "where are we even going?" I look up at him. he opens the door and we both walk out.

"you'll see." is the only thing he says.

a tattoo shop.

he took me to a fucking tattoo shop. we're standing in front of it side by side and I turn my head to look at him "why the hell is we at a tattoo shop."

he looks back at me. his smile wide "remember what you told me?"

I'm utterly confused. "what? no-" then it pops into my mind. the night of the masquerade ball, on the roof I told him I wanted a tattoo, but never went through with it. I only told him one of the reasons, my dad. but never the other.

"The night of the masquerade ball." I pause "the rooftop." I smile wide. "oh my god." I look between the shop and him back and forth realizing what's going to happen.

his smile grows wider. "in love with me yet?" he asks smugly but it's more of a statement than a question.

"you're so full of yourself." my smile has to be on each side of my face right about now but I can't do anything to stop it. he's making me smile.

he shakes his head "are we going inside or are we staying here and watching the shop like a bird?"

"let's go in." he puts his hand out and gently grabs my hand and leads me inside.

the bell on top of the door rings as we walk in, the shop is filled with paintings and pictures of random people. there's a bunch of different tattoo art hung up on the walls and the lights are dim.

an employee from the cash register looks at us and smiles "what can I do for you today?"

Leo looks at me and I look at him, we stare at each other for a second and then I turn back to the employee "um, a tattoo."

he looks at Leo and then at me "do you know what you want?" he asks.

I shake my head no.

I've wanted a tattoo for quite a while, yet I've never chosen what I've actually wanted. I've had a lot of ideas, but that's all they are. stupid insignificant ideas that I would never actually get permanently stabbed into my body.

"Okay," he pauses and looks down at a computer "we don't have anyone coming in for the next 45 mins, I can do it now."

"that's fine with me." he looks up at me "I'll meet you in room 5, over on the right." I look over 5 is the last room on the very right. I smile at him and then I and Leo walk to the room.

when we get in, Leo goes and stands in the far left corner of the room beside the chair I go to sit in "are you excited?"

"very." I smile at him. "do you know what you're getting?" he asks.

"no clue," I say to him.

the door opens and we both look over, and the man from earlier walks in. "my name is Jayden, I'll be doing your tattoo." he moves to sit down in the chair beside mine, close to the equipment. "do you know what you get yet?" he asks.

I shake my head "well if you look at the wall behind you, you'll see some tattoos I can do." I turn my head and look over them. they're hung up on the wall in a picture frame.

most of them are small. and that's what I want. suddenly I get an idea and I tell him what I want. "I can only have one person at a time in here." he looks over at Leo, Leo looks at me and I look at him "you'll be fine alone?" he asks.

I smile and nod at him. he gives me a sincere smile back and then walks out.

Jayden looks away from the door and looks at me "you ready?"

"yeah."

me and Leo are back at the school, he's walking me to my dorm.

the tattoos are done. it hurt, not as much as I excepted. but it did. Leo's hands are in his pockets. "how did your tattoo go?"

I look at him and answer honestly, "it went well. it didn't hurt as much as I expected it to."

he nods in understanding, the light of the school reflects on him, his hair is wavy, and the small pieces of his hair on his sideburns are curly. his hair looks utterly soft.

Leo looks at me, he opens his mouth to say something closes it and then opens it again. "can I see it?" he asks lowly, almost low enough for me not to hear.

"right now?" I ask.

"um, when we get in your dorm," he answers back. we're in front of my door and I quickly get my keys out of my pocket and open the door, Leo and me walk in.

when we're inside, he shuts the door and sits down on my bed and I sit beside him. I take on a breath and carefully lift my shirt a bit, to show my hip, at this action I can hear him take a breath in.

"what is it?" he asks leaning closer to me. "a flower," I say. he puts his hand out, as if he's yearning to touch it, but then he quickly retreats it.

"a flower" he repeats. "does it mean anything?"

I shake my head, "not at all." the tattoo isn't anything significant, I wanted something that gave me a sense that I have something simple in my life, whenever I felt as if everything else around me is anything but that.

"a meaningless tattoo?" he asks.

"yeah." I stop talking and let my shirt fall back down. "I wanted something insignificant." I take in a breath, he's sitting in the middle of my bed staring right at me. his eyes being only focused on me. "something simple."

he keeps staring right at me and I keep talking "simple isn't stressful, it isn't overly complicated." I let out a breath. "and for some simplistically is greater than significance."

I let out a breath and cross my legs on the bed, I'm leaning on my pillows and he's sitting down on the edge of the bed. he's still staring at me when I finish talking.

his lips turn up into a small smile "for some?"

I take in a breath "yes." I lie.

he looks into my eyes, "simplicity sounds fucking great right now." he lets out a breath, and his smile drops a little. he moves a little closer to me.

"it does" I agree. my voice is low and raspy. I look at him, my room light is reflecting off of him, and his smile has now disappeared.

he doesn't dare to look away from me "I understand now" he pauses, and I look at him a bit confused "why did you get the tattoo."

I give him a small smile and he gives one back to me. "sometimes something significant can sometimes be too much for a person" he says. "too much to handle."

I'm not smiling anymore, all I do is nod. one simple nod. I can hear him take in a breath, "anything that has a small significance or one small memory is an ugly reminder, that whatever it is that happened did." his voice is shaky and very low. his hands are on his lap, and his legs are hanging off the bed.

I nod back at him, I don't know what to say, I know I'll regret it if I say anything else.

I'm starting to trust Leo more than anyone. it isn't good. I don't want my trust in him to grow, I don't want his trust in me to grow. we're growing too close to one another.

I swallow and take in a breath, Leo coughs and takes his phone out of his pocket and then looks at it for a second. "I'm going to go, it's late." he shows me his phone.

I give him a small smile "of course" I look at him. he gets up from the bed and walks over to my chair to grab his jacket. "thank you for today." I say. "it was great."

he turns to me and smirks "just say you're in love with me already." he laughs. "god Leo." I shake my head. "but actually, thank you."

he walks to the door and then turns back to me "your welcome Blair." and with that, he opens the door and leaves.