this entire week has been excruciating.

we've had back-to-back events, every single day.

thankfully it's Friday. the last day before break. which means no more awful school events. after the one that's happening tonight.

it's undeniably the worst one yet.

a masquerade ball.

I don't understand the point of it, who wants to dress up in the most "fancy" outfits we have, just to cover our faces with a mask.

it's utterly stupid.

it happens every single year and yet everyone is still excited about it. especially Rowan.

he's more excited about this ball happening than seeing his goddam parents there.

his words, not mine.

Rowan's one of the only reasons I attend, every single year.

he's the one who thinks of all the outfits, he's the one who gets everyone out masks, he's the one to get everyone ready for it.

he gave me and Luca our masks earlier and I think he gave Blake and Vivienne theirs too.

I'm waiting in the front foyer of the school. the ball is being hosted downtown, which is about 15 minutes away.

"Leo!" I look up, Rowan is walking down the stairs. his smile is so wide. Luca is behind him, but his smile isn't so wide. not at all.

Rowan runs down the last few stairs and comes to me, "do you have your mask?" he asks.

I nod and bring my hand up, "god, yours is so much cuter than mine" he says. mine is a sliver mask, with black detailing all around. I look at rowan who's holding up his. his is a black mask with white detailing, the opposite of mine,

I shake my head and look at him, and then look at the stairs confused "are blake, Vivienne and Blair coming?"

Rowan shakes his head " we're meeting them there."

I nod in understanding, "anyways let's go." Rowan says and we leave.

"put on your mask!" Rowan look at me with his eyes wide "we're here." he shakes his head. Rowan's mask is already on, he set it on 2 minutes into the car.

I let out a breath and put the goddam mask on, "happy?" Rowan smiles. "very."

Rowan looks at Luca and points to his mask, Luca rolls his eyes and sets it on. Rowan opens the doors, and we walk in.

the lights are dim, really dim. people are scattered around, each with a drink in hand. people are sitting down on couches and chairs. everyone's talking.

and I can't tell who some people are.

"come on" Rowan Grabs mine and Luca's hands. he pulls us around the party and over to the drink station. he hands me a glass and then Luca.

he takes a sip of his drink and swallows quickly up "oh my! I need to go say hi to someone, I'll be back." Rowan sets his drink down on the table and walks away.

I take a sip of my drink and then turn to look at Luca.

but he's not there.

I take another sip of my drink and then walk away. I move past people and have to shove myself through the crowd until I finally find an empty couch. which gives me a clear view of every spot in this place.

this is not a goddam ball.

balls are supposed to have food served, have drinks served, and have people sitting down.

this is a masquerade party.

and the faculty allows it. the school even gets cancelled for it. but I'm not complaining about that.

I take another sip from my drink and lookup. across the room I can see blake and Vivienne walk in, I only know who they are due to the fact that I've known them for several years and have attended these parties with them before.

and a girl in a white dress and white mask walks in beside them, Blair.

she's smiling and looking around the room, I can see Blake and Vivienne look around and then they look at me and start walking.

"wow Leo, nice mask. couldn't even tell it was you." Vivienne says and sits down on the couch across from me. Blair stands there for a second before sitting down as well.

"I'm going to get us drinks," Blake says. "do you need help?" Blair asks. Blake nods and she starts to get up but Vivienne stops her "I can go."

"you sure," Blair asks. Vivienne nods and Blair nods and smiles back. then they both leave.

I take another sip of my drink and look at Blair, who is already looking straight at me. "you look great Leo."

I smile "do I?"

she nods "yes, you look so cute with that mask."

my smile grows wider, she needs to stop calling me cute. "you need to stop calling me that."

she smiles back "why is that?"

"it's annoying."

"it's annoying?" her eyes widen "or is it because it makes you blush, every single time?"

I look into her eyes "yes it's annoying" I smile wider "and I do not blush."

she's still smiling. "Blair!" I look away from her and look up, Rowan is coming back. "Blair! oh my god." Rowan pulls her up by her hand and pulls her into a hug. a tight hug.

he pulls back but still keeps his hands on her shoulders and looks at her, "you look so hot." he smiles "that mask I chose looks so good on you."

I stare at her mask a little longer and it kind of looks like mine but all white with white detailing, while mine is sliver with the same exact detailing expect it's black.

he gave us matching masks.

"hey, guys!" I look to the side. Blake is back with the drinks. But Vivienne isn't with her. "where's Viv?" I ask.

"oh, she got a text and told me she needed to talk to someone." she hands Blair her drink and sits down beside Rowan "weird right?" she takes a sip and looks at Rowan "oh my god, Rowan you look so good."

he smiles "I do, don't I?"

blake takes a sip of her drink "yes." she looks at Blair "doesn't he?"

Blair nods "he looks hot." blake smiles "he does."

blake chugs her whole drink and then sets it down "want to dance?" she looks at Blair.

she smiles and gets up from her seat "definitely."

Elton isn't answering my call.

he hasn't all day today and yesterday.

I even got Luca to call him. but still. no answer. I went to his dorm today. he wasn't there.

I check my watch.

it's 10 pm

where the hell is he.

I take my phone out. and call him again.

no answer.

I try once again.

it rings once.

twice.

three, four, five times.

no answer.

I set my phone on my desk.

he hasn't shown up for school today or yesterday. no one's noticed, except for me and Luca.

I pick up my phone again.

there's a text.

it's from Elton.

I don't reply. I set the phone down and walk to the door and peep through the hole.

he's here.

I open the door and he pushes past me and walks in.

"where the fuck have you been Elton." my voice is loud. I tried to stay calm, but I really did. but it didn't work.

he starts looking through my desk and opening up each drawer. "do you have water?" he looks at me. "anything to drink?"

I nod and hand him my half-drunken bottle off my nightstand. he opens it and drinks it all done in one go. "where the hell has you been." I ask once again.

he shakes his head "please." I look at him confused "please what Elton."

"Please don't ask me anything." his voice cracks. "not right now."

my eyebrows furrow "Elton-"

"Please don't." his voice is raspy.

I swallow "okay." I look at him and sit down on my bed "I won't."

"are you alright?" I look up and see Blair walking back.

I nod. "yeah, just getting tired." it's loud in here, it feels like my ears are getting ripped off.

Blake comes back afterwards too. behind her are Vivienne and Luca. "where the hell have you guys been?" I look at Viv and Luca.

"I had to talk to a teacher," Vivienne says.

"I went to walk around the party."

they're both standing right beside each other, almost touching. "alright" I say slowly.

Everyone is now on the couch. me, Luca, Vivienne, Blake, Blair. and Rowan. who's being quiet.

I stand up from the couch "I'm going to go back to the school." as I'm about to walk away I feel someone tug at my arm. I turn around and see it's Rowan." you're leaving?" he asks.

"yeah."

Luca gets up from his seat as well. "I am too."

Blake nods "same."

Vivienne and Blair turn to each other and raise their eyebrows and then nod "we are too." Vivienne says.

Blake, Vivienne and Blair all stand up "what the fuck guys! we've only been here for like" he checks his phone "an hour."

I check my phone "it's 12." I say slowly "we've been here for two."

he shakes his head "still."

"we're all leaving Rowan." Luca puts his phone into his pocket.

Rowan looks over each of us and stares into our eyes. he's mad. "fine." he stands up. "let's go."

"thank god." I hear Luca say under his breath.

we all start to walk away, but I quickly notice there are only 5 of us walking. I stop and turn my head around.

Rowan is standing in his spot not moving an inch. "Rowan, are you coming?"

he rolls his eyes "I hate you all." and then he walks toward us

I'm sitting on the roof again.

it's awfully cold.

I'm still wearing the shirt I was wearing at the ball.

but I didn't want to stay in my dorm.

anytime I'm there I'm reminded of him.

whether it's a chair he sat in once, the blanket he spilled a glass of soda or his stupid lacrosse stick.

I don't need insignificant things to remind me of him.

I want to it stop. I ache for it to stop. I need it too.

a door opens.

I look behind me. someone's coming here. they're on the roof.

I look closer. it's Blair. "Blair?" I ask. she jumps back a bit and her eyes widen "sorry I didn't know-"

I cut her off. "it's fine." I swallow. it's quiet. "um, you can come down if you want."

she shakes her head. her hair is wet. "I don't want to intrude."

I smile "you're not, trust me."

she smiles back and then comes to sit by me. about half a foot away. her hair is wavy, it smells good. really good. I can smell it from here. it smells like coconuts.

"I'm kind of glad you're here, I was starting to "

she cuts me off "drown in your thoughts?"

I take in a breath "yeah." there's a long moment of silence. "was that your first masquerade ball?" I try to change the topic. I don't want to talk about myself.

"it was." she smiles.

"did you enjoy it?"

"I did." she puts her hands into her lap, and I can see her start to pick at the skin around her fingers. but I don't think she even notices. "did you?"

I shake my head "it was fun." I place my hands on the outside of my thighs "but I don't go because of Rowan."

she shakes her head "that's understandable. " she smiles. a big wide smile. "you know I didn't expect the ball to be like that."

"like what?" I ask. curious

"like a full-blown party." she lets out a breath. she moves her hands from her lap onto the outside of her thighs. almost touching mine.

she looks down at my hands and then looks over my body. I gulp "are you checking me out?"

her eyes widen "definitely not." she smiles "I was trying to see your tattoos."

"Really?" I smile back.

"yeah"

"you've already seen my tattoos," I say slowly.

"not all of them." she chuckles. "you didn't let me."

"you're obsessed with my tattoos Blair." I pause "I don't have that many, and they're all predominantly small."

"still," she whispers.

I shake my head and look at her. she's staring ahead. not giving me any sort of attention "do you have any?"

"I wish." she keeps staring ahead. I can see 2 small beauty marks on the side of her face.

I can't stop staring at her.

I don't know why I know this, but she has 6 beauty marks on her face. I counted.

she's unconditionally beautiful.

I've known this for a while. how could you not? but I've never really looked at her like I am now. I've never noticed.

I swallow "you want them?"

"not a lot, maybe a couple. but yes" she pauses. "but my dad would kill me." she smiles but it drops.

"are you okay?" I ask.

she nods. "yeah, it's just my dad."

"what about him."

she takes in a breath "I was supposed to go home, for the break." she stops herself.

"they cancelled?" I ask knowingly.

she swallows "not exactly." her voice is low.

I won't elaborate, I try to change the topic "do you want to go back to the dorms now?" I pull out my phone and check the time. 2 am. "I'll walk you."

"if that's okay with you," she says lowly.

I smile and nod. and let my hand out for her to grab "let's go"